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Adoptees Crossing Lines

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In this podcast I deconstruct the romanticism holding up the adoption industry and expose the lies, abuse, and pain that gets silenced. I'm here to unwrap the shiny bow around adoption and speak my truths as an adoptee. In doing so, I explain what it means and what it feels like to “come out of the fog”. This isn't your feel good podcast, I am an angry, healing and honest adoptee.

Location:

United States

Description:

In this podcast I deconstruct the romanticism holding up the adoption industry and expose the lies, abuse, and pain that gets silenced. I'm here to unwrap the shiny bow around adoption and speak my truths as an adoptee. In doing so, I explain what it means and what it feels like to “come out of the fog”. This isn't your feel good podcast, I am an angry, healing and honest adoptee.

Language:

English


Episodes
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Unpacking Adoption w/ Henry: Identity, Community, and Healing

6/14/2024

Duration:00:37:38

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Adoption, Therapy, and Self-Discovery: Fai Knudson's Story

5/24/2024

Duration:00:53:34

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Finding Freedom: Reflections on One Year of No Contact

5/10/2024
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Duration:00:46:06

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Operation Stop CPS w/ Amanda Wallace

4/26/2024
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Duration:00:36:02

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Adoption is not a part of God's plan

4/12/2024
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Duration:00:41:02

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Mila's Truth: Navigating Adoption, Liberation, and Community

3/22/2024
Send us a Text Message. Mila's Truth: Navigating Adoption, Liberation, and Community The Church does an excellent job of silencing you if you oppose them. They’d even hire a marketing company to rebrand adoption so that their business as adoption middlemen can continue to thrive. But, it’s not just the Church. The dominant culture is to silence anyone who speaks up against adoption. To make them feel shame. To gaslight them. That was Mila Konomos’ experience once she realized how adoption has wounded her. Mila tells her story of how she was forcibly removed from her family in 1975 to the realization in 2009 that everything she thought she knew about adoption was a lie. She discusses how reuniting with her biological parents changed everything, how similar she realized she was hto her bio parents, grappling with her identity, the power of speaking up, and the cultural resistance against accepting the truth about adoption. Mila is the host of the podcast called Everything You Think You Know About Adoption Is A Lie. “If you don't change the narrative, then you can't change the policies.” What we discussed (00:22) Who is Mila Kanomos? (01:39) Being a (clueless) grateful adoptee (04:25) Realizing I’m actually wounded (06:00) “You had this information all of my life?!” (08:24) The Last Unicorn (12:55) Terrified of opposing adoption publicly (15:50) The Church is complicit (18:23) Propaganda around adoption (19:38) Surviving reunion (22:04) How do I become Korean? (25:39) Biological traits & connections (30:55) Everything you know about adoption is a lie (36:43) Church PAID to rebrand adoption (41:03) Centering adoptee narratives (44:47) Adoption IS oppression (49:03) What can you do about this? (55:51) You already know who you are Links Everything You Think You Know About Adoption Is A Lie Podcast Child Catchers by Catherine Joyce Connect with Mila: Instagram | Podcast Instagram Follow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | Tiktok Credits Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com

Duration:00:58:08

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My Journey to Abolition

3/8/2024
Send us a Text Message. My Journey To Abolition Every adult in my childhood has failed me, none of them did what they’re supposed to. Every part of the system failed me…it did exactly what it’s supposed to. The system kills children and breaks families, it must be abolished. In this episode, I share how I gradually evolved towards this deep belief starting from a school trip to juvie when I was just 10. I talk about my encounters with the family policing system growing up and how it failed me. My story is not an is not an anomaly or an isolated incident. This is the experience of many children who are victims of the family policing system that they carry with them through adulthood. Abolition is a journey toward collective liberation, this is my journey so far… [CW: Sexual and Physical Abuse] What we discussed (00:22) Taking a trip to juvie at 10 years old (03:42) The system is NOT broken (04:42) [CW] Punished for speaking up about abuse (07:30) Losing faith in adoption, police, and the system OR My first encounter with family policing system (10:32) Going to school with bruises on my arm OR “You had a really good school year because DCF did not show up at my door” OR DCF shows up, I’m a disappointment OR DCF gets me in trouble (16:41) My adopters’ public facade OR Where my skepticism started OR Losing respect for authority (19:10) Suffering through therapy (21:40) Who are they protecting? OR Abolition is the only option (25:54) The system doesn’t care about children [CW: school shootings] OR They let alligators eat black babies (true story) (31:45) My journey with queerness OR Queers in evangelical homes Links Learn more about abolition: Alan Dettlaff Episode | Torn Apart by Dorothy Roberts Confronting the Racist Legacy of the American Child Welfare System By Alan Dettlaff 13th Documentary | The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander Follow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | Tiktok Credits Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com

