Finlos Lives

In this episode I discuss how we can use our relationships to media and creatives as practice for how to interact in healthy ways with relationships with the people in our daily lives. I address harm doing, apologies, healing, the role of community, and how all these things are part of the accountability process. Music by Luke Holizna https://holizna.com/ Support us on Patreon and PayPal!

In this episode I discuss what it means to engage with the media we consume as well as the artists and creators who make that media. What happens when we love the art, but loath the artist? Media, whether its books, music, films, paintings, comics, or any art form becomes interwoven into our lives and identities, until the things we love feel like living parts of our lives. This creates the need for complex conversations about how we balance our desire to have our beloved media in our loves with our need to keep a safe distance from toxic artists. I also briefly discuss Denis Villeneuve's DUNE Part II in the context of my changing film watching preferences. Music by Luke Holizna https://holizna.com/ Support us on Patreon and PayPal!

I’m happy to welcome back Eva as co-host to which she brings her knowledge and experience for this series about the five love languages. Whether on social media or in pop-culture, it seems as if these 5 methods of giving and receiving love have become a near ubiquitous shorthand for discussing personal tastes in people and determining potential compatibility in relationships. This conversation has been broken into segments. The first segment allowed Eva to present a brief history and context for the five love languages as well as some new and emerging alternatives to that framework. In the second segment, Eva began working through each of the five love languages and their connections to patriarchy and colonialism – and included discussion about quality time, physical affection, and words of affirmation. In this, the final part of our conversation about the five love languages, we finish talking about the complexities of affirmation and how it can sometimes be used to manipulate, and finally gift giving. The episode closes with some exploration into what some of our personal love languages are as well as how love is an infinitely adaptable language that must be learned with each new relationship. We remind you that this is a show about communication both how we express communication and how we receive communication from others, because as with all parts of any relationship, communication is reciprocal. We hope you enjoy listening. Music by Luke Holizna: https://holizna.com/ Episode Notes: Honeydew Me Podcast: https://www.honeydewmepodcast.com/ If Books Could Kill Podcast: https://www.ifbookspod.com/ Anne Hodder-Shipp, Languages for Modern Love: https://www.themodernlove Sarah Deer, The Beginning and End of Rape: https://www.amazon.com/Beginning-End-Rape-Confronting-Violence/dp/0816696330 Danielle McGuire, At the Dark End of the Street: https://www.amazon.com/At-Dark-End-of-Street-audiobook/dp/B07NF286C4/ref=sr_1_1?hvadid=622529432603&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9011577&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=16553123323030560905&hvtargid=kwd-397904020995&hydadcr=7633_13469281&keywords=at+the+dark+end+of+the+street+book&qid=1707530478&sr=8-1 Support us on Patreon and PayPal!

I’m happy to welcome back Eva as co-host to which she brings her knowledge and experience for this series about the five love languages. Whether on social media or in pop-culture, it seems as if these 5 methods of giving and receiving love have become a near ubiquitous shorthand for discussing personal tastes in people and determining potential compatibility in relationships. This conversation has been broken into segments. The first segment allowed Eva to present a brief history and context for the five love languages as well as some new and emerging alternatives to that framework. In this segment, Eva begins working through each of the five love languages and their connections to patriarchy and colonialism – this episode includes discussion about quality time, physical affection, and words of affirmation – though we will come back to that last one again in the final segment. We remind you that this is a show about communication both how we express communication and how we receive communication from others, because as with all parts of any relationship, communication is reciprocal. We hope you enjoy listening. Music by Luke Holizna: https://holizna.com/ Episode Notes: Honeydew Me Podcast: https://www.honeydewmepodcast.com/ If Books Could Kill Podcast: https://www.ifbookspod.com/ Anne Hodder-Shipp, Languages for Modern Love: https://www.themodernlove Sarah Deer, The Beginning and End of Rape: https://www.amazon.com/Beginning-End-Rape-Confronting-Violence/dp/0816696330 Danielle McGuire, At the Dark End of the Street: https://www.amazon.com/At-Dark-End-of-Street-audiobook/dp/B07NF286C4/ref=sr_1_1?hvadid=622529432603&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9011577&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=16553123323030560905&hvtargid=kwd-397904020995&hydadcr=7633_13469281&keywords=at+the+dark+end+of+the+street+book&qid=1707530478&sr=8-1 Support us on Patreon and PayPal!

