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I Don't Even Own a Television

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This is a podcast about godawful books. Each episode, host Jay W. Friedman sits down with some guests to discuss books that all of them wish they hadn't read. Humor, serious talk, progressive inebriation, who could ask for more?

This is a podcast about godawful books. Each episode, host Jay W. Friedman sits down with some guests to discuss books that all of them wish they hadn't read. Humor, serious talk, progressive inebriation, who could ask for more?
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This is a podcast about godawful books. Each episode, host Jay W. Friedman sits down with some guests to discuss books that all of them wish they hadn't read. Humor, serious talk, progressive inebriation, who could ask for more?




Myth Conceptions

Grab your Dio tape and tug your jerkin into place, because it's time to get extremely barbaric with Robert Aspirin's sword and farcery romp Myth Conceptions -- and, best of all, we're joined by Dan Boeckner, of Wolf Parade, Operators, and others! Eat your heart out as we rock through a book that has more dad-joke density than an episode of Car Talk. If you're ready for for a sub-epic quest full of military bluster and sexual fluster, then gird your loins, say goodbye to your loved ones back...

Duration: 01:30:18

Jonathan Livingston Seagull

Take your broken wing(s) and learn to fly again, not with Mr. Mister but with Mr. Jonathan Livingston Seagull, by Mr. Richard Bach, in close formation with your friends Messrs. Friedman J.W. and Collsion Chris. This episode is certain to crack you up, as we scramble to lay out the metaphysical scheme Bach hatches for us—and, best of all, you won't have to shell anything out for our yolks! For longime listeners who have been waiting for us to go Full Weed Dad, this should satisfy your...

Duration: 01:04:56

A Shot of Whiskey and a Kiss You'll Regret in the Morning

Collin Yost's A Shot of Whiskey and a Kiss You'll Regret in the Morning is the book that made Marianne Moore write "I, too, dislike it" about poetry; it's the book that made the rock-and-roll clown from Metalocalypse say "man, this guy talks about cocaine a lot; it's by a writer who undoubtedly has made a number of bartenders mutter "Ah, Christ, not this guy again..." Our first foray into poetry finds us foundering but unflustered. Choke down another shot and plan out your excuses why you...

Duration: 01:17:23

A Million Little Pieces

By a writer who thinks he's hot shit (but is actually just a cold turkey), it's A Million Little Pieces, James Frey's fake memoir slash terrible novel. Lauren Parker drops by to help us get through what may be the worst book we've ever read, full of Man Pain, capitalized Nouns, and long passages about the universal passion of the most boring Americans, boxing. Thrill to a baffled, hostile trio trying to come to terms with high-school level poetry like "I realize why dawn is called...

Duration: 01:28:59

Blaster Master (Worlds of Power #1)

Worlds of Power No. 1: Blaster Master: a strange artifact, here, not as clumsy or random as fanfic, an elegant read from a more civilized age. Yes, what we have here is a novelization ... of a video game ... meant for children. But, due to one host's long-standing relationship with the work, we break our normal rules, and craft for you an episode that's chockablock with crackerjack infotainment, including a decided enthusiasm gap between your hosts, a rich vein of fun factage*, and...

Duration: 01:13:25

TekLab (TekWar Series Book 3)

Because sometimes there's a man, we won't say a hero, but what is a hero, anyway, who can take skycabs down the mean streets without himself becoming mean, because sometimes we need a hero, are holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night, but we don't need another hero, it's time for William Shatner's TekLab! Like a cuddly Mike Hammer, or a Mack Bolan who wages a lonely war against evil but still remembers to call his girlfriend at the end of the day, TekLab protagonist Jake Cardigan...

Duration: 01:23:35

Rush Revere and the American Revolution

From the mind of Rush Limbaugh and four of his closest corporate lackeys comes Rush Revere and the American Revolution, a book in his "Time Travel Adventures with Exceptional Americans" series; from across the pond, Kefin Mahon joins us to learn some American history from a book best described as "What if Ms. Frizzle was incompetent and evil?"... Sneezing, hungry, time-travelling horses, troubled teens in war zones, meat pies with the Continental Congress, custom t-shirts and a history...

Duration: 01:14:56

You've Been Warned

Answering the question "Wha happens when you try to write a taut horror-thriller but forget to finish it and just publish your initial collection of scenes and scenarios instead?" it's ... You Were Warned, a couple hundred pages of hard and fast incompetence from the minds of James "The Franchise Maker" Patterson and Howard Roughan, "The Freshmaker." WARNING: this book makes zero sense. WARNING: it's impossible to explain the cliche-per-page rate here. WARNING: it says right on the cover...

Duration: 01:10:30

I, the Jury

From we, the podcasters, for you, the listeners, I, the Jury, by Mickey Spillane. Did You Know: Bad books actually have been around for more than 50 years!? This episode, we we dive into the past and journey to the source of a LOT of the kind of books with narrator/protagonists who take great pride in the thickness of their wrists. Nasty, brutish, and short, this is a book with all the narrative momentum and coherence of a game of Clue, but with all the cruelty and harsh language of a...

