Fighting for Connection - Creating a Secure Marriage-logo

Fighting for Connection - Creating a Secure Marriage

Marriage

Want a close connected and secure relationship? Maybe you feel like something's not quite right in your relationship, even though there are a lot of good things. You and your partner love each other, but there are moments that hurt. It's normal for all relationships to experience conflict or worry. The difference between the couples that remain close and the couples that drift apart is their ability to work through conflict and moments of worry and insecurity within the relationship. Listen in to discover new ways to stay close and connected even through the toughest moments life throws at you.. Learn how to deal with your patterns of conflict and make your connection stronger. Simply listen, learn, make changes, and see positive transformations in your relationship. Brett Nikula is an LMFT and Relationship coach that works with couples that want to stay together, that really care about each other, learn to communicate in a way that reduces the pain in the relationship and increases the connection.

Location:

United States

Genres:

Marriage

Description:

Want a close connected and secure relationship? Maybe you feel like something's not quite right in your relationship, even though there are a lot of good things. You and your partner love each other, but there are moments that hurt. It's normal for all relationships to experience conflict or worry. The difference between the couples that remain close and the couples that drift apart is their ability to work through conflict and moments of worry and insecurity within the relationship. Listen in to discover new ways to stay close and connected even through the toughest moments life throws at you.. Learn how to deal with your patterns of conflict and make your connection stronger. Simply listen, learn, make changes, and see positive transformations in your relationship. Brett Nikula is an LMFT and Relationship coach that works with couples that want to stay together, that really care about each other, learn to communicate in a way that reduces the pain in the relationship and increases the connection.

Language:

English

Contact:

17634121992


Episodes
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The Power of Compassion

5/20/2024
When was the last time you stopped to consider the role compassion has played in your own journey through life? Join me, Brett Nikula, as I share how embracing compassion has been my cornerstone to Fatherhood. In "The Power of Compassion," I reveal the personal growth spurring from my professional endeavors, opening up about the compassion in my childhood from those close to my heart. From the Connected Couples Campus to the Save the Date program, I ponder their future while reaffirming my commitment to the therapeutic connections that have shaped us along the way. A childhood story about an errant basketball and a broken window serves as a striking metaphor for the unexpected lessons that leave indelible marks on our lives. This episode goes beyond stories; it's a call to action rooted in the concept of grace. I challenge us all to recognize the compassion we've been granted—often without merit—and the imperative to extend that same grace to those around us. It's a profound reminder that we can be vessels of love, transforming lives by sharing the same unconditional compassion that has molded us. As I encourage you through my own experiences, allow this perspective to resonate with you. It's more than a podcast; it's an invitation to spread the gift of compassion, one that promises to enrich your life and touch the souls of others.

Duration:00:11:48

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Wanting

5/13/2024
Have you ever found yourself searching for a place to belong, a tribe to call your own? Today's story takes you on a heartfelt journey of a young boy, illustrating a life lesson about the transformative power of being someone else's cheerleader. As I recount his quest for connection, I share how his pursuit of personal fanfare shifted to a discovery that true belonging comes from supporting those around us. This narrative opens our eyes to the impact of investing in relationships and the warmth of community that springs from genuine acts of care. This episode promises to inspire you to cultivate deep, enduring friendships by becoming an integral part of others' support systems. We'll navigate the beauty of human connection, emphasizing the significance of being present and the satisfaction derived from making others feel valued. The conversation is sure to leave you reflecting on your relationships and the ways you can deepen them through consistent, supportive actions.

Duration:00:12:19

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Your Spouse Can't Make You

5/6/2024
Have you ever caught yourself in the middle of an outburst, only to realize that you are, in fact, the master of your reactions? I, Brett Nikula, stumbled into such a revelation while grappling with a stubborn kitchen light – a humbling reminder that within the chaos of a frustrating moment, we choose how we respond. This episode is a heartfelt nod to you, the listener, celebrating the personal growth we've achieved and the deeper understanding we've cultivated about the choices that shape our relationships. Drawing from the wells of self-compassion and clarity, I delve into the transformative power of owning up to our behaviors in our closest relationships. By embracing the struggles within us, we unlock a newfound empathy for others and refine the way we communicate love and frustration alike. As we unpack the choice between personal responsibility or finger-pointing, I extend an invitation to visit the Connected Couples Campus for additional tools to support your journey. Tune in, and let's continue to be the pioneers of change in how we foster connection and intimacy with those who matter most.

