Threadings.

A letter written for Bisan, circulated to my constituency: Peace. I write to you from the floor of my bedroom in Sierra Leone. Two days ago, Iran launched successful counter-attacks against the apartheid regime occupying the land of Palestine, currently known as Israel (which bombed their embassy in an open act of war on April 1). I can hear construction workers breaking rocks outside my window and the children of the house playing and running and the noise of Freetown traffic in an endless rise and fall. I always find it pertinent to name the moment clearly, as I am always certain tomorrow will not look like today; the things I consider commonplace will be precious and long gone. Some of my mind firmly plants itself in yesterday already: gone are the days where I can see children running and playing in the street— in any street, anywhere in the world— and I do not think of Palestinian children massacred in front of each other. I am in a permanent after. I kneel to pray and recall accounts of young Sudanese women messaging their local religious leaders, asking if they will still be permitted into paradise if they commit suicide to avoid rape from occupying soldiers. I am in a permanent after. Today is April 15, 2024. Tomorrow will not look like today. Bisan Owda, a filmmaker, journalist and storyteller, has called the world to strike on several occasions for the liberation of her homeland, Palestine. I feel about Bisan (and Hind, and Motaz, and many others) like I feel about my cousins: I pray for them before bed, asking for their continued protection, wondering for them— the same way I prayed for my family as a child, during Sierra Leone’s own neocolonial war of attrition, or when Ebola came like the angel of death. This is the way I pray for Bisan, and for Palestine: with this heart beating in me that is both theirs and mine. She is my age. Bisan! You are my age! I wish we could have met at university, or at an artists workshop; I feel we would have long conversation. I understand more now about what my auntie dequi means when she says sister in the struggle— that’s how she speaks of indigenous womyn, about Palestinian womyn, about womyn across the colonized world that use every tool they have to resist. Sisters in the struggle. It’s never felt like an understatement— I just feel it in my body now. Sisters (n.): someone who you most ardently for. Someone who you care for such that it compels you to action. I’m certain many of you feel this for me—this long distance, cross-cultural, transcontinental kinship. Rhita, a stranger turned friend via instagram DMs, had me over for tea on a long layover in Morocco, and we spent at least two hours talking about blooming revolution and healing through art (she’s a musician and she helps pave the way for musicians in Morocco, who fight for their royalties as well as their right to exist. Brilliant). Sisters in struggle: your lens on the world changes mine, and I am grateful for it. Today we are among war; I mobilize and I organize and I pray for a day where we might sit down for tea. I write to Bisan with the attention of my own constituency to shine light on her calls for a general strike, one of which occurs today, April 15 2024. These urgent asks have been met with lots of skepticism across the Western world: how do we organize something this fast? Does it really matter if I participate? How will one strike solve anything? I write to throw my pen and my circumstance behind you, Bisan. I lend you all (my constituency) my lenses as a teacher, in hopes that I make plain to you why these questions of feasibility assume there is another way out of our current standing oppressions. We have no other option for worldwide liberation that does not include a mass refusal to produce capital. We occupy a crucial moment of pivot as a species. Victory for the masses feels impossible from the complete waste they lay on anyone who dissents to their power. This feeling is manufactured. The...

an essay nearly entitled, “the orange trees teach me art-making.” This essay is a continuation of my prolonged look at revolutionary healers in practice to become one— where healing also includes artistry. What is my role as an freedom-minded artist, this side of revolution? Check the link to donate to the universal basic income program for Ebola Survivors in Kenema, Sierra Leone below! https://msha.ke/ismatu Theses: A (art-making) = B(world-making) = C (truth-telling) (1) One of the greatest powers held in the human sovereign world is the power to create and destroy: to make, shape and reshape the world and what we know to be true. I call this world-making. (2) We are currently at war and (I would argue) in the exposition of a new world. (3) This world is still actively being made. What constitutes power in the hands of the masses? What methods of world-making are truly available to us? All sources available at ismatu.substack.com. Jazz of the Episode (sampling): Melancholia x Wynton Marsalis For All We Know x Ahmad Jamal Why, Buzzardman, Why? X Alabaster DePlume Tezeta x Mulatu Astatke My Odoh - African Lofi x Lofi Afrobeats This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe

Hold tight. The way to go mad without losing your mind is sometimes unruly. Author: La Marr Jurelle Bruce Hyperlinked above is their academia.edu page, which has a lovely biography and two more brilliant articles available to read. Remember that orienting oneself with the author (who wrote it? for what reason?) aids in understanding their arguments. There is no one viewpoint of objectivity. Presented in audio is a reading of pages 1-11 of How to Go Mad Without Losing Your Mind. The full chapter has been made available by Duke University Press right here, so you can listen and read along! I highlyrecommend this method of learning for maximum absorption. Dr. Bruce also gave this illuminating talk with Farah Jasmine Griffin at the Barnard Center of Research on Women. Author talks are also phenomenal resources for digesting academic prose (or in this case, prose poetry). Remember the questions we ask when we consider a set of claims critically: (1) who wrote it? (2) for what reason? (3) for what audience? (4) what’s missing? Additionally, while not provided here, this book has one of the most stunning acknowledgement sections I have ever read. And I do own this book in physical copy. Just saying. We’ve been chatting in the discord, which I am apparently bad at hyperlinking but I will ask someone to share the right link in the comments :) post script: i did not have to ask, someone did post a link in the discord! thank you! happy reading <3 ig This reading is only available for a limited time, as per the wishes of Dr. Bruce!! Don’t hesitate don’t procrastinate! This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe

Hold tight. The way to go mad without losing your mind is sometimes unruly. Author: La Marr Jurelle Bruce Hyperlinked above is their academia.edu page, which has a lovely biography and two more brilliant articles available to read. Remember that orienting oneself with the author (who wrote it? for what reason?) aids in understanding their arguments. There is no one viewpoint of objectivity. Presented in audio is a reading of pages 1-11 of How to Go Mad Without Losing Your Mind. The full chapter has been made available by Duke University Press right here, so you can listen and read along! I highly recommend this method of learning for maximum absorption. Dr. Bruce also gave this illuminating talk with Farah Jasmine Griffin at the Barnard Center of Research on Women. Author talks are also phenomenal resources for digesting academic prose (or in this case, prose poetry). Remember the questions we ask when we consider a set of claims critically: (1) who wrote it? (2) for what reason? (3) for what audience? (4) what’s missing? Additionally, while not provided here, this book has one of the most We’ve been chatting in the discord, which I am apparently bad at hyperlinking but I will ask someone to share the right link in the comments :) happy reading <3 ig This reading is only available for a limited time, as per the wishes of Dr. Bruce!! Don’t hesitate don’t procrastinate! This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe

captioned live! we took one hour to read four paragraphs together. excerpt from: Conversations with Toni Cade Bambara, edited by Thabiti Lewis. I don’t usually save my lives because (1) that requires editing and I am already drowning in administrative work and (2) I enjoy existing in temporal space for only a moment in time, rather than being replayable and rewatchable and forwardable all the time. it’s a weird thing to watch happen to your personhood. but this one i found to be really lovely and helpful, so here it is. i hope you enjoyyy. correct video transcript available at ismatu.substack.com. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe

In which we engage the following theses: (1) the ruling class benefits from illiteracy. (2) short-form video entertains more than it sticks. (3) reading is a discipline distinct from listening, watching, or other forms of literacy. It’s a skill that needs to be honed separately. (4) Absolutely no one comes to save us but us. Full and accurate transcript available at ismatu.substack.com. Thank you for listening <3 Jazz of the Episode: The Jordan River Song x Emahoy Tsege Mariam Gebru Lena’s Song x The Sweet Enoughs Sunset and the Mocking Bird x Duke Ellington Abusey Junction x Kokoroko Udo x The Cavemen. Muziqa heywete x Getatchew Mekurya Mogoya x Oumou Sangaré Drume Negrita x Andy Bey Tony x Larry Morezo, Dennis Tini Melancholia x Wynton Marsalis Spring Yaounde x Wynton Marsalis This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe

internet friends, I am still burning alive. Today is February 10, 2024, which marks two years since my entrance into the social internet. This has been a terrifying, incredible, world-changing transition— maybe not (yet) for the world, but most certainly for my world. I did not have any social media previous to virality on my first TikTok video. Honestly? I viewed these spaces as nothing more than cannon fodder for the degradation of the mind and of any true, real, lasting community. I wanted no part. I made a video because I wanted to tell a silly story on this silly new app, and because I had 17 followers (all of which I knew in real life), and because I was still busy swallowing the griefs of this world. I wanted to do something that felt… silly. And inconsequential. I am chuckling to myself, in hindsight. To be clear: I was right to be fearful of these spaces. Do you know how long it’s taken me to fully realize that every view, every point on a metric, is a living, moving someone interacting with my personhood? My face and voice are public record. I am watching myself become infused with authority I did not ask for and did little to earn. The visibility alone… not everyone that sees me feels kindly. I was right to be wary and skeptical and terrified. And these apps do allow us to cosplay learning and mimic connectivity when we are deeply lonely in real life. These apps are actively drugging our minds. And. You all have fundamentally restructured what I conceive of as reality. Online is most definitely real life! And we— this community, what I call my Constituency— have accomplished amazing things and truly, if you knew what I am working to prepare us for off-screen. We are just starting. We are just starting. Recently, I made public my feelings of burnout and exhaustion with the amount of people that are contented with short-form video. I have come to detest the medium; video— especially video that is under fifteen minutes— is very good at convincing the viewer they are doing something active. The amount of people that watch me and feel like they have learned something, when in reality they are watching me learn— it astounds me. I wonder if I am taking part in placating us as a community rather than galvanizing us towards action that’s truly necessary. There were so many comments under that video— too many to read, but one I caught over and over again: never stop writing. Listen: that was never on the table. I said I might stop making videos— I was always going to write. I have absolutely been battling hopelessness, despair, dissolution and defeatism about how difficult it is to accomplish basic shit— to get folks to make the transition from passive watcher to active learner. I spent two weeks taking time with my teachers: my loved ones, here and gone. They reminded me how powerful it is to be able to hide in plain sight. I am using my fertile mind to bloom this community— you who read, who write, who change their real lives. This was always the plan. I refuse to waste our time. I want this community to live long past my last video, to have ripple effects that I will never know about and never see. I got like, four more years in this iteration of online space, give or take a year. We have a very finite amount of time to mobilize around ideas that are for our good, the good of the masses, the good of the people, the world-keepers of tomorrow. The world-makers of today. Nothing about this is idealistic. I am not being poetic or metaphorical. The work is urgent and calls every one of us. Excerpt from a poem: The Lesson by Afeni Shakur Thesis: Revolutionary is not some lofty, miraculous, singular idea nor title. Revolution is not a singular event. It is a beginning. It’s a marriage. And We (the People) have a world to retake and rebuild! There is no sweeter call. We owe it to one another to commit ourselves to the rest of our shared lives. The freedom song drives me wild— I do not earn the song, I only respond to...

