Self Belief Unsquashed

I explore my lifelong impulse to speak out against everyday annoyances and perceived inefficiencies. You will hear numerous anecdotes from my history—including confrontations with teachers, supervisors, and people in queues—to illustrate this uncontrollable tendency. Although I admit that this blurting behaviour often makes me look like the 'difficult one' and rarely fixes the underlying problem,I continue to struggle with the tension between remaining silent and voicing my perspective. Ultimately, I explore the my attempt to cultivate a 'wise elder' perspective, learning to choose the moments for intervention by asking whether my comment will truly help or matter! This episode is based on my latest article published on MEDIUM - where I regularly share lessons learnt or 'just wondering' musings. Follow me - @trishalewistalk - or follow me on Instagram for the 'read for free' links. (@selfbeliefunsquashed)

This episode is a big one, because I'm grappling with a massive question myself: to persist or walk away? Sound familiar? Whether it's a project, a job, a relationship, or even a long-held goal, we all face moments where we wonder if we should keep pushing or call it a day. I'm actually trying to decide the future of this very podcast – do I continue, rebrand, or wrap it up completely? It's a huge decision, and one that traditionally comes with a lot of baggage. We've been told for generations that perseverance is the ultimate virtue, and giving up is a sign of "pitiful weakness". I've even dug into some old newspaper archives from as far back as 1862 and 1934 to show you just how deeply ingrained this idea is! But what if I told you that sometimes, walking away can be incredibly wise and courageous? And that sometimes, persisting can actually be a sign of being stubborn, blinkered, or even complacent? In this episode, we're flipping the script on those old notions. I'm sharing how to identify the red flags that tell you it might be time to change direction – like when a path no longer aligns with who you truly are, or when you're just feeling stuck and surviving instead of thriving. And we'll also explore the green flags that signal when "giving up" is actually a positive, transformative step, like having the courage to explore new avenues and letting go of the trap of worrying about "sunk costs" – all that effort you've already put in. We'll even dive into Angela Duckworth's concept of 'grit' and how our identity plays a huge part in these decisions. So, let's clear out all those preconceived ideas about what we 'should' do and figure out, together, when it's truly time to persevere and when it's time to boldly walk away. I'd love to hear your thoughts on my own podcast dilemma too! Grit: The Power or Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth

Join us for a captivating episode with Ricky Locke, magician, speaker, and confidence coach. Ricky shares his remarkable journey of pivoting his career and fulfilling his ambition of becoming a TEDx Speaker, all through harnessing the power of curiosity. In this conversation, discover how curiosity is like a compass to guide us through the unexpected, encouraging you to embrace the unknown and unlock new possibilities. Ricky delves into powerful techniques, explaining how visualisation helps achieve goals by using a vision board and daily affirmations. He shares how his affirmation, "I'm so happy and grateful now delivering my first TEDx," helped program his brain to generate ideas and opportunities, answering the question: do affirmations work?. The episode also tackles the importance of challenging self-imposed constraints and learning to ask more questions about your beliefs. Ricky underscores the message to don't let limiting beliefs hold you back, explaining that most fears are learned and can be unlearned. He encourages listeners to embrace discomfort, recognising it as merely "unfamiliar" territory where "the magic happens". Tune in to be inspired to remain incurably curious and embrace the unfolding journey of life. Ricky's TEDx talk: How Curiosity Unlocks Possibility. TEDx Northwich. His website: Ricky Locke Instagram: RickyLockeMagic Linkedin References: Jack Canfield Success Principles I tried to remember a concept from the 'TED TALKS' book by the founder Chris Anderson - The full version is this: 'Uncanny Valley' You can find more 'Unsquashing' resources on my website - including a link to my book and TEDx

Ever asked yourself 'who are you kidding?' Who are you kidding to think you can... or 'you are'...? Let's explore this classic self-belief squasher question. We look at the question from 3 different perspectives: Your self-talk, other's talk and society talk. What are the FIBs that hold you back - fears, illusions and baggage! I start with a recent personal story from an experience at the climbing wall - and include a story from my long-ago schooldays that involves netball! Listen to the end of this short and sweet episode - and hear a quote from a book you might not have heard of - a book from my heaving shelf: 'Your Inner Critic Is A Jerk' by Danielle Krysa If you are curious and keen to stay unsquashed - have a rummage round my website trishalewis.com - and sign up for my monthly email 'Just Wondering' - rabbit hole treat!

