The Heart of Grief

In this edition of our Questions of Faith program, Brian will be sharing part one of two of an interview he had recently with a professional colleague who has been living for years with chronic, debilitating illness. We’re going to talk about finding God in the midst of suffering.

Brian interviews a colleague and fellow Grief Recovery Method Specialist®, Trudie Slomp. Trudie is a retired nurse, and a grandmother who felt a desire to help fellow grievers find genuine healing. The Grief Recovery® Personal Program gave Trudie effective steps to experience personal recovery from loss. The Certification Training has provided her with the tools she was seeking in order to provide help for others. If you feel a desire to help people struggling to overcome the lingering pain of loss, this is an invitation to consider a program proven to achieve lasting recovery. The Grief Recovery Method Certification Training: Trudie Slomp, Grief Recovery Specialist:

Maybe you've heard something like "Don't feel bad, God is with you," and though you do believe God is with you, you still felt bad, or even worse somehow. If so, you're not alone, and this episode is for you. How should faith in a God who loves, contribute to my emotional healing? Brian believes that faith should not attempt to dismiss the pain of loss with beliefs about God, but discover practical help for healing by the hand of God. Websites: The Heart of Grief The Grief Recovery Institute Michael Rose: IamSignificant

Learning how to lose; how can we help our kids learn well? In Dec. 2020 Lorri and Brian recorded a program introducing the topic of children and grief. They shared 7 points on helping grieving children. You may wish to listen to that. In this episode, Brian revisits this topic with special emphasis on three ways we adults can model good grieving for the young people in our lives. Related Articles: 1. Children and grief: Hope and Healing after Suicide 2. Children and Grief: A Substance Related Death 3. Children and Grief: After Someone Had Died by Suicide 4. Helping Children Cope with Death - Various topics

What do children learn about loss? In this episode Brian explains how, for most of us, our early learning has not prepared us well for handling loss. The emphasis of our upbringing is on getting and keeping things. As a result, we are poorly equipped emotionally for the many losses that life throws our way. Consistent with our program style, Brian shares from his own life experience. You'll find suggestions on how we can learn to grieve in ways that are more healthy; ways that equip us for moving well through life's changes and endings and into better tomorrows. The Grief Recovery Institute Kids and Loss: make sure you're giving them the right information The Heart of Grief

After more than two years away, The Heart of Grief is back. As Lorri's new job does not allow her the time needed for the podcast, Brian will be running solo for the foreseeable future. In this first episode of Season 3, Brian will be addressing the challenges of grief in separation and divorce. We define grief as "The conflicting emotions caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior." With that definition, it's easy to understand how separation and divorce is a painful grief event stemming from many inter-connected endings and changes. Brian will share from his own experience and offer principles for better understanding, along with some practical steps for beginning the healing process. The Heart of Grief Martin Brother Funeral Chapels The Grief Recovery Institute The Lethbridge Family Centre

Sometimes circumstances surrounding a loss can leave us feeling guilty. At least that is the word that comes to mind to describe our feelings. Brian and Lorri talk about why guilt is often not an accurate term for describing our feelings and not a helpful concept for our grief journey. Lorri and Brian explain why this is, and offer alternate language for successful navigation through loss. Lorri illustrates this with a very personal and painful story. When we identify the correct language for our feelings, we have the basis for bringing resolution to the painful emotions of grief. -Website: theheartofgrief.com -paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. Ph 403-328-2361 -The Grief Recovery Institute

Someone you care about has experienced a difficult loss. You know you’re going to be seeing them at the funeral or work or church and you don’t have a clue what you’re going to say. We’ve all been faced with situations like this. It can be very stressful. In spite of our perhaps secret wishes to the contrary, we will eventually see them, and we want to act and speak in a way that will be helpful. Brian shares from his own personal struggles with this and suggests that there are ways to approach our bereaved friends in ways that are more likely to be appropriate and express our caring in ways that help. -Blog: Knowing what to say and what not to say -The Compassion Code - Laura Jack -Website: theheartofgrief.com -paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. Ph 403-328-2361 -The Grief Recovery Institute

