Hold Your Horses: Idioms for Idiots

Pass me the gravy and call me a cooked goose! We’ve got a savory and salivating helping for you hungry hippopotamuses. The horsemen deliver a dollop of dishes and desserts that will both tickle the funny bone and fill the tummy. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, our idiom has everything to do with the delectable delights the English language has to offer. An invariable smorgasbord of cakes and puddings, steaks and casseroles, goulash and ganache, tiramisu and au jus! Achoo! Bless you! Tissue? Get ready to lather on the laughs because it’s an all new serving of Hold Your Horses! Giddy-up, buttercup!

We’ve all had those days. You’re late for an interview and as you’re running on the sidewalk, so is a massive mastiff who decides to relieve itself in the exact spot that you step. Not only are you late, but you have to scrape off the fecal matter that has now affixed itself to the bottom of your shoe. If you do not take care of this, your potential employers will either wonder why you only own one shoe on OR why they are interviewing someone who ushers in the pungent smell of a dog park. Your best bet is to clean that shoe and FAST. The shoe is clean and now you’re in the room. Handshakes and smiles, you need to make an impression in order to make up for being late. Instead of ignoring it, you confront it head-on and explain to the panel of high-level executives what exactly transpired on that sidewalk. You launch into a tirade of unaccompanied animals and how it’s a public disgrace that dogs are allowed to roam wherever and treat the city like their own personal toilet. They’re all nodding. The bearded one releases a small chuckle. To seal the deal and as a matter of personal revenge, you add that the offending dog was a mastiff. Suddenly, the room turns cold and all smiles are gone. The suits look over at their colleague who seems to be personally wounded by your words. Turns out, his lineage is from a long line of esteemed breeders who even bred dogs for President Theodore Roosevelt. Their breed of speciality? You guessed it— mastiff. The assistant quickly whisks you away and you’re back on the street. With all prospects gone and an empty refrigerator back at your apartment, it’s hard to feel like you haven’t totally lost your marbles. “Isn’t that an idiom?” You think. Grabbing your phone and headphones, you tap to your podcast platform of choice and see that your favorite show, Hold Your Horses: Idioms for Idiots just released a new episode. You pull your collar tighter and smile. Things are looking up already.

The number 9. We’re all familiar with his more popular roles. Love potion number 9, 9 lives, 9 o’clock, 9 inch nails, 9 ladies dancing, the whole 9 yards, 9 iron, and of course the 9 ringwraiths. And they make sense. They just make sense. But dressed to the 9’s??? Now that my friends is a riddle worth solving. So join us. We can do it. And don’t forget to rate us 9 out of 9 stars.

Extra extra! Read all about it! A new Hold Your Horses episode just dropped! So head on over to your favorite podcast streaming service and get a load of this one! It’s a real doozy. But never fear, the fearless horsemen will deliver another delicious dollop of idiom idiocy as they weave and wander without sail or rudder through a sea of mostly mindless madness and ill fated attempts at glory. And in the drop of a hat the ride will come to a sudden and much needed end. So step on up and step on in and give this one a spin. Don’t forget to try Magic Mind! Get a natural boost of focus and productivity by visiting magicmind.com/JANholdyourhorses and get one month FREE with our code HORSES20, giddy-up!

What does it mean to be free? What does it mean to be Scot? And who is Scott? Is he great or is he not? Does he even matter? Find out in this episode of Hold Your Horses as we discuss the fascinating origin of the idiom ‘scot-free.’ We put a lot of thinking into this one (probably too much), so sit back, take off your thinking cap and let your brain get off scot-free as we navigate the murky waters of this idiom for you.