I am happy to welcome back Eva who brings her knowledge and experience as co-host for this series about the five love languages. Whether on social media or in pop-culture, it seems as if these 5 methods of giving and receiving love have become a near-ubiquitous shorthand for discussing personal tastes in people and determining potential compatibility in relationships. This is a long and detailed conversation which will be broken into segments, the first of which gives an overview of the origins of the 5 love languages, as well as some new and emerging models exploring how we express love to one-another. I am always excited for these conversations because Eva is such a thoughtful and engaging human, and I always uncover ways in which I, we still have room to grow. When we started this podcast we were dedicated to ensuring that the versions of us you hear in each episode are honest representations of the people we are in our lives and in our relationship. As such, we are evolving people with evolving ideas that reflect new experiences and knowledge acquired over time. The people we are now are not the same as the people were decades ago when we first started this relationship, or even when we started this podcast. This is a show about communication, both how we express communication and how we receive communication from others, because as with all parts of any relationship, good and effective communication is reciprocal. We hope you enjoy listening. Music by Luke Holizna: https://holizna.com/ Episode Notes: Honeydew Me Podcast: https://www.honeydewmepodcast.com/ If Books Could Kill Podcast: https://www.ifbookspod.com/ Anne Hodder-Shipp, Languages for Modern Love: https://www.themodernlove Sarah Deer, The Beginning and End of Rape: https://www.amazon.com/Beginning-End-Rape-Confronting-Violence/dp/0816696330 Danielle McGuire, At the Dark End of the Street: https://www.amazon.com/At-Dark-End-of-Street-audiobook/dp/B07NF286C4/ref=sr_1_1?hvadid=622529432603&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9011577&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=16553123323030560905&hvtargid=kwd-397904020995&hydadcr=7633_13469281&keywords=at+the+dark+end+of+the+street+book&qid=1707530478&sr=8-1 Support us on Patreon and PayPal!

In this episode I discuss a recent re-viewing of a formative film from my youth: Hackers, and consider its relevance to our modern world. Spoilers: there's actually quite a bit. Music by Luke Holizna: https://holizna.com/ Support us on Patreon and PayPal!

Welcome to 2024! In this episode I reflect on where I am now by recalling where I was a year ago. I also consider why 2023 was such a challenging year and ponder the future of the podcast. Music by Luke Holizna: https://holizna.com/ Support us on Patreon and PayPal!

This is a general "quick thoughts" episode discussing recent comments by Hunter Biden, the third trailer for Dune: Part 2, and media and friends. Music by Luke Holizna - https://holizna.com/ Support us on Patreon and PayPal!

In this episode I reaffirm my dedication to the podcast as I discuss the experience of decision paralysis. Support us on Patreon and PayPal!

This is a new series of interviews about people's relationships with music. In this episode we revisit Devon to talk about his time in the hardcore music scene, his recent love for love and new soul, and the universe's vibrations. Support us on Patreon and PayPal!

This is a special episode of the podcast featuring my father, Ignacio Sr. Eva, Vivienne, and sat down with him recently for this interview, the first of what will hopefully be several covering his whole life. In this episode we talk about his early life in Honduras, moving the Miami in the 1950s, his relationships with his parents, and much more. Support us on Patreon and PayPal!

In this episode I look back at my 41st year after having recently celebrated my birthday. I discuss areas of growth, areas where growth is needed, and give some thanks to the people who make sure to show me I'm loved. Support us on Patreon and PayPal!

In this episode I talk about the incoming story and consider how I have been affected by prior storms. Support us on Patreon and PayPal!

