More than Roommates

Busyness with work isn’t just a scheduling problem—it’s often a heart and priority problem that quietly harms marriages. In this episode, Derek, Gabrielle, and unpack how couples with two busy jobs can stay aligned, communicate expectations, and intentionally protect their marriage in demanding seasons. Discussion Questions: 1- What currently makes our schedules feel most overwhelming, and why? 2- What unspoken expectations do we have about work, availability, or lifestyle? 3- Which priorities might need to be temporarily scaled back to protect our marriage? 4- What would it look like for us to implement daily, weekly, and annual rhythms of connection?

Valentine’s Day can feel commercial, awkward, or unnecessary—but it’s actually a powerful opportunity to fight complacency and intentionally love your spouse. In this episode, the More Than Roommates crew unpacks why celebrating your marriage matters, how simple intentionality can transform connection, and practical ways to make this Valentine’s Day meaningful. Discussion Questions: 1- What makes you feel most loved on days like Valentine’s Day? 2- When Valentine’s Day approaches, what expectations (spoken or unspoken) do you each carry? 3- What can we do this week to celebrate our marriage? Resources: The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and John Elmore to discuss what it looks like to walk faithfully with your spouse through mental illness. With biblical clarity, compassion, and practical wisdom, John shares how he and his wife Laura have navigated OCD, stigma, treatment, and the call to love your spouse as yourself even when it is difficult. Discussion Questions: 1- When one of us is struggling emotionally or mentally, do we tend to fix, minimize, or walk alongside? How can we grow in being more present? 2- Are there areas where mental or emotional health struggles feel stigmatized or unspoken in our marriage? 3- How do we discern when to show compassion versus when to gently coach one another forward? 4- What fears do we carry about seeking outside help (therapy, medication, counseling)? Resources: ReGeneration Recovery Ministry

Parenting introduces new pressures at every stage, but it doesn’t have to pull your marriage apart. In this episode, the MTR Team walk through four major parenting seasons and share how couples can stay united, intentional, and More Than Roommates at every stage. Discussion Questions: 1- Which parenting season are we currently in, and how is it impacting our marriage right now? 2- Do we feel like we’re truly on the same team—or unintentionally siding with our kids over one another? 3- How do our differences (personality, discipline style, love language) strengthen or strain our marriage? 4- What is one intentional habit we can reintroduce (or start) to protect our marriage in this season?

What if the difference between feeling like roommates and feeling deeply connected was as simple as dating your spouse again? In this episode, the team unpacks the powerful framework of DATE—Dialogue, Affection, Time, and Ephesians 5 (love and respect)—and how practicing it can transform your marriage in any season. Discussion Questions: 1- Which part of DATE do we currently do best? Which one do we tend to neglect? 2- How has busyness, kids, or phones affected our dialogue? 3- How can I love or respect you more clearly this week—in how I say things, not just what I say? 4- What would one simple, realistic date look like in our current season?

Separation is often presented as a healthy solution when marriage feels hard—but is it really? In this episode, the More Than Roommates team explores what separation actually means, why it so often leads to divorce, when it may be necessary, and how couples can pursue healing and restoration with Biblical wisdom and community. Discussion Questions: 1- Why do you think separation so often leads to divorce rather than healing? 2- How does selfishness subtly show up in your marriage during hard seasons? 3- What role does community currently play in helping you protect and strengthen your marriage? 4- How could you better “water your own grass” in this season? Resources: Episode 83 Divorce part 1 Episode 84 Divorce part 2 Episode 127 Healing from Sexual Abuse Watermark statement on marriage and divorce

Joy in marriage isn’t about perfect circumstances—it’s about a deep, Spirit-formed posture of the heart. In this episode, Derek, Gabrielle, and special guest Andrew Owen explore how biblical joy sustains marriages through hardship, disappointment, and everyday life, and how couples can actively choose joy together. Discussion Questions: 1- When you think about your marriage right now, would you describe it as joyful? Why or why not? 2- How would you define the difference between joy and happiness in your relationship? 3- What currently tends to rob joy in your marriage (fear, anxiety, unmet expectations, bitterness)? 4- How can you better encourage one another daily so your hearts don’t become hardened?

As the year comes to a close, join the More Than Roommates team for a short conversation about what it looks like to look back and look ahead as we all seek to be more intentional in our marriages. The MTR team reflects on what God's Word says about rememberance and how that applies to our marriages. Discussion Questions: 1- Start, Stop, Continue- as you apply that idea to your marriage, what do you want to focus on in this new year? 2- How have you seen God move in the last year? What are you grateful for? 3- What is a place in your life you are still waiting to see God move?

In the midst of a busy and often distracting Christmas season, this episode challenges couples to choose presence over just more presents. The More Than Roommates team offer practical, biblical encouragement to help you slow down, be intentional, and truly connect with your spouse and Jesus during the holidays. Discussion Questions: 1- When you think about this Christmas season so far, where have you been most distracted? Where have you felt most present? 2- What tends to pull your attention away from your spouse during the holidays (phones, stress, schedules, comparison, etc.)? 3- What does presence look like for you personally? What about for your spouse? 4- How can you intentionally create moments of connection in the days ahead—even if Christmas has already passed?

