Autistic at 40

In this episode I talk about the concept of the mother wound, and share some realisations about what is needed for healing. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

In this episode I share why I believe my most confusing and destructive experiences and behaviours as an undiagnosed autistic child and adult can be explained by internalised PDA (pathological demand avoidance / pervasive drive for autonomy). To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

This week I talk about how complicated it was seeking an assessment for autism as an adult, why I did it and why it took so long to find what I was looking for. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

In this episode I talk about the aspects of life which continue to overwhelm me, even though I am no longer burned out, as well as how I navigate them. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

In this episode I talk about my search for truth, learning to stay grounded in my purpose and how I've learned how to maintain my mental health in my search for divinity. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

In this episode I talk about a few different autistic experiences that were difficult to make sense of at the time, from taking things literally and without context, to feeling homesick all the time. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

In this episode, I describe some of the signs I have noticed that I am healing from my trauma, in case this is helpful for anyone else on a similar journey. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

An update on recent developments in my own autistic trauma recovery. Plus a call to autistic adults to come together for our collective trauma prevention and recovery. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

Sharing some thoughts about inter-generational autistic trauma and internalised ableism (and abuse) within families and systems. I make non-specific reference to behavioural interventions and human rights abuses in the mental health system. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

I share what I have observed as some of my early signs of burnout, from my new perspective of knowing what it's like not to be burned out. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

I share some of my main experiences of working life, before and after discovering I am autistic. This includes what having a 'spiky profile' means for me in practice. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

I talk about my challenges and experiences throughout my education from primary school to university. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

Content warning: reference to self harm and unhealthy eating behaviours. I talk about my own adolescence, the specific challenges I experienced, and my harmful and health coping mechanisms. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

I share the steps I took to 'remember' who I am, what I'm about, what I love and my purpose. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

In the last episode of season one, I talk about the importance of connection for autistic people, and my hopes and next steps for bringing us together. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

This week I share what I now understand about how trauma has presented during my life. I set out what I have figured out about what is and is not a direct result of being autistic (and not knowing it) and how this has impacted on me. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

This week I talk about what I have learned to cut out of my life, or to actively seek to work into my life, to build and sustain wellbeing. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

This week, I describe how I accessed an assessment, what the actual assessment involved and how I prepared. I describe the examples I gave for the sections of the assessment, and discuss why I believe self identification is completely valid. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).

This episode is about my experiences of living with shame, and the impact it has on my decisions, behaviour and relationships. I share what I know about healing from shame and the resources and ideas I have found most useful. To send any comments or questions, or to request to join the Autistihood forum on Discourse - email Toni at autisticat40@outlook.com or find me on Instagram (@Autistic_at_40_podcast).