Blockbuster Film School

Do you like hope based on calendar dates? Do you like balloon drops on top of people running through a crowd trying to find someone before they holiday decide to choose not you? Do you like kissing Billy Crystal while champagne drunk? Well Hollywood does. The boys have a very special holiday episode about the movie magic of (and nauseating over saccharineness) New Years Movies! Play that ancient song that drunks like to not know the words to! Let’s get ready to movie rumble! Let’s raise a glass to new starts, old friends, and movie fails!

How would you react to finding four inch long hairs up n down your back? What if your chest grew a secreting orifice with hidden weapons inside? Let’s be honest: we all want to be dude from Scanners popping coworkers’ heads like pimples. Our bodies are haunted houses, and David Cronenberg is the architect holding the blueprints for the newest additions. He became the master of body horror by directing an impressive list of films where the killer isn’t just calling from upstairs, it’s living under our finger nails. This semester of Blockbuster Film School takes on anatomy. It’s real nasty but fun as hell.

Before they actually made smart horror thriller comedies that were self aware and post modern and mind bendingly hilarious Joe Dante and Tom hanks basically created the model. It didn’t really work at the box office but since it has created and entire generation of smart ass goofball movie nerds that can’t get enough of tan lines, night vision, and citizen’s arrests. If you haven’t seen The Burbs you’re a meatball. Get out of Nick, Alex, and Brian’s lawns lame-o. It is the the infinitely watchable Quik Drop time for The Burbs!!!!

When you think of international powerhouses outside of Hollywood you usually think of The UK, Japan, Italy, France, Bollywood and… the Dutch? Not really. But then like a heatwave in the late seventies a madman dressed like a suburban dad exploded out of Amsterdam and for the next twenty years threw haymakers in American smart action movies which would change the game. Until, he decided to make an expensive porno movie but even that couldn’t stop Paul Verhoeven from making movies about weirdos getting nuts. Maybe the most underrated auteur of the 80s and 90s. The boys discuss. Dead or alive you’re coming with us.

What is best in life? Blood, swords, and James Earl Jones in charge of a snake cult. A movie that wouldn’t even have shot to be made these days but looks better than most that come out. An epic score, Milius at the true top of his game, and Arnold finds a magic sword that gives him an acting career. If Crom will not help us with this podcast, then the hell with him. The boys do a Quik Drop on the coolest R rated fantasy film of all time. Do you want to live forever?

Kathleen Kennedy has sneakily taken over Hollywood. She has toyed with the idea of changing her name Movieoverlord Kennedy several times. She produced ET when she was a literal child. She convinced those Dinosaurs in Jurassic Park to be good at acting. She beat George Lucas in a real lightsaber duel and cut off his hand and got his company. Then turned the saber on Favreau and said “ invent Baby yoda or I will cut you in half like I cut Stoltz’ ginger ass out of back to the future”. The boys discuss. Treat yo self

Can you have your parody film and eat it too? Many have tried, most have failed, but no one has done three times except Edgar Wright. His debut film Shaun of the Dead was the best horror comedy made since Evil Dead 2. The Blockbuster Quik Drop examines the first entry of the Cornetto Trilogy starring co-writer Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. Shaun of the Dead hits all the boxes: scary, funny, romantic, heart breaking, zombies, and naturally it is infinitely rewatchable. How’s that for a slice of fried gold?

It’s a simple formula: take an expertly written novel by a great author, multiply that by two with a pair of filmmaking brothers at the top of their game then add in exquisite cinematography and actors who transcend this dimension. The result is No Country for Old Men, a neo-noir crime western executed with such craft younger people with less experience would have muddled it up. Quik Drop is our series about infinitely rewatchable movies, and this Coen Bros masterpiece had to be here. Blockbuster Film School knows the math adds up, and in case you forgot, here are your notes.

Can you recall the past? Do you remember print newspapers & magazines, or when you could board a plane without an ID then smoke on board, or when it was ok to trip your face off then climb a stranger's garage in Topeka, Kansas? Neither do we; thank the rock gods for Cameron Crowe’s magnum opus Almost Famous. It is funny as it is dramatic filled with wide eyed optimism from loving music. Welcome to the first Quik Drop by Blockbuster Film School, a series about films we love, and why we love film. This movie should be played LOUD.

No one thought that Dick Dale/Kool and the Gang/Dusty Springfield would be the perfect sequence on an album until two hit men discussed European fast food. Just the same Way when Q Lazzrus recorded “Goodbye Horses” they probably weren’t thinking about Ted Levine tucking it back dancing in the mirror but that’s all we can think about. When the song plays, we mean. Because of Silence of the Lambs. You get it. In the new Office Hours Wall of Soundtracks we discuss those perfect music in movie moments, and the film soundtracks that have lived us since we walked out of the cinema. Let Blockbuster Film School be the voice that gets that song stuck in your head.

Usually when someone is the kid of a tv actor, a child star, a pro baseball player, and in a movie about Elvis impersonators, that person tends to suck. However with the power of his luxurious hair and cowboy cadence Kurt Russell has managed to tear a whole in the Hollywood suck space continuum. Whether he’s saving presidents from powerful Scientologists in Manhattan based prisons, having the weird “you’re not the alien father” Maury blood scene, or gaslighting his kidnapee into being his wife Kurt manages to pull off one of the craziest, wildest, careers in the history of Hollywood. The boys discuss with their usual aplomb. You gonna skin that smoke wagon or just sit there and bleed?