Duration:00:33:56

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Navigating Change: A Conversation with Josh Lamers, Co-founder of Collective of Child Welfare Survivors

2/23/2024
Send us a Text Message. Josh Lamers Adoption is trauma. How do we help surviving children heal the wounds they’ve sustained from the child welfare system? Josh Lamers, a transracial adoptee, is public enemy #1 for child welfare agencies in Canada. He joins the show to discuss what adoption and child welfare are like in Canada; and how his organization, Collective of Child Welfare Survivors, advocates for child welfare survivors though addressing harm reduction, counseling, unpacking racial displacement, and community development…amongst many other things. “The child who's now back in your home is not the same child who was taken out of your home.” What we discussed (00:21) Who is Josh Lamers? (01:57) His transracial adoption experience OR “My adoption was illegal” (08:51) How child welfare works in Canada OR Adoption system in Canada (13:47) Insights from studying adoption OR What’s wrong with research about adoption (23:51) Psychiatric system and adoption (26:26) Disability and adoption (and why Josh’s adoption was illegal) (32:22) Myth of “unmanageable kids” (34:05) How they advocate for child welfare survivors (45:50) How to support child advocacy work Links Outsiders Within Collective of Child Welfare Survivors: Donate Follow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | Tiktok Credits Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com

Duration:00:49:48

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Adoptees & Community

2/9/2024
Send us a Text Message. Adoptees & Community Before I found other adoptees online I was lost. I wanted to know where I came from, and I wanted to know others like me. Most adoption communities center adoptive parents and foster parents. We are left out of the picture. This doesn’t make sense. This episode is a collection of my thoughts on this matter. “One of the most vital ways we sustain ourselves is by building communities of resistance; places where we know we are not alone.” - Bell Hooks What we discussed (00:23) Healing power of community (04:41) Feeling disillusioned by my adoption (05:59) My adopters in public vs. at home (what people don’t know about adoptive parents) (07:55) Grassroots communities vs. government agencies (08:57) If only my mom had community support (11:39) Looking for spaces with adoptees OR I didn’t know other adoptees (15:06) Struggling with suicidal ideation (18:35) Belonging nowhere (20:38) What binds the adoptee community together Links Race, Gender, and Cultural Politics by Bell Hooks Follow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | Tiktok Credits Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com

Duration:00:24:18

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Confronting the Racist Legacy of the Child Welfare System w/ Alan Dettlaff

1/25/2024
Send us a Text Message. Confronting the Racist Legacy of the American Child Welfare System It was when Alan arrived at a home with the cops to remove a child and heard his mother say “Charles, run, they're coming to take you and they're going to sell you to the white people” that he realized how the trauma of slavery cannot be disentangled from the trauma of family separation. It was in this moment that he realized the harm he’s done to many families and decided to take a different path. Today, Alan Dettlaff is an abolitionist and co-founder of the upEND Movement. In this episode we explore the racist legacy of the child welfare system through discussing Alan’s book Confronting the Racist Legacy of the American Child Welfare System: The Case for Abolition. What we discussed (00:23) Who is Alan Dettlaff? (01:35) Removing children from their families OR He was complicit (04:16) Why reforms don’t work (and what does) (08:32) Why the family policing system is racist (14:31) What’s wrong with mandatory reporting laws? (20:23) Trump’s Zero Tolerance Policy (23:58) People wanted to end family separations previously (25:25) Everyday acts of abolition (that you can do) (31:55) Social workers and the abolitionist movement (35:06) “Run, they’re going to sell you to white people” OR Trauma of slavery vs. trauma of family separations (38:19) Learning more from Alan Dettlaff Links Alan Dettlaff’s book: Confronting the Racist Legacy of the American Child Welfare System: The Case for Abolition Upend Movement: Donate | Podcast Torn Apart by Dorothy Roberts Abolitionist Perspectives In Social Work Follow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | Tiktok Credits Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com

Duration:00:43:10

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Unveiling Roots: The Journey of Gregory D. Luce, Attorney and Advocate for Adoptee Rights

