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This is self-absorption of the highest order. Taking in my time at Baroness Rosina von Kuhne's Morning School for Little Ones, why I'm scared of tortoises, how I pimped my mum for free ice-creams, my cross-dressing dad and hanging out with Australian drag queens - all life is here. There are occasional effings and jeffings, descriptions of bits and scenes of bumping uglies. Don't play to the vicar.

This is self-absorption of the highest order. Taking in my time at Baroness Rosina von Kuhne's Morning School for Little Ones, why I'm scared of tortoises, how I pimped my mum for free ice-creams, my cross-dressing dad and hanging out with Australian drag queens - all life is here. There are occasional effings and jeffings, descriptions of bits and scenes of bumping uglies. Don't play to the vicar.
More Information

Location:

United Kingdom

Description:

This is self-absorption of the highest order. Taking in my time at Baroness Rosina von Kuhne's Morning School for Little Ones, why I'm scared of tortoises, how I pimped my mum for free ice-creams, my cross-dressing dad and hanging out with Australian drag queens - all life is here. There are occasional effings and jeffings, descriptions of bits and scenes of bumping uglies. Don't play to the vicar.

Language:

English

Contact:

7977467604


Episodes

Farewell to Kingsholm

9/28/2019
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Greta moves on to primary school where he clashes with the monarchy, becomes a socialist, learns to read and adjusts to the smell of rotting corpses.

Duration:00:05:27

The Play's the Thing

9/26/2019
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Most children are put on stage at some point, whether they want it or not. You are never too young to be dressed up, taught lines and thrust in front of a roomful of people. Some thrive, some die. This is my acting career. Those who shine brightest, burn shortest.

Duration:00:05:26

The Ice Cream Man Cometh

9/21/2019
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Pimping your mum out for free ice cream. A whole new meaning to 'Shall I put a flake in that?'

Duration:00:04:11

The Ringy-a-Bill Man

9/21/2019
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Doing business in a pre-internet age; before the Rag and Bone man was a singer. (Parental warning; this podcast does contain Max Bygraves).

Duration:00:06:01

The Facts of Life

9/5/2019
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Learning about the birds and the bees is a big moment in any kid's life. We often pick up a lot of myth and misinformation before the teachers can get to us. My dad was drunk when he told me so his ramblings were added to the playground gossip I'd already learned. It could have scared me for life. This episode contains references to naughty bits and sex stuff. If it bothers you, you need to get out more.

Duration:00:05:18

Mrs Wyatt Had a Fright

9/3/2019
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After the Morning School for Little Ones I moved on to St Marks Infant School which was ruled by Mrs Silk. She was mad, prone to pulling her hair out and with an unusual concept of appropriate punishment. If nothing else, I learnt how to answer the phone as her 5-year-old press-ganged secretary.

Duration:00:05:38

A Whole Lotta Rosie

9/2/2019
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I was the only child in our street, so my mum decided I needed to meet other children. She found a kindergarten which, she thought, must be good because it charged in guineas. That's where I met the first woman to scare the crap out of me.

Duration:00:06:16

A Child is Bored

9/1/2019
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All the cool people were born early enough to appreciate the 60s. I was born in 1962 so I was too young to join in. My cultural nursery was the 1970s, with their bad hair, bad clothes, Mike sodding Yarwood on a Saturday night, strikes and strife. In Episode One, I arrive late to the party that was the 60s, to find everyone has hooked up and all that's left is a warm bottle of Blue Nun. Parental Guidance; this episode does include a foul-mouthed toddler.

Duration:00:05:48