Scott is changing jobs! This week, the team honors Scott as he transitions off Harris Creek's staff and shares the story behind his big vocational change—how he processed the decision, invited community, and listened to the Lord’s leading. The conversation offers couples a model for making major decisions with humility, unity, and intentionality. The MTR team also discusses the exciting future to come with the podcast! Discussion Questions for Couples 1- When you face a big decision, do you tend to move fast or slow? How does that impact your spouse? 2- What role does community currently play in your decision-making? What role should it play? 3- How do you personally respond to vulnerability—your spouse’s and your own? 4- Are there areas where you might be making decisions independently rather than mutually? Resources: Episode 43- The not so secret Guide to In Laws (ft. Dave Willis) Episode 49- We are Made for People (ft. Justin Whitmel Earley) Episode 63 - Celebrating One Year of MTR Episode 102 - A Story of Redemption and Forgiveness (ft. Kevin Kelli Mainz) Episode 103 - Protecting Your Marriage from Infidelity Episode 121- Christ is the Melody of Your Marriage (ft. John Elmore)

In this episode, Scott, Derek, and Gabrielle explore the often-misunderstood ideas of love and respect in marriage, grounding the conversation in Scripture while sharing real-life stories from their own relationships. They unpack why spouses may long for different forms of affirmation and how understanding those needs can transform everyday connection. Resources - Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs Discussion Questions: 1- When do you feel most loved or most respected by your spouse? Can you describe a recent moment? 2- Do you think you naturally communicate more love or more respect? How does your spouse typically receive it? 3- Have past misunderstandings ever come from giving your spouse what you value instead of what they value? 4- What is one simple action this week—public or private—that would communicate either love or respect more clearly?

Busyness may look normal, but it’s quietly draining your marriage emotionally, physically, spiritually, and sexually. In this episode, Scott, Derek, and Gabrielle unpack why most of our busyness is a choice, how to discern when to say yes or no, and practical ways to create margin, live on mission, and protect what matters most at home. Scriptures: Romans 12:1-2 Ephesians 5:15-17 Matthew 16:25 Genesis 2:25 Questions to Discuss: 1. What are some of the reasons you and your spouse are overly busy in your lives and schedule? 2. What is the cost of your busyness to your marriage and family? (i.e., health, money, intimacy) 3. Which of your current commitments are true needs and which are really choices that reflect your lifestyle preferences or fear of missing out? 4. Who in your community group or trusted circle needs to speak into your level of busyness and help you evaluate your commitments? Resources: Podcast - More Than Roommates, Episode 41 - Why Busyness Might Destroy Your Marriage (feat. Gary Thomas) Podcast - More Than Roommates, Episode 31 - Too Busy to Get Busy (Part 2 of 3 in a series on marital intimacy) Book - Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, by Peter Scazzero Book - Practicing the Way, by John Mark Comer

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott share five priorities that shape a faithful life and marriage, drawing insight from Dr. Gary Chapman’s long obedience in the same direction. They walk through what it looks like to keep Jesus first, prioritize your spouse and kids, live on mission together, and aim to finish faithful to the very end. Questions to Discuss: 1. Who was your favorite teacher when you were growing up? Share with your spouse. 2. What does look like to be faithful for you right now in your current season of life? 3. When you look at your current rhythms, what (honestly) seems like your true first priority—Jesus, marriage, kids, work, comfort, or something else? 4. Which of the five priorities (Jesus, spouse, kids, mission, finishing faithful) do you sense the Lord highlighting most strongly for this season? Scriptures: MT 6:33 MT 22:37-40 PR 4:23 PS 127:3 2 Corinthians 5:18 Hebrews 12:1-2 2 Cor 4:2 Resources Book - The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Scott, Derek, and Gabrielle talk about what it looks like for couples to pursue generosity together—especially when fear, comparison, or family history make giving hard. They unpack biblical principles, personal stories, and practical ideas to help you build a thoughtful, cheerful, and faith-filled approach to money in your marriage. Scriptures: Luke 21:1-4 Acts 20:35 2 Corinthians 9:6-7 1 Tim 5:8 Questions to Discuss: 1. What keeps you from being generous with your finances as a couple? 2. When you think about being generous, what emotion rises up first—excitement or anxiety? Why do you think that is? 3. What will you and your spouse do if you differ in your views on generosity? 4. Where do you see a lack of faith showing up in how you handle money? Are you tempted to find security in a savings account more than in God’s provision?