“Get yer hands out of yer pockets, Jethro, and fetch me another nail,” screamed old Hans as he swung his rusted hammer. Cussin’ under his breath, Jethro reached into the bag and grabbed a handful. “Don’t toss ‘em, hand ‘em to me,” Hans screeched before any fell in the dirt. Quite forcefully, Jethro shoved the nails into Hans’ open palm. “Ow, my hand,” Hans yelled. “Some handyman you are.” Hans muttered as he wrapped his bleeding hand in his handkerchief. Jethro eyed the hammer and reached for it. As Hans tended to his wound, he noticed a shadow settle over him. It was Jethro, hammer in hand and raised high in the air. Hans threw his hands up. “Now Jethro, I didn’t mean it, we can handle this. You’re a fine handyman. Don’t let your anger get the upper hand!” (“Would you like AI to help you with your episode description?” No thanks, I’ll take it from here.)

Warm your toes by a fire and tune in to hear the latest episode from your favorite, intrepid language wranglers. We’re taking an icy dive into the frigid waters of feelings with our idiom “cold feet.” This idiom reminds me of the time I served as a juror. When the verdict had been met and sentencing was about to be read, the defendant didn’t show. Judge said the ankle monitor went dark and the jury was released early. I don’t blame the guy, must’ve gotten cold feet. It’s hard to face the music when you’re thigh-high in a quagmire of your own making. Guess you could say we’ll all face the music one day, let’s hope it’s at least a pretty song. Don’t forget to try Magic Mind! Get a natural boost of focus and productivity by visiting magicmind.com/JANholdyourhorses and get one month FREE with our code HORSES20, giddy-up!

Guys and gals, gentlemen and gentlewomen, get ready for some good ole-fashioned guffawing as we galavant through time and space to discover what’s truly behind the phrase ‘son of a gun.’ “But guys, I already know this one!” Well pipe down there, sonny, and don’t ruin it for everyone else!

Sinewy snaking columns of smoke rise from the desolation. Buildings that once stood tall now bend and sag like old beggars. A green glow permeates the air like a disease. Where there was once joy and laughter, nothing remains but pain and sorrow. But alas, look. The dark outlines of three figures emerge from the horizon like undulating specters of the underworld. You stop eating the sandy scraps you foraged just the night before and put a hand to your brow. Squinting, you see the figures clearly now. Three riders with chiseled jaws and wide-brimmed hats saunter and sway down the gravel road. Hovels of decrepit beings emerge from their lairs and follow from a distance. As the riders come closer, you stare upward towards the green orb in the sky. The lead rider tosses something to you then yanks the brim of his hat downward before moving past. As you catch the object, you feel its slippery surface and stare in disbelief. A delicacy from another time and place. An apple. The smell of the horde in front of you pulls you from your reveries. The mass of onlookers with their sunken eyes and blistered faces stare at the fruit. Something like an electric shock courses through you and causes you to stand. Removing the hood from your head, you brandish a weapon from beneath your garments. The steel gleams in the green sun’s glow. As the mob springs forward, your yellowed teeth bite into the crisp flesh of the fruit. Eyes closed and blade raised, you whisper, “Not today” as your blade begins slicing.

When witnessing this wet and windy weather, what else can one do but whinny like a wee pony in the wind? What a show we have waiting for you all! The three wild horsemen have cooked up a delicious stew of words, wisdom, and whit. Stay a while as we discuss the wily idiom of ‘under the weather’ and witness the mental machinations of three dudes talking in a freezing shed.

For this episode your favorite idiots dived to the depths of the sea in search of some pearly idioms that are sure to make you happy as a clam. Join us as we crack these idioms open and suck down their slippery sayings to decipher their sappy significance. Although this may not be for everyone, remember, the world is your oyster…and that means something.

To all the naysayers, the negative Nancies, and the naughty Nellies, your week just got a little bit brighter because the idiots have DELIVERED! That’s right, not ONE but TWO idioms for this week. The cagey “nip and tuck” and the annoying little “pet peeve” are on the chopping block. Three contestants, one cash prize, and a whole lot to lose. It’s Hold Your Horses: Death Match Edition! (Any streaming producers out there, we’ve got some show ideas…) Not really, it’s the regular gang, plus some new voices and a lotta laughs. With a 40+ minute episode, you’ll want to cozy next to something warm (hopefully not a hibernating bear in its den though) and get some quality headphones (might I suggest Bose?) to listen to the sweet and sometimes salacious crooning of Tommy, Travy, and Danny - GIDDY UP, lil doggies!