11/10/2023
Send us a Text Message. Unveiling Roots: The Journey of Gregory D. Luce, Attorney and Advocate for Adoptee Rights Us adoptees have to pay thousands of dollars and jump through hoops to unseal our records. This robs us of autonomy, dignity, and equality. Gregory D. Luce is an attorney who helps adoptees all across the US go through this hurdle. In this episode we discuss Greg’s personal adoption journey that made him so passionate about adoptee rights. We also discuss the important work that he does around adoptee records through his organizations the Adoptee Rights Law Center and Adoptees United. What we discussed (00:22) Baby scoop era (03:07) Was never “in the fog” (05:14) Divorce of his adoptive parents (06:17) Pay $500 to find no records?? (07:20) Finding his mom coincidentally (08:23) Establishing the Adoptee Rights Law Center (10:58) Inheriting his mom’s records and belongings (14:25) What restrictions are in YOUR state? (16:54) Adoption records issue for non-US adoptions and illegal adoptions (20:16) What are baby boxes? (21:52) Adoption after abolition (what will it look like?) OR You can’t end adoption (25:58) Why accessing adoption records matters (27:36) What do Adoptees United do? (31:30) Adoptee causes need MONEY (34:28) Future of adoptee rights (38:07) How to support Greg’s work Links Adoptee Rights Law Center Adoptees United Donate to Adoptees United Dorothy Roberts Connect with Gregory D. Luce: Twitter Follow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | Tiktok

Duration:00:42:19

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Torn Apart: How the Child Welfare System Destroys Black Families--and How Abolition Can Build a Safer World

10/27/2023
Send us a Text Message. Torn Apart: How the Child Welfare System Destroys Black Families--and How Abolition Can Build a Safer World More than anyone else, black women get their children kidnapped by the state, by the child “welfare system”. This episode is about the whys and hows of abolishing a system built to strip families away from their children. Through discussing Torn Apart by Dr. Dorothy Roberts, we examine the history and laws that have led to the birth of armed and violent social workers. We also explore the many opportunities around how transformative justice can save lives. “Hope is a discipline” - Mariame Kaba What we discussed (00:23) Black women’s childbearing is devalued (04:29) What’s family policing? (07:21) Weaponising child removal (14:25) Alternative to the child welfare system? (19:03) A law that strips away black mothers’ rights, FAST (33:53) From adoption to murder-suicide (35:45) Armed social workers? (tragic family policing stories) (47:48) Is abolition helpful or harmful to children? (56:33) How to reimagine the system Links Torn Apart by Dr. Dorothy Roberts Shattered Bonds We were once a family by Roxanna Asgarian JMACforFamilies upEND Movement Movement for Family Power Connect with Dr. Dorothy Roberts: Twitter Follow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | Tiktok Credits Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com

Duration:01:10:02

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Embracing Identity: John's Journey of Self-Discovery

10/13/2023
Send us a Text Message. Reuniting with his birth family showed John McCormick, a transracial adoptee, a new world. He physically felt a relaxation he had never felt before, he connected with music and art like never before, and he started to own who he is - confidently - even when others denied his identity. This is the story of how John’s reunion with his bio family was a healing journey that led him to reclaim an identity he was stripped of. What we discussed (00:26) Finding his family because of a coincidence OR Having his original birth certificate (06:08) I’m not Irish, I’m Colombian OR Loneliness of having a lost identity OR Who am I, even? (10:05) Strange feelings after meeting his family OR Deciding to move to Colombia (13:54) Reconnecting with music and art (19:06) Getting confident about his identity OR Confidently reclaiming his identity (despite the haters) (24:48) Working with his therapist (28:48) How his adoptive family feels about him reconnecting with his bio family (32:17) Preparing to meet your bio family Links Colombian Influence Podcast Wisdom and Nonsense Podcast Grow Heal Blossom Connect with John McCormick: Website Follow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | Tiktok Credits Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com

Duration:00:39:14

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Emily's Journey: Identity, Language Learning, and Adoption Realities

9/22/2023
Send us a Text Message. Emily's Journey: Identity, Language Learning, and Adoption Realities After 9 months of living with monks, Emily Harris was adopted from China. She was left behind by her bio family due to the One Child Policy. To process her loss of identity, she has started to learn Chinese with a community of adoptees. In this episode, she talks about how language learning helps, why she wishes she was white, and the hardships of being a Chinese adoptee in the US. What we discussed (00:24) Getting adopted from China (07:18) Pandemic racism (09:29) Processing identity loss through language learning (11:24) Not wanting to share the language with non-adoptees (15:10) Belonging nowhere (20:58) One child policy (23:43) Distance created by religion (27:02) Reckoning with being chinese OR “I want to be white” (31:40) The note her birth family left her (35:22) For adoptees learning their bio language… (38:23) Connect with Emily Links Language Travel Adoptee on YouTube Language Wellness and Identity Podcast Connect with Emily Harris: Instagram | Twitter Follow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | Tiktok Credits Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com