When someone close to us dies, we grieve. We all understand that. However, we all encounter many other loss events that leave us feeling sad in ways that are like a death. It’s important to acknowledge these losses as bereavement events and to respond to them in accurate, helpful ways. Lorri and Brian discuss some of the more than 40 losses that can come our way and explain why addressing these appropriately is a great gift to ourselves and those we love. Allison James Blog: Over 40 life events that cause heartache. Stephen Moeller Blog: With video featuring Cole James and Russell Friedman. -Website: theheartofgrief.com -paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. Ph 403-328-2361 -The Grief Recovery Institute

This is the first episode of our Second Season for the Heart of Grief. Most people have heard something about grief as being experienced in a predictable series of stages. At least there is a theory that this is the case. Anyone who has been through an introductory psychology course either in High School or college will be familiar with the acronym DABDA. This comes from the research work of Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross into our human responses to death and dying. Over a period of time, the suggested stages of Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance came to be applied to the experience of grief as well. But is that a fair and accurate understanding? Is it a helpful idea for us when dealing with a difficult loss? In spite of the wide popularity of the idea, we believe the answer is "no, it is not." This episode is our explanation of why we and many others, hold that conviction, and why it holds such importance for grieving people. -Website: theheartofgrief.com -paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. Ph 403-328-2361 -The Grief Recovery Institute -Debunking-stages-grief -Stages of Grief, Time for a New Model

In this short, solo re-mix episode, Brian revisits the topic of unresolved grief. When all the normal reactions, activities, ceremonies, responsibilities, and adjustments have taken place following a loss, there is sometimes a deep pain that continues with us. It is important to distinguish between the usual sadness over a loss and this enduring pain. Brian explains how to recognize the difference, and directs listeners toward a helpful response. -How to identify unresolved grief -email: feedback@theheartofgrief.com -Website: theheartofgrief.com -paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. Ph 403-328-2361 -The Grief Recovery Institute

This program is a re-take of two of our previous episodes dealing with common, yet unhelfpful ideas. “Be Strong” is a message that calls grievers to somehow deny the normal human feelings of vulnerability, fear and inadequacy at times of difficult loss. Our call is to be more real. The suggestion "Just Give it time" is normally offered with genuine, good intentions, however, it too is quite unhelpful when experiencing grief. We will offer suggestions on how time may be used in ways that benefit the grieving process. An on-location interview with mechanic and tire expert, Ken Fast provides a light-hearted illustration of our message. -email: feedback@theheartofgrief.com -paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. -The Grief Recovery Institute: -The Boris Lawrence Henson Foundation: -FAST TIRE SERVICE, LETHBRIDGE

This is a remix of an earlier episode about how children deal with loss. We believe that the way we deal with loss as adults is significantly influenced by childhood experiences. This then becomes the pattern for helping the children in our lives. That makes this topic relevant for all of us, first in understanding our own grief responses, then in how we care for the children near to us. We share some pertinent insights from an article in Social Work Today. Then we offer 7 practical things that we can do to assist the hurting kids we care so deeply about. -email: feedback@theheartofgrief.com -Website: theheartofgrief.com -paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. Ph 403-328-2361 -The Grief Recovery Institute -How Children Grieve, by Kate Jackson, Social Work Today

This short episode is a re-mix of our previous program on the problem of isolation in grief. We review why grieving alone is such a common occurrance among grievers and recognize how the covid-19 pandemic restrictions have made this even more difficult an issue. As always, we offer suggestions on how to address this tendency and an invitation to some helpful choices. -email: feedback@theheartofgrief.com -paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. https://www.mbfunerals.com -The Grief Recovery Institute: https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/

This is a re-mixed, shortened edition of our first, full episode. The ongoing and morphing covid-19 restrictions continue to create change and uncertainties, leading to many losses in our lives. Normal, grief responses are to be expected. We examine how many of the typical ways we respond to loss and common messages we receive, are not helpful. We underscore the importance of acknowledging change both as a compounding factor in a bereavement, and a cause of additional grief experiences. “Grief is the wide ranging and often conflicting feelings that result from a change in or end of a familiar pattern of behavior.” -The Grief Recovery Institue -website: theheartofgrief.com -email: feedback@theheartofgrief.com -paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. https://www.mbfunerals.com -The Grief Recovery Institute: https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/

