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Darkseid's Couch

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Mike, James, and Shée read old comic books and make themselves hate all forms of artistic expression in the process.

Mike, James, and Shée read old comic books and make themselves hate all forms of artistic expression in the process.
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Location:

United States

Description:

Mike, James, and Shée read old comic books and make themselves hate all forms of artistic expression in the process.

Language:

English


Episodes

The Inhumans No. 3 (1976)

9/16/2019
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This time on the Couch: Not a repost! Not a typo! Not an imaginary episode! Mike, James, and Shée are still reading the Inhumans! In issue 1976's Inhumans no. 3 the group decides to go all Muppets Take Manahattan and head to the big city to beg some real superheroes to help them figure out why their town sucks so bad. Unfortunately for the Inhumans, hot on their trail is Kree supersoldier Shatterstar, who had a perfectly good costume going until he decided to paint the spinning Apple...

Duration:00:35:31

The Inhumans No. 2 (1975)

9/2/2019
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This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée discover the mystery of the Inhumans, the Kree-modified, easily forgettable, incestuous (probably) gang of not-technically-mutant superfreaks! In 1975's Inhumans no. 2, the Kree decide it's finally time to cash out and send goofy mongoloid Blastaar to retrieve the Inhumans. There's only one catch: He has to make his mission as convoluted as possible. The result is a team of giant Ed Wood robots literally scooping people into their ribcages. Can...

Duration:00:40:04

Action Comics No. 593 (1987)

8/19/2019
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This time: Mike, James, and Shée make room on the casting couch for Big Barda with 1987's Action Comics no. 593! Barda and Mister Miracle's marriage is put to the test when they receive a mysterious VHS tape from stone-faced God demon/podcast inspiration Darkseid. Turns out the morally despicable villain Sleez has hypnotized Barda and is forcing her to act in pornos that her husband may or may not be into! The only problem (okay, there are actually a great many problems here) is that Barda...

Duration:00:38:04

Journey Into Mystery No. 1 (1952)

8/5/2019
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This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée just barely tolerate 1952's Journey Into Mystery no. 1! It's another low-effort anthology of horror tales that prove kids in the 50s were embarrassingly easy to scare. An unsuccessful florist pays hobos to steal flowers from graves for him! A dumbass farmer opts for a voodoo curse instead of admitting he's just not very good at agriculture! A mediocre author resorts to murder instead of taking a writing class or something! Basically, the lesson...

Duration:00:40:59

S9:E4 - The Daring New Adventures of Supergirl No. 3 (1983)

8/1/2019
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This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée head into the toiletverse with 1983's The Daring New Adventures of Supergirl no. 3! There's no other way to say this so let's just get right to it: Supergirl has to fight a poo monster. Where did he come from? Can he talk? What does he think of Supergirl's weird 80s costume redesign? We may never find out, but one thing's for certain: He must smell goddawful. Luckily Supergirl's relocated to Chicago so nobody really notices all that much. And...

Duration:00:45:18

S9:E3 - The Mighty Thor No. 140 (1967)

8/1/2019
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This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée once again visit the terrifying imagination of Jack "King" Kirby with 1967's The Mighty Thor no. 140! Returning to Asgard after killing a bunch of trolls, Thor asks his dad to turn him back into enfeebled doctor Donald Blake and let him go protect the morons of Earth again, because someone has to be the dumbest Avenger. It's a good thing Odin agrees, because Kang the inter-dimensional warlord has left a challenge that only a jock God who solves...

Duration:00:40:57

S9:E2 - All-Star Comics No. 3 (1940)

8/1/2019
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This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée sit around a table, just like on the cover of All-Star Comics no. 3! It's the first meeting of the first ever superhero team, the Justice Society of America, and only one thing could bring all of their dazzling abilities together for this historic moment: Lunch. That's right, it's 60 pages of a bunch of gods among men going into drunk uncle mode to brag about the various ways they've punched people, only pausing momentarily to eat big cartoon...

Duration:00:56:43

S9:E1 - Nth Man: The Ultimate Ninja No. 1 (1989)

8/1/2019
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This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée head to the mythical comic book land of Russia for 1989's Nth Man: The Ultimate Ninja no. 1! Set against a landscape of sultry accents and soldiers who match their socks to their underwear just in case, World War III is ravaging the globe. Unfortunately Nth Man wouldn't know anything about that because he's been locked up in an underground cell working on his beach bod for years. But the time for shirtless, high-stakes escapes has come, as a team...

Duration:00:40:46

S8:E10 - Batman No. 80 (1953)

8/1/2019
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This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée celebrate their 80th episode AND Batman's 80th anniversary with Batman no. 80! The 1950s were a more innocent time, when the Joker could call up the Gotham Gazette and advertise his crimes like he's selling a used Honda, kid sidekicks could bounce between staying at multiple eccentric millionaires' homes without arousing suspicion, and scientists easily got the zoning permits needed to build islands full of dangerous robots. It's the kind of...

Duration:00:55:07

S8:E9 - The Doom Patrol No. 90 (1964)

8/1/2019
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This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée check out the early adventures of streaming's newest niche IP, The Doom Patrol! Robotman! Negative Man! Elasti-Girl! The Chief! What they lack in clever codenames they make up for in torturous existential ennui! In 1964's Doom Patrol no. 90, the team have to figure out who's the spy among their ranks, begging the question: What kind of psychopath volunteers to hang out with a gang of clearly miserable freaks and their unstable parental figure?...

