Ficta Inferno

Bella, Jess, and Angela finally make it to Port Angeles. Bella does not believe in the buddy system and almost gets a true crime documentary made about her, and then Edward saves her before taking her out to dinner. No woman can take their eyes off of Edward I guess?

Bella thinks Edward is going to stand her up for their Seattle trip, Angela and Rebecca (insert generic girl name here) invite Bella to help with dress shopping. We’re still surprised Charlie hasn’t asked his own daughter to the dance since EVERYONE ELSE HAS.

We’ve arrived at La Push, unraveling more of the sexism in Meyer’s work as well as hoping Bella actually does fall into the ocean (she does not). Hey Jacob, where ya been loca?!

We’re back in school and everything is super confusing, especially with a certain someone suddenly deciding to be friends with Bella. That and a few forgotten moments come back, genuinely it’s funny.

How do we forget that three people asked Bella to a dance in one day, a dance where she’s supposed to ask someone? That and Edward is a pretty shit.

With the pretense of horror and suddenly having an X Reader with the longest-running Boogeyman in the horror world, it's a strange mix of bad writing, an exciting concept, and then a wish for things to be told from the perspective of the man behind the mask himself. It's not bad, not really- it just needs to be polished up a little bit. Hopefully, Maya can deliver a fun reading of Mine

More than enough information about snow is given, Edward keeps gate keeping, gaslighting, and girl bossing, Bella is an unreliable narrator, and Meyer doesn’t know shit about black ice. Book Poll: https://take.quiz-maker.com/poll4576396xBAC74F02-143

Chapter two doesn’t get any better. We’re supposed to hate teens for being teens? And once more the extent of just how much Bella obsessed over Edward was forgotten. Also #TeamMike

In light of busy schedules, let’s celebrate spooky season a little bit with some old stories from a long off childhood.

It’s that time of the year again, and this time we unlock our inner cringe. Twilight had a special place in the hearts of those that read it early on, then the movies came along. Does the book still hold up? Not really honestly, it’s a love hate relationship at this point in time. But we’re still reading it. #TeamEric

We get a recap of the actual story of Jeff the Killer, other creepy pastas make an appearance, pretty sure everyone is going to have a crush on Della, and everything is still confusing.

Coming at you with even more cringe, our reader character ‘Della’ doesn’t know anything about self-preservation and how it’s NOT okay for someone to just break into your house, even if it is to make you pancakes.

At last we reach a very anti-climatic end that doesn’t leave anyone feeling good…like at all. Eloise is still not like other girls and Siah and Maya reveal too much about knowing how blood spatter works.

We got the spice! Sort of, it’s…it’s okay, but it’s not…great. So warning for that, and character death. Eloise has Stockholm Syndrome at this point, Joker is a piece of shit, and a lot is learned about the hosts when it comes to taste in dirty fiction.

Trigger Warning for abusive relationships: Due to brilliant timing and forgetfulness, this episode comes a day late. It’s basically Fifty Shades meets 365 Days with the worst parts meeting one another. Also there’s a long con? There’s a long con involving cards…the card game doesn’t make sense. Help.

After last weeks unexpected break, today’s feature is a small blurb of cringe fanfiction brought to you by Wattpad. Author and name of the fic are not mentioned. Please enjoy this tale about the reader, whom happens to be an exotic dancer, working for Jared Leto’s joker. Man I wish it was Lego Batman Joker.

Oh snap here we go again. EL James’ book The Mister is also as sensual as wet cardboard and as sexy as the elder Kellog brother’s stance on libido- which is that is gross and disgusting. Literally there’s nothing sexy about this book.

Friends for Robots is a collection of short stories by Merc Fenn Wolfmoor, available on Amazon both kindle editions and paperback. Other works include So You Want To Be A Robot. The story today, It me, ur smol, is about a neural network trying to get humans to drink more water.

First and foremost, Norman’s website: http://empresstheresa.com In one of our longest episodes, we cover why Theresa shouldn’t be trusted with these powers and why she’s over all just not a good person character-wise- the fact that Norman wrote it this way is deeply disturbing.

Despite being sidetracked, as always, the discussion of just what a hero is comes into question. Theresa is plainly not that at all, if you couldn't already see, but Author-Chan seems to keep trying to push that on all of us. The absolute worst of Theresa just seems to come out here, there's something Norman doesn't seem to quite understand, and it's frustrating to the point of where in each chapter the same mistakes keep getting repeated. Theresa isn't a hero, she's just fixing the world...