Duration:00:40:40

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Adoption Trauma, Mental Health, and Suicide Risk with Lina Vanegas

9/8/2023
Send us a Text Message. Lina Though Lina Vanegas was born to a Colombian family, she was forced to assimilate as a white jewish person. 38 years later, she’s unable to fully connect with her bio family nor speak their language. Forced assimilation is trauma. Her mission is to educate people on adoption trauma. In the episode, she gives a crash course on why adoption is trauma, what to do if you want to adopt in a trauma-informed way, and how to go down the rabbit hole of being adoption-trauma informed. What we discussed (00:32) Can you make up for 38 years of loss? (05:08) Forced assimilation in childhood (07:11) Can’t speak my own language (09:14) Rescripting the narrative (10:31) If you’re thinking of adopting, do THIS. (20:05) Why she’s educating the public (24:42) Adoption is preventable trauma OR Mental health and adoption (28:07) Suicide among adoptees OR Why is adoption trauma? [EXPLAINED] (31:57) Intervention for adoptees (38:07) Finding an adoption-competent therapist [HOW-TO] (42:00) Educate yourself (43:50) Connect with Lina Vanegas Links Rescripting The Narrative Podcast Adopted From Colombia Facebook Group Dorothy Roberts researcher The Child Catchers by Katherine Joyce Connect with Lina Vanegas: Instagram | Twitter Follow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | Tiktok Credits Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com

Duration:00:46:04

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Navigating the Complex World of Adoption: Unveiling Azriel June's Journey

8/25/2023
Send us a Text Message. Navigating the Complex World of Adoption: Unveiling Azriel June's Journey They were told they’re white. They aren’t. They were told they’re Jewish. They aren’t. They tried to erase her heritage over and over again. They couldn’t…so they “gave her back”. This is the story that explains how US adoptions human rights violations - they’re genocide. This is Azriel’s story - a transcultural adoptee from a loving first family who has been systemically preyed upon by the adoption industry. TW: Sexual Assault “The worst part about the secrecy was that I knew I was being lied to. And not by, you know, my friends or some girl in middle school or something, but by the people who were supposed to be my parents.” What we discussed (00:40) Azriel, an adoption abolitionist (01:27) A whole family traumatized by adoptions OR Azriel’s adoption story (06:02) Erasing my heritage OR No idea who I am… (08:32) Mindf*cked OR From someone’s garbage to someone’s blessing (11:26) Illegal adoption OR Renting me for my “cute” years OR Getting illegally adopted (12:52) My mom and grandma’s traumas (16:28) Is adoption generosity? OR Is adoption selfless? OR Is adoption a better life? (21:37) Living a literal lie OR Why am I not good enough to know the truth? (24:59) Why I think my adoption was illegal (27:52) What I wish they did instead OR 1 call would’ve changed my life (29:46) Becoming an abolitionist (31:10) Family policing is genocide (34:51) Community is lifesaving OR “Twitter was as angry as me” OR Community saved my life Links Finding Cleo Podcast This Land Podcast The Girls Who Went Away Connect with Azriel: Twitter Follow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | Tiktok Credits Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com

Duration:00:45:26

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Navigating No Contact: Adoptees' Journeys to Healing

8/11/2023
Send us a Text Message. Should you cut off your adoptive parents? Should you “go no contact” with your adoptive parents? “Oh hell no. Not this time. I’m done.” That’s what we felt before cutting off contact with your adoptive parents. Sometimes, the healthies thing we can do is to go no contact with our adoptive parents. Escaping abuse. Escaping racism. Escaping pain. In this episode we share what made us go no contact, discuss what it’s like, and share our personal advice to adoptees considering going no contact. What we discussed (00:34) What is “going no contact” (01:27) Dr. Noelle’s no contact story (07:45) The first time I heard the N-word (08:23) Lia’s no contact story (14:45) The “I’m DONE” moment (17:27) Cost of going no contact (20:55) The huge disconnect (23:57) What does it take to go no contact? (25:58) Going no contact WHILE raising kids OR Greatest fear OR What to do if your children talk to you about your mistakes (34:01) On the fence about going no contact? OR Should you go no contact? Links Follow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | Tiktok Credits Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com