Duration:00:12:07

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Rules for Your Spouse

4/29/2024
Ever felt like you're walking a tightrope in your marriage? Let's tackle that head-on. I'm Brett Nikula, and in our latest episode, we delve into the sensitive topic of setting boundaries with our better halves. Lets move beyond the pressure that often come with 'house rules'—I'm here to guide you through understanding the 'why' behind your expectations and how they impact your union. You'll discover a practical tool I've used to enhance self-awareness and improve communication. This isn't about laying down the law; it's about fostering a deeper connection with your spouse and nurturing a partnership that thrives on love and mutual respect. For those eager to continue this exploration, join me on my website— where together we can reshape the future of marriages. Come along and let's unlock the transformative potential that lies within our connections.

Duration:00:12:48

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One Simple Tool for Regulation in your Relationship

4/22/2024
This week, I, Brett Nikula, open up about the challenges that come with juggling the professional aspects and my personal life. It's a familiar struggle many of us face, and in this episode, I take it a step further by sharing not just stories but also practical tools for maintaining emotional steadiness and cultivating stronger connections with those we hold dear. As we navigate the complexities of responding to an upset spouse, I walk you through a transformative four-step exercise that's more than just a discussion—it's a blueprint for personal growth within your relationships. This isn't about merely weathering the emotional storms; it's about learning to communicate with clarity, regulate our reactions, and most importantly, support ourselves through it all. Join me in this heartfelt exploration of emotional regulation and relationship communication, where every listener walks away with strategies to enhance understanding and deepen their emotional ties.

Duration:00:15:13

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Moderation

4/15/2024
Have you ever found yourself swallowed by the highs and lows of marriage, feeling like if it's not perfect, you're failing? Let's reshape that narrative together. As your host Brett Nikula, I delve into the concept of moderation within relationships, a theme that may just be the lifeline your partnership needs. This episode isn't just another discussion; it's a revelation that will shift your perspective on what it means to navigate the ebb and flow of marital life. Join me as I share personal anecdotes and expert advice on why the search for constant bliss might be leading you down a path of disappointment and how accepting marriage's inherent challenges can foster profound growth. There are no guests, just you and me unpacking the idea that a moderated approach to emotions and expectations can lead to a healthier, more sustainable marriage. If you've been caught in a cycle of confusion and pain, this conversation is the key to unlocking a balanced and fulfilling connection with your partner.

Duration:00:10:04

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What to do with a Normal Marriage

4/8/2024
When Kelsey and I tied the knot, little did we know that the real work was just beginning. This week on Fighting for Connection, I get help you see how even seemingly stable relationships have their share of turbulence. This episode takes you through the heart of what many assume to be 'just another normal marriage'. I peel back the layers to reveal how familiar struggles with insecurities and doubts can quietly erode the ties that bind. It's a journey into attachment theory and emotionally focused therapy, demonstrating their effectiveness as tools for couples to repair and deepen their connection. By consistently showing up as a friend to your spouse, you're investing in the kind of change that can redefine your relationship. So join me, Brett Nikula, and discover how even the most resilient of partnerships can benefit from a little extra care and understanding.

Duration:00:12:15

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A Risk to Your Mental Health

4/1/2024
Nestled among Seattle's verdant landscapes, we shared heartfelt stories at a recent couples camp, unraveling the intricate tapestries of marriage and mental health. Our candid conversations revealed how one partner's psychological struggles can ripple through the relationship, highlighting the often-overlooked 'contagious' nature of mental health issues within a union. We navigated the complex dynamics of supporting a spouse while nurturing personal wellness through a mosaic of strategies including physical activity, nutrition, and a strong support network. This episode is a gentle reminder that seeking professional help is as crucial for the supportive partner as it is for the one facing challenges, emphasizing that self-care is the keystone to preventing resentment and fostering a nurturing bond. Wrapping up a week of reflections, I extend a heartfelt thank you for the words of encouragement and feedback from the Fighting for Connection community. Your support rekindles my dedication to nurturing fulfilling relationships and underscores the importance of demonstrating deep care for our spouses. The episode is a celebration of the unique connection we've fostered with you, our listeners. Together, let's continue to enrich the sacred bond of marriage, leaning on the strength of our community and the power of connection. Thank you for walking this path with us, and here's to the bonds we build and the love we nurture, today and every day.