Eva co-hosts again, this time for a conversation about toxic masculinity. In doing so we try to unpack what that term actually means in a time when gender roles, identities, and expectations are being challenged- or broadened, depending on your perspective. This is a conversation that we hope you’ll hear with an open mind as it requires anyone engaging in these discussions to explore their own personal histories and identities. Toxicity is not a quality that belongs to any specific sex or gender, but instead represents a mindset that motivates behaviors that consciously or unconsciously maintains the status-quo of power dynamics in any system. It is unfortunate that the beneficiaries of that status-quo have been men or those who subscribe to or reinforce those behaviors. This conversation comes also at a time when Barbie, the recently released film, just cross the one billion dollar mark for global ticket sales and has garnered praise from many for advancing pro-feminist ideas. We’ll get into that topic as well. Support us on Patreon and PayPal!

Eva co-hosts again, this time for a conversation about toxic masculinity. In doing so we try to unpack what that term actually means in a time when gender roles, identities, and expectations are being challenged- or broadened, depending on your perspective. This is a conversation that we hope you’ll hear with an open mind as it requires anyone engaging in these discussions to explore their own personal histories and identities. Toxicity is not a quality that belongs to any specific sex or gender, but instead represents a mindset that motivates behaviors that consciously or unconsciously maintains the status-quo of power dynamics in any system. It is unfortunate that the beneficiaries of that status-quo have been men or those who subscribe to or reinforce those behaviors. This conversation comes also at a time when Barbie, the recently released film, just cross the one billion dollar mark for global ticket sales and has garnered praise from many for advancing pro-feminist ideas. We’ll get into that topic as well. Support us on Patreon and PayPal!

Eva co-hosts again, this time for a conversation about toxic masculinity. In doing so we try to unpack what that term actually means in a time when gender roles, identities, and expectations are being challenged- or broadened, depending on your perspective. This is a conversation that we hope you’ll hear with an open mind as it requires anyone engaging in these discussions to explore their own personal histories and identities. Toxicity is not a quality that belongs to any specific sex or gender, but instead represents a mindset that motivates behaviors that consciously or unconsciously maintains the status-quo of power dynamics in any system. It is unfortunate that the beneficiaries of that status-quo have been men or those who subscribe to or reinforce those behaviors. This conversation comes also at a time when Barbie, the recently released film, just cross the one billion dollar mark for global ticket sales and has garnered praise from many for advancing pro-feminist ideas. We’ll get into that topic as well. Support us on Patreon and PayPal!

In this episode I explore feeling fat and all the feelings that accompany that loaded idea. Fatness and fat-phobia are intrinsic to American life, and as such I am both the recipient of harm and also guilty of perpetuating intersectionally opressive beauty standards. Music: "Death" and "Whatever Happens Between" by HoliznaCC0 Support us on Patreon and PayPal!

In this episode I spend a little time following up on the the Finlos Loves episodes about the art of the f*ck up, discussing how a produced episode about a relationship does not always accurately convey the reality of what a relationship looks like. Also, I give a spoiler-filled review of the series Star Trek Picard. Support us on Patreon and PayPal!

This is the second half of our conversation. Eva joins me once again, this time for a conversation about making mistakes. Except, in this context it’s less about the mistake itself and more about harm, how we react when we do harm, and how to begin to heal after harm. Everyone makes mistakes and so everyone causes harm at some point. But when denial, shame, fear, insecurity, and anxiety all get into the mix, the fuck up is what is made. The fuck up is both the act and the person, an ouroboros of codependency and guilt. In this episode Eva helps to navigate some of the reasons why so many fall into the pattern of the fuck up, some of the potential sources for the pattern, why apologies often fall short, and what accountability really looks like. Additional information: The Four Parts of Accountability Support us on Patreon and PayPal!

Eva joins me once again, this time for a conversation about making mistakes. Except, in this context it’s less about the mistake itself and more about harm, how we react when we do harm, and how to begin to heal after harm. Everyone makes mistakes and so everyone causes harm at some point. But when denial, shame, fear, insecurity, and anxiety all get into the mix, the fuck up is what is made. The fuck up is both the act and the person, an ouroboros of codependency and guilt. In this episode Eva helps to navigate some of the reasons why so many fall into the pattern of the fuck up, some of the potential sources for the pattern, why apologies often fall short, and what accountability really looks like. Additional information: The Four Parts of Accountability Support us on Patreon and PayPal!