Duration: 01:24:14

Traveler #5: Road War

Call shotgun, but only if you've got one, because it's time for IDEOTVPOD to hit the open, post-apocalyptic road with our latest men's adventure trip, D. B. Drumm's Traveler #5: Road War. We're under assault from every angle, with buffets of hot first draft prose, torrents of serious horror violence, and dollops of good politics (amongst sprinkles of bad). So pop the clutch and tell the world to eat your dust, because we're grabbing John Shirley and blasting across the alkali flats in a...

Duration: 01:19:06

God's Debris: A Thought Experiment

If you cross a plague of locusts with a parade of nonsense, what do you get? The answer does not lie in Scott "Dilbert Guy"'s bizarre tract God's Debris. Nevertheless, we were delighted to welcome back our resident religious scholar Lauren O'Neal to try to get some meaning out of a work that truly seems intended to make you think... Unfortunately, mostly what it makes you think is "geez, is this book dumb". Laughs abound as we sit down next to strangers on the bus and get an earful about...

Duration: 01:09:58

I'm With the Band

For Mothers' Day, the mother of all hanging-out-with-the-band books, I'm with the Band, brought to us by star of page, screen, and earbud, Mara Wilson! It's the book that ties together pretty much every trashy rock book we've done. Ties into a big, skeevy bundle, suitable for the landfill, incinerator, or truck stop book shelf. Lizard kings, heavy metal wizards, iron butterflies, this one's got it all! Including crabs. :( Grab your all-access pass for fun, and hop on board the rock and...

Duration: 01:42:20

Valley of the Dolls

Valley of the Dolls spins a tale as old as time: three young women meet, attain world-spanning prominence and fame as, respectively, the world's greatest singer/actress, the prettiest model alive, and a, ah, "European art movie" star, then develop various addictions (including cruelty, attention, and good old-fashioned pills and booze), with various, mostly very sad, outcomes. There was no way we could have handled this one solo, and we were incredibly lucky to have the legendary Maura...

Duration: 01:21:54

[FLASHBACK #1] Those Who Trespass

We don't normally do this, but given current events, we figured there'd be no better time to dig back through the archives and re-release a classic episode, Bill O'Reilly's batshit thriller "Those Who Tresspass", with special guest Jeb Lund. Please, join us in 2014; a time before Collision, before segments and fun little jingles. Listen to me Jeb crack each other up talking about what may be one of the most widely distributed pieces of self-insert fan fiction ever created. And also, fuck...

Duration: 01:08:56

Widow's Walk

This episode, we're hitching a ride on up to Boston to tag along with a sassy, tough-guy grandpa private eye, as he attempts to get to the bottom of a mystery involving real estate fraud, a dead gay banker, the dead gay banker's young widow, her boyfriend, a lot of ancillary characters that don't make any sense unless you've read the other 30-odd books in the series, and a lot of looking at women's butts. Alternate title for this episode: Death Comes for Dadventure. Widow's Walk, by Robert...

Duration: 01:05:00

ICP: Behind The Paint (Pt. 2 of 2)

In the second leg of our ICP saga, our grease-painted patron points us past the platinum peaks and into the valleys of his following, less successful, records, and walks up to the precipice of admitting "I started smoking weed and found god" but in the end sticks with "we had this all planned out from the beginning and never changed anything about ourselves." Along the way, he describes both putting on weight and losing weight in the most off-putting ways possible, has a few extremely...

Duration: 01:41:44

ICP: Behind The Paint (Pt. 1 of 2)

It had to happen, and it had to happen in exactly this way: I Don't Even Own a Television meets the juggalos, as we sit down with with a clown and read Violent J.'s Behind the Paint. Be forewarned, this one goes places we rarely go; and be advised, this is our first ever two-part episode! Here in part one, IDEOTV prepares an ICP primer. We enjoy endure wallow in the band's early days, ranging all the way from suburban Detroit to slightly different parts of suburban Detroit, described with...

Duration: 01:06:16

Monday Night Jihad

You're guaranteed to get a kick out of retired pro football placekicker Jason Elam (and his ghostwriter special writing pal Steve Yohn)'s taut Riley Covington thriller Monday Night Jihad! Well, unless things like grade-7 sexuality and Steve-Bannon-grade Islamophobia somehow impede your enjoyment of pulp literature. Anyway, come with us and meet the team that stands between us and those who would ruin our football games! No, not medical professionals: the terrible terrorists who lurk among...

Duration: 01:26:01

The First Inaugural Bad Book Party (Live)

Bit of a change of format this time around, as we bring you our second live event, and our first Bad Book Party! From audience-provided oddities to the long-awaited appearance of probably the most-requested book in the show's history, this is an action- and guest-packed hour or two you won't want to miss. Thanks to everybody who came out, thanks to Casey for helping us surge past a few technical difficulties, thanks to Andrew at Green Apple Books on the Park for getting the event ball...

Duration: 01:12:23

No One Here Gets Out Alive

Prepare to grapple with the gods* as we're joined by comics writer and major dude Christopher (@xtop) Sebela to discuss the sleaziest rock bio we have ever seen, the legendary No One Here Gets Out Alive, by Jerry Hopkins and Danny Sugerman. From dong-flashing to Dazig, this conversation has it all! *Second-division** **At best Whether you think Jim Morrison was a modern-day Dionysus or just the original fat man in the bathtub (with the blues), this is a show you're guaranteed to enjoy!...

Duration: 01:20:41

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