Ex Marks the Rot

This is the song at the end, inspired by Trans Friends Aren't Friends. Title is different because youtube. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

A woman gets a thigh flap phalloplasty. Her surgeon surprises her by putting the second leg graft on the back of the leg that donated the full thickness flap for the phallus, rather than the other leg as planned. This meant that she had to spend the recovery lying on a wound instead of having both wounds face up. She also has no idea if this horrible burning sensation, urinary urgency and bladder spasms are somehow potentially indicative of a UTI. Also, it feels strange because she still feels like she is peeing the same, but now it is going through this sprinkler mode skin tube. Dysphoria cured. The Cotard joke is of course a joke. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

Jazz is forced to do random exercises by his physically coercive older brothers, who have no special qualifications to be Jazz’s personal trainer, and no empathy for his chemically-sabotaged body’s limitations. This results in Jazz becoming so overexerted that he vomits. Then they put him on a radio show so he can be encouraged by a random guy to kill himself. He fires back that it doesn’t matter what is between his legs, raising questions of why they are planning the penis inversion surgery. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

A young woman quits testosterone due to somehow developing a negative association with injections, despite the fact that many other forms of the drug exist such as gels and implants. After a period of time, she gets pregnant. Her fetus has a severe malformation. The doctors do not know what causes it, and it is highly associated with frequent UTIs and substance use that affects fetal development, for some reason, but they assure her, no, it cannot have been the boyjuice. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

Jeanette hoards trash because she has an attachment to stuff. Jazz has an odd hypersexual episode in the car on the ride over to an event that Jeanette is forcing Jazz to do. Jazz visits a Gay-Straight Alliance (now called Gender Sexuality Alliance) club and meets a group of kaiescent young women with green hair. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

Mic got disconnected near the end, but I think it’s not so bad with the native mic. I was not up to redoing it. This clip really angered me. I wanted to vomit at several points trying to empathize with this predator dude to be able to explain his mindset. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

Jazz gets a replacement lupron implant, which breaks off in his arm mid-procedure, prompting his surgeon to suddenly remember he has an ultrasound machine. Jeanette does more drunk painting and starts bragging about how she forces Jazz to do stuff by telling him he has no choice in the matter. Jazz explains Jeanette is a hoarder who thinks trash is precious. Jazz has a severe skin reaction to the adhesive from the bandage, but the brain trust cannot figure it out until Dr. Olson-Kennedy gets on facetime. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

What a clusterduck. She’s deactivated again. All this started because she and ApostateAri perpetrated a completely unneccessary hoax about a non-existent medical report being ignored by a specific GC organization. And yes, I did put it on blast. I felt pressured by her inappropriate (unlawful) disclosure to defuse the smear campaign, and because I was not the only person being targeted by this coordinating group which was acting unlawfully. Thank you for your patience as I process and integrate this reactivated traumatic experience and move on from it. I will be uploading more I Am Jazz reactions next. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

Mood music above. Here’s some art I’ve done over Christmas. These are all acrylic and 4”x 6”. “The Cure” “Overnight Water is Poison” “Rainy Day on Broadway” “Candescent” “Blame Canada” This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

Leta and others have been claiming publicly and privately that organizations have ignored medical reports from a physical exam of a specific person, documenting physical injuries, stemming from an event occurring this month. Here is where Boylan admitted this morning that I have been in touch with all relevant parties since the immediate aftermath. They've been insisting until now that I had no direct knowledge of the lack of physical exam. Even still, in this post, they allege conjecture. No, ma'am. I never “sought out” the alleged victim. Ari put me and many other people in touch with her to offer support. Now it's being turned against me because I noticed that they were lying, and as a survivor myself, I found that abhorrent and inexplicable. Here, Leta admits the “anonymous friends” accusing me are both part of this group that is now lying to protect the other lies. Leta says she never would out a rape victim. She's working her way through the Narcissist’s Prayer. That thing that she'd never do, she did. You can't relay an exchange where I have dialogue about when I reported my rape, without outing me as a rape victim. They have no information I want or need, also. I have not always gone to the police when men have hurt me. I'm not unusual. Many adult women would understand why this is not a believable smear. But Leta isn't most women. So she started with a ridiculous lie, and she exaggerates the lie every time it starts to falter. Saturday, it was 1. Now it's 2. Tomorrow it will be 4. In a few weeks, I will have pressured all living unreported rape survivors to report immediately. Mark my words. She'll keep embellishing. To summarize, I believe the alleged victim in this case, who has made no public statements. Anything publicly said about her by the group led by the woman who likes to weaponize embellished narratives of other women's experiences, should be viewed with suspicion. This young woman deserves support, not to be used as a pawn. I never got justice myself, even though I reported the next day. That was the point of my anecdote. But maybe I got too upset to finish the thought, and it came across wrong. I had no idea this woman had made it about her. The second woman doesn't exist, and likely was made up to gaslight the woman who betrayed me into thinking someone else told her the same thing. I rarely discuss this. I am very intentional about who I discuss it with. Or rather, I was, until Leta ignored my lack of consent tobeing outed as a rape victim as a set up for a smear. It's difficult to talk about. That's why I don't. This woman is no friend of survivors of either medical sexual abuse or other sexual violence. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

