Ordinary People. Ordinary Things. with Melissa Radke

There is going to be a very good chance that you think you know what I'm going to say on this podcast, but you don't. I can promise you that, because up until about 12 hours ago, I didn't even know what I was going to be saying on this podcast. I actually had an interview scheduled this week, but aren't we living in a time when we never know what's coming? This podcast wasn't in the cards for me either, so please keep listening until the end. David Radke will be joining me on today's show. In order to earn a living, I create content. I write books. I travel and I speak. I write online courses and make funny videos. I advertise for companies that I love and trust. I do television sometimes. All of this has been upended in the last two weeks. Just like your life has been upended. All of the dates on my calendar for travel and speaking for the next several months are gone. Every one of them. Like most of you, I have a side hustle. David and I have been working on the relaunch of Ink since November, but David suggested that we go with the relaunch of a course that would be more timely right now. He suggested we work on the relaunch of This Sucks...But God Is Good. Show Notes: [04:38] Melissa agrees with David that now is the time for this course.[05:03] Melissa wants to come out of this with clarity and answers. She wants to be better and not worse. Lean in and not lean out.[06:22] We need to take advantage of this time and be wise with the time that we have been given. [07:00] We are going to relaunchThis Sucks... But God Is Good. It's an online course that you take at your pace. It's a weekly email with videos. You get one lesson each Monday for six weeks. [08:32] You also get questions to help you clarify the concepts in your mind. Each lesson has four to five bite sized video lessons that totals around 45 minutes to an hour. The downloads are also available as audio for listening anytime.[09:00] There are also summaries, outlines, and transcripts for those who like to read. And a like-minded Facebook community to interact with. Melissa will also be there and will have some live chats with you all. She will also take and post questions.[09:31] She's there for you, answering your questions and challenging you as we go along. [09:55] Thousands of people have gone through this course already. If you have, go back through it and jump back into the group. The season you are in now is totally different than the season you were in.[11:01] Melissa created this course based on the journey that her and David went through suffering from infertility, miscarriages, and the birth and death of their son. [11:38] It's been for every woman and man who has been angry at God, because somewhere your train went off the tracks.[12:42] There is freedom in your life that is available to you through this course.[13:24] This course is regularly $67. We know you have so much going on that we can't offer it to you for that price. Because of the times we are in and what's going on we are going to offer this course to everyone for $1.[14:34] When you pay your dollar, you are free to pay whatever amount you want. You pay what you want to pay and what feels right for you. [17:21] If you've never taken a course like this, this is something that you have never experienced. [18:04] Melissa wants to share what she's been taught by a God that she finds so loving and so accepting.[18:32] This isn't your Grandma's bible study. We meet you where you are.[19:06] We love you so much. Thanks for joining us on Ordinary People Ordinary Things. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes and leave a nice review. Just like your mother taught you. Links and Resources: Podcast Web PageFacebook Page Rise & Radke@MsMelissaRadke on Instagram@msmelissaradke on TwitterSign Up for Insider AccessStream(H)erThis Sucks...But God Is Good

I'm excited about today, because my guest is ordinary. She is ordinary, the topic is ordinary, and you all know how I feel about ordinary. We talk about a mundane event that lots of people go through, but she is handling it in extraordinary ways. I haven't done a podcast on this subject, yet it's so prevalent. I'm talking about divorce. Last fall, I met Kelly Mathews, and I thought she was so kind and so beautiful, but her story was painful. It was the story of a loss of a relationship and the loss of a marriage. When I met her, I was wondering how she was still standing and still smiling. I was thinking, this is what grace looks like. Kelly embodies grace and teaches us how to do that. She describes herself as a single white female (without being scary), CPA (but better dressed than you are probably imagining!), who started a boutique accounting firm in the second bedroom of her house 16 years ago. She is a proud mother of a thoughtful teenage daughter (although it sounds like an oxymoron - thoughtful teenager - she’s blessed to actually have one). Her superpower is that strangers are very comfortable talking to her, and they typically tell her whatever is on their mind...even if it’s a secret. Show Notes: [04:33] Kelly's people are her family and friends. She has a fabulous relationship with her daughter. Kelly is also super close to her parents who live 30 minutes away from her. She plays Bunco with her friends. [06:13] Kelly has been blessed to have groups of people who have supported her throughout her life.[07:39] Kelly and her husband dropped their daughter off at camp and then went on a date to a movie. When they got home her husband of 18 years asked for a separation. The next evening he asked for a divorce and moved out two days later. [09:26] Kelly picked her daughter up from camp on her own. That was three years ago.[14:04] The first thing Kelly did to survive was get up everyday and face the day. You create the new normal based on what you know. She also knew she needed a support team for her and her daughter. [18:14] It's important to tell your support group what your needs are. [19:02] The divorce almost broke her. She wanted to dull what she was feeling. She decided to live through the experience and deal with her hurt. It's hard to choose the most difficult path. [22:18] She had to work through her anger and work through that stage of recovery. [26:07] A powerful statement is, "you were wronged." You feel what you feel and that's what you feel. Kelly realized her emotions were so out of character. She has swinging emotions. Feeling her feelings was so freeing. [28:37] A Bunco friend told her that she had turned a corner. Her anger had ebbed. Her friend recognized it without prompting.[31:41] Things not to say include, "you will be so lonely" and "are you dating."[38:03] Kelly is happy with where her life is and the choices that she has made after the divorce. She is healthy and rested now. She was running on life's treadmill. She had time to think about things and decided to use that time for good. [41:16] She's being true to who she is and who she wants to be. [44:23] She also created a decision tree about how she was going to deal with questions from her ex-husband. [48:44] Be interesting because of who you are. Kelly writes down new things that she wants to try. She has done extensive heart work. [51:16] Kelly shares her favorite hometown restaurant, friendship, and maybe some Julia Roberts. Thanks for joining us on Ordinary People Ordinary Things. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes and leave a nice review. Just like your mother taught you. Links and Resources: Podcast Web PageFacebook Page Rise & Radke@MsMelissaRadke on Instagram@msmelissaradke on TwitterSign Up for Insider AccessStream(H)erKelly Mathews on Instagram

Over the next two weeks, we will be talking to women who were suddenly faced with a decision. Maybe the decision came after years of being at a dead-end job, and they simply had had enough. Maybe, it came after a divorce. We will be talking to these women who found themselves having to make a choice about what will be next. What will they do? Will they live? Will they die? Will they get stuck? Will they continue waking up every day putting one foot in front of the other? There are some really powerful and relatable stories coming your way over the next couple of weeks. Our Guest today had no idea what she was in for. Denise Walsh was a clinical psychologist at a local community health clinic for five years. Denise loves people and likes helping people. She soon realized that in that environment, it was more about the paperwork and the policies then it was about the people. Denise left there and now serves people in a way that she has always dreamed about. She encourages people to take action on their God-sized dreams. For me, this podcast turned into a therapy session. Denise is a business coach and has a heart for kicking your butt and helping you grow. She teaches the skills to design your dream life and knows we can truly thrive in all areas of our lives. Show Notes: [03:35] Denise got her Masters in Clinical Psychology from Wheaton College. Throughout high school, she was a counselor at a youth group mission camp. [04:16] She then worked with foster kids in New York City. She fell in love with those kids. They were in and out of homes and certainly had traumatic experiences and didn't realize their own potential.[05:04] She then got a job working in community health, and it turned out to be a burnout experience. She was overworked and underpaid. She worked with a population that didn't really want help. Her passion for her career and life was starting to fade.[06:16] She knew she needed to find something different and became a distributor for a health and wellness company. Over the past 13 years, she has built a worldwide team and impacted people in a way that she never could at her previous job.[08:08] She helps people figure out what they want and create an action plan to get it. We can't make a pivot if we're not clear about what we want.[09:54] You can thrive in your family and in your business. You don't have to choose.[10:19] Sometimes we get intimidated by God-sized goals and self-sabotage ourselves.[12:37] It's that one step in front of the other that leads to the next step. When we take steps the next one comes.[14:37] When you tap into your passion and excitement, it's natural for you. You'll find the energy and the courage to take the next step.[15:56] Get clear on what you want in the seven areas of life which are family, friendship, finances, health, hobbies, business, and giving back. Write where you are now and then imagine what it would be like if it were a 10.[17:13] Once you know your priorities, you can actually go out and do them. Put it on your calendar.[19:33] Find the goal you want to make happen and rearrange your schedule to do so. Know what you're going to do every day.[21:21] Be intentional with your time and ask for help. It's okay to say no to things.[24:45] Setting your internal GPS is deciding what goal is next for you and speaking life into it. Talk about it in a way that it is happening.[26:01] Melissa wants to find the time to work on her next book. Denise helps her work through setting her internal GPS. [28:18] Watch out for limiting beliefs and self-sabotage.[30:53] Melissa wants to live in a way where she has things to offer the world. She doesn't want to just drift. She wants to have a plan.[31:45] Denise shares a couple of inspirational stories of people that she has coached. [35:34] Be intentional with the gifts that God has given you and say yes to that spark everyday.[36:52] Denise also has a workbook that will help you really dig deep.[39:30] Your kids can learn from you that...

Dr. Justin Coulson is an honorary fellow at the Center for Positive Psychology at the University of Melbourne. He has three best-selling books about family life and parenting. He writes, consults, and teaches about the intersection of psychology, family, and well-being. He's a TEDx speaker and a regular TV expert guest. He's a contributor to major Australian media outlets. He's also contributed to the New York Times. He had a successful radio career and then returned to school in his late 20's where he earned his psychology degree and his PhD in psychology. Since then he has written multiple peer-reviewed journal articles and scholarly book chapters. He is also a highly sought-after international speaker delivering keynote speeches and workshops to boost well-being and improve relationships for parents, teachers, students and employees and students. I discovered Dr. Coulson through a friend's social media. When I saw his post, I just thought that he was doing good. He's not yelling fire in a crowded theater, he's getting to the heart of our teens. He's specifically getting to the heart of our daughters, because he's the father of six daughters. Dr. Coulson has written a book called Miss-connection: Why Your Teenage Daughter 'Hates' You, Expects the World and Needs to Talk. You are going to love this interview and how he gets emotional talking about our girls. Show Notes: [07:55] During conferences Dr. Coulson is consistently getting messages about how the world is destroying our teenagers. His experience is that they aren't dealing with these mass challenges.[09:14] The problems facing our teens are actually more mundane problems. [09:50] Parents and teens are just wanting to connect and get along.[10:29] Miss-Connection is ultimately about the deep desire our children have to be close to us and we have to be close to them.[11:59] Dr. Coulson interviewed and surveyed around 400 teenage girls. Their voices are front and center in the book.[13:17] Why we parent matters more than how we parent.[15:29] If my why is around developing this child into the best human that they can be that means that when they're being challenging I'm going to be more compassionate.[18:36] We need to see our children's behavior as opportunities to connect. When a child is being challenged, they are going to be challenging. We need to find the best in them.[20:44] You can show your child that if you can name it, you can tame it. [21:41] Keep giving our children these moments because they do want the connection. Give them some time and space and keep trying. [22:52] We need to be our kids' ally and have stretched out arms and compassion. [27:08] Friendship challenges are difficult for our daughters. There is a constant realignment for girls in their peer groups.[28:32] Girls are much more likely to ruminate about relationships.[29:52] Research tells us that our daughters need to go through an identity finding process during adolescence. Kids need an opportunity to do the deep inner work that comes from quiet contemplation. There are too many distractions.[31:46] The whole family should come together and talk about values.[36:02] When we invest the time, kids feel the love. Thanks for joining us on Ordinary People Ordinary Things. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes and leave a nice review. Just like your mother taught you. Links and Resources: Podcast Web PageFacebook Page Rise & Radke@MsMelissaRadke on Instagram@msmelissaradke on TwitterSign Up for Insider AccessStream(H)erHappy FamiliesHappy Families on FacebookDr. Justin Coulson on Instagram Miss-connection: Why Your Teenage Daughter 'Hates' You, Expects the World and Needs to Talk Other Books by Justin Coulson Miss-Connection on Happy Families Raising rebels | Dr. Justin Coulson | TEDxMelbourne Bringing Up Girls: Practical Advice and Encouragement for Those Shaping the Next Generation of Women

She's back. I hope you all are happy. It does something to my psyche and my confidence level when I hear "could you have her on more often" or " tell Katherine to get her own podcast" after having Katherine Diggs on the show. Now that's hurtful, America. But I get why you want her on here. Katherine was a guest on season 1, season 2, and now she's here for season 3. If you enjoy the show today, go back and listen to Katherine on season 1 and season 2 . Those are really great episodes. Katherine is a nurse practitioner who worked for many years at a very good OBGYN practice here in town. She left this practice to go work at the health clinic. A month later, she said it was one of the most fulfilling things ever. She's working with people and especially teenagers on the issues that are the most near and dear to her heart. Her work is about sex and our bodies. She hears stories in the clinic that are horrifying and heartbreaking. She is kind, knowledgeable, and sensitive. She speaks in a way that we get. The thing I like about her the most is that she really loves our kids. She just loves young people. She wants them to live safe, long, and healthy lives. She wants them to make smart decisions and feel valued. She wants them to know their worth in ways where they don't have to demonstrate it with their body. I have Katherine on every season because I trust Katherine. She's someone who you can believe in. This episode isn't for little ears, but it will be helpful for teens. Show Notes: [03:39] On social media, Katherine is referred to as Nurse Katherine.[04:13] We have listener questions for Katherine to answer.[04:31] It's fine to use proper anatomical names for body parts. If you have special family terms it's fine to use those too, but it's good for kids to know the proper names of their body parts. [07:51] Start the precedent early on to talk about all things.[08:10] A question about establishing a more open relationship with kids and teens when it comes to talking about sex. [08:50] Communication is everything. Rules without relationship equals rebellion. [09:12] Open communication has got to start at ground zero. [10:11] It's good to establish communication early and be comfortable and natural when it comes to talking about sex.[11:34] There seems to be pressure on boys when it comes to sexual practices. [11:59] People are wearing condoms less these days. [12:23] It's when we shame kids or make them think we are disappointed that they shut down. We should keep trying to talk to them in a positive way. [13:10] Each child has a different key that opens up communication. [13:42] An eighth grade teacher calls in about wanting sex education taught in their school.[14:04] This is an issue in schools and parents are divided on it. [14:47] Don't bury your head in the sand. Talk about everything. [15:16] Katherine goes into schools and talks to kids. She's a nurse practitioner and a parent. She now works in public health.[16:09] Sex education has become so political that many states don't have programs. Many existing programs are dated and not realistic. The abstinence based education isn't always helpful for kids who need practical information about what they are already doing. [20:48] When Katherine talks at high schools, there's always a group who stays behind and has questions. She said young women come up to her and say they think they might be pregnant, and they're scared, and they can't talk to their mothers.[23:18] Is abstinence a pipe dream? No dream for your child is a pipe dream. You also have to be with your kid and talk through whatever is going on.[24:11] You can't talk too much to your child. Find out what the issues are and talk to them. Reinforce safety when you need to.[26:07] People are wearing less condoms these days. We still need to talk about safe sex. There is a stigma around getting condoms. [29:09] Is a child's new preoccupation with sex normal? If there was abuse, it needs to be addressed immediately....

This is the first time I've rereleased an episode. I'm interupting our season on teens, social media and sex to rerelease an episode that came out around Christmas time with my friend Billie Jean Johnson. This was a powerful episode. I heard from so many of you that this episode moved you, challenged you, and made you think that you might want something more or different from your life. Billie Jean was facing one of the hardest challenges of her life, and she lost. At least, here on Earth. On Thursday February 13th, Billie Jean took her last breath. Now she is probably healthier and happier than I've ever seen her. Which is saying something, because I'm pretty sure Billie Jean was happy 99% of the time. If you're looking at Earthly standards then I guess Billie Jean lost. If you're looking at what cancer wins and what people lose, then she lost. If you're anything like me, her husband, or her kids you know she didn't lose. She won everything she was fighting for. To remember Billie Jean Johnson, I'm rereleasing this episode. I'm going to miss Billie Jean. I'm going to take with me lessons that she taught me when we sat face to face towards the end of her life. If you haven't listened to this episode, here's your chance. Think about this family this week. We’ll have a service for her this coming Saturday the 22nd. No doubt, it will be packed. She touched so many people. Her work here is done and ours is just beginning. This is for Billie Jean. Show Notes: [07:50] Billy Jean’s go-to meal in Lufkin would be a turkey burger from Mom's Diner.[07:57] Friendship means family and being there through the good and the ugly. [08:23] Every one Billie Jean knows has risen to this season. [09:16] Billie Jean has many roles and the actress who would play her might surprise you.[09:47] Billie Jean has always been an optimistic person. She believes that God is good and only gives good gifts. [10:22] Her perspective on life is taking care of what God has put her here to do and nothing else matters.[11:43] Her family is her greatest testimony, so she's letting them see how she can live and die graciously.[14:15] Billie Jean had a great health report from the doctor. Two weeks later they went back to the doctor, and found out that the tumors had grown. There were so many tumors that Billie Jean wouldn't make it through the surgery to remove them.[15:20] When Billie Jean and her husband heard this news, they were shocked. [16:25] Billie Jean doesn't worry about the fear of dying, it's what she leaves behind that has to wrestle with the pain. [17:20] Years ago, Billie Jean dealt with losing her dad from addiction and her sister's addiction. She then took care of her sister's children. The whole experience was an emotional roller coaster for Billie Jean. [18:31] She cried out to God, and he took the pain away from her.[21:31] She can't complain about cancer or ask God for anymore, because of all the wonderful things he has done for her in this life.[22:29] Billie Jean trusts that God's going to help take care of her family. She believes that whatever the reason for all of this is that God's fulfilling his purpose.[23:19] Moms want to prepare their children as much as they can, but they don't really know how. We don't know what we're doing, but what we do know is that we're going to be gracious to each other.[25:48] Billie Jean's relationship with God is very sweet. [25:43] When she is really having a hard day, she listens to worship music and let's her family know she loves them. [27:39] God's love is so rich. If your emotions aren't benefiting, you try something else. Don't stop talking to him, and he won't leave you stranded.[29:28] Billie Jean used to think that she was introverted and didn't have friends, but the love and support of her community has been overwhelming.[29:58] Treat everybody well, because you never know when you'll need to be treated well.[31:58] For Billy Jean, material things mean absolutely nothing. Her perspective is...

There's a running list of things I don't understand and one of them is the internet. The internet is constantly changing. It goes deep and wide. Another thing I don't understand is teenagers. We may just use the internet for the things that we normally do like podcasts, shopping Facebook, and the rest. But teenagers, what do they do on the internet? Do they feel the same as we do and just use the internet for Amazon Prime orders, social posts, and reading safe blogs? I may not understand teens and I may not understand the vastness of the internet, but I've come to my senses when it comes to teens and the World Wide Web. We can't bury our heads in the sand. That is why Christina Jontra is the perfect guest for today’s show and today’s times. Christina has a background in teaching and technology. When working in a school, she noticed an alarming trend with kids internet use and being preyed on by predators. YouTube, social media, and games with chat are all tools that predators can use to patiently groom our children for a disastrous meeting. The internet is also permanent. Most of us don’t have to worry about the dumb things we did as teens or preteens following us around, but our kids do. There are also dangers of accidentally stumbling on porn or graphic violence. There are also issues with kids being bullied or feeling left out of things that can impact their self esteem. This is why Christina started Neptune Navigate. She educates parents, kids, and teens on how to navigate in this digital age. We talk about when a kid should get a mobile device, how to monitor kids usage, ways to educate you and your teen, and how to find out more by asking Christina questions. Show Notes: [05:33] Christina was the director of digital learning at Grace Community School in Tyler, TX. [06:48] Her school had an iPad program where each student got an iPad. Christina felt such responsibility turning the kids loose on the internet. A young girl was being harassed by a boy through the messaging app Kik. [08:14] Kik only keeps 50 interactions. The boy in question wasn't doing it. Someone had stolen his likeness. [09:56] Christina wanted the email account attached to that boy's account. Kik a Canadian company wouldn't share it.[10:32] Christina's husband overhears some kids talking about pretending to be older than they are on Kik. [11:00] They informed the kids' parents.[13:09] Christina discovers how patient sexual predators can be. A predator played games online with a young girl for years before coming to her town and raping her. The young woman spent her senior year of high school testifying in three trials. [13:38] Christina began reading and researching this. She spent hours researching and started talking to parents about things they could do at home to help keep their kids safe.[14:55] The young woman who was raped decided to also talk to the parents.[15:44] Mobile devices can give predators easy access to our kids.[16:50] After eight years, Christina quit her job and decided to help educate parents and children how to better navigate this digital world. [17:27] They launched a year ago as a research library. Now they are going to put everything out for free. They also have a school program. [19:30] There is no magic bullet or wall high enough to keep the bad stuff off.[21:11] Sit down with your kids and look at the phone together. Look at the camera roll. Kids take pictures of things they like.[21:50] See who your kids follow on social media and who follows them. Ask who people are and check your kids privacy settings.[22:17] When kids first get on social media make their account private.[24:59] Put restrictions on what your kids can install and monitor their texts.[26:42] YouTube exposes kids to lots of danger. [28:00] Pedophiles hang out on YouTube and find videos of kids doing things like gymnastics. [30:24] Have kids work online in the front room not only in their bedrooms.[31:50] Trafficked kids are targeted through online...

About 10 years ago, I wasn't doing any of the things I'm doing now. I wasn't writing books. I wasn't hosting podcasts. I was sitting at home and watching other women go first. A lot of us find someone who is doing what we want to do and we follow them and root for them and listen closely when they speak. I was at home watching Rebekah Lyons. I've loved her from the moment I heard her speak. This might surprise some of you, after hearing this interview, because we couldn't be more different. She is all love, light, kindness and gracefulness. I've watched her long enough to know that what she speaks she walks. That's all you can ask for. Put people in front of me who are paving the way with truth, candor, and authenticity. She is all of these things. As we wrap up the series on rest, sabbath, pause, uncluttering, slowing down and being intentional we couldn't have found a better guest to end it with. Rebekah Lyons is a national speaker and bestselling author of Rhythms of Renewal: Trading Stress and Anxiety for a Life of Peace and Purpose, You Are Free: Be Who You Already Are and Freefall to Fly: A Breathtaking Journey Toward a Life of Meaning. An old soul with a contemporary, honest voice, Rebekah reveals her own battles to overcome anxiety and depression—and invites others to discover and boldly pursue their God-given purpose from a place of freedom. Finding joy in raising a special needs child—Rebekah wears her heart on her sleeve, a benefit to friends and readers alike. Show Notes: [03:05] Rebekah was one of the first people that Melissa followed on Instagram.[04:16] Rebekah and her husband run a non-profit. [06:37] The first time Rebekah spoke publicly, she was vulnerable about her journey.[08:50] Freefall to Fly was a chronicle of Rebekah's crash and burn. Her family moved from Atlanta to New York City. She tells a lot of stories about this season and how she wanted to run back to the South. [12:11] God put her in a place that she wasn't excited about, but those were the transformative times in her life. [13:02] Rebekah started experiencing claustrophobia. She would take stairs to avoid elevators and stopped riding the subway.[13:31] She was outgoing and energetic but became a shell of who she was because she couldn't go anywhere.[14:12] There are different panic attack triggers for different people.[15:50] Rebekah had a relapse, but then had to ask if she was a fraud in her next book. Her patterns of chronic stress had to be reformed.[17:50] There's renewal happening everyday.[18:52] Don't do the same thing over and over and expect it to be different.[20:09] We have to do the work. We can't fix patterns of behavior and thinking in one day. [23:29] Don't settle for a story someone tries to impose on you. Ask God to remind you of the story that he has already set in motion and that's part of the healing journey.[25:11] We're going to talk about the four rhythms or disciplines that Rebekah feels are essential to feeling less anxiety and stress.[25:55] They are rest, restore, connect, and create. Rest and restore are the input rhythms that fill you up. Connect and create are the output rhythms.[26:09] 77% of society have physical symptoms of stress. As a result, we need to rest.[27:37] Life starts in rhythm. Each rhythm is a different part of our health. [29:50] Her book has a lot of practical ways on how to slow down.[30:50] We don't have to share everything. Whose validation are we seeking?[31:31] Our worth isn't attached to what we share with other people. We are worthy of rest and indulgence. [34:04] Until you get quiet you can't know what your heart needs to confess. [36:26] Rebekah spent two days pulling weeds. She wanted to recover the passion of her vocation. She pulled weeds like distractions. [39:06] Sometimes we say yes to things when we shouldn't because they crowd out what we should be doing. [40:07] Rebekah and her family took a big risk with their adopted daughter. They moved to Nashville. They then...

Melissa and David are here today to answer listener questions. Melissa loves it when people ask questions. We appreciate you trusting us with all of the things we'll be talking about today and on future episodes. The last couple of weeks have been dedicated to something that Melissa just can't wrap her mind around. We've been talking about being still, organizing, and decluttering our homes and our hearts, space, and putting your phone away. If someone would have told me that in the year 1994 when David and I got married that someday David would be checking his phone while we were having conversations, and I would be checking my watch for incoming messages, I would have laughed them out of house and home. Here we are learning how to create space and balance in a way that we didn't have to learn back then. We are navigating a whole new world. Before we dive into the listener questions, we just want to say thank you for trusting us with your questions, even though we don't have all of the answers. We do love each other very much, and we are in this marriage for the long haul. We work really hard on our marriage, so we are going to try and do the best we can with your questions. David also wanted to share that just asking the question or talking about it or hearing someone else talk it can help you feel less alone. Show Notes: [06:34] Someone from Vista, California said she loves the show. Her and her husband will be married 35 years. The only way she could keep balance when the kids were young was to go away on weekends every three to four months.[09:00] Question from Sarah: How to get a guilt free girls night? Her husband only does stuff with her. He doesn't have any friends and doesn't go out.[10:27] Sarah has guilt going out, because her husband just wants to be with her.[11:48] David suggests Sarah's husband be supportive. One of the ways Melissa recharges is by spending time by herself or by spending time with other people.[12:20] When Melissa and David got married, David was jealous of her time. This has changed, because David discovered that Melissa becomes better after having time off with her friends or family. [14:29] It's a good idea to have moments of conversation about how important it is and be nice and treat other people well. Say thank you, and it wouldn't hurt to help him find a hobby. [15:19] Selena is the adoptive mother of a special-needs child. He is now an adult, and Selena is struggling with drawing lines in the sand and kind of pushing him out of the nest. At what point does she say you're ready and it's time to go?[17:04] We are at a double deficit when it comes to answering this question. We don't have a special needs child, and we haven't come to the season where we release our children out into the world.[18:00] Every situation with every child is going to be different. Seeking counseling with people who have expertise and can give true insight on your specific situation would be a good idea.[18:33] It seems to Melissa that you have dealt with this for so many years that you and your husband are a little off-balance on how to be alone and how to make time for one another.[21:45] Ellen asks how to schedule sex in your life when you and your partner have opposite schedules?[22:12] Men can be more flexible, try to find a time that works for Ellen. There's something romantic and life giving when the other partner is intentional. [25:29] It can't be pushed away for too long without having some effect.[27:29] Donna asks how to come to an agreement when it's time to talk about a problem? This gives her anxiety. If we don't communicate to begin with, how could we communicate about a problem?[28:25] Not communicating at all is a red flag. We are firm believers in marriage counseling. When there are problems, husbands don't want to go. Invest in a counselor now, before you are engulfed in flames. Dig your well before you need the water. [29:52] Look into the Enneagram. It's an internal GPS for who you both...

A few months ago I got a book in the mail titled Uncluttered. Imagine that frozen moment in time, when I was holding this book while standing in my kitchen surrounded by, you guessed it, clutter! In spite of the stuff that creates clutter, today's podcast isn't about removing physical clutter. It's about removing noise, stress, and over commitments. This show is for anyone who wakes up from a nap and says, "I wish I could do that again." It's for people who buy books and find them later dusty and unread. It's for those who meet God on vacation or in quiet moments and wish they had more times like that. Courtney Ellis is a writer, speaker, and mom of three. She serves alongside her husband as a Presbyterian pastor in Southern California. She is the author of Uncluttered and Almost Holy Mama. Courtney is also an advocate for minimal-ish living, a crossword puzzle nerd, and a candy connoisseur. This episode will hit home for a lot of you, because it’s about discovering that there is room and space in our lives for the things that matter. We just have to sometimes make that room. Courtney shares her journey with getting rid of physical, digital, and time clutter and learning to let go and rest. She shares how to make it a personal experience depending on the seasons and preferences of your family. It’s all about living with less to create more. This is a fun, practical, and sweet interview. I know you’re going to love Courtney as much as I do. Show Notes: [03:20] Courtney grew up in the Midwest. She's from Wisconsin. She now lives in Southern California with her family where she has a fear of earthquakes.[04:38] Her oldest son is seven. Her middle son is 3 and 1/2. She also has a nine month old baby girl.[04:59] Courtney and her husband are co-pastors in a Presbyterian Church. They take turns being home with the kids.[06:08] It's easy to burn out if you aren't caring for your marriage and caring for your soul. Simplicity, Sabbath practice, and resting are even more important for those of us who serve in ministry.[06:53] Courtney has written two books, and they both came out the same year. [07:43] Writing is what fills Courtney's cup back up. [08:09] The lessons of Courtney's books are universal, because they aren't how to books, they are me to books. They are invitations to practice spiritual practices and live with less, so God can give you more.[09:29] Uncluttered is about going from overwhelmed to rest. Her schedule, closets, and digital media were too full. Something had to change, because she couldn't go on that way any longer.[10:04] The book is all about less. It's about how she pared down her digital life and cleaned out her closets. The second half of the book was the biggest surprise to her, because she started writing about less and God started teaching her about more.[10:36] God wanted to give her amazing things, but her schedule had no room. It's the story of more to less to more.[15:24] Courtney and her family began the journey by stopping. They stopped buying non-essentials, and they stopped putting things on their calendar.[16:10] They also have a sacred family Sabbath. They rest, play, and nap. They have to say no to a lot to make it happen, but it reset every other area in their lives.[19:26] Possessions aren't neutral. Everything we have takes time to store, care for, and manage. Each possession was stealing time from Courtney. She wanted that valuable time back.[22:28] Uncluttering the soul and the spirit has changed everything for Courtney and her family. She also pared-down social media. We can make the choices whether we want to give our time away or not.[25:49] What would you do if the end result was hearing God better?[28:46] For Courtney, it was a journey of God being willing to meet her where she is in her life now.[29:26] Courtney would meditate on scripture in the shower or pray while she was folding laundry.[30:06] We don't have to wait, God will meet us where we are.[33:00] We wrap up with...

