Self Belief Unsquashed

Do you give yourself enough credit? My guest Ben Franklin shares his experience from the very start of his journey - and as he puts it - the setbacks and growth moments will be part of your journey at every point - wherever you enter, whatever your background or age. We explore the importance of taking risks, gaining practical experience, and overcoming setbacks and self-doubt. Ben gives examples of recognising the value of personal experience and skills. We also touch on the challenges of comparing ourselves to others on social media, impostor syndrome triggers and handling negative feedback. We share our personal experiences and insights on how to build resilience with a focus on embracing differences and focusing on personal growth whilst taking inspiration from others. Connect with Ben Franklin - LinkedIn Listen to his podcast 'Ground Zero' on most podcast platforms. Also on YouTube here. In this episode we refer to a community we are both involved with - 'You are the Media' - more details here. Transcript PDF on my website trishalewis.com Video of this episode on my YouTube Channel.

How come you blindly accept 'expert' opinion and even default thinking about yourself! Common sense ideas and public opinion can be too readily accepted by us all. Time for some healthy skepticism - time to get curious and examine! Who better to help us with this process than the philosoper Socrates? Whilst he might be long gone - his ideas remain as relevant as ever. There is a method of examining known as 'the Socratic Method of Thinking' - and it is clearly laid out in the book I reference - 'The Consolations of Philosophy' by Alain de Botton. You will be taken through the 6 steps of this method - with an everday example. You can then place any example of an 'unquestioned truth' into the 'curiosity' machine - and see what comes out! Video of episodes are available on my YouTube channel More resources on 'self-belief unsquashing' to be found at trishalewis.com

Next time you fall into a self-doubt spiral full of negative self-talk getting you nowhere - try this! Use the 'principled negotiation' technique espoused by Fisher and Ury (expert negotiators) - to negotiate with your emotions and inner chat! In this episode I explore two of the ingredients of 'principled negotiation' - Separate the people from the problem - and - Focus on interests not positions - and flip them to a negotiation with your own thoughts/emotions/assumptions and baggage! Practical tool - we explore when, why and how to use this technique - on your self! I wrap up with some powerful quotes from two classic books I've had on my shelf since uni days - referenced below. Pull yourself up before you fall down the self doubt spiral and achieve - nothing! PDF transcript on the episode page at trishalewis.com REFERENCES in this episode: Getting to Yes - Roger Fisher and William Ury Emotional Intelligence - Daniel Goleman Borkovec - research on 'worry' Enjoy the episode and subscribe. Please take time to leave a review on your favourite platform to help spread the word if you find this podcast informative, motivating, enjoyable or simply 'calming'! Find out more about my communication and confidence coaching services as well as my unsquashing mission (the book, the TEDx) at trishalewis.com.

Why do humans struggle with doing nothing on their own! Busy doing nothing - not as meaningless as it sounds. Here's how to get good at being bored and alone - a total reframe that will have you feeling meaningful. References: Research - Timothy Wilson 'How Much do we not like being bored.' Sunday Neurosis theory - Sander Ferenczi Book - Flow - Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi PDF transcript on my website - trishalewis.com YouTube - video of this episode

Is your fear of being judged as cocky, arrogant or a 'know it all' holding you back from simply showing up with confidence? You are not alone! If you have ever been in the company of a 'cocky' type - you will have thought - 'I don't ever want to come across like that'. The fear is so real that you second guess anything that means you show confidence! Like sharing opinions, giving good presentations, sharing your achievements etc. In this podcast we explore the fear, the mis-associations and the mix that you need to build your confidence - without fear of being judged as cocky! I share a really useful graphic from the book 'How to be Confident' by James Smith - and a wonderful quote by Maria Popova (The Marginalian). We explore humility, competence and debunk some myths! You can view this on YouTube. More 'unsquashing' resources at trishalewis.com

If you have ever burst out into tears, 'lost it' or gone into a mild form of panic attack - and regretted that public display of intense emotion - this is for you! If you are human - this is for you. In this episode I invite my imaginary guest (a new feