Plotting Along

Rachel's movie idea gets outlined... Brain Breeze style! Introducing Bloody Spokes - a unique cinematic experience for our time! It's a tale of gender role reversal as a girl's bicycle gang in the 1950's deals with the universal themes of love and crime, brawls and blood, music and mayhem! And don't forget the ever present threat of global nuclear annihilation! The Bloody Spokes is a gang from the wrong side of the tracks who would sooner slash your tires than give you the time of day! But we think you'll make the trip to the bad side of town for this feast for both the eyes and ears! Rachel has pretty much already planned out the soundtrack, hoping to include several local artists (such as Pharoin, among others), and is typing up the script as we speak. So don't be a square! Download now!

"I wanted to say no to Ray and Jay's all new, all animal, film noir Brain Breeze, but that raccoon had gams that went all the way up to her neck, I tell ya, and i just couldn't say no." -- you (if you're honest with yourself) Now listen up, toots. Are you ready for a black and white film noir cast with all different types of animals the way God and your mother intended? Then buckle up, sweetheart, cause this one's gonna knock yer socks off! We got Barry the skunk as a hard-boiled private dick on the case. We got Rebecca (Didi) Raccoon as the fabulous femme fatale! We got cops on the take, tiger gangs, lion gangs, wild catnip addicts who'd do anything for a fix! We got gams! Oh my God, the gams! Don't get me started on the gams! And... what was i talking about? Oh yeah - trouble. Trouble with a capital T! They're all of 'em in it... right up to (hand up to our necks)... HERE!!! Dun dun DUN!!! P.S. - apologies for the sound quality for the first 39 minutes or so. It does get corrected. P.P.S. - "If I was into skunks, you'd be MY skunk... Oh, Barry... you're quite a stinker." -- Rebecca

Remember that time Tupac Shakur was in the Velvet Underground? No, wait, I mean the Digital Underground with Humpty Hump, and the fly girls danced on that gross judge who squirted mustard on stadium dogs from a toy train? Of course you do. Witness Dan Ackroyd's magnum opus about that one time he got pulled over by the police, except it's not boring. Also includes: giant demon babies playing poker with Demi Moore as they are surrounded by highly explosive DOOM! barrels. And I didn't even mention Chevy Chase engaged to marry John Candy as the band chants "Tie the knot, Tie Tie Tie the knot!" ad nauseaum. How can anyone pass up this tune as their wedding reaches its crescendo? I'll never know!

Start another Satanic Panic with this episode's manic thematic masterpiece -- a random dice roll concoction of Holiday Horror entitled... No Ordinary Rabbit! Reel in horror at the giant furless monstrosity and its 30 foot hops! What will YOU find inside your plastic easter egg? Blood and guts galore with Gus and Devon facing down the face of evil in a surprise twist ending with sequel potential! Don't let the Gully Man get ya when our hero faces down certain death! -- "'Yo, Eastah Bunny, I got yer eggs right heah!' shouts Gus as he grabs his crotch." Listen in real time to such classic catch phrases and more as the Brain Breeze crew hatches another spine tingling plot from the bowels of hell!

Aliens: "Yo, guys. This democracy stuff is whack! We gotta nip this thing in the bud!" Witness our latest Doomsday / Historical Fiction Scenario as the aliens realize, "These humans are only capable of Brain Breezes, not Brain Storms like us!" and try to put a stop to Athens and their weirdo ways. Watch as Socrates brings the Alien Empire to its knees (even though he's got a problem with democracy too) simply by being annoying! Yes, Socrates! You can leave us a nice review by the time this episode puts out... i mean, when this episode geeks out... err... you know what i mean!

And the moral of the story is... DON'T GIVE YOUR KIDS PANTS FOR THEIR BIRTHDAY! Unless, of course, you want the Problem Child kid running around your apartment with a knife and zero fashion sense. But, if you have bought a creepy doll from the homeless guy your friend used to date, you can always call Prince Humperdinck to take the case. Or you can take Rachel's advice, and "Throw that child away!" Remember, we'll be your friend til the end if you leave a good review on itunes or whatever.

Take the reins in your teeth this week as you watch... John Wayne in a Communist Western? Texans cultivating their hair like lettuce? A creepy spanking from a man named La Beef (Boef)? Ansel Adams paintings? The sick, sick burns of Mattie Ross that haunt you for years?... All this and more! on this week's episode of Plotting Along with Ray and Jay!

In the coldest depths of World War IV... One man with a cranky robot, a cardboard box, and a bandanna (did i mention he had a bandanna? Well, now he has a bandanna.) meets a tough woman with a potato, and not even the vicious armies of Finland and Canada can keep them apart! Witness a romance for the ages on irradiated Mackinac Island as a battle of who is more soorry ensues!!! Now in Technicolor!

We revive our lost file in the Data Sematary to talk about how Optimus Prime kills cats and children, how the Gummi Worm company missed the cash wagon on marketing schemes, what the Kindergarten Cop kid is doing now, and note the differences between the remake and the original versions of Pet Sematary. Download now!

Welcome to the Jungle/Crime Adventure of Grandma's psychedelic buttons! Plead with Ray and Jay to "Stay on target!" while they concoct a modern day Tragic Faerie Tale that can only end one way... with Jack Johnson songs on the ukelele. Oh no! Real tear jerker, this one!

This week: Misery - we're your number one fans! Find out what curse word YOU write on your typewriter over and over after listening to us this week, you dirty birdies! You'll need... One cigarette. One Match. And one Don Perignon. We expect nothing less than your masterpiece... or else you're a bunch of cockadoodies!

Beware, 40 yr old virgins! It's Horror in Hawaii with Ray and Jay. Meet Fred, our tender hearted pig tenderizer as he fends off his neighbor Tad, the policeman who suspects him of the serial killings of Comic Con nerds. But wait! The volcano is about to blow! And who could appease the dread goddess Pele but Mary Jo, serial killer extraordinaire!

Witness! -- Ray and Jay plodding along through the plot of John Carpenter's "Thing!" Be astounded! -- by Mac and Windows, and their Childs teaming up to battle the Lovecraftian horror of Shoggoth Diabetis! And always remember! -- "It's always the dog's fault!"

The second part of Plotting Along: Welcome to Brain Breeze!!! Our first attempt at randomly generating a movie plot produces a Romantic Comedy to remember forever. We introduce you to the Oscar caliber roles of Cheryl and Darryl, two star-crossed lovers in Antarctica. Will they or won't they?!!! Tune in to find out!

Ray and Jay plod through the snow to drunkenly plot along with the infamous Coen Brothers movie, Fargo. Recorded in the ancient times before we even had a name for this podcast, oh jeez!