I was sent a copy of The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by author John Mark Comer. This book and topic were so wonderful and so needed in my life, that I found myself a bit nervous to interview John on this show. He turned out to be as smart, kind, well-spoken, and humble as his book. He's done his research, and he's lived what he writes about. You'll enjoy every moment of this wonderful interview. John lives, works, and writes in the urban core of Portland, Oregon, with his wife, Tammy, and their three children, Jude, Moses, and Sunday. He is the pastor for teaching and vision at Bridgetown Church. A church built around the very simple idea of practicing the way of Jesus, together, in Portland. As for education, John Mark holds a master’s degree in biblical and theological studies from Western Seminary, and is currently at work on a doctorate in spiritual formation through Fuller Seminary and the Dallas Willard Center. I love everything about John’s book, and I think you will too. Show Notes: [06:52] John dedicated this book to Dallas Willard. I first heard of Dallas Willard in John Ortberg's book Soul Keeping.[07:23] John reads Soul Keeping every summer.[08:05] John Ortberg was mentored by Dallas Willard. [09:02] As Dallas Willard was dying he narrated the event. His last words were thank you.[11:08] John had three or four aha moments before writing this book.[11:47] John had emotional, relational, and spiritual symptoms. He was burnt out. He wasn't enjoying his work.[12:52] When he came across the concept of hurry that Willard called the great enemy of spiritual life in our day. He realized this was the naming of one of the key issues under all of his symptoms. This was all her moment number one.[13:17] Aha moment number two was when he realized that people are just too busy to live emotionally healthy and spiritually rich lives.[15:02] His third aha moment was when he put his thoughts together on hurry and it resonated and connected with the community.[16:32] He decided to put all these thoughts together and write a book.[19:32] By the time you're in your twenties or thirties, you can take a guess at who you're becoming. This feeling eventually goes away and is replaced with this is who I became.[22:37] The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry was from a quote by Dallas Willard, who was a philosopher at the University of Southern California. He is best known as a writer and a teacher of the way of Jesus.[24:05] John Ortberg was mentored by Willard who told him he must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from life. Hurry is the great spiritual enemy of life today.[24:37] His entire book was built around this story.[25:37] A physician in the 50s was the first to connect the dots between stress and heart disease.[27:48] The 1950's were the beginning of hurry disease.[28:42] 2007 and 2010 was the release of the smartphone. It's easy to think that this pace of life is normal. [30:32] The badge of honor that we wear for our business makes us seem important. [31:05] The problem is when we have too much to do and have to hurry.[31:42] Healthy business is that you are giving your life away. [32:09] Pathological busyness is where you have too much to do but not enough time to do it.[32:30] The frenetic fast pace can kill off love, deep relationships, longevity, soul care, and awareness.[33:56] What we feed we call forth. Your life is no more than the sum of what you devote your attention too.[35:03] What we give our time to is what we will become.[36:08] The end of the book is practical with a step-by-step method. [37:22] Life is complex. Slowing down can be hard. There are practices from the ways of Jesus that are incredibly effective at slowing down and tapping into what Jesus called live's that are full.[39:07] Followers of Jesus are usually referred to as disciples or family. A better translation for disciple might be the word apprentice.[41:01] To apprentice under Jesus is to organize your life around three basic goals. Be with Jesus....

I've had several guests come on the show, and they all want to talk about decluttering. Some want to declutter our schedules and some want to declutter our kitchen cabinets, but they all say to declutter our lives is to declutter our souls. Today's guest is knowledgeable, funny, charming, and she is an expert at getting rid of clutter. I know I’ll learn a thing or two from her and so will you.Allie Casazza is the host of The Purpose Show - a top-rated podcast - and the creator of online courses that have earned her international attention for her fresh, practical lifestyle strategies for moms. Known as 'The Life Minimalist', she encourages and inspires women to pursue abundant life by creating space for what matters most. Allie and her husband, Brian, live with their four young children in Southern California wine country.Her signature course,Your Uncluttered Home, is available for $100 off (normally $297) for a limited time only. She's running this sale in coordination with her annual free challenge called Declutter Like A Mother. This price will be available through January 15th at midnight PST. Show Notes:[03:06] Allie serves women and mothers who feel overwhelmed with life and schedule. She loves helping them find routines that are light and bright and serve their lifestyles. [04:02] Allie has four children and lives in Southern California.[04:26] Most people who have something to offer the world find it was born out of going through a really hard time in life. That's what happened to Allie.[04:37] She was depressed and overwhelmed with her role as a mother and wife.[06:10] She was overwhelmed and wasn't happy with the way she was showing up and living her life with her family.[09:14] Allie knew she needed to fix the source, but she was so desperate that she almost went and got medication.[09:35] She decided to get rid of everything that wasn't used or loved. It took a few months to get rid of the clutter, but her health felt different after the first day.[10:48] Having what needs to be and nothing extra enables her to travel and run a business and do all the things that she does.[11:10] Allie teaches online classes. She shared her journey on her blog. People were sharing her great ideas. [12:05] She wrote an ebook, but realized online courses were a better format. She is good at marketing and loves working from home and helping other women.[14:02] Melissa is a mom who gets overwhelmed easily. She admires Allies organizational skills and entrepreneurial ability.[15:51] It all starts at home. We can only do one thing at a time. The physical act of decluttering and letting go of weight in your physical space will make you feel better. [18:25] If you have a beautiful room you want to spend time in, you are more likely to pray or meditate or spend time with God.[19:03] Any habit you want to change begins with your environment. Decluttering is a physical act that can make your life better.[20:21] You become a better person by creating spaces that you enjoy.[22:24] Allie just started blogging for herself and now she has a huge following.[28:18] Allie has big plans. Her revenue comes from courses about getting your life together at home. When you trip over a secret and have the audacity to share it money follows.[30:12] Once Allie's business started taking off, minimalism became a trend. She was worried that she wasn't famous or fast enough. [30:38] Even though, there are multiple teachers in this niche, they do not have Allie's voice and Allie's legacy.[33:12] In Allie's business, she is working on simplifying and only doing things that move the needle forward.[33:49] She wants to show up in a way that brings impact, revenue, and change. She is also coaching, and she has some new courses coming out including a simplifying homeschooling course.[34:47] This season is about taking out the unnecessary and focusing on the goal.[35:04] Allies husband quit his job and is helping out with the business. [36:22] Allie loves going to...

I am sitting down with my friend Billie Jean Johnson on this very special Christmas, because any Christmas we are lucky enough to have is special. Even more so for some of us. Billie Jean is funny, sarcastic, and loud. She has a smile that spreads all the way across her face. She’s the queen of laughing at her own jokes, and she thinks she’s the funniest person in the room. The first time we met, I attended a party she was hosting and nothing was home cooked. She's been married to the love of her life over 25 years. She’s a parent and a grandparent. She’s a faithful and loyal friend who’s never met a purse or a fake set of nails that she doesn't love. She likes big Texas cars and long hair extensions. She is more girly girl than I am on my best day. Every time I've seen her she's been dressed to the nines. Yet, she's never uppity and has zero pretense. She is someone who believes in community. She built a rehabilitation and recovery center for people with addictions. She has fed inner-city families on Thanksgiving with her giant walk-through Thanksgiving buffet. She has literally brought hundreds of volunteers together to serve dinner plates to shut-ins. Billie Jean isn’t on the show today for the amazing things that she has done. She’s here because of where she’s going. Unless a miracle happens, this will be the last Christmas that Billie Jean has with her husband Jeramy and her girls, Haley and Jessica. It will be the last Christmas she watches her grandson or son-in-law open gifts. Stupid, horrible, spiteful cancer may very well win this one. I asked Billy Jean a few weeks ago if I could sit with her in silence and grief and ask her some questions. We often want to ask questions of those with one foot on the other side, but are too afraid too. It’s an honor to sit and talk with Billie Jean on this episode. Show Notes: [05:17] Billy Jeans go to meal in Lufkin would be a turkey burger from Mom's Diner.[05:54] Friendship means family and being there through the good and the ugly. [06:20] Every one Billie Jean knows has risen to this season. [07:13] Billie Jean has many roles and the actress who would play her might surprise you.[07:43] Billie Jean has always been an optimistic person. She believes that God is good and only gives good gifts. [08:19] Her perspective on life is taking care of what God has put her here to do and nothing else matters.[09:40] Her family is her greatest testimony, so she's letting them see how she can live and die graciously.[12:12] Billie Jean had a great health report from the doctor. Two weeks later they went back to the doctor, and found out that the tumors had grown. There were so many tumors that Billie Jean wouldn't make it through the surgery to remove them.[13:17] When Billie Jean and her husband heard this news, they were shocked. [14:22] Billie Jean doesn't worry about the fear of dying, it's what she leaves behind that has to wrestle with the pain. [15:17] Years ago, Billie Jean dealt with losing her dad from addiction and her sister's addiction. She then took care of her sister's children. The whole experience was an emotional roller coaster for Billie Jean. [16:28] She cried out to God, and he took the pain away from her.[19:29] She can't complain about cancer or ask God for anymore, because of all the wonderful things he has done for her in this life.[20:26] Billie Jean trusts that God's going to help take care of her family. She believes that whatever the reason for all of this is that God's fulfilling his purpose.[21:16] Moms want to prepare their children as much as they can, but they don't really know how. We don't know what we're doing, but what we do know is that we're going to be gracious to each other.[22:45] Billie Jean's relationship with God is very sweet. [23:40] When she is really having a hard day, she listens to worship music and let's her family know she loves them. [25:36] God's love is so rich. If your emotions aren't benefiting, you try something else. Don't...

