Art Sistory

Here he is! Ring the bells! Sound the trumpets! Brandi's favorite artist is here and it is Bernini. Our beautiful baroque boy is the cream of the crop, queen of rome, and master of marble. And you make think this perfect sculptor never struggled in his whole career well YOU WOULD BE WRONG. Our sweet innocent babe was cheated and besmirched by jealous architects who knew nothing about art! But our precious lad would not be down for long. Join us as we discuss exactly how he catapulted himself right back to the top. Check our instagram for more details! https://www.instagram.com/artsistory/ And email us at artsistory@gmail.com

She stretches her hand out towards you. Will you shake it?!?! Historical AF Podcast and Art Sistory say "yes!" in this collab from the pre-Civil War stars! And Shake Hands? (1854) is the wonderfully weird painting Kyna and Natalee have brought for us to put to the test today. Join us as we go on a journey with Lilly Martin Spencer, a plethora of sugar art daddies, and some cheeky paintings which men were just too dumb to understand. Find more Historical AF Podcast here! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/id1459756725 And check our instagram here! https://www.instagram.com/artsistory/

The Sistine Chapel (1508) is the triumph/torture of world's most famous and crustiest artist. Michelangelo may have never painted before but there was one thing he was definitely a master of; being a lil' bitch. And by lil', I mean absolutely gigantic. Today we tackle this monster and dish all the goss on our final ninja turtle and the lord of the twunks. Check our instagram for more details! https://www.instagram.com/artsistory/ And email us at artsistory@gmail.com

Raphael! Master of the Renaissance! Painter of Beauty! And a sweet perfect boy who charmed all he met. All except... Michelangelo! Why did the almighty painter of twunks hate our sweet angel baby? And what did Raphael do about it? Come with us on the Dolce Vita as we dish the goss on the only heterosexual ninja turtle and reveal how the sweet can also be a bit spicy... Check our instagram for more details! https://www.instagram.com/artsistory/ And email us at artsistory@gmail.com

*Attention! This episode has discussions of sexual assault and rape. Skip the below timecodes if needed** No one paints a head chopping like Artemisia Gentileschi. It's got all you could ever want: blood, horror, drama, and a badass woman empowered by sweet righteous fury. Artemisia is the queen of the Baroque and queen of my heart. Don't take my word for it. Just look at her art. 18:23 - 27:47 discussion of sexual assault, rape, and torture Check our instagram for more details! https://www.instagram.com/artsistory/ And email us at artsistory@gmail.com

If there was any sculpture that could be called the gayest, it would be this. Donatello's David (1450s) is a bastion of homoerotic glory. From his booty to his tooty, he is the one twink to rule them all. Step aside haters, because this David embodies queer culture in Renaissance Florence and even Michelangelo's legendary twunk is quaking. Check our instagram for more details! https://www.instagram.com/artsistory/ And email us at artsistory@gmail.com

It's a wild love story filled with passion and hardships in Renaissance Florence! A painter, forced to be a friar, and his beautiful model, forced to be a nun, a romance that can never be but falling in love anyway. JK! Actually it's just one horny dude and a nun he may or may not have kidnapped. Fra Filippo Lippi is the first rascal of the Renaissance and while no Medici could pin him down, he'll always have a place in our hearts. Check our instagram for more details! https://www.instagram.com/artsistory/ And email us at artsistory@gmail.com

*Attention! This episode has discussions of gore, murder, and violence. Skip the below timecodes if needed** We are in the CRADLE OF THE RENAISSANCE! Florence town. Firenze is finally here. Brandi's heart explodes. And boy oh boy does she have a story for us. Easter Sunday. The Duomo. And MURDER?!?! Oh baby, stay tuned and find out why you never kill the hot and popular, siding with the pope is dumb, and balls balls balls always wins. 37:10 - 40:20 discussion of violent stabbing and murder 47:18 - 48:31 discussion of hanging 48:52 - 51:58 - discussion of hanging and post-mortem mutilation Check our instagram for more details! https://www.instagram.com/artsistory/ And email us at artsistory@gmail.com

It's a spectacle. It's a popularity contest. It's a fun fair. It's a nightmare. Welcome to the 58th Venice Biennale! It's the art olympics where countries compete to be most... something. And Danni is here to sift through the garbage for you! And what has she found? Oh! More garbage! (In the form of the Biennale's Gold Lion winner, Jimmie Durham) Check our instagram for more details! https://www.instagram.com/artsistory/ And email us at artsistory@gmail.com

Have you ever seen an artist that is all BALLS and no SH*T? That's Tintoretto, the nastiest boy in the best way. His art is quick, cheap, and bitchy. It's everything you could ever want in an artist. That is unless, you are one of his many rivals! Come with us as we tell the tale of the nastiest boy who ever was and how this little dirt child started at the bottom and now he here. Check our instagram for more details! https://www.instagram.com/artsistory/ And email us at artsistory@gmail.com