Duration:00:10:25

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It's Not You, It's Me

3/25/2024
Embarking on an exploration of our emotional worlds, I, Brett Nikula, invite you to peer into the depths of the inner child and its profound influence on our relationships. In this episode I dissect the powerful yearnings for acceptance and security that weave through our connections with others. This episode is a candid revelation of how, when these fundamental desires go unfulfilled, our partnerships often bear the brunt, leading to conflicts that are, in essence, desperate pleas from our inner selves. As we traverse the intricate terrain of partnership dynamics, I emphasize the transformative potential of self-awareness and clear communication. By adopting the ethos of "It's not you, it's me," we learn to convey our inner fears and vulnerabilities without casting blame, setting the stage for transparency and growth within our relationships. This episode doesn't just promise insight—it offers a pathway to building more secure and resilient unions. Join me as we uncover the strategies that empower us to become better individuals for ourselves and, ultimately, better partners in our relationships.

Duration:00:11:30

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Forge Stronger Bonds Through Repair

3/18/2024
When Kelsey's away, the heart doesn't just grow fonder—it learns. My reflection on the weekends without my wife turned a spotlight on the intricate dance of repair and connection essential for keeping our relationship vibrant. We've all been there, sailing smoothly in love's waters, only to hit the occasional storm of conflict. In our latest chat on the Fighting for Connection podcast, I, Brett Nikula, speak candidly about the importance of recognizing and breaking free from the conflict cycle, steering clear of the dreaded 'roommate effect' to maintain an intimate, thriving partnership. This time around, we're peeling back the layers on what it truly means to commit to a loving relationship. Imagine a china plate, beautifully unique yet susceptible to cracks; now picture those same fractures mended, not with gold, but with understanding, communication, and the determination to repair. That's the vision I share with listeners as we explore how addressing conflicts can actually strengthen the love shared with your partner. Join me in becoming the cycle breaker our relationships deserve. It's all about pouring continuous effort into our connections, and I'm here to walk you through this ongoing journey of nurturing the love in our lives.

Duration:00:12:53

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A Secure Bond

3/11/2024
Have you ever found yourself hesitating to reach out to someone because a voice inside your head whispered, "You're not good enough"? Our latest episode of Fighting for Connection is a journey through these common shadows of doubt and how they can cast a chill on our relationships. As I recount my own struggle with imposter syndrome and the longing to communicate more effectively, I reveal the universality of these insecurities and how they often serve as hidden barriers to intimacy. It's a raw truth that our imperfections are the very essence of what makes us relatable, yet it's these same flaws that can sometimes make us feel unworthy of love. Through stories of personal loss and the use of faith as a compass, we explore the belief that acceptance doesn't require perfection. We discuss the dual responses to insecurity—retraction and overcompensation—and how they can lead us astray from the connections we yearn for. This conversation aims to light a path to embracing our true selves and the deeper emotional bonds that can result. Wrapping up, the episode shifts to a broader canvas, painting the importance of human connections and how we can confront and dismantle the barriers that obstruct them. I touch upon the resources from my Connected Couples Campus, designed to help listeners like you fortify your relationship skills. Remember, it's not about pushing through fears to be someone others want in your life; it's about recognizing that you already are that person. Tune in for authentic insights into the art of nurturing the relationships that matter most.

Duration:00:21:37

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The Strength of Consistency and Persistency

3/4/2024
Struggling to keep up with life demands can feel like an uphill battle, especially when juggling the chaos of a travel-laden career and a growing family. My personal journey has taught me invaluable lessons about the significance of consistency and persistence, not just in the realm of relationships, but through all of life's experience as well. In this heartfelt conversation, I, Brett Nikula, peel back the layers of these twin traits that are so crucial to our lives, sharing how they've shaped my bond with my wife, Kelsey, and the surprising ways Emotionally Focused Therapy has brought us closer together. The fabric of our connections with others, woven through communication and emotional vulnerability, can sometimes fray under the pressure of societal norms—especially for men. Within this episode, I discuss the delicate balance of expressing emotions and the transformative power of building secure relationships, which can turn misunderstandings into opportunities for deeper intimacy. As we shift to the business landscape, I reveal the inner workings of my enterprise, Pivotal Approach, underscoring that while there's no magic formula for triumph, the relentless pursuit of our dreams is built on the bedrock of persistence and consistence. Join me as we navigate these intertwined personal and professional paths, discovering the strength in our steadfastness and the courage in our perseverance.