Our regular podcasting work has been on a bit of a hiatus for over a month. This has been due to a combination of extra busyness (both Lorri and Brian), a period of emotional and creative fatigue (mostly Brian), and a nasty bout of covid-19 infection, including huge post-infection fatigue (all Lorri). We love the work we do providing grief recovery programs that bring genuine help to hurting hearts. Our podcast is part of this, and we have a lot more vital content to share with our world. We published 13 episodes between July and Dec. 2020 as well as 4 bonus, Questions of Faith programs. Beginning Feb. 11th we will be revisiting and re-publishing 5 of our 13 previous episodes. These are either our most listened to shows or ones that we feel are deserving of an extra airing. We are excited to launch into our new material beginning April 2021. Grief is made more difficult when other life stresses are added on. The various challenges created by the covid-19 pandemic have added extra emotional weight to our lives. If you are a caregiver, the load increases as does the potential for significant fatigue. Brian and Lorri share their own “empty tank” stories and encourage listeners to take steps of self-care. -email: feedback@theheartofgrief.com -paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. Ph 403-328-2361 -The Grief Recovery Institute -Caregiving in the era of covid-19: The Mental Health Commission of Canada

How we view God will affect how our faith affects our experiences of loss. Our last Questions of Faith show was part 2 of an interview that Brian had with Michael Rose. For Mike’s “Something to think about” offering, he invited us to consider a new view of God. In particular, how we view the fundamental nature of God in his approach to mankind. Do we see God as harsh or distant; or some cosmic magician or wish granter? Or, do we see a God near to us, who knows us thoroughly and loves us completely. Brian picks up that invitation for this New Year’s episode and offers some simple faith actions for moving toward a new view and perhaps a new experience of “The God who loves.” -Website: www.theheartofgrief.com -email: feedback@theheartofgrief.com -paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. Ph 403-328-2361 -The Grief Recovery Institute -Michael Rose: I am Significant.ca

With the major winter holiday season upon us, we want to address the challenges of carrying grief at a time when the world’s prevailing sentiments are normally joy and celebration. This is difficult for grievers any year. This year the extra difficulties introduced by the covid-19 pandemic simply add to the losses and multiply the sadness. We recognize this very unusual context the world is in and offer suggestions for finding hope. We are joined by Elizabeth Martin-Jong from Martin Brothers Funeral Chapels in Lethbridge. Elizabeth brings the perspective of a funeral service professional wanting to offer help and hope when all the usual avenues have been prohibited or severely altered. We wish our listeners a very peaceful and blessed holiday season and a bright and better 2021. -email: feedback@theheartofgrief.com -Website: theheartofgrief.com -paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. Ph 403-328-2361 -The Grief Recovery Institute -The Nikka Yukko Japanese Gardens Winter Light Festival -The Lethbridge Evangelical Free Church Drive in Live Nativity

In this short, solo episode, Brian explains unresolved grief. When all the normal reactions, activities, ceremonies, responsibilities, and adjustments have taken place following a loss, there is sometimes a deep pain that continues with us. It is important to distinguish between the usual sadness over a loss and this enduring pain. Brian explains how to recognize the difference and directs listeners toward a helpful response. -How to identify unresolved grief -email: feedback@theheartofgrief.com -Website: theheartofgrief.com -paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. Ph 403-328-2361 -The Grief Recovery Institute

This episode is about how children deal with loss. We begin by asserting that children, even the youngest, do experience grief. We share some pertinent insights from an article in Social Work Today. Then we offer 7 practical things that we can do to assist the hurting kids we care so deeply about. As usual, we share from our own stories of loss, and finish with our “something to think about” and “something to do” invitations. -email: feedback@theheartofgrief.com -Website: theheartofgrief.com -paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. Ph 403-328-2361 -The Grief Recovery Institute -How Children Grieve ... by Kate Jackson, Social Work Today