Hello everyone! It's the holidays. Are you feeling it yet? I remember when I was working outside the home, and I felt like I just couldn't get Christmas right. My time was limited. My funds were limited. And Christmas Eve or the day before would be just like a blur. I hated that feeling. Eventually, I was able to leave that job. Even though I loved it, and start working for myself. It was from home, and I thought that now I can do Christmas right. I thought I would conquer Christmas and be able to rest and delight in it. Guess what happens when you work from home? Your time is still limited. Your funds are still Limited. Maybe even more so. There aren't enough Starbucks peppermint mochas in the world or Hallmark movies to slow down the busyness of the season. I don't think highly enough of myself that I'm going to fix it with this one podcast. I'm not even going to try. Christmas is busy. Christmas is costly. It was that way for your parents, your grandparents, and it'll be that way for your kids. So what I'm actually going to talk about today is what do we do when the holidays are upon us, but we are grieving. It's one thing to be busy, but it's another thing entirely to be broken. On Christmas morning 2005 at 6:30 am, my son Elisha Cooper Radke came into this world. An hour later we were handing him back to God. This is what it’s like to be broken on Christmas. Show Notes: [04:04] Elisha came, stayed for one hour and he left. Christmas has never been the same. [04:54] Every Christmas Eve around 10:40 p.m. I will feel a pain in my heart. It happens every year at that time, because that's when I went into labor.[06:09] I tell people that I walk with a limp through the holidays and I do and I probably always will.[07:06] I have a feeling that today some of you know exactly what I'm talking about.[08:29] For some of you, this will be your first Christmas without your spouse or your child. It could be your first Christmas without a job, home or best friend. [09:43] This episode is for you. There is nothing wrong with you. I'm speaking to anyone and everyone who walks with a limp at Christmas time.[10:33] We are drawn to Hallmark movies because everything ends up perfectly.[11:10] Holidays are the time of year when we want everything to end up perfectly.[11:46] A day will come when love fills the room more than pain does. The pain of what you lost will pale in comparison to the joy of what you found.[12:54] Take a moment and look around. Everyone is hurting with their own pain. Pain comes to us all. So does love.[15:52] If things had happened differently, would I have experienced the same joy and pain? Would Christmas mean as much? Even though I walk with a limp on Christmas, love has the final say.[17:31] I wouldn't choose it, but I wouldn't change it. Thanks for joining us on Ordinary People Ordinary Things. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes and leave a nice review. Just like your mother taught you. Links and Resources: Podcast Web PageFacebook Page Rise & Radke @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram@msmelissaradke on Twitter Autographed Copy of Eat Cake. Be Brave.Eat Cake. Be Brave. Extended Book TrailerSign Up for Insider AccessINK Replacing What Stained You With What Can Change YouHome ChefUse promo code MelissaR80 to get $20 off your first four meals $80 off total

This episode is one that I recorded a few months ago and wasn't going to air until 2020, but this episode has been weighing on my mind. I think that was because this episode needs to be played now. It's the holiday season, but your not going to hear any mention of the holidays, but what you will hear is a powerful story and a delightful interview. And for whatever reason, that I can't explain, somebody is supposed to hear this podcast now. Today’s guest is LeAnne Sheddan Pyzer who describes herself as a pastors wife, mom, grandmother (WHAT??!!), who just turned 40 years old and is learning to live beyond surviving. She was a missionary kid/pastor's kid who went rogue, then was redeemed, and is living life in a rural town in Northern California. We also discovered that we are related. My grandfather and LeAnne’s grandmother are siblings. I do remember my family receiving Christmas cards from the Sheddans. Which is LeAnne’s maiden name. They were from exotic locations overseas. LeAnne was from a missionary family and grew up in Portugal, Japan, and the Philippines. That’s not all of her story though. That’s just the beginning. I hope you find LeAnne as delightful as I do and her story just as inspiring. Show Notes: [07:49] When LeAnne was four months old her family went to Portugal for four years. Then they would come back to the US for a year, before making another four year journey. She grew up in Portugal, Japan, and the Philippines. [08:17] The traveling was great until she turned about 12, then she just wanted to be normal. [09:29] LeAnne was adopted. In 1979, when she was born and adoptions were closed. [11:15] When she turned 18, she discovered that she was the product of sexual assault. [14:02] When coming back to the states, she enrolled in High School. She began making compromises to fit in and viewing her faith and her parents faith as a detriment to fit in. She went full prodigal. [15:56] She believed in God but didn't want to have anything to do with God and church. [16:13] She rebelled strongly and did a 180 with morals and values. [17:25] She ended up pregnant, which jarred her back to a journey towards a faith. [18:33] She got married super quickly and super young. LeAnne and her husband were two teenagers with a baby and another one on the way. [19:37] The marriage turned abusive, but LeAnne didn't want to add divorce to her list of mistakes. [21:29] LeAnne ended up divorced with three babies age two, three, and four. [22:17] She moved to Northern California to be close to her parents, and she started going to her dad's church. [24:30] LeAnne had resolved herself to being a single mom raising her three children. Then she met the youth pastor who had been single for a long time, but had a lot of women after him.[25:12] He was nine years older than her. On the first date they went to Red Lobster. He said that he was interested in a relationship and asked her how she felt about being a pastor's wife and how she felt about being poor.[26:29] They knew by the end of the night that they were going to be married.[26:39] LeAnne and Zach now have another child.[29:14] They were in a small town called Hidden Valley Lake in Northern California. It was fire season. The valley fire had been one of the most devastating wildfires up until that point. [30:25] They had about 15 minutes to evacuate before their home was burned to the ground. It devastated the whole community. [30:42] The fire hit with no warning, and they had to run for their lives. There were only two ways out, and one of those got blocked. [31:01] A couple days later they found out that their house and their church burned to the ground. They had the choice to fall apart or stay strong.[32:21] The whole community was devastated, but they decided to stay and rebuild. [32:53] The past four years have been a journey persevering and never stopping. [34:00] It's daunting to rebuild your life. Even today, she'll reach for a kitchen tool that's not there, and it's...

Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Today, David and I are talking about all things Thanksgiving. Before we begin , are you watching us in the mornings? Monday through Friday David Radke and I go live on Instagram and Facebook for what we call Rise & Radke. This is a must see. It's cute, ridiculous, and you'll gain nothing from it, except for having a really good time. We've just come off of several weeks of talking about addiction. We received so many emails. Addiction is so prevalent, yet people don't always want to talk about it. That really struck a chord with people, but those are heavier podcasts. Today, we need something a little more light hearted. You’re probably relieved that this episode is going to be light and jolly. It is, but… we have a very large audience. Not everybody has a family like I have. After the TV show, people often think everything with my family is always hunky-dory. It's more than likely that we are spending our Thanksgiving with people that we don't always get and who don't always get us. I know many of you listeners are probably dealing with that too. A lot of times during Thanksgiving and Christmas people just put on their Hallmark smiles. Hopefully, this show gives you the opportunity to improve your communication and have more meaningful experiences with these people that you may not see that often. Before we begin, I just want to let you know that I'm smart enough to know that I don't have all of the answers, but I'm in it with you. I'm trying to wrestle through family dysfunction just like you are. For us, this Thanksgiving is going to feel so nice, because last Thanksgiving was so hard. There was some brokenness, hurt feelings, and anger last Thanksgiving. In February and March, we fought for our family and went to Onsite to work through our issues. Now, I’m so excited for the holidays. Show Notes: [11:20] Our family went to Onsite, and we worked through everything. Things are much easier when everyone is involved and works through the process. [11:49] Find like mindedness if you can. I follow Jay Shetty online. He recently gave a list of things we need to stop expecting from people. [13:22] Let's work on ourselves and not expect stuff from our family. Feelings follow actions. Be ready to pass out love. [15:55] Melissa tries to guess David's favorite holiday. Christmas is by far his favorite. There was a period of time when Christmas created too much money stress. [17:58] We still don't have that much more money, but what we have is an emotional perspective. [19:10] We made a promise to be honest in these podcasts. David is more sensitive than me. This topic stirs up emotions.[20:41] Reaffirming that gifts and money don't matter can help with the holiday pressure. [22:04] The advertisements and commercialism can inundate people with pressure to overspend or feel inadequate. [23:41] Melissa's favorite holiday is not her birthday. Her favorite is Easter. [24:52] Broccoli and cheese casserole and cauliflower salad are the two things that disappoint David when they are not on the Thanksgiving table. [26:31] Melissa is going to make the cauliflower salad this year. Thanksgiving is all about the carbs. [27:40] Her best friend from North Dakota is shocked how Melissa's family puts bacon in everything. [28:37] Her mom's dressing is the best. Meridith makes the best potatoes. Melissa makes the best baked beans. [30:30] David takes a long nap after dinner. [31:46] David loved their evening Thanksgiving in Nashville. They had a country fried Thanksgiving. [33:36] David thinks it's sad that some family members have to cut out and go to another dinner.[34:09] Melissa is already decorating for Christmas. She wants to enjoy it longer. It feels like the holidays are extended.[35:58] David is thankful that he and Melissa work together. They have great close friends. He is also thankful for the new season of Jack Ryan. [36:52] Melissa loves her town and her kid's school. She loves that their...

Over a year ago, a woman came up to me at an event and hugged my neck and shared that she'd been sober for x amount of time. She was glowing. Her face was beaming. I assumed, that's what happens when someone beats addiction, but that wasn't it. It was just her. She was beautiful. The reason I'm talking about this is because, sometimes, we associate alcoholism with Otis Campbell from The Andy Griffith Show. Then we moved onto the Norm from Cheers stereotype, with a sloppy disheveled character. Then along came Homer Simpson. Do you see a pattern here? We never associated alcoholism with well put together women. There are wonderful teachers who go home and drink until they pass out. There are also stay at home moms who are so sick or bored that they drink all day. I didn't know that there were pastor's wives, ER nurses, and yoga instructors that were alcoholics. But now I know, because I've met you. Every example I'm thinking of has been gorgeous, well-dressed, and smart as a whip. Not one of them looked like Homer Simpson. They could in fact be you or me. My guest today is that very woman who first came up and hugged my neck. She has since become a very precious friend of mine. I am so lucky to have ever met her at an event. I'm not sharing her name today. She’s an active participant in Alcoholics Anonymous. She’s requested that I don't share her name. It's hard for me, because I want you to see her and meet her. But in this episode you get to learn and grow from her story. To listen to her is to love her. Trust me. The goal for today's show is that one person will hear her story and will take the first step to finding the help they need. Show Notes: [04:53] This is my guest’s first podcast.[05:35] She's a recovering addict, who's very involved in AA and believes in the anonymous part. [06:01] She has a supportive husband who she's been with for 38 years. He was her high school sweetheart. She has two adult daughters and a four-year-old grandson.[06:46] She's a recovering alcoholic who has had seven years of continuous sobriety.[06:59] For her, drinking was a social thing. She could drink and enjoy drinking and was able to stop. When she went back to work, she felt like she deserved a drink after work.[07:37] Eventually, the drinking became a physiological habit. Her body became addicted to alcohol.[07:53] She feels fortunate to say she's a recovering alcoholic and gets to live her life again. At one point, she got to the point where she was just existing.[08:48] Our families also have their recovery.[09:39] Being sober, allowed her the opportunity to become a better listener.[10:41] When her mom was diagnosed with cancer, she had an aha moment and realized she had a big problem. [12:52] Her family were not alcoholics, but they were codependent.[13:47] She also felt very alone.[15:09] She now thinks of alcohol as a cleaning product that is a poison to her body. She hated herself for drinking wine and taking sleeping pills. [16:23] When she drinks alcohol, she has a physiological craving for more.[19:53] Listen and silence have the same letters, they're just rearranged. When she decided to get sober, she went to AA.[20:20] Being Sober is the first step. Being in recovery is the second step. Learning to live again is the third step.[21:08] Day treatment didn't quite work, so she went to residential treatment. After several cries, she felt lighter like an empty vessel.[22:29] She was then given the tools to be successful.[25:09] She does the right thing each day. She now has an opportunity to live. [26:02] She is now an AA sponsor. The meetings are for her, but she does take other people and help others. [27:46] You have a spiritual sponsor and a service sponsor. [29:21] Children of addicts also need to seek treatment. The alcoholic can change the entire dynamic of the whole family like a chime in a wind chime. [31:35] If you think you can do this on your own, why haven't you done it already?[35:32] Go to meal is chicken...

I'm from deep East Texas, and we handle things differently than they do in New Jersey. We also wear pearls and clutch them when someone says something. We don't air our dirty laundry to the world. If you've been watching me and David's Instagram Lives, you will see us sign off with bye and love you. Then the minute we get off the video, I look at him and say, "I'm going to murder you." We don't put this out for the world to see, but today's guest does. Danielle Silverstein was a stay at home mom for 13 years until she started the Marriage & Martinis podcast and community with her husband Adam. They decided to start it after dealing with Adam’s alcoholism, gambling addiction, and other acts of betrayal, so that others who might be going through the same thing won't feel so alone. In practically no time, they found themselves with a huge following. Danielle and I have never met before this podcast. When I told my friends I was interviewing her it was met with gasps and pearl clutching. Danielle and Adam are very open on their podcast about their sex life, and she is a self-proclaimed f-bomb dropper. Don't worry, there's none of that today. I really liked her. I wish I would have made this podcast two parts, because we could talk for a long time. Danille is also brutally honest. Alcoholism is a problem. Gambling addiction is a problem. Sometimes she knows what to do about it, and sometimes she doesn't. Marriage & Martinis is an attempt to present a real authentic marriage at its core. It's hard to make an open and vulnerable podcast about your marriage and make it work, but Danielle and Adam have done just that. They decided to take a big risk, and now their podcasts helps them while they also help other people. Show Notes: [04:39] Danielle is rocking average.[06:59] Danielle and Adam were both 25 when they got married. Danielle's mom stayed home, and Danielle liked that and wanted to do it for her kids and husband. [07:39] She had a very traditional viewpoint even though she went to NYU.[08:07] She discovered that she was a really good mom, but not that great of a housewife.[09:02] When Adam's dad passed away, Adam became not present mentally and physically. [09:24] This was in 2015, and they had three kids. [10:42] It was almost like having a fourth child that was putting himself and others in danger.[12:13] Adam is known as party Adam. Everyone loves it, except for sometimes Danielle. They both suffer from anxiety and OCD and know that certain things are triggers. [13:16] When Adam should have been in therapy, he turned to alcohol and gambling, and it became problematic. [15:21] Alcohol was just one of the side effects of not wanting to deal with things and feel things. [16:06] Adam would also take off to Atlantic City. [17:34] Danielle finally said, it was time to fix things or she was done. [18:18] They used to sit and have a cocktail and talk all night long. Danielle realized that they should record their conversations, and their podcast began. [19:13] They are still actively recovering, but they are both immersed in the process of healing. [20:36] Adam is a tech guy, and he has always loved podcasts. She also knew that Adam needed a purpose to feel like he was contributing. [22:23] Having a podcast to share all of their issues seemed crazy, but also a good idea. They had nothing to lose. [23:50] Danielle has OCD that's not founded in reality. [26:10] Adam also went to therapy. The drinking was a symptom of a core issue. He can still have a drink.[28:56] Danielle thought Adam needed a way to get out of his head and start thinking about others.[30:17] Every situation is different. Alcohol wasn't Adam's biggest problem.[34:36] Danielle and Adam put everything out there in their podcast. [35:44] They are in the arena for their marriage. It's about more support and less judgement. [37:00] Vulnerability is a super power. [38:38] Rapid fire questions. Danielle loves sushi. [40:15] Friendship is vulnerability and...