Duration:00:30:16

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The Power of Love; Recovery from Addiction with Derek and Leanne Niemela

2/26/2024
I so enjoyed this visit. We cried, and laughed, and chatted. And we also recorded. Listen in as Leanne and Derek share an incredible story of Love. We also talk about addiction and how it creates so much pain and havoc. But I couldn't help but walk away with a renewed desire to love more. You can learn more about Leanne and her story at https://www.evolvefamilyrecovery.org/about or on instagram at https://www.instagram.com/evolve.addictionfamilyrecovery You can find Derek and his business on instagram as well at https://www.instagram.com/dgndirtworkutilities Thank you for listening.

Duration:01:10:38

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Disconnection

2/19/2024
Have you ever felt adrift in the vast ocean of life's relationships, yearning for a lifeline? Join me, Brett Nicola, as I delve into the profound effects of disconnection on our most cherished bonds in the latest episode of the Fighting for Connection podcast. I share my personal experiences and those of my clients to shine a light on the human need for connection and how it shapes our interactions. Through the metaphor of being lost at sea, I uncover the emotions of panic and isolation that can emerge when we find ourselves disconnected from those we care about. This conversation is not just an exploration of challenges but also an offering of hope, bringing us closer to the connectedness our hearts desire. The journey toward connection continues as we confront the turbulent conflict cycles that often undermine our relationship's stability. Imagine being caught in a rip current of recurring disagreements – that's precisely what many couples face. However, as you tune in, you'll learn the critical skills to break free and steer back to the safe harbor of love and understanding. This episode is made even more special with the invaluable insights from a dynamic husband and wife duo who personify the principles of rekindling connection. So whether you're navigating these waters alone or with your partner, be prepared to be inspired and equipped with strategies that can transform your relationship into a beacon of connectedness.

Duration:00:14:39

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Holding Space

2/12/2024
Embark on an intimate exploration with me, Brett Nicola, as I share the balancing act of nurturing a thriving career alongside a vibrant family life. Picture the heartwarming morning routine of dropping off the little ones at school and the cherished midday breaks spent with my beloved wife. These personal vignettes from my life as a devoted family man and a seasoned relationship coach frame today's episode, where I delve into the art of crafting robust communication structures for couples. Our heartfelt discussion will illuminate the ways in which clear and compassionate dialogue can not only bridge gaps but also fortify the bonds of partnership. Witness the profound transformation that takes place when we create a sanctuary for our significant others to express their feelings authentically. I recount my own journey of learning to provide Kelsey, my wife, with a space to unfold her emotions without the pressure of my own reactions clouding the moment. It's about becoming the steadfast beacon in the emotional squalls that life casts our way. As we navigate through the tempest, I offer insights into acknowledging and supporting our partners' emotions as wholly their own, a testament to the strength and resilience that can blossom from such understanding. Tune in and let's venture together into the rich landscape of cultivating enduring, loving connections.

Duration:00:22:30

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New Life

2/5/2024
It's just too hard to improve upon the AI summery so here you go. As the Nicola family tree extends its branches with the arrival of Bram Walter Nicola, I, Brett Nicola, invite you into an intimate reflection on the beauty of beginnings and the deep-rooted theories that guide our connections. In the glow of my newborn son's first days, witness the living embodiment of attachment theory as my wife Kelsey instinctively navigates the delicate waters of our child's emotional needs—a dance of bonding that promises to shape his world and ours. Venture with us through the landscapes of the heart, where we examine the true essence of security in our closest relationships. Unwrapping the layers of what it means to feel safe, I share how symbolic actions can stir the soul yet may not anchor us in honesty and trust. We'll traverse the challenges that arise when our relational needs go unmet, discuss the art of self-regulation, and share strategies for communicating effectively, all in the pursuit of cultivating the lasting and fulfilling bonds we all yearn for. Join me in celebrating not just the beginning of a life, but the ongoing journey of nurturing the connections that make us whole.

Duration:00:29:33

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Doing the Work With Monica Leigh