Is it OK to be funny in a business setting? Do you find yourself conflicted and forgetting how to be yourself! Self-squashing danger zone! In this episode we explore this 'fbeing funny' question with the help of someone who knows about the issue all too well. My guest is the wonderful Beth Anne Campbell who, after twenty-three years as a professional in corporate technology, 'broke free from the shackles' and now channels her creative 'badassery' into writing books, podcasting, and speaking. Author of Where The Hell Is My Bacon? and From BLAH to BADASS:. Her passion is helping people 'find their authentic voice and radiate their best energy out into the universe.' We dig down into what holds us back when it comes to using our natural humour (not tasteless or showy-offfy) in some situations. Where are the boundaries? Why do we self-edit in ways that squash our whole personality? This topic is also explored in my book 'The Mystery of The Squashed Self' - in the chapter 'Frozen Funny'. Find out more about Beth on her website or connect on LinkedIn.

What if the very things you've been told to "niche down" into or hide are actually what make you captivating? In this episode, My guest Bee Higgins and I reflect on how our complexity — the messy, multi-layered, contradictory parts of ourselves — is not something to be feared, but embraced. We talk about why self-expression so often gets tangled up in pressure to be just one thing, and how that pressure can quietly squash our confidence. From her early days as a blogger (pre-Instagram and pre-"influencer") to proudly claiming her identity as a disabled woman — Bee has learned that all the bits of us matter. This one’s an honest, human conversation about owning your full story and allowing all of you to be seen. Because guess what? That’s what makes you interesting. Bee Higgins Creative Copywriter & Messaging Mindset Mentor for small business owners ready to BLOOM with confident, heart-led copy & content Discover more about my guest Bee - Find her on LinkedIn and Instagram. The Mystery of The Squashed Self - by Trisha Lewis. Sample chapter and more detail here. For more 'unsquashing' resources - my website trishalewis.com

We all have an inner squasher! It is the voice that says 'no- don't do it' when you really want to have a go at something a bit challenging. It is the voice that messes with your self-belief and mojo. The good news is - it is YOUR voice! This episode reminds you that you need to make friends with your 'inner squasher' before you give it a good talking to - and let your unsquashed self shine through. When does the inner squasher flourish - and what actions can you take? I venture into the world of rock-climbing to provide a good example. Stay curious and unsquashed x More unsquashing resources? Head over to my website - trishalewis.com The Mystery of the Squashed Self - Amazon Beware the Self Squashing Prophecy - TEDx talk - YouTube This podcast and more on my YouTube Channel

Finally! I have a guest! The lovely Lisa de Caux - professional copy editor and proofreader extraordinaire - spills the tea on self-doubt traps she experienced during the very early days of setting up her business (LdC Editorial). She survived - she learnt - and she is showing up to share. From the networking event nightmare to the 'tweed jacket' conundrum and mum-business woman juggling act - grab a cuppa and listen, laugh a little and learn in that human to human way I like to bring to this podcast. Lisa was the copy editor for my book 'The Mystery of the Squashed Self' - so I can recommend her big time! You will find her on her website: https://www.ldceditorial.co.uk/ And over on YouTube - where she is all about answering your questions on editing or proofreading. https://www.youtube.com/@LisadeCaux If you enjoyed this episode - subscribe! And check out the podcast on your favourite pod platform. A great compliment to this episode is this recent YouTube video: '8 Expensive Mistakes I made When I Started My Business. Lessons Learnt.'

In this episode, I'm turning detective on a fresh perspective on people pleasing and its surprising knock-on effects. You might know that constantly trying to please others stems from a fear of rejection, which, incredibly, activates the same parts of your brain as physical pain. But have you considered how this habit can lead to feeling silently annoyed, then angry, and ultimately to losing your temper out of the frustration of not being your full authentic self? Join me as I explore this cycle, share insights from my book (you get a whole chapter) "The Mystery of the Squashed Self", and offer some initial thoughts on how to worry less about being liked. Some good reframes to try! I reference loads of good books for you to explore more! Not Nice - Dr Aziz Gazipura The Courage to be Disliked - Kishimi and Koga Myth of the Nice Girl - Fran Hauser Go For No - Andrea Waltz and Richard Fenton Insight - Tasha Eurich The Mystery of the Squashed Self - Trisha Lewis I also refer to Michael Port and Aesop! Want to explore 'people pleasing' a little more? Head to episodes: 182 and 167 Links to more unsquashing resources - including some tests you can have a bit of fun with - head to my resources page at trishalewis.com

This episode explores the guilt and discomfort associated with setting personal boundaries. We examine the fear of being perceived as selfish or weak that often prevents individuals from saying no or withdrawing from unwanted commitments. I introduce the concept of "fawning" as a potential trauma response related to people-pleasing. As always I offer some reframes and tips to help you recognise these feelings, prioritise their well-being, and understand that setting boundaries is an act of self-care and wisdom, rather than selfishness or weakness. Refererences: Article about 'Fawning' - Psychology Today Untamed - Glennon Doyle Gabor Mate The Mystery of the Squashed Self - Trisha Lewis Beware The Self Squashing Prophecy - TEDx - Trisha Lewis Other 'unsquashing' resources and quizzes - my website.