We’re not going to table this discussion any longer. It’s time to turn the tables and turn our sights to an idiom that demands attention. Just when you think these three horsemen have had their last ride and their backs are against the wall and the odds are stacked high against them, you hear the old refrain echoing in the dark alleys of idiom-dom— “My how the tables have turned.” We ain’t done yet and we’re tackling this idiom head-on. So join us as we unravel the tale, nay (neigh!), the legend of “turn the tables.” LET’S RIDE!

Deceit, danger, and devilry. Sounds dicey, doesn’t it? Don’t worry, darlings. The dalliance with sayings as dangerous as these should only be handled by the most cunning of minds and the most dedicated of hearts lest we fall prey to the darkness of dogma. ANYWAYS, our idiom, or saying, for this week’s episode is “two-faced.” We know the meaning but where did it come from? If you’re like us and this question plagues your wonderings at night causing you to writhe with dismay instead of snooze with delight, your insomnia is OVER. This may be the scariest and most enlightening episode to date. Don’t forget to rate, review, subscribe and leave us a voicemail!

What a way to kick off the new year, with an all new Hold Your Horses episode! We know that the bumps in the road during this holiday season can knock you off and bring you down, but this episode is guaranteed to whet your whistle! Join the three horsemen as we circle our wagons around this sobering idiom to dissect and discuss its dusty details. This is one wagon ride you won’t want to miss, so climb aboard and hang on tight!

In true Hold Your Horses fashion, our Thanksgiving episode is released to you on the eve of Christmas! Why? you ask. Shhhhhhh, don’t worry and just enjoy some yuletide cheer. Our episode features the talented Hope Bainbridge who introduces the family-friendly idiom of quitting something “cold turkey.” Get ready to chuckle, little Christmas gnomes and have a wonderful holiday with your loved ones. At dawn, we ride!

Have you ever thought it would be fun to start a podcast with your brother-in-laws where you talk about idioms but you’re not exactly sure how to produce said podcast and you’re learning as you go and then your one brother-in-law moves away so now the podcast you wanted to start has to be recorded remotely and you’re not exactly sure how to do that until you’re actually doing it? If that’s you, then some might say you have a “happy-go-lucky” attitude and you’re “flying by the seat of your pants.” Enter the seedy saloon of language as we hang up our chaps and spurs to reminisce and ponder the curiosities of our vivacious vernacular. And if you need help producing a podcast, I’ve got some pointers…

They said it couldn’t be done. “Your ratings are too low,” “No one listens to this show,” “Your voice sounds funny,” the list goes on and on. And maybe that’s all true, but we’re back with an all-new episode of Hold Your Horses! We’re here to explore why the phrase “pony up” is used when telling someone to pay what they owe. Saddle up for another chapter with the reunited horsemen!

Has someone ever asked you to pull their finger? Don’t worry, we’re not talking about that dastardly trick (never again, Uncle Jeff). Nay, today we pull the curtain back on one of the most recognized idioms in our blessed English language: “pulling the strings”. “That one’s easy,” you say. “I don’t need to listen to this episode, I already know the origin!” Well, get off yer high horse, partner. Come on down and sit by the camp fire with ole’ Danny, Tommy, and Travy and enjoy a can of baked beans as we serenade the ear canals with our charming and enlightening banter. And if anyone asks you to pull their finger, DON’T DO IT. Enjoy that last episode of season 2 and listen to the end of the episode to hear a special guest!

Beat around the bush. We’ve all heard it. We’ve all done it. Perhaps you’ve even uttered the phrase yourself. An idiom as old as time, or at least bushes. But what of the origin?? Why are the bushes being beaten? Or are they? Perhaps just the barren ground around the bush is being beaten and bludgeoned by a stick or wooden tool of some sort. And who are these bush beaters anyway and from whence did they come? Never fear! The three horsemen of the English language will brave the woods and bushes of the the land of idioms to seek answers to these important questions. Join us, if you dare!