The Ascertainers

Send us a text Dripping with overconfidence from the previous episode, our heroes realize that luster will soon fade, so they barely even try on this one. They lean into the suck. Enjoy! Suggestions: TheAscertainers@gmail.com #Newt's #ForgettingSarahMarshall The weather outside is weather - YouTube #IsHeDown? Luke Bryan’s cameraman be like .... 😂😂😂Via: @bryanandrewsmusic (youtube.com)

Send us a text Taking a rare break from music (pause for laughter) to bring you a universally popular topic--Pizza. Of course, we get to it and then distract ourselves a time or three. During Errors and Omissions, we get very close to passing out while laughing. *Mark won with Led Zeppelin, but left the money in the pot so a guest can win it. Also, next week Jim will be the guest. Don't reach us at: TheAscertainers@gmail.com Norm McDonald Brokeback bit (NSFW!) Bing Videos #Newt's #Pachyderm #OuchMyUvula #DoughHits

Send us a text This one is a tad spicy and faster paced. Makes up for when we usually mail it in. #Newt's #COVIDmakesYouFaster #AndTheWinnersAre #Should'veKnownBetter #TouchAndGo #DontLookBack

Send us a text We went into this episode with the best intentions of talking about singers with average-to-bad voices that worked perfectly for their band, but then Jim made a life choice at dinner. He ordered a big salad and somehow that decision--and its aftermath--took up a healthy portion of the episode. Should've known better. There are at least three song titles in this write up. If you spot them, let us know what they are at TheAscertainers@gmail.com. Let us know if you want a shout out or if you prefer to remain anonymous (we wish we could too). #Newts #DontLookBack #GoodDaySir

Send us a text Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee, and nobody doesn't like Little River Band. It had to be said. Join us as we rip on each other for a solid 45 minutes (but in a good way). Sound off at The Ascertainers@gmail.com #Newts #@SaraLegelTattoos #LonesomeLosers

Send us a text When you hit rock bottom, you've got nowhere else to go but up! Our daubers were down after last episode, but we rallied and this one is just about as good/bad as the average. Some laughs, some interesting trivia, and (spoiler alert), nobody wins the radio game. Is it true that the shorter the write up, the better the episode? You can tell us at TheAscertainers@gmail.com #Newts #IsItBecky? #LikeADouche

Send us a Text Message. Due to scheduling issues and a bout with Covid, we had a 3-week hiatus from recording. You might think we'd be rejuvenated and ready to deliver some mind-blowing stuff, but we both agreed that this episode might be one of our most low-key yet. Maybe you like that sort of thing, but we are working on bouncing back with some more upbeat stuff for our next couple. Now you have to ask yourself--how bad could it be? Maybe this is one of The Ascertainer's amazing head fakes where it's way better than they're advertising. I guess you'll have to listen and find out! TheAscertainers@gmail.com #Newts #Funner

Send us a text Super-guest Steve (Mark's friend, not Jim's brother--who is no slouch) is on for our first ever successful 3rd recording in one session. We really wanted to talk about 1981 music, but what do you know? We talked mostly about cars of that era. Topic suggestions: The Ascertainers@gmail.com #DrunkenFins #Newt's #YourCarIsSliding Away

Send us a text This is part two of our recording session with Mark's HS buddy, Steve. So much natural conversation that we dang near blew through without an introduction and even omitted the Radio Game. You're welcome. Suggestion Box: TheAscertainers@gmail.com #Newt's #Mannings #WhatDent?

Send us a text Today we are joined by Mark's best friend from High School, Steve (not to be confused with Jim's brother Steve). If you judge someone's character by the company they keep, Mark must be a good dude. #ToBeContinued #Newt's #TheValentines

Send us a text We dial it down in terms of tone and volume from last episode with Jim's family. Throwing another music one at you --seeing as we are supposed to be a music podcast and all. Submit your recipes: TheAscertainers@gmail.com #DirtyDeedsDoneDirtCheap #Newts

Send us a text I know what you're thinking--are these the people Jim grew up with or was one of them bitten by a radioactive spider. The jury is still out on that one. We celebrate Jim's mom's birthday with some laughs and just the right amount of brotherly angst. **Because we had 5 people and only 4 microphones, Jim decided to sit between 2 mic's to be accommodating. Only problem is that those mic's picked him up just fine, so he didn't have to raise his voice. Lesson learned. Feedback: TheAscertainers@gamil.com #SorryNewts #WeOweYouOne

Send us a text We finally persuade Mark's wife, Dianne, to sit in on an episode. We told her she didn't have to talk or anything--just check it out and she could chime in if she wanted to. Basically, the podcast version of just the tip. Well, we got more than we bargained for as she did chime in, and she was awesome! Hate what you hear? You're not alone. Tell us what you think. TheAscertainers@gmail.com #Newts #LetsJustSeeHowItFeels #NocturnalEnuresis

Send us a text If you ever wanted to know how Jim would react to winning the Radio Game--this episode is for you. What started innocently as a second episode of the night turned into some pretty good laughs and a good time overall. Mark really liked this one. #Newt's #LonelyIsTheNight Here's the Dimitri Martin clip about sizes. Starts at @2:00 The Only Clothes a Dog Should Wear - Demetri Martin - YouTube TheAscertainers@gmail.com

Send us a text New concept tonight. We're not pointing any fingers here, but everyone knew Mark and Jim would run out of topics sooner or later. So tonight, we break out the Grab Bag. Might be a worthy concept, but who's kidding who? Desperately seeking topic ideas: TheAscertainers@gmail.com The Wayne's World 2 Clip: https://youtu.be/I3Jk082xY7w?si=IAcS1hMSXJrEmzSO #Relax #Newts #GNR

Send us a text As the title indicates, we could use some of YOUR input on music topics. I mean it's not like we talk about any topic for more than 1/4 of any episode (although there is some juicy Molly Hatchet and Jethro Tull stuff in the radio game today). TheAscertainers@gmail.com #Newt's #SendHim #CircusPenis

Send us a Text Message. In the spirit of the new golf season, we had to use a Mulligan on this one. We recorded on our usual night, and it turned out even less good/more bad than usual. We added Jim's wife for support and got a much better result. We'd love to hear from you. Send us your topic suggestions, bands you like or anything else to: TheAscertainers@gmail.com #NewtsBurgerLab #BarryWohler TheLawFirmOfEnglandDanAndJohnFordColey

Send us a text Hey, we made it to 60--and still aren't very good. What does say about you for listening? TheAscertainers@gmail.com #Newts #Spree

Send us a text We take a slight left turn from almost being a music podcast to talk about the thing everyone in our demographic can relate to in some way--Wide World of Sports. For those about to rock: TheAscertainers@gmail.com Also, there's a new "Send us a Text Message" feature above. Try it out! #Newts #AscertainerBurgerWillHaveToWait #TheVaqueros #Pescatarianism

Send us a text May was rough on us schedule-wise. We'll record a fresh episode on the night this one is released. In other words, this episode was recorded a while back and has been aging in the barrel. Careful--we don't know how strong it is. Tell us what you think: TheAscertainers@gmail.com Follow us on Facebook / Instagram / X #Newt's #Cheers #EggMarkMuffin