This podcast episode explores the common struggle of articulating one's skills and achievements without appearing boastful. It identifies this reluctance as a "dumbing down disaster" stemming from fears of being judged as a show-off, often rooted in past experiences and societal pressures. The episode explores these underlying fears and assumptions, suggesting that sharing genuine expertise is distinct from bragging and can even empower others. It offers practical advice, including reframing achievements through relevant connections and accepting compliments, encouraging listeners to confidently acknowledge their abilities in appropriate contexts and overcome self-imposed limitations on their potential impact and growth. ***** There is a chapter in my book 'The Mystery of the Squashed Self' that explores this self-squasher. Details and sample chapter - as well as other unsquasher resources - to be found on my website trishalewis.com. I also mention a book by Peggy Klaus - 'Brag! The Art of Tooting Your Own Horn'.

In this episode of Self-Belief Unsquashed, I'm diving into something I think a lot of us can relate to: the 'too nice trap'. (It's one of the chapters in my book in fact!). Have you ever wondered if being too nice might actually be holding you back, or even making you feel like a bit of a fraud? That's exactly what we're unpicking today, inspired by the classic book, "If I'm So Successful, Why Do I Feel Like a Fake?" by Harvey and Katz. It's so common, isn't it? We often put on our best behaviour, whether it's on a first date or in a job interview. But real connections and genuine happiness come when we can show our more authentic, sometimes less 'perfect' selves. Think about characters we love in books and on screen, like Elizabeth Bennett – their flaws are part of what makes them real. The trouble starts when we feel this pressure to be constantly nice, so much so that we start to hide other parts of ourselves – what Carl Jung called our 'shadow self'. We might worry about revealing any anger, envy, or frustration, fearing rejection. As Harvey and Katz found in their research, people who others see as nice can secretly feel unworthy, even mean or hostile, believing they've somehow deceived people into liking them. This can lead to the strange feeling of being an imposter. We also look at how we sometimes let our thoughts dictate our feelings, assuming that having a negative thought makes us a bad person – which simply isn't true. We all have those fleeting moments of irritation or frustration!. I share some relatable examples of falling into the 'too nice trap', like feeling obliged to donate extra at the till or attend events we don't really want to, just to avoid being seen as mean or unsociable. Even something as simple as adding smiley faces to emails can be part of this!. But constantly hiding our true selves isn't healthy. As Robert Green discusses in his brilliant book, "The Laws of Human Nature", beneath that polite exterior, we all have a darker side. Repressing it can actually be harmful, leading to unexpected outbursts. Green suggests we need to become aware of our own dark side to control it and integrate it, leading to greater authenticity. "I'd rather be whole than good," as Carl Jung famously said. So, how do we navigate this? It's about finding a balance. We touch upon the idea of assertiveness, which, as John Neffinger and Matthew Kohut explain in "Compelling People: The Hidden Qualities That Make Us Influential", isn't about being aggressive but finding that sweet spot between passive and aggressive, requiring both strength and warmth. Ultimately, it's about self-awareness and understanding that it's okay to have a range of emotions and opinions. You don't need to be relentlessly 'lovely' to be liked or valued. In fact, trying to be that all the time can be exhausting and inauthentic. If you're curious to explore this further, I've even got a couple of little tests on my website, trishalewis.com on the 'stay unsquashed' resources page – the Harvey IP scale from the book we mentioned, and my own squashometer test. Have a go and see what you think! Stay curious and unsquashed!

Confession time! A long time ago I got angry in an office, and something stupid happened. We all get wound up by people and situations - but how we respond matters. There is a counter-intuitive thing to consider - is our anger assertive or ultimately a way of being angry with ourselves for not being more controlled. Listen to my crazy story and see if you relate - even if not in the fine detail!

In this episode, I delve into the fascinating realm of non-intentional triggers and how they can lead to overblown reactions and negative inner dialogues. Through four relatable stories from my life, I explore how past experiences, like childhood sports memories and family dynamics, shape our sensitivities and triggering points today. This is about the importance of awareness and control over our emotional responses. You will learn about the 3 'C' method - to "collect, communicate, and calm" your triggers. With practical actions and thought-nudging quotes, this episode offers listeners pathways to manage their reactions and break free from the self-doubt spiral, encouraging a reflective journey towards self-belief and emotional resilience. Reference: A Life of One's Own by Marion Milner Quote included from Dr Nicole LePera For all sorts of resources on the topic of 'staying unsquashed' including some tests - visit my website.