1/29/2024
All the important info at the top and more AI content for you underneath. Enjoy! Download the FREE Conflict Cycle Worksheet Website: https://www.monicaleighblog.com Choosing To Heal Community: https://www.monicaleighblog.com/community Instagram @monicaleighblog Choosing To Heal Instagram @choosing2heal Facebook Page: Monica Leigh Blog (@monicaleighblog) Choosing To Heal Facebook Page: Choosing To Heal (@choosingtoheal) Monica Lee's remarkable transformation from the depths of betrayal to the peaks of communal support is a story that will leave you both inspired and introspective. As she graces our latest episode of Fighting for Connection, we traverse the landscape of healing from a partner's addiction and infidelity. Our heartfelt discussion reveals the raw choice to turn pain into purpose, a decision that birthed the ‘Choosing to Heal’ community—a haven for those in the throes of their struggles, seeking camaraderie and a step-by-step path toward reclaiming their lives. With the arrival of my seventh child, I've been reminded of the delicate dance between family and professional pursuits. This week, Monica and I delve into the integral role of making conscious healing choices within relationships and how these decisions can radically reshape the dynamics between partners. We uncover the treasures within the Connected Couples Campus, an online reservoir of resources fostering personal and relational growth. It's about unlocking the power of healing together and finding solace in the shared journey of recovery. The resilience born from facing rejections in direct sales and small business ownership is a resilience that Monica knows intimately. She shares her evolution from a bank teller with a creative spark to a confident network marketer, a metamorphosis that encapsulates lessons far beyond the business realm. As we wrap up our conversation, we extend an invitation to you, our listeners, to maintain and nurture the connections in your life. Join us and absorb the insights that Monica brings to the table—because, at the heart of it all, staying connected is what gives our experiences, trials, and triumphs their true value.

Duration:00:44:43

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Why I got Married

1/22/2024
More Great AI reading As my wife Kelsey and I eagerly await the arrival of our seventh bundle of joy, I find myself reflecting on the profound connection that's only deepened with each heartbeat. Join me, Brett Nicola, as I take you on a journey through the anticipation, the nerves, and the heartwarming moments that prelude the entrance of a new family member. This episode isn't just about the pitter-patter of tiny feet; it's a celebration of the strength and inspiration my incredible wife embodies, and a heartfelt thank you to you, my listeners, for being the supportive community that has encircled us with love. Remember those first flutters of young love? Kelsey and I sure do. We're peeling back the layers of our high school sweetheart story, revealing the insecurities and infatuations that have since blossomed into a resilient partnership. Discover the pivotal gestures that laid the foundation of our bond and how understanding our unique love languages has been instrumental in nurturing our connection. It's a tale of growth, challenge, and the deep yearning for that special understanding that makes two hearts beat in unison. But what truly keeps a marriage thriving through the routine and the unexpected? I'm opening up about the transformative wisdom that shifted my view from seeing marriage as a feel-good alliance to embracing it as a service-oriented commitment. It's about putting giving before receiving, about how serving Kelsey has unexpectedly enriched our lives in ways beyond imagination. So, come with me—whether you're nurturing a new relationship, fortifying a lifelong partnership, or anywhere in between—as we explore the art of communication, the gift of serving, and the steadfast dedication it takes to love truly and deeply.

Duration:00:38:22

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Understanding Each Other With Tommy and Brenda Geary

1/15/2024
Today I enjoy a conversation with Tommy and Brenda Geary who run Tommy G Coaching and The Durable Dad Podcast. We discuss how to communicate in a clear way in order to stay close and connected in the face of life challenges and even working together. To find more of Tommy and Brenda's work check out https://www.tommygcoaching.com/ and Follow them on instagram at https://www.instagram.com/tommygcoaching

Duration:00:48:58

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Why I Buy Kelsey Flowers

1/8/2024
I love me these Auto generated AI episode descriptions. It always has me on the edge of my seat.... Have you ever felt like your emotions were holding the reins, steering you through every twist and turn of life's unpredictable journey? Join us, Brett Nicola, on a heart-to-heart conversation in the latest installment of the Fighting for Connection podcast, where we explore the delicate interplay between our thoughts and feelings amidst life's trials. We're laying out the roadmap to navigate the rough terrains of strained relationships, financial stress, health battles, and the weight of loss, focusing on the transformative power of reshaping our thought patterns to find solace in the storms we cannot calm. Venture with us as we dissect the essence of pain, examining its shifting impact through the lens of life's ever-changing experiences. The talk turns inward, challenging the instinct to flee from discomfort and instead embracing pain as an integral slice of the human experience. In the dance of relationships, we scrutinize the whispers of unworthiness that can amplify suffering. By interrogating our beliefs and adjusting our perspectives, we uncover a path to lessen our pain and reclaim control over our emotional well-being. To cap off this week's soul-stirring exchange, I share a personal chapter from my life – the journey through hair loss – and the profound lessons learned on self-worth that go skin deep. This revelation isn't just skin deep. It's about how shifting my inner dialogue led to richer connections with others, including with my beloved Kelsey. Our discussion underscores the immeasurable impact of nurturing positive thoughts, fostering resilience in the face of life's challenges. As always, your engagement through ratings and reviews fuels our mission to build bridges of connection, so join us on this odyssey of reflection and triumph over adversity.

Duration:00:34:55