Duration:00:45:46

S8:E8 - Starfire No. 1 (1976)

8/1/2019
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This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée visit yet another goddamn dystopian future when they read 1976's Starfire no. 1! Don't get too excited, though; It's not the Starfire you've heard of, but instead some lady you've never seen before who's trapped in a confusing world of lizard monsters, child brides, and "unfamiliar rods"! Her only friend is eternal good-guy Dagan, to whom Starfire is unwaveringly devoted. Dagan stays virtuous through all temptation, even though you have to assume...

Duration:00:34:16

S8:E7 - Star Wars No. 48 (1981)

8/1/2019
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This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée wage war on fun with 1981's Star Wars no. 48! Somewhere in the loose, foggy continuity that comes with cheap tie-ins, Princess Leia has to travel to a distant planet to acquire an exciting weapon that could bring the Empire to its knees! Just kidding, she actually needs a bank loan. Some dumb kids in the '80s ponied up $.50 expecting a grand space adventure and instead got a crash course in filling out FAFSA paperwork. Next, Darth Vader shows up...

Duration:00:35:31

S8:E6 - Star Trek No. 7 (1980)

8/1/2019
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This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée accept their 37-minute mission to explore 1980's Star Trek no. 7! Kirk, Spock, and the gang discover a race of freakish french fry people who are about to die from radiation poisoning and decide to stick their phasers where they don't belong by ignoring the Prime Directive and rescuing the adorable schmucks. And schmucks they do indeed be, as they refuse to leave for reasons they don't feel like explaining. Supposedly it has something to do with...

Duration:00:37:01

S8:E5 - My Love No. 10 (1971)

8/1/2019
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This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée pretty much fix every problem with relationships when they read 1971's My Love no. 10! Marvel's reprint cash-in delivers a mixed bag of mixed messages about feminism as poorly-developed female characters try to figure out which is more important: Giving up your personal agency to have a man in your life or giving up your self-respect to have a man in your life. It's all rounded out by an advice column that's almost certainly ghostwritten by Stan...

Duration:00:47:01

S8:E4 - X-O- Manowar No. 13 (1992)

8/1/2019
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This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée ride a light ray all the way over to the Valiant Universe for the very first time! In X-O Manowar no. 13, the flagship hero of the fifth or sixth most popular superhero universe must team up with Solar to take down a super pissed-off batch of The Vine in order to rightfully earn the Shanhara armor! Don't know what any of that means? Dude, it doesn't matter at all. Basically, if you wanna see a beefcake in purple briefs wrestle a space tigerman,...

Duration:00:40:48

S8:E3 - The Incredible Hulk Versus Quasimodo (1983)

8/1/2019
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This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée learn the true meaning of Christmas when they read the Incredible Hulk Versus Quasimodo! In 1983 somebody realized these two guys had a lot in common, namely that they're both freaks who can't seem to stop complaining about their not-so-terrible lives, and decided that was reason enough to throw them together. Bruce Banner heads to France to find a miracle cure for Hulkington's Disease but runs afoul of the Hunchback of Notre Dame and his giant...

Duration:00:39:54

S8:E2 - Fantastic Four No. 371 (1992)

8/1/2019
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This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée get caught ogling 1992's Fantastic Four no. 371! Sue Storm has a smokin' new outfit for the 90s that offers dramatically reduced protection but makes up for it with trashy sex appeal. Unfortunately Mr. Fantastic isn't biting because he's an unrelatable supergenius who's evolved beyond the concept of lust. Meanwhile Johnny Storm's unsolicited advances on a fellow student attract the wrath of Paibok and Devos! That's right: Two D-list villains have...

Duration:00:43:22

S8:E1 - The Atom No. 16 (1965)

8/1/2019
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This time on the Couch: The fun is so small you'd swear it's not even there when Mike, James, and Shée read 1965's The Atom no. 16! In this novel-length adventure, kids in the 60s finally got what they were clamoring for in their comic books: A superhero who complains about being sleepy all the time and then loses a fight to an old man. While trying to get some rest on a local tree branch (sure!), the Atom is confronted by an elderly creep who wants his sweet lactic acid (sure!!). The...

Duration:00:41:15

S7:E10 - Punisher/Batman (1994)

8/1/2019
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This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée celebrate 70 episodes with Batman and the Punisher, the two cheeriest guys in comicdom! In Deadly Knights, it's been less than a year since the characters last crossed over, but this time it's Bruce Wayne back in the weirdly-shaped cowl instead of crazed cultist Azrael. Bruce isn't taking too kindly to a vigilante with a skull on his chest killing mooks and humps in Gotham, but considering this is the same guy who picked a crazed cultist to...

Duration:00:51:13

S7:E9 - Transformers No. 20 (1986)

8/1/2019
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This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée finally reach their tolerance limit with 1986's Transformers no. 20! When a damaged Autobot named Skids lands in some trailer trash Wyoming nothing town, things get straight up Twin Peaks. Except instead of a murder mystery there are bizarre human/robot cucking rituals, local mechanics who clearly should be working for NASA, and insane alpha males who will gladly rack up multiple criminal charges just to run you off the road if they suspect you...

Duration:00:51:52