Every year Hollywood gets together to decide which movie about someone with a disability will win an award. Then, they congratulate each other on how they are no longer jerks about anything and how they are saving the world then they yell at a valet in the parking lot. Here at the Blockbusties our award ceremony involves explosions, booze, hedonism, and love of the pure cinematic madness. The boys give their picks for the first ever Blockbustis awards!!! Hosted by David Caruso.

Has anyone ever really seen chestnuts roasting on an open fire? We live in the city so we do not get carolers. And the only reindeer we've ever seen escaped from a zoo then chased Super Producer Brian Tepps around a Circuit City parking lot. But luckily we have watched a lot of holiday movies so we could bring you our Christmas picks. Hastily wrapped and tossed on the Blockbuster wall next to an elf black out drunk on spiked eggnog, it’s our favorite films of the fifth most magical time of the year. One, two, & three are Halloween related; four is Clint Howard’s Labor Day party.

What’s your favorite horror movie, bob hair cut and boob sweater Drew Barrymore? Sometimes people are great filmmakers, sometimes people are terrible filmmakers. And every so often, there comes a “master of suspense” who makes two straight up rad horror movies and then also a bunch of schlocky trash about people in the stairs or some shit. Anyways, it’s spooky season so hopefully your parents didn’t murder a groundskeeper who is a mythic demon. It’s Wes Craven time! That was Wes’ catch phrase. The boys discuss.

It’s our 50th episode! To celebrate we chose one of the most iconic film stars of all time to be the subject of this special occasion. We even invited him to appear on his own episode! Ladies, gentlemen, and non binary friends, the one, the only, Harrison Ford… did not reply to our emails so Mike Hayes from B Movie Mania is here instead. From Han Solo and Indiana Jones to pointing at everyone and wearing a weird tiny earring, Harrison Ford might be the greatest movie star of all time. He isn’t prolific because he doesn’t have to be. Blockbuster Film School and Mike Hayes humbly invite you to listen to the first milestone we have reached. We did this so you could have…your PROVASIC! You switched the episodes! You killed Super Producer Brian Tepps so you could switch the episodes!

Life is about balance but art is another story. Sometimes two different types of mayhem create hit films. If Jerry Bruckheimer is chaos then his former producing partner Don Simpson was a riot during a coup d’état. When Simpson/Bruckheimer were in top form they couldn’t be stopped, producing one blockbuster after the next. When it didn’t work we wound up with a Denis Leary Xmas movie or drug induced heart failure. We’ll take the crab juice. Blockbuster Film School examines the producing wildfire that gave us Axel Foley, Michael Bay, and Michelle Pfeiffer in a Coolio video. Seriously though, kids: if you or anyone you love have a serious drug addiction please contact the Producers Guild of America. You might have points on a movie you don’t remember making.

Sometimes the famous lead actor surviving the apocalypse is basically the same character who killed aliens in their last film but now they have glasses. Others actors transform themselves with each role inhabiting a new soul at a level which is unrecognizable to even themselves. Philip Seymour Hoffman was that performer. Every film he graced had a unique character that was never seen again. Blockbuster Film School has never been more certain of a statement being true when we say Philip Seymour Hoffman was one of the greatest actors of all time. Listen as we gush over his impressive filmography including the Ben Stiller movie where he sharted his pants. He really could do anything.

Sometimes a movie comes out and people are so into nu metal or disco or Pokémon or whatever dumb shit they don’t process just how dope it is until years later when they go “wait did I buy a Disturbed CD, with money? Did I do that shit?”. This is the formula for underrated films however sometimes films come out and every last dingus is like oh (insert oscar bait here) or (summer blockbuster there) or ( heavy handed moralistic bullshit thing) is soooo good. Then you look back after the dust settles and say those movies sucked royally . Those are overrated films.Your favorite gentlemen film scholars discuss on the another edition of Blockbuster Filmschool (sick guitar solo).

Awards season is three months of celebrities reminding each other how important and talented they are culminating with the Academy Awards, the Mount Rushmore of self fellating. In a shocking twist sometimes they get it wrong. The Office Hours crew re-examines the ‘95 Oscars, a year that crowned a simple minded running back king turd of guano mountain. The other competition included films about a dirty Jeopardy game, prison besties, Hugh Grant’s charm, and Marvin getting shot in the face. Blockbuster Film School can’t change the past but we could argue about it so long that Zemeckis will want to give the trophy back.

Terminator! Terminator 2: Judgement Day! Diminishing Return: Rise of the Machines! A Welsh man yells at an extra! More embarrassing than Sega Saturn! Arnold is captivating discussing drapes or blinds, no one remembers exactly and we will not rewatch. We discuss the highs and terrible, terrible lows of the Terminator franchise. That dragon lady wasn’t even the worst actor in the fifth one. They have the same amount of sequels as the Tremors movies. Blockbuster Film School doesn’t like to beg but please don’t be back. Please.