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Scott and Derek interview authors of the book Away Game and longtime sport-ministry leaders Ed Uszynski and Brian Smith to help couples reframe youth sports as a discipleship opportunity instead of an all-consuming lifestyle. They unpack how to make thoughtful choices about Sundays, money, travel, and expectations—all for the sake of your marriage and your kids’ formation. Scriptures: Romans 12:1-2 Hebrews 10:24-25 PR 22:6 Questions to Discuss: 1. When we leave a game, what do we celebrate first—performance or character (effort, joy, self-control, love)? What does that reveal about our priorities? 2. Which fruit of the Spirit do we want to cultivate most in our family through sports this month? What’s one habit to reinforce it (before, during, and after games)? 3. Money & time check: Are our sports expenses and calendar aligned with our values for marriage, family, generosity, and rest? What needs adjusting? 4. Expectations audit: Are we subtly tying our child’s performance to our identity? How can we speak freedom and grace over them—and each other—this week? Resources: Book - Away Game, by Brian Smith & Ed Uszynski Website - TheChristianAthlete.com Follow Brian Smith and Ed Uszynski on Instagram

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Gabrielle, Derek, and Scott discuss non-negotiables, preferences, wise process, and why commitment to a local body is essential for your spiritual growth and your marriage. They discuss what to do when you and your spouse don’t see eye-to-eye. Scriptures: Hebrews 10:23-25 Acts 2:42-47 1 Corinthians 12 Romans 12 PS 19:14 Questions to Discuss: 1. What are our top five non-negotiables for a church? Where are we currently aligned—and where are we not? 2. How are we currently using our gifts to build up the body (1 Cor 12; Rom 12)? What’s one next step we can take to use our gifts? 3. If we’re considering a change, have we fasted, prayed, and invited community/leadership into the decision? 4. What past church experiences (good or painful) might be shaping our expectations today? Resources: Sacred Pathways, by Gary Thomas

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss some conversations couples that strengthen oneness every day. Couples won’t find the satisfaction, joy, and happiness they desire apart from intentional conversations with one another. Scriptures: Genesis 2:25 Galatians 6:2 1 Peter 5:7 Psalm 55:22 Psalm 139:14 Deut 31:6 Phil 4:8 Questions to Discuss: 1. Which one of you is more of the talker in your relationship/marriage? 2. On a scale of 1–10, how would you rate our marriage this week—and why? 3. What are you currently into (Scripture insight, song, show, book, podcast) and why does it resonate? 4. Share one future hope or dream—how might God use us there? 5. What one small daily or weekly rhythm would help us keep these five conversations going? Resources: Article - People in the Happiest Relationships Talk about 5 Things Every Day One of Scott’s favorite Instagram followers - Everydaywithhk

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott unpack four marriage trends—crisis of resilience, digital disconnect, financial anxiety, and blurred lines between work and home—and offer practical ways to push back with biblical wisdom. We hope this episode helps you move from “roommates” to a joy-filled, God-honoring marriage. Scriptures: 1 Cor 7:28 John 16:33 MT 7:24-27 Col 3:23 1 Cor 10:31 Jeremiah 17:5-8 Questions to Discuss: 1. Where have we expected marriage to be “easy,” and how can we build grit (perseverance + hope) together this month? 2. What are our top two phone/tech boundaries for date nights, evenings, and weekends? (Be specific: chargers, baskets, Focus modes, no-phone zones.) 3. What’s driving our financial anxiety—math, lifestyle, or comparison? What’s one action we’ll take this week (budget meeting, cut a subscription, set a savings/giving goal)? 4. How are our work/home lines blurred right now? Name one habit to protect family time (e.g., no email after 6pm, a daily shutdown ritual, office hours). Resources: Financial Peace university

FamilyLife Today hosts Dave & Ann Wilson join Scott & Gabrielle to talk about Ann’s new book, How to Speak Life to Your Husband When All You Want to Do Is Yell at Him—and why a wife’s voice carries unique power. We cover practical ways to shift from critique to encouragement, how prayer re-wires our minds, and how both spouses can speak truth in love without tearing each other down. Scriptures: Genesis 3 Proverbs 18:21 James 3:1-12 Romans 12:2 Resources: Book – Ann Wilson, with Davd Wilson - How to Speak Life to Your Husband: When All You Want to Do Is Yell at Him Dave & Ann’s podcast – FamilyLife Today Follow Dave & Anne on Instagram Questions to Discuss: 1. When you think about the tone of your home lately, do your words feel more like “life” or more like “boo”? Give specific examples—gently. 2. What is one concrete way you can speak life to your spouse this week (phrase, text, public praise in front of the kids, written note, etc.)? 3. How can you start (or restart) praying together in a way that’s realistic—time of day, length, and format (out loud, texted prayer, voicemail)?

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott have a candid, biblical conversation about the “sexless marriage”—why it happens, how pornography, busyness, medical issues, and poor communication play a role, and what couples can do to rebuild connection. They offer practical steps so you can move from roommates back to one-flesh intimacy. Questions to Discuss: 1. In our season right now, does sex feel more like a thermometer (just reporting our temperature) or a thermostat (able to change it)? Why? 2. When was the last time we each felt truly pursued and enjoyed by the other? What specific actions helped? 3. What would make it safer for us to share desires, preferences, and fears about sex? 4. How can we renew the covenant this week in a way that is tender, unhurried, and mutually honoring? Scriptures: Ephesians 4:27 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 Resources: Book - Secrets of Sex and Marriage: 8 Surprises That Make All the Difference by Shaunti Feldhahn & Michael Sytsma Article – The Sex Recession Book – Reconnected – Greg & Erin Smalley More Than Roommates Interviews with Juli Slattery – Surrendered Sexuality & Sexual Abuse