Wow. We love Goya. From his bad paintings to his charming smile to his general lumpiness. And we aren't the only ladies who loved a little Goya in their lives. Join us as we talk about the two potential hotties who posed for his infamously sexy La Maja Vestida (1805) and La Maja Desnuda (1800). Plus some discussion of a few perverts, secret love affairs, and the Spanish Inquisition for good measure. Check our instagram for more details! https://www.instagram.com/artsistory/ And email us at artsistory@gmail.com

Have you ever seen a painting and thought, "what"? Well, that's exactly how you should feel when face to face with the most WTF paintings in the Louvre, Gabrielle d'Estrées and One of her Sisters (1594). But fear not! Because in a landslide collaboration between two badass art podcasts, Kieve Rodeheaver of Please Touch the Art Podcast, is here to tell us all about this hot lady, her scandalous dealings with the devil, and why the hell she's getting her nipple pinched. Find more of Kieve here! https://www.krodeheaverart.com/please-touch-the-art And check our instagram here! https://www.instagram.com/artsistory/

It is the puzzle that stumps all art historians. The enigma painting. The truly inscrutable masterpiece. It is Las Meninas (1656) by Diego Velazquez. What is going on in this ding dang thing!? Art historians have been debating that for centuries. We might never know. But one thing we do know for sure? Velazquez is very good at painting. And this just might be the best painting ever painted. Check our instagram for more details! https://www.instagram.com/artsistory/ And email us at artsistory@gmail.com

*Attention! This episode has discussions of gore and executions. Skip the below timecodes if needed** This week we got nasty! Well, mostly Danni. She became compelled to tell the frightful story of James Scott and his horrible portrait that hangs in London's National Gallery. Now London has a long and varied history of death and disgust but Danni may have found the worst of the bunch! This one gets bloody. And we are all sorry. 24:22 - 27:53 talk regarding executioners (little gore discussed) 27:53 - 29:52 brief discussion of first botched execution (some gore) 29:52 - 33:50 in depth discussion of James Scott’s execution and post-mortem portrait painting, warning! (very gory) Check our instagram for more details! https://www.instagram.com/artsistory/ And email us at artsistory@gmail.com

We are in Victorian England! And there's nothing the Victorians loved more than a scandal. And John Everett Millais was an expert at getting wrapped up in them. Yes, his painting, Christ in the House of his Parents (1849), was so shocking that Charles Dickens denounced it publicly. But that's child's play for Millais. The real juice comes from his wife, Effie Gray, and her salaciously non salacious marital status. Check our instagram for more details! https://www.instagram.com/artsistory/ And email us at artsistory@gmail.com

Our good friend and french art history buff, Hadley Leary, sent us on a mission to find the one, the only, Élisabeth Louise Vigée Le Brun and her painting, Peace Bringing Back Abundance (1780). This painting was Le Brun's slap to the patriarchy! Her karate chop to the systemized oppression! And her refusal to be pinned down as just one kind of painter. She is a fireball of feminist excellence (and also maybe possibly definitely had a lesbian affair with Marie Antoinette). Check our instagram for more details! https://www.instagram.com/artsistory/ And email us at artsistory@gmail.com

What is it about her? Her knowing gaze? Those bald brows? That subtle smile? There is something about the Mona Lisa (1503) that makes everybody go gaga! Kings were poopin' with it! Boys were throwing themselves off buildings for it! And the French police were accusing Picasso of stealing it! What is the story behind this enigmatic lady and what Da Vinci code secrets could she be concealing? Check our instagram for more details! https://www.instagram.com/artsistory/ And email us at artsistory@gmail.com

We've made it to Paris and it's got the key to our heart. This town also got more art than any town has the right to have. And out of all the masterpieces upon masterpieces at the Louvre we found the greatest one of all: The Venus de Milo. Is it because of her beauty? Her grace? Her rarity? Her importance? Of course not! It's because some 100 year old French marketing campaign said it was the best and we all believed it! Come with us and find out why the Venus de Milo stands on a bed of lies rather than the plinth she was discovered with. Check our instagram for more details! https://www.instagram.com/artsistory/ And email us at artsistory@gmail.com

Did you know that there is a church on the outskirts of Prague, decorated with hundreds of human bones?!? With all those bones, you gotta wonder, who do they belong to? And that's just what Danni is here to tell us! And the story takes us through cookin' gooses, multiple crusades, battle wagons, and a skin drum. Join us as we explore the Sedlec Ossuary and all the wild things that went into it's bone daisy chains. Check our instagram for more details! https://www.instagram.com/artsistory/ And email us at artsistory@gmail.com

Welcome to our first ever collab episode! Today our good friend and Prague expert, Eve Asher, sent us on a horrible adventure to see the art of the resident Czech Republic Bad Boy, David Černý. His art may be full of cheeky twists and turns but the one thing we can all be sure of is that Černý sucks! Today, we saw his Babies (1999) sculptures which are horrible and good fun but be warned, they will burn your butt off if you climb them in the sun. Beezle learned that the hard way. Check our instagram for more details! https://www.instagram.com/artsistory/ And email us at artsistory@gmail.com