Wait, Is This A Date?

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called... a season finale! Yes, it's true, today's episode marks the end of the absolute blockbuster that was S2 of Wait, Is This A Date? To celebrate that ending, who better to come on and discuss the joys and successes of a long distance crush than actor and queer person Elise Bauman? Around these parts, she has another title that is nearly as vaunted: Drew's girlfriend! Yes, that's right, this sparkling twosome was birthed from the great queer tradition: the long distance crush. But what is it about the long distance crush that is so appealing to queers around the world? Is it the relative scarcity of like minded queers around you? Perhaps the ability to flirt long distance takes some of the pressure off? We get into all of it, AND Drew and Elise share some possibly TOO cute details about their relationship! And of course there is a game! This week, Christina makes Drew play the game that simply took over Twitter and Tiktok for a few fleeting weeks: "They're a 10 but..." It's a good time, all around! Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @waitisthisadate SUPPORT INDEPENDENT QUEER MEDIA! Follow @autostraddle and join our membership program, A+! Follow Elise Bauman @baumanelise Follow Drew Gregory @draw_gregory Follow Christina Tucker on Twitter @C_GraceT and Instagram @christina_gracet Theme song: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein Logo: Maanya Dhar @maanya_dhar Episode Produced, Edited, Mixed: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein

Bottom Culture has become quite a Thing™ Online as of late! But what does it really mean to be a bottom? Why has the culture decided bottoming is synonymous with being afraid to ask for what you want? And how does one go about deciding if they like bottoming?! With all these questions rattling around our minds, Drew and I knew there was only one person we could go to for conversation on bottoming: The Gay Chingy AKA Chingy Nea, AKA The Bottom Supreme! Chingy helps us tease out what it means to be a bottom, why she hates “smol bean” bottom culture, your body as hole, and your body as whole. For our game this week, Drew describes a plot and then dares Christina to guess if it is the plot of a movie she watched as a teen or a dream she had as a teen, and yes, it is hard! Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @waitisthisadate SUPPORT INDEPENDENT QUEER MEDIA! Follow @autostraddle and join our membership program, A+! Follow Drew Gregory @draw_gregory Follow Christina Tucker on Twitter @C_GraceT and Instagram @christina_gracet Follow Chingy @TheGayChingy Theme song: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein Logo: Maanya Dhar @maanya_dhar Episode Produced, Edited, Mixed: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein

Bringing someone home to meet your parents is such a trope it’s an entire genre of movie. But for many queer people there are two families to introduce to a partner: given and chosen. And sometimes the chosen family is scarier. That’s why this week on the podcast we have Autostraddle’s own Yashwina Canter to talk about what happens when your friends don’t like your partner or your partner doesn’t like your friends. We get into Yash’s own dating history and how she’s navigated being on every side of this equation. And we talk about how all of us have navigated the challenge of our friends dating people. We even venture into some biphobia discourse and Drew tries to stir up some drama by asking if anyone has ever liked a friend’s partner too much. We love some chaos! We also begin with a truly inspired game of Hayley Kiyoko lyric or Rupi Kaur poem and end with three especially good crushes. To quote Tessa Thompson, Yash is single and ready to pringle so shoot your shot queers — just be prepared to pass the friend vibe test! Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @waitisthisadate SUPPORT INDEPENDENT QUEER MEDIA! Follow @autostraddle and join our membership program, A+! Follow Yashwina Canter @yashwinacanter Follow Drew Gregory @draw_gregory Follow Christina Tucker on Twitter @C_GraceT and Instagram @christina_gracet Theme song: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein Logo: Maanya Dhar @maanya_dhar Episode Produced, Edited, Mixed: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein

Without our A+ members, there would be no Autostraddle. And without Autostraddle, there would be no Wait, Is This a Date? So this week on the podcast, we’re answering questions sent in by the A+ members who allow us to do what we do! Questions range from how to have a first lesbian experience to how to be horny and demisexual. We give our best advice and if you’re thinking hmm these queers seem to know what they’re talking about then go ahead and send in your own question! We’ll be doing more mailbag minisodes and so submit your questions! Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @waitisthisadate SUPPORT INDEPENDENT QUEER MEDIA! Follow @autostraddle and join our membership program, A+! Follow Drew Gregory @draw_gregory Follow Christina Tucker on Twitter @C_GraceT and Instagram @christina_gracet Theme song: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein Logo: Maanya Dhar @maanya_dhar Episode Produced, Edited, Mixed: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein

Ah, bodies. The sacks of meat, bones and skin that we must drag our consciousness around in until we come up with a better way to get through life. And if that wasn't embarrassing enough, we have to bring them with us on dates and hook ups! How do we deal with the reality of our human bodies while dating? Does anyone notice the tiny little things we stress out about as much as we do? What does the way we present our bodies to others say about our gender, our sexuality? We knew we needed to dig into this and who better to do it with than the one and only Samantha Irby? We get into what we are preoccupied about with regards to our own bodies, the likelihood that no one cares as much as we do and our personal shower routines. And for once Drew does not drag Christina about her dating issues in a very fun “Would You Rather”! Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @waitisthisadate SUPPORT INDEPENDENT QUEER MEDIA! Follow @autostraddle and join our membership program, A+! Follow Drew Gregory @draw_gregory Follow Christina Tucker on Twitter @C_GraceT and Instagram @christina_gracet Follow Samantha Irby on Instagram @bitchesgottaeat and her Substack bitchesgottaeat.substack.com Theme song: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein Logo: Maanya Dhar @maanya_dhar Episode Produced, Edited, Mixed: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein

Celebrity crushes mean more to queer people than they do to straight people. They can be our first expressions of queer desire or our first expressions of gender envy. They can be a safe place to try out urges that aren’t ready for the real world. That’s why this week we’re talking with writer and podcaster Jordan Crucchiola all about celebrity crushes. We talk about how celebrity thirsting feels inclusive to Jordan as a panromantic gray asexual person. We talk about how Drew thinks most of her celebrity crushes are kind of attainable. And, of course, we talk about the famous older women on Christina’s water bottle. But first! Christina quizzes Drew on a topic she knows little about — lesbian romance novels Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @waitisthisadate SUPPORT INDEPENDENT QUEER MEDIA! Follow @autostraddle and join our membership program, A+! Follow Drew Gregory @draw_gregory Follow Christina Tucker on Twitter @C_GraceT and Instagram @christina_gracet Follow Jordan Cucciola @jorcru Theme song: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein Logo: Maanya Dhar @maanya_dhar Episode Produced, Edited, Mixed: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein

Being in a public relationship isn’t just the joys of ambitious4ambitious. There’s also the matter of boundaries and privacy. Drew and her girlfriend only have a small amount of fame so this week we’ve brought on someone in an even more gaymous power couple: Grace Lavery. You may know Grace from her memoir Please Miss, from her various writings on the internet, or, if you’re really niche, as your former professor at Berkeley. And you may know Grace’s husband Danny Lavery from his books such as Something That May Shock and Discredit You and co-founding a little website called The Toast. We talked to Grace about her relationship with Danny, how she navigates public opinion, and being a young trans elder. And first! We play a game called Second Moves where Christina has to respond to theoretical opening lines on Raya — yeah, that’s right, she’s on Raya. Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @waitisthisadate SUPPORT INDEPENDENT QUEER MEDIA! Follow @autostraddle and join our membership program, A+! Follow Grace Lavery on Instagram @grace.lavery.pangolin Follow Drew Gregory @draw_gregory Follow Christina Tucker on Twitter @C_GraceT and Instagram @christina_gracet Theme song: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein Logo: Maanya Dhar @maanya_dhar Episode Produced, Edited, Mixed: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein

Whether you’re a dog gay, a cat gay, a snake gay, a ferret gay, or a will I ever find a lesbian who doesn’t have a pet gay, animals likely play a role in your dating life. That’s why this week our topic is Partners’ Pets and we have actor, writer, and friend of Autostraddle’s Brittani Nichols on to talk about her girlfriend’s dog and her girlfriend’s snake. We get into our histories with pets, our boundaries with partners’ pets, and Brittani’s assertion that animals, like people, have their own personalities and should be taken on a case-by-case basis. Christina also bravely says that people should not kill their pets and Drew bravely says that snakes are maybe a bit sexy thanks to a certain pop star. And before that we play another game connected to Drew’s Letterboxd! Christina challenges me to Fix That Movie — pronounced Fix! That! Movie! — where Drew has to explain how she’d fix movies she gave two or two and a half star ratings on Letterboxd. Do you like pets? Do you like movies? Well, what are you waiting for! Give us a listen! Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @waitisthisadate SUPPORT INDEPENDENT QUEER MEDIA! Follow @autostraddle and join our membership program, A+! Follow Brittani Nichols @bishilarious Follow Drew Gregory @draw_gregory Follow Christina Tucker on Twitter @C_GraceT and Instagram @christina_gracet Theme song: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein Logo: Maanya Dhar @maanya_dhar Episode Produced, Edited, Mixed: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein

Whether you're a lesbian who dated men as a teen or a queer person who dates lots of genders, our community is far too mixed and gender is far too complicated to leave men — cis and trans — out of our discussions. That's why this week our topic is Dating Men and our very special guest is writer, director, podcaster, icon, and Drew’s best friend, Gaby Dunn! For those who don't know them, Gaby has been dating men throughout their entire identity journey. They talk to us about dating men when they thought they were a cis woman and dating men now that they're out as transmasculine. We also get into the awful cis men from Boston that Christina dated before coming out and wonder why Drew has a desire to fuck Jon Hamm. But first! We play a game called Netflix & Shill that asks such questions as: How gay is the Olsen Twin vehicle New York Minute? Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @waitisthisadate SUPPORT INDEPENDENT QUEER MEDIA! Follow @autostraddle and join our membership program, A+! Follow Gaby Dunn on Instagram @gabyroad Follow Drew Gregory @draw_gregory Follow Christina Tucker on Twitter @C_GraceT and Instagram @christina_gracet Theme song: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein Logo: Maanya Dhar @maanya_dhar Episode Produced, Edited, Mixed: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein

This week’s topic is Boundaries! We all have our own lessons to learn when it comes to boundaries. For some people, the challenge is learning to share less, for others, to share more. Our guest this week, Autostraddle’s editor-in-chief Carmen Phillips, is squarely in the latter group. Christina and Drew get into this with Carmen as we all examine the ways our strengths are our weaknesses and our weaknesses are our strengths. And before that we play our classic game Fuck, U-Haul, Ghost, but a special edition where Christina asks Drew about her favorite actors from Letterboxd. Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @waitisthisadate SUPPORT INDEPENDENT QUEER MEDIA! Follow @autostraddle and join our membership program, A+! Follow Drew Gregory @draw_gregory Follow Christina Tucker on Twitter @C_GraceT and Instagram @christina_gracet Follow Carmen on Twitter and Instagram @carmencitaloves Theme song: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein Logo: Maanya Dhar @maanya_dhar Episode Produced, Edited, Mixed: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein

The year: 2017. The day: the beginning of Pride Month. Big Little Lies and The Good Fight had recently released their first seasons. Rihanna had an album out the previous year. Images from Carol still danced across our feeds with a swooning urgency. The air was hot with the sparkle of new life. June 1, 2017: Mommi was born. Former Autostraddle writer Erin Sullivan and current Autostraddle managing editor Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya co-wrote an article titled, “Mommi Is the New Daddy” and our lives were never the same. I had only come out a couple months prior so it’s safe to say I’ve never really known a gay world without mommi. And why would I want to? Whether you are a mommi, like to date mommis, or are just an admirer from afar, we all have reasons to appreciate this gay archetype named a mere five years ago. But amid all this mommi madness, I started to think of the actual moms. Some moms are mommis, but, of course, not all. And while we love to discuss mommis, moms — like people with actual children — are sometimes left out of the gay dating convo. And that’s why we’re so excited that for our season two premiere we have Autostraddle’s director of operations — and real-life mom — Laneia Jones to talk to Christina and I about all things dating as a mom. And before that great convo, we have mommi co-creator Kayla on to play a little mommi game! Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @waitisthisadate SUPPORT INDEPENDENT QUEER MEDIA! Follow @autostraddle and join our membership program, A+! Follow Drew Gregory @draw_gregory Follow Christina Tucker on Twitter @C_GraceT and on Instagram @christina_gracet Follow Kayla Kumari @kaylakumari Follow Laneia Jones on Twitter @grrreen and on Instagram @laneia Theme song: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein Logo: Maanya Dhar @maanya_dhar Episode Produced, Edited, Mixed: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein

We're back babyyyy! Season 2 is finally here with a whole new lineup of special guests, hilarious games, and your classic WITAD dating advice! New episodes air every Wednesday! Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @waitisthisadate SUPPORT INDEPENDENT QUEER MEDIA! Follow @autostraddle and join our membership program, A+! Follow Drew Gregory @draw_gregory Follow Christina Tucker on Twitter @C_GraceT and Instagram @christina_gracet Theme song: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein Logo: Maanya Dhar @maanya_dhar Episode Produced, Edited, Mixed: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein

Happy holidays! And by "happy" I mean, things sure feel really bad right now?? And most of us have probably had our holiday plans changed once again?? But luckily our gift to you is a virtual one aka our long-awaited mailbag episode! We get into tough feelings surrounding non-monogamy, fictional characters we'd want on the pod, and so much more. Thank you to everyone who sent in questions! Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @waitisthisadate Thank you all so much for an incredible first season SUPPORT INDEPENDENT QUEER MEDIA! Follow @autostraddle and join our membership program, A+! Follow Drew Gregory @draw_gregory Follow Christina Tucker on Twitter @C_GraceT and Instagram @christina_gracet Theme song: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein Logo: Maanya Dhar @maanya_dhar Episode Produced, Edited, Mixed: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein

How could we talk about queer dating without talking about astrology and tarot? Whether you’re swapping charts with your crush or showing off your latest deck, astrology and tarot are often go-to spiritual practices for your average queer. To talk about all things astrology and tarot, we have Autostraddle writer and professional tarot reader Meg Jones Wall of 3am.tarot. We get into their role in queer community and queer dating and then Meg reads Christina and I’s cards! This very special episode of Wait, Is This a Date? is our season one finale! If you liked our first season leave us a review and we hope to be back with even more queer dating soon! Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @waitisthisadate SUPPORT INDEPENDENT QUEER MEDIA! Follow @autostraddle and join our membership program, A+! Follow Drew Gregory @draw_gregory Follow Christina Tucker on Twitter @C_GraceT and Instagram @christina_gracet Follow Meg Jones Wall on Twitter @megjoneswall and Instagram @3am.tarot Theme song: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein Logo: Maanya Dhar @maanya_dhar Episode Produced, Edited, Mixed: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein This episode was sponsored by Candlewick Press and The Heartbreak Bakery! Available now wherever books are sold! You can check out a recipe for Syd’s Breakup Brownies and a sample chapter of The Heartbreak Bakery here, and in our Autostraddle show post! https://candlewick.com/book_files/1536216534.chp.1.pdf

Is it a date or are we just friends? Why not both! This week we’re talking about fucking your friends with Autostraddle community editor and fucking your friends expert Vanessa Friedman. We get into the difference between friends with benefits and one time encounters and the range from drug fueled nights to thoughtful discussions over tea. Is platonic sex a thing? Listen and find out! And to start us off we have a good ol’ fashioned game of Would You Rather? — with a personalized twist. Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @waitisthisadate SUPPORT INDEPENDENT QUEER MEDIA! Follow @autostraddle and join our membership program, A+! Follow Drew Gregory @draw_gregory Follow Christina Tucker on Twitter @C_GraceT and Instagram @christina_gracet Follow Vanessa on Twitter @vanessapamela and Instagram @vanessatakesphotos Theme song: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein Logo: Maanya Dhar @maanya_dhar Episode Produced, Edited, Mixed: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein

This week we’re joined by writer, To L and Back co-host, future TV exec, and Drew’s roommate Analyssa Lopez! We’re talking about first dates — the who, the what, the where, the why, AND the how. But before we get into our real dating lives, Christina fanfics some of our favorite queer celebs in a game of Love Triangles! Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @waitisthisadate SUPPORT INDEPENDENT QUEER MEDIA! Follow @autostraddle and join our membership program, A+! Follow Drew Gregory @draw_gregory Follow Christina Tucker on Twitter @C_GraceT and Instagram @christina_gracet Follow Analyssa Lopez on Twitter @ analoca_ and Instagram @analocaa Theme song: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein Logo: Maanya Dhar @maanya_dhar Episode Produced, Edited, Mixed: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein

Wipe away those break up tears because we’re going to show you that love is not a lie! This week we have Autostraddle editor and all around icon Heather Hogan talking about her 11 year(!!) relationship with her wife and all things long term relationships. But first! We celebrate being reunited after an eventful summer and play a game of guess the show from the fanfic! Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @waitisthisadate SUPPORT INDEPENDENT QUEER MEDIA! Follow @autostraddle and join our membership program, A+! Follow Drew Gregory @draw_gregory Follow Christina Tucker on Twitter @C_GraceT and Instagram @christina_gracet Follow Heather Hogan @theheatherhogan Theme Song: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein Logo: Maanya Dhar @maanya_dhar Episode Produced, Edited, Mixed: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein

Dating isn’t all sexting and thirst traps. It’s also heartbreak. This week on “Wait, Is This a Date?” we’re joined by Autostraddle’s very own sex and dating editor Ro White to discuss break ups. We’re talking break up strategy, when to break up, and the gay tradition of remaining friends afterward. But first! We begin with a free association of break ups to cancel culture and play a game of Is This a Real Queer Celebrity Scandal or Did Drew Just Make It Up? Fun! Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @waitisthisadate SUPPORT INDEPENDENT QUEER MEDIA! Follow @autostraddle and join our membership program, A+! Follow Drew Gregory @draw_gregory Follow Christina Tucker on Twitter @C_GraceT and Instagram @christina_gracet Follow Ro White @internationalmisterpleather Theme song: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein Logo: Maanya Dhar @maanya_dhar Episode Produced, Edited, Mixed: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein

Our episode topic this week is Best Sex Ever so we are talking about… the best sex we’ve ever had! We’re joined by Autostraddle writer, poet, and journalist Dani Janae as we get into some steamy anecdotes followed by an in-depth discussion about what makes good sex good. And we spend a lot of time on Drew’s sexual hang ups that she may or may not have actually done a lot of work on this summer! Come for the lesbian movie-themed game, stay for the coming. Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @waitisthisadate SUPPORT INDEPENDENT QUEER MEDIA! Follow @autostraddle and join our membership program, A+! Follow Drew Gregory @draw_gregory Follow Christina Tucker on Twitter @C_GraceT and Instagram @christina_gracet Follow Dani Janae on Twitter @figwidow and Instagram @bell.biv.dahoe Theme song: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein Logo: Maanya Dhar @maanya_dhar Episode Produced, Edited, Mixed: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein

What comes after DM slides? Sexting! Or if you’re for some of us there are like six more steps. Nevertheless our main topic this week is sexting and we’re joined by the extremelet talented writer Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya! We start with a game of "Sapho or Drew’s 2014 Journal" before getting into all the ins and outs of sextual relationships. We’re talking tenses, we’re talking instigation, we’re talking pictures — including the vast possibilities of the Live Photo. This week our direct communication is even hotter than usual! Follow us on Instagram and Twitter at @waitisthisadate SUPPORT INDEPENDENT QUEER MEDIA! Follow @autostraddle and join our membership program, A+! Follow Drew Gregory @draw_gregory Follow Christina Tucker on Twitter @C_GraceT and Instagram @christina_gracet Follow Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya @KaylaKumari Theme song: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein Logo: Maanya Dhar @maanya_dhar Episode Produced, Edited, Mixed: Lauren Klein @laurentaylorklein