I have been reflecting on how trans people really underestimate how much of their internal struggle is religious trauma, often with Christians, often their parents. I can’t think of any other reason so many people see my videos and conclude I’m somehow trying to save trans people who are already halfway down the walls of the Sarlacc pit, if not deep in the proverbial belly of the beast. Then they notice I also do not seem to be catering to them, and this leads to concluding, I am doing it wrong. This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Some will come to me to explain that I don’t realize how to better adjust my messaging and tone to be more popular with the trans community I am allegedly trying to “reach.” Use their pronouns! Use their fantasy no-ball name! Just call them trans women! That will make them more likely to listen to you! You’ll be able to save these people from the cult! Pull them back from the brink of castration and we can all live happily ever after with catheters on the house. But this is a zombie apocalypse-type situation. I cannot save those who are already too far gone, I will only be risking my own time and energy attempting to save them, and so I am not opening the door. I radically don't try to save trans people. They are not the main characters in this story. They are a mixture of the already-fallen and the villains. This expectation is stemming, I believe, from the fact that culturally, they are used to being centered. They further expect to have Christians trying to save them, because that's what Christians are trying to do. Christians want to find the fallen and pick them back up. And that’s so nice of them! They’ve certainly helped pick me up repeatedly when I needed some saving, like the time I was in Turkey trying to find a rabies vaccine and the person who helped me was a Christian missionary and complete stranger, who was there to be helpful to expatriates. There’s plenty of those types in the GC sphere. But that’s simply not me. While I attended Lutheran school and consider myself Biblically literate, while I do try to be helpful in my own way, Christian evangelicism is very much a second language. My default spiritual operating system of Scientology (now obsolesced) is not as common as the Christian mindset, which I was not really exposed to until middle school. Scientology has a diametrically opposed view of your role in other people's lives and the amount of effort you are expected to put forth to save the salvation-resistant and the help-phobic. You are here to do you, boo, and other people are either on board with that because they're your bros from the beforetimes when you were spaceghosts, or they'll get in your way because they're haters (SPs or “suppressive persons”) you should avoid so hard you minesweeper that shit and avoid their friends (PTS or “potential trouble sources”) too. That's it. That's my summary of Diabetics or whatever the Ron’s book was called. But that’s my starting point. So I am not here to be evangelical. I’m not here to save. I’m not attempting to extricate anyone from their own nightmarish and predictable existence. I’m here to learn, to know, and to speak to that, to those who want to hear and have ears to listen. So I’m really not trying to “save” trans people. I'm not going to go over there and reason with them for their sake. I'm not their mom. I'm here to document the horrors for the benefit of the pretrans, the detrans, and the trans-enduring, as I've said from day 1. When I engage, it is in pursuit of that goal. It is to establish rapport, coax desired information, illustrate a logic tree I've already discerned, practice dialectics for myself, or for the propaganda value of the public exchange. But saving them? They're already lost. They're already in the pit by choice or because their own parents threw them in. I cannot cool their burning tongue with a single drop...

I react to a trans identified woman who discovers a paper where 100% of female-to-male bottom surgery recipients on testosterone had prostatic metaplasia, which can be a precursor to prostate cancer, something none were at risk of at baseline. “The most common clinical context was gender dysphoria.” Prostatic Metaplasia of the Vagina and Uterine Cervix: An Androgen-associated Glandular Lesion of Surface Squamous Epithelium - PubMed https://share.google/zoxFRBulyNTPqvG85 Prostatic metaplasia of the vagina in transmasculine individuals - PubMed https://share.google/xH2eYGKW89cnqpVBK I've had a cold the last few days exacerbated by bay area temu air quality this week, hence my hoarse voice/lying down in this video. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

I've never seen her look so broken and so scared. I hope she gets the best care possible and they manage to reverse some or all of this. But this is what post-sepsis syndrome looks like in action. You do not always recover the original baseline. Sometimes the injuries you sustained from the sepsis also make it impossible to maintain the new baseline. Is she still on the boyjuice? How much is the stand to pee metoidioplasty (emphasis on me) contributing to these chronic infections? Thoughts and hopes, folks. All we can do is watch and worry. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

Thank you to everyone who tuned into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe

Thank you Jenny Poyer Ackerman, Kristin Zebrowski, MPA, Elspeth Cypher, V900, Practical Transman She/Heretic, and many others for tuning into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exulansic.substack.com/subscribe