Addiction. Don't you dare turn this podcast off. That's why I threw that word out first, because nobody likes that word. I rarely find anybody on the fence or in a gray area when it comes to addiction. For some people, it's affecting them and killing them. They want to learn all they can about it . Other people aren’t affected. It’s not their problem, so let other people worry about it. People are either on one side or the other. I've been in the people business long enough to know that this word has made its way in some form or another to everyone's front door. Someone you know is affected by addiction. Sometimes it's not in the form we think. It's not drugs or alcohol. It could be in the form of gambling, porn, shopping, food, nicotine, or something else. Today's episode is a tough one. We're going to talk to Janelle Martin, a mother who woke up to a world of addiction. A world she knew nothing about until it affected her daughter Regan Steinert. Janelle is a mom of two kids age 20 and 18. She is in recovery because addiction affected her family. She loves and trusts Jesus completely, and has been blessed with the most amazing friends who were there for her during difficult times. Regan joins us later in the show. She is a stunningly beautiful and well-spoken woman who has faced addiction, sobriety, relapse, and pain in her very short life. She is living proof that addiction can affect anyone. Anyone can be a target. Maybe even someone in your home. Regan is 18 and in recovery. She’s a good person who loves helping people. She is artsy and creative and loves to paint, especially as a form of relaxation. Show Notes: [05:06] Janelle and her family live in Houston. They've lived in the same home for 15 years, and her kids grew up there. [08:21] Janelle didn't know how bad things were until someone told her. She knew something was off, but she didn't know what. [10:17] It felt like a dark cloud was following Regan. She stopped playing sports. Janelle suspected stuff, but could never catch her doing anything. [13:29] Janelle caught Regan lying about where she was spending the night. Janelle told Regan she can't live at home if she is doing drugs, and Regan said she wasn't stopping. [16:00] Janelle sent Regan to stay with her dad.[17:45] It took weeks for Janelle to recover from the fact that Regan was gone.[18:12] Regan spent three months at her dad's.[22:12] After a frantic call from Regan's dad, Regan ended up in a treatment center in Arizona. [24:40] Regan didn't want to go, because she didn't want to be sober. She decided to just stay there for 45 days. She also stayed in the program for around two years.[27:21] She was finally happy, I didn't want to mess that up.[28:07] After 11 months, Regan moved back to Texas. Her friends were going to Galveston and partying, so Regan thought she could do it to. [32:03] Regan thought she could vape THC, and everything would be fine, but it wasn't. So she talked to her mom about it, and decided to leave.[33:15] Regan was gone for three weeks. A lot of mother's can't do that tough love that Janelle did. Regan was out on the street with her dog.[36:13] Regan learned a lot of really cool stuff during her first time in recovery, but it just didn't click all the way.[36:53] She decided she wanted to be sober and called her mom. Janelle said to come home. She just got her four months three days ago.[37:28] Everything has finally clicked. She goes to meetings. She has a sponsor. Everything's working out great.[38:14] She finally graduated and is starting me to school.[38:42] Regan is genuinely happy now.[43:03] Regan thinks that she started using because of some family issues with her brother and father. She also went through a breakup. [45:09] Regan is going to do amazing things with her life, and she stands on her own feet.[48:52] Regan loves enchiladas with rice & beans at Rancho Grande. Janelle likes the firecracker roll at Red Fish Grill.[49:54] Janelle and Regan share what friendship...

I am so nervous about this episode, because it's the one featuring me and David. We did this episode together at the end of season 1, and it's called Road Trippin. Last season, we were on a book tour, and it was time for the podcast to come out, and I didn't have anybody to interview. David and I were on the road, so we decided to record a podcast of us just chatting together on our journey. I hated this episode, because I thought it turned out terrible. It turned out that people loved that episode with just me and David. We were talking about fast food before we pulled in and got it, talking, fighting, and just driving. Since that episode was received so well, we decided that we would do some episodes with just David and I talking. These episodes will be spread out through season 3. For some reason, I'm a nervous wreck about this. I don't know why. We talk all the time. We even do a Facebook Live and Instagram Monday through Friday at 9:00 am. We don't have a clue what we're going to talk about, and we still do fine on that. We're just such different people, and I never know how these things are going to turn out. I wish you listeners could see what this moment looks like. David is prepared is dressed for the day. He is wearing a button down shirt, nice shoes, and his glasses. He also has drinks in case he gets thirsty during the show and he’s wearing headphones. I'm still in my nightgown with a sweatshirt and cozy socks. This August we celebrated 25 years of marriage. We went to a matinee and Logan's Roadhouse. David did want to remind me that two years ago, we went to Maui, but I guess the thing that makes me nervous about this episode is just that. The mundane nature of our marriage. We are so normal, and I wonder if people want to hear what we have to share or if they want to hear from couples that have it all figured out. If you remember from a couple of episodes ago, we had Jeff and Beth McCord on to talk about their Enneagram couples course. Today, we talk about the couple’s course, our Enneagram numbers, the direction of the podcast, and we have a little fun. Show Notes: [07:40] This August we celebrated 25 years of marriage. We went to a matinee and Logan's Roadhouse. David did want to remind me that two years ago, we did go to Maui.[08:15] Melissa's dream vacations are going to Scotland and Ireland.[09:49] We may not have it all together, but we're making progress. [10:52] We are really diving into Beth and Jeff McCord's Enneagram couple's study. David is a 3 and Melissa is a 7. These two together, when healthy, can be quite dynamic. [13:59] It's important and eye opening to know and understand each other's Enneagram numbers. [15:00] There's nothing Remi and her future spouse can go through that we haven't. [16:32] I began this season talking about my emotional health. David went with me to my counseling session. I thought that was really kind of him. As a 7 that really helped me, but as a 3 I'm surprised he did it. [18:11] David didn't want to see Melissa hurting, but he wants to look like he has it all together. [18:51] If you love your spouse dearly, but you feel like you can't get on the same page read Becoming Us.[19:55] These principles can be applied in other relationships, not just marriage. [23:02] Knowing people's numbers helps make us more compassionate, and we could all use more compassion in our lives. [26:00] The most offensive word to David is average. Seven's don't talk about the way they feel a lot. [28:51] Knowing people's number explains why they do things.[31:50] Seven's are known as entertaining optimists who live life big, but have a fear of being limited, bored, or trapped. [32:28] The core longing is to be taken care of. [33:06] Melissa didn't feel safe and was unsure of what was next. She needs her world to be stable. [34:25] We as a society have a long way to go with mental health. Every single person needs to be aware of their mental health. [37:34] Being aware of our mental health...