In these stressful times, we often forget the simplest antidote to our troubles – laughter. In this episode we explore the profound effects laughter can have on our mental and physical health, presenting historical anecdotes and scientific research to validate these claims. And it all starts with laughter - listen! Discover how a practice as old as time can relieve stress, boost your immune system, and enhance the quality of your relationships. A sprinkle of humor a day may indeed keep the doctor away. Learn how laughter can effectively elevate your mood and improve resilience against life's challenges. Explore practical ways to incorporate more laughter into your everyday life, whether it's through comedy, joyful experiences with friends, or even laughter yoga. Embrace the contagious nature of joy and make a conscious effort to bring more laughter into your world – for your wellbeing, and the wellbeing of those around you. REFERENCES for further exploring Dr. Robert Provine – Laughter: A Scientific Investigation Dr. Lee Berk – Loma Linda University Studies on Laughter Norman Cousins – Anatomy of an Illness My 'laughter makers' Nick Abbot Show - LBC radio The Rest is History Podcast Joyce Grenfell and Norman Wisdom - Narcissus The Laughing Policeman

In this episode, I explore the concept of biorhythms and how they impact our daily fluctuations in energy and mood - something we all experience. What is the connection between your body and mind? With insights from "How Emotions Are Made" by Lisa Feldman Barrett, I highlight the importance of treating low moments as temporary - observe and understand your body's signals. Through personal anecdotes, such as experiences at the climbing wall, I illustrate how sudden mood changes can be seen as part of our natural ebb and flow, rather than a crisis. I advise against making rash decisions during these "off" days and remind you to be nice to yourself! Stay curious and embrace those unique rhythms. Emotions can often be just noise needing patience and observation. Whether it's the weather, sleep, or subtle stressors, recognizing and navigating these elements can lead to a more balanced and less reactive approach to life's challenges. Based on personal experience - of course! I'm human. (Video version over on YouTube)

In this episode, I delve into the widely accepted notion that staying in your comfort zone can be akin to stagnation or even a proverbial "graveyard" for dreams and ideas. But is it necessary to always step out of one's comfort zone to grow, or is there value in staying cozy and enjoying the comfort it offers? Join me as I explore personal stories of embracing challenges and rediscovering passions, alongside insights and theories from Gay Hendricks’ book "The Big Leap." We'll evaluate the concept of an "upper limit" and the idea of self-sabotage, questioning if pushing beyond what we know is truly the path to success. Reflect on your own comfort zones and examine whether staying within them is holding you back or keeping you content and happy. Video on YouTube - Self Belief Unsquashed Channel More about 'Self Squashing' - trishalewis.com (Link to book and TEDx)

In this episode of "Self-Belief Unsquashed," Trisha Lewis encourages listeners to explore shifts in perspective that can lead to profound self-discovery. Through personal anecdotes and thoughtful reflections, Trisha highlights the transformative power of viewing ourselves through different lenses. She shares a heartwarming story of reconnecting with an old friend and how it provided surprising insights into her own identity, challenging long-held beliefs about herself. This episode invites you to break free from stagnant thinking patterns and embrace new perspectives, whether from longstanding relationships or fresh connections. By staying curious, open-minded, and receptive to the viewpoints of others, you unlock the potential for personal growth and self-awareness. Join Trisha in her mission to unsquash self-belief and experience a broader understanding of who you are.

Join me for an inspiring episode of Self-Belief Unsquashed as we kick off 2025 with the exciting Green Eggs and Ham Challenge. Inspired by Dr. Seuss, this episode encourages listeners to conquer one fear this year by trying something new and outside their comfort zone. Discover how taking small steps can lead to significant personal growth and unexpected joy. Listen to personal stories of overcoming challenges and finding new passions, like climbing and forming meaningful friendships, reminding us that great experiences often arise from the unknown. This year, embrace curiosity and courage, and see where the Green Eggs and Ham Challenge can take you.

Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed by your emotions? Do you feel like a softie when you well up in the middle of a work meeting or social event for seemingly small reasons? Do you suppress or release your crying? Let's put 'crying' on the forensics table. Not just any old crying - 'emotional crying'. A little look at the science of crying and a real story to illustrate the potential embarrassment (and learning opportunities) of unbid and out of proportion 'emotional crying'. Those waves of feeling that hit you without warning and quickly flood you - if you let them. Is there a way to stop the tears? Do you need to? Are you being over-reactive or simply human? This is not a sad listen. This is about building a better relationship with your emotions. Real stories, some brain/body stuff, and practical tips to try. ******* Research for further investigation: How Stuff Works - How Crying Works. The Relationship of Gender Roles and Beliefs to Crying in an International Sample. More 'Unsquashing' resources and links - go to my website. Follow me on Medium for all sorts of 'human' stories around the topic of 'self-squashing'.