Atomic Heart

100 Side B - Big thanks to those who contributed to this ten years ago: Fan club members Ginice Chow and Marie Jost + Recording artists Brenda Lo, John Woo, and Eliza Chan. Soundtrack: American Pie / 追族 / 不羈的風 / 側面 / Thousand Dreams of You / 癡心的我 / 想你 / 何去何從之阿飛正傳 / 少女心事 / 誰令妳心癡 / 只怕不再遇上 / 春夏秋冬 / 怪你過份美麗 / 我願意 + intro piano bit by Janice Crunch

100 Side A - I don't know how I got here but here I am. No poems to share today, just a stroll down the memory lane with Leslie. The stars have lined up and I have nothing else to give you. The feature was my initiative, produced in 2013, my first year working full-time at RTHK. As for Atomic Heart, it's my baby, my sanctuary, but I'll be away for a bit. The century is a good place to pull back and regroup. Please check in again come autumn, when the weather is cool again and the urge to spin becomes irresistible. Long sleeves and scarfs and all. Can't wait. I post stuff on IG every now and then @AtomAlicia

099 - Tables are laid out for the speaker who's been given pictures of another speaker he thinks he's supposed to know. I wonder how long we can play this and still find it interesting. The horse kept moving in Emma Jeremy's 'the horse could die'. I followed with a draft of my own as the excavation of poetry from fiction attempts that went nowhere continues. I mentioned last week's reading. My poems are set to appear in Where Else: an international Hong Kong poetry anthology. That's the link to pre-order. Super thankful. Other than that, the weather here remains crispy, as is my I don't know what. This is Atom Alicia C. Thank you for holding space (while I hold my breath into the next century). I don't know how you got this far, you dreamspeak sputnik.

098 - The other night I wanted to tell a story. The next morning I decided I didn't want to. Do you tell it, or do you keep it drifting on the surface of your heart ocean? I bring you 'Instructions' by the Irish poet Eavan Boland. I follow that with a quick angry draft of my own. This is Atom Alicia C. I'll be reading at the Hong Kong International Literary Festival this weekend. Thank you for holding space for my process.

097 - On being in more than one place at a time as well as not following the news. What if the first bird I see outside my window becomes the headline of my day? On this detour into 'not being there', I give you Mary Ruefle's 'Receiving News of the Devastation of My Mind' from her book Trances of the Blast. I also share my latest draft, two sections of a longer poem excavated from past attempts at surrealist, plotless fiction. This is Atom Alicia C. I don't know how I got here but I thank you for holding space for my process.

096 - Because fear is a four-letter word. How did we get here? What are some things that have always been there for us? Featured poem: "Some Roads in Iowa" by Jill Osier from the collection From published by Bull City Press. I also read a revision of my poem "Seventeen". My headspace is dominated by poetry and a desire to weave my own. This is Atom Alicia C. Thank you for holding space.

095 - How he's been living outside his body since his seventeenth year and how that sounds in a poem amongst other ponderings including what to say to someone if you like their poem and read it out loud without asking their permission. This is Atom Alicia C. Thank you for holding space for my voice.

094 - Tuning down the self-doubt while working on the texture of my poetry. Three frames and a poem excavated. A bit more rambling than usual. Must be the cold of January. Bliss. This is Atom Alicia C.

093 - Back on the chariot. At odds writing about writing. If only to deliver this messy middle as authentically as possible. Tiny steps, inches off the ground, infected by the bubbly warmth of progress. Bliss. This is Atom Alicia C.

092 - Back from my first trip to Taiwan in eight years. Lots to confront. Three new poems to share, each inspired by a song performed by Cantopop singer Anthony Wong during his recent concert series at Legacy Taipei. I was there both nights. In this episode, you'll hear a slice of the following songs: 下一站天國 >> 忘不了的你 >> 下世紀再嬉戲 >> Each juxtaposed by an English prose poem written by yours truly. The three songs left an impression. I took a tangent off of them and wrote the poems after I came back to Hong Kong. Sounds were taken from my iPhone 13 mini, a Christmas gift I got for myself. Anyways. This is Atom Alicia C. Elbow on the table, a hand in the air, scratching for a new direction. Writing and publications and all, you know. Bliss.

091 - Delivered in the spirit of placing my vulnerability on the front line, I take a supposedly light stroll past the three things I discovered about myself as a self-publishing writer. Not mentioned here are my plans for the new year, my double-down commitment to craft, to reading, and being more attentive to the delicate souls scratching words on paper, like me, who isn't me. Learning to hear from those who isn't me. This is Atom Alicia C, speaking to you from under a blanket.

090 - Three pieces pending publication in an upcoming anthology on Hong Kong poets writing in English. I read them here, on a day I haven't got too much to say, not when the traffic is building towards the most xxx time of the year. As merry as I can be. Pen in hand. Contemplating my open-air corridor. Bliss.

089 - A few drafts scribbled on a Friday late afternoon at Cafe Golden in the hours before it closed for the day. I took up a table next to the owner who was resting. 'I haven't seen you in a while,' she said. Being recognized... kinda threw me off, espcially when I was just dragging myself out of the imaginary cave. As for this episode, I'm only reading my own stuff. Keeping it simple, for now. This is Atom Alicia C.

088 - Started from a photo of my shadow posing on the sand, the taker being me standing on the beach in a place called Momochi. More thoughts swirled as a song drifted into my head, how heaven is more than where the sky meets the shore, how it could be just around the corner, or in that corner over there, the one you didn't know existed. The voice behind the song is holding concerts in a place not far from where I am. All this, as I roll into the thickest part of November. Three frames and a bit of a song this time. This is Atom Alicia C. Sometimes I post here. The website is about to come back. So there.

087 - I'm not good at gatherings. I started up the slope then straight along the flat pavement with clusters of bright yellow leaves on either side of me. Would I mind people reading me? Would I mind even more if they were to read that younger self of mine? This is Atom Alicia C, reminiscing the sounds from a lost cassette. Bliss. I post on IG occasionally, though I'd rather we meet analogue.

086 - Vacant mall. Beds on display. Not sure where the pond comes from. This is my drawing board, my playground, a detour through the early-morning psychosis with a pen in hand. This is Atom Alicia C, contemplating the layers of distances draped over our bodies.

085 - Is it possible to go through life without desiring to be understood? I kinda started there, and was most fond of the moment I was having kimbab on a bench overlooking the swings and slides. Reflecting on my swings and misses, and the times I took it straight down the middle. Atom Alicia C is a writer and a baseball fan.

084 - So I found myself inside the campus of Baptist University for the first time since 2019. It offered me three frames, and the crumbs that dropped onto the table when I ripped them off the dotted lines. This is Atom Alicia C, trying to move objects with my gaze.

083 - Written at Cafe Lab in a hidden corner of Cheung Sha Wan just outside the Caritas Hospital. Another stroll through the caffeinated psychosis, staring at buildings and chairs that glide. How much longer can I do this for? Inhale. Exhale. Eat. Rest. Write again. This is Atom Alicia C. Yes, I’ve been distracted by all the audio recording options out there of late but I’m over it, for now. Bliss.

082 - A slowed-down intro with patches of green and purple out of nowhere. NFTs are hard to digest, even when I'm the only one in the gallery. I just have to believe you when you say you'd come and stay awhile. Plastic sheets. Revolving doors. Where do they come from? I've long been told to show and not tell. The truth is I don't want to sell. Not in the traditional sense, at least. I want to show. Show first, at least. Then you can decide, and so can I. I'm Atom Alicia C and I think I'll stop here. For now. Stay for a bit, if you're here already.