Duration:00:37:58

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Reclaiming Identity: Dr. Amy Ritterbusch on International Adoption & Abolition

7/28/2023
Send us a Text Message. Reclaiming Identity: Dr. Amy Ritterbusch on International Adoption & Abolition Dr. Amy Ritterbusch was stolen from Colombia as a child and forced to live in the United States with her adoptive family. Foreign land, foreign people, foreign language. But, her longing for where she came from and who she came from never died. She spent the rest of her life trying to find her way back home. In this episode, we discuss international adoption and less violent alternatives to it. We talk about the complicitness of the state in imposing this violence and how guilt is weaponized to catalyze international adoption. Dr. Amy Ritterbusch is an Assistant Professor of Social Welfare at UCLA Luskin School of Public Affairs “So instead of criminalizing mothers in need, how do we create support systems so that decisions are not imposed? Rather folks can, can sort of make decisions in, in situations of care and not in situations of repression or violence.” Dr. Amy Ritterbusch What I shared (00:38) Stolen from Colombia as a child (03:52) Healing through work (06:25) Meeting her biological mom (under supervision of the state) (13:34) State violence and adoption (19:38) Always an outsider, belonging nowhere OR Forced presence (24:22) Building systems that repair harm (28:17) Alternatives to international adoption (33:24) Finding and mourning where you came from (36:51) Connect with Dr. Amy Links Connect with Dr. Amy: Amy Ritterbusch | Latino Policy & Politics Institute (ucla.edu) Follow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | Tiktok Credits Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com

Duration:00:39:59

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Navigating Holidays as an Adoptee: Exploring Complex Emotions and Self-Care

7/14/2023
Send us a Text Message. Navigating Holidays as an Adoptee: Exploring Complex Emotions & Self Care For adoptees, holidays mean performance. Acting like you care, acting like you’re happy, acting like you’re grateful. And if you don’t perform, then you live in guilt. It’s ironic, because adoption itself is an act. Join us as we explore this and discuss what holidays are like for us adoptees. What we discussed (00:38) Father’s day for adoptees (08:01) Mother’s day for adoptees (11:15) Creating your own holiday traditions (13:46) Thanksgiving and christmas for adoptees (16:38) Always in debt (18:29) “Performing” Christmas (20:14) Ruining the vibe (21:00) Not invited (24:46) Doing your own thing (25:39) Birthdays for adoptees (29:47) The most f*cked up holiday OR Gotcha Day (33:37) Advice to adoptive families about holidays OR Question for adoptive families OR What every adoptive family must answer Links Follow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | Tiktok Credits Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com

Duration:00:37:38

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Challenging Adoption Norms and Embracing Queer Parenting: A Conversation with Yomi

6/23/2023
Send us a Text Message. Adoptee Origin Story: Ayomide Bee Is Adoption Human Trafficking? With Ayomide Bee Selling children is human trafficking, so why isn’t adoption considered human trafficking? It’s state-sanctioned trafficking with a paper trail. Ayomide Bee shares her adoption story as a queer transracial adoptee. Her take is not only that same-sex couples shouldn’t adopt - but that adoption should be abolished. Listen to her origin story & views. “Just because it's legal doesn't mean that it's not trafficking. Slavery was legal. The residential homes were legal. Legality doesn't mean a goddamn thing.” - Ayomide Bee What We Discussed (00:31) Story of Ayomide Bee (02:32) Always being the topic of conversation OR Knowing yourself by how people talk about you OR Our story = other people’s stories of us? (04:23) Coming out of the fog OR Finding wonky stuff in the adoption paperwork (05:22) Being forced into adoption (08:07) Decision to go no contact (12:13) How she wants her adoptive parents to take accountability (14:15) Should same-sex couples adopt? (19:58) Is adoption human trafficking? (25:24) Adoption alternatives (28:48) Relationship w/bio grandma (who suggested adoption) OR Anger toward grandma (37:19) What does abolishing adoption look like? (40:30) Connecting with Ayomide Links Connect With Ayomide: Instagram | Substack Follow us on social media: Twitter | Instagram | Tiktok Credits Special thanks to Samuel Oyedele for editing our podcast, support his work on Instagram or e-mail him at Drumaboyiglobal@gmail.com

Duration:00:42:42