Threadings. and quite literally everything I do is free! I only can do this because people voluntarily pay! Wow! Thank you!!!! Transcription below because someone asked for the still words. Long time no see. Hi there. If you're new here, which if you're here, I doubt you're new. I mean, but just in case. My name is Ismatu. E-S-M-A-TU. I like E, S like S, not like Z. Not Ismatu, not Ismatu, Ease, like Easter egg. Ease-matu. One day. I will be an Ismaltu that other people can say, oh yeah, like Ismaltu, like Ismaltu Gwendolyn. It's gonna be a great day, hi. I have pistachio tea on screen, a stack of notebooks, a increasingly worn copy of How to Go Mad without Losing Your Mind, and a need to situate myself such that I'm not making so much noise with the mic. Hold on, hold on. Okay, starting now. I should have put my glasses. Hi there. Grab your tea, I'm having pistachio as per usual. It also has roasted almonds in it because I'm on the go right now. I didn't bring all my florals. I do so love a nutty floral. Long time no see. I generally don't like being on video because my face and voice are now public record in a way that alarms me. But we can't go backwards. Hi, it's good to see you. I'm out here making housing and security look very cute. It looks like a cute place, right? You're sitting in the window sill right now. It's a lovely winter's day in Brooklyn. I would otherwise be really excited to be here if I were not here for the passing of a loved one. Which thank you for your condolences, by the way. I'm receiving a lot of kind messages. None of this feels particularly real. And if the past is any indication. This is just gonna be something that I remembered. I'm gonna be going about my day going, God, I really wanna talk to Baba about, oh right. Oh my gosh, I can't wait to tell Baba, oh right. Let me text Baba and tell him I was thinking. like that. I'm making this video not to cry on camera. So you all know how much I love that. but to talk to you all about some changes that I am making existing online. Which is, I really have been, I don't want to say slacking, but sincerely deep prioritizing being here with the patrons and the substachians, the substichites, the substichanders. Stubstiganders is actually very cute and I'm keeping it. The Patreons, the Stubstiganders, mostly because I am not compelled by money. So the idea of making extra content to reward people for giving me money was always just such a low burner, especially with the other things that's on my plate. You know, familial duties, personal duties, the reading and writing for short form and long term projects, organizing on the continent and also in the United States for some, I just like- for some care infrastructure that I've been feeling is necessary. More on that later as per usual. So that means that like making extra content for people that pay to support me was always kind of like a, when I get the extra energy, when I get the extra time, when I get the extra focus, I will give you my extra, you know, you're paying for extras. And I find that uncompelling for a couple of reasons. The first being that because I am not compelled by money, it never really becomes a priority. You know what I'm saying? If the idea is, oh, I make extra things so that people who wish to support me continue to have incentive to support me, I actually don't care about being broke. As you can see, again, chronic housing insecurity. I'm more housed than I have been since I lived in Chicago, and it's still quite precarious. It is tough to not have a permanent address in the United States, it makes everything difficult. And I shouldn't be surprised at how long it's taking me to come back into like fully fledged housing, but it's again, really tough. Like I still don't make enough to qualify for renting. So I mean, I should be motivated. I should be motivated. And I just am not. And then secondly, it undermines what I want to do with this space. So people that pay to...

a letter to my daughter on the religion of revolution. Please lend your support to A Little Juju Podcast in their return! Juju Grant is a writer, ethnographer, show host and spiritual tower actively practicing wisdom anarchy. She so brilliantly archives African and Black Diasporatic Spiritual Traditions for free, and for the good of the people. donate here! or via Cashapp, Venmo, or PayPal. All are available in her link tree. I do not take sponsorships so that I can shine lights on my kinfolk, who need support in the community work they do just like I do. I am so grateful for your support! You all enable me to buy groceries on a regular basis! I want to spread this love. I would love northing more than to see this fundraiser with more than what she needs. Jazz of the Episode: The Jordan River Song x Emahoy Tsege Marian Gebru Whisky Story Time x Alabaster DePlume Spring Yaounde x Wynton Marsalis Lena’s Song x The Sweet Enoughs You Go To My Head x Frank Sinatra Tenkou Why Feel Sorry x Emahoy Tsege Mariam Gebru Easy Living x Clifford Brown This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe

An essay from The Vault on how miraculously pain steals language. CW: mentions of self-harm. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe

The first essay of the Revolutionary Healers series. WHAT USE is "measured rationality" when to be Reasonable means to dying quietly, all the time? Notes from the text, “How to Go Mad Without Losing Your Mind.” Full transcript, with sources, at ismatu.substack.com. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe

in which ismatu delivers a free-styled, spoken essay where they realize Grief as a seed blooming their bones. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe

The primary goal of this essay is to argue for a healthy skepticism of sponsorship-saturated media amidst a new age in information sharing, with secondary goals as following: * to commit myself to The People and my people publicly by way of refusing to sell my word online, and * to name explicitly the ways refusing traditional sponsorship places me in a decent amount of precarity. * I’ma spoil the ending for you: I don’t want to run from precarity. Being unsteady forces me to lean on the communities that I say I value. I continually argue that refusing sponsorships as my primary mode of income forces me to expand. Now, I must trust the people for care instead of trusting them as a willing and endless site of extraction. * Plus… willing? How much can you consent to extraction anyways? Bah. I get ahead of myself. I wish to belong to The People and that means my word needs to be mine. Thank you for listening <3 This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe

Since y’all stay asking me for resource lists. The here, damn! of it all. Full list and links associated at ismatu.substack.com. happy reading!! jazz of the episode: Tony x Larry Nozero, Dennis Tini Souvenir d’Italie x Lelio Luttazzi He Knows She’s Good For You x Cyril Chambers Two For The Road x Eddie Daniels, Bucky Pizzarelli I Cover the Waterfront x Joe Pass Zen x Philippe Sarde, Toots Thielemans Message x Robohands City in the Sky x Elijah Fox This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe

In which Ismatu Gwendolyn, new to the healing profession and rooting in revolutionary thought and action, provides structure for their studies in public. As my Auntie Dequi says, “Struggle is protracted.” What we are not about to do is sit up here and study five things for five seconds. And I’m guilty of this! I constantly fight the desire to be fresh and topical and marketable. I want to be widely received and widely appreciated. Of course I do. In the past, I have moved quickly though trending topics to provide bite-sized analysis good for a short video. That’s not nearly enough time to learn and learn well. [Editor’s Note]: I will also be fr in saying, did I realize y’all were paying attention? Did I care about social media? I thought TikTok was a kids dancing app. I didn’t realize what I have the opportunity to do. I have to be what I wish to see in this world. In studying in public, I both create a new standard for myself in terms of engagement with online community, create the means for online communities to study together, and create new lenses of possibility for anyone else with desires to learn, teach, and heal in ways that don’t require us to be extractive. Revolutionary Healers: Studies in Sovereignty (ft. The Magic Expanding Syllabus) Discord: https://discord.gg/SHXhzAKr Objectives of Revolutionary Healers (Study): October 2023 through February(ish) 2024 * aids in establishing myself as a perpetual student/teacher: I am not an or the expert. I am not the authority. I have no desire to tell you what is a true, certain, fact and what is a bad, false, take. I want to study in public and show my work, in research, thought, and analysis. I want to read slowly enough for people to read alongside me and ask questions. I learn by way of learning in real public and in real time. I learn by answering questions and grappling with you all, whether I am “right” or “wrong.” I am unconcerned with universal truth, I am concerned with understanding the following: (1) what is possible? (2) what I conceive of as impossible? and (2a) who told me that I, or we, could not do that? Why? * highlights my court and company: I want to study my teachers in public as a means of providing source material. I recognize this as one of the most valuable parts of my collegiate experience, where people that I had kinship with took their access to infrastructure (professors navigating an academic institution) and guided me along the study of their teachers. * in studying in public, I also give us the means to talk about what we learn in community. I have created a discord for anyone that would like to talk about what I study in public. I will not be in this discord. I am not learning another social apparatus. I am creating this to fill a continually requested social need. * sets up us well for continuing studies: what we learn today builds on what we learn tomorrow and yesterday. On my platforms, we have been studying mutual aid (via Mutual Aid by Dean Spade) and care infrastructure (via The Care Manifesto by The Care Collective). We now study these ideals in action, with present and previous day examples of revolutionary caretaking. We take these lessons into account within our daily lives so that our studies sharpen and hone our actions, which become restorative and expansive enough to create the need for more study. This, in effect, is the protracted process of world-making. Preliminary Questions for Critical Analysis (1) Who wrote it? (2) For what audience? (3) For what purpose? (4) What’s missing? I ask that you consider me critically. My name is Ismatu Gwendolyn and I am committed to learning and feeling through the sticky nature of human connection— the study of love, or the lack thereof. In this world, love means liberation. I have scholastic dedication to African-American studies, global health, clinical social work and poetry, and I have academic histories and roots at Northwestern University and The University of Chicago...

sharing an old piece of creative writing because I, a mountain dweller, am stuck in the city and think of the sea. Originally written June of 2018 This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe

In which we: unpack the “is she mad?” mentality, contemplate informed consent for a podcast space, and be explicit about the care infrastructure and needs of Ismatu Gwendolyn. Thanks for listening <3 Read the full transcription, annotated, at ismatu.substack.com. Jazz of the Episode: My One and Only Love x John Coltrane, Johnny Hartman Say It (Over and Over Again) x John Coltrane Quartet Manhattan x Blossom Dearie I’ll Never Smile Again x Sarah Vaughan Footsteps In The Dark x The Isley Brothers It Never Entered My Mind x Miles Davis Quintet Dark End of the Street x Aretha Franklin Spring Yaounde x Wynton Marsalis Maybe Tomorrow x Grant Green This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe

notes on refusing to charge for client services. Cited: In Pursuit of Revolutionary Love by Joy James | Oshun’s Flight Cliff notes: stop asking me to settle for manna when the opportunity for community arises. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe

[The Preview]: Oh, then in regards to mutual aid, I keep faltering with this series because I can't, like… I think I need to find a balance between what I wanna talk about and what I feel like the public needs. Because I keep curriculum planning and then realizing we are way behind as a public where I thought we were when it comes to understanding the importance of mutual aid and what it does. I really wanted to jump into the how-to, which is the mutual aid by Dean Spade is just a book of how-to. And then I realized we were missing a lot of the why. We are doing all of this work and being in community with one another because we are designed to be compelled by community, not because we are trying to win a battle. Yeah, like the winning the battle stuff is important. That's cute and that's... It's not insignificant. It's just that if our goal is to win, my question is win what? Win against tyranny, win against oppression, win against all these things. Do we see how that still centers the oppressor in the first place? We're not actually thinking about like, what is it that you want to win? Past beating them. You want, you know, OK, I understand we want the satisfaction of victory. What is victory? What does it actually look like to win? What does the world look like? What do people's day to day look like? What does it look like for the most vulnerable in our societies when we win? Because then we have to start thinking about building. That's a, it harkens a bit to what I said earlier about when I ask my groups, okay, so like what does community look like? What do you want community to look like? And I get a lot of, “well, I don't want this. I don't want to feel this. I don't want that.” You haven't actually told me what it is that you wanna build. You've told me what it is that you wanna avoid. And that is, it can be helpful, but you don't lay a foundation with negative space. We lay a foundation packed solid on what it is that we do want. ismatu gwendolyn (00:01.134) Hello, oh no, I don't have my notes near me. Now I've started this, I gotta get up. I want a little tea. You know what, just give me a second. Let me situate myself. [ismatu putters around the apartment]: Notes. Tea mug. [ismatu, muttering mostly to themself]: Beyoncé do be right about some things. It does feel good to be alive. I will not hold you. ismatu gwendolyn (00:55.121) Welcome a little bit of Pistachio Tea, in which I'm cheating on the love of my life and drinking white coconut. Mmm. Oh, that's delicious. Ohhhhhh, that's so good. Thank you, God. Alrighty. So. I am here because I am time blind, and sometimes I think I'm doing great and then I wake up and I realize I have not posted in a month. Again. Oops! There are so many moving parts to my life and I'm beginning to figure out a cadence that works well, and the cadence is Ismatu, you have to put down your perfectionism. It's past like, do what you say that you'll do. It's past, people want to hear from you anyways. It gets into more of you cannot always be curated all the time. You cannot always put out your magnum opus. You cannot always write THEE essay or pen THE script or whatnot. And I know that this doesn't need to be the goal because every now and again I get [distinct feline noises of tomfoolery] that's my cat lemon deciding that she also needs to make herself known. Every now and again I get a, “I appreciated this essay so much!” from an essay that metrically did not perform that well. I can base my entire, like, not quite my life. I wouldn't say that I'm that sold, but whether I think something is good or did good or what have you based on how many eyes were on it and how many people saw it and how many comments I got. And that can be... not even can be. It's quite a rollercoaster because every time I put something out, I'm like waiting, bated breath. Do people like it? Do people fuck with it? Do people think it's cool? Am I lame? Am I gross? I don't know. So every now and again,...

No stripping did not ruin my relationship with men but you should hear how many hours in a row I can work nonstop hahahahah <3 on treating myself as a body that breathes and moves slowly. Much love. Jazz of the Episode [incomplete list]: Hour of Parting x Sun Ra Send In The Clowns x Pat Martino Lena’s Song x The Sweet Enoughs Cicada Season x Fuubutsushi Why, Buzzardman, Why? X Alabaster Plume Spring Yaounde x Wynton Marsalis The Jordan River Song x Emahoy Tsege Mariam Gebru Turpentine x Alabaster Plume Tenkou Why Feel Sorry x Emahoy Tsege Mariam Gebru This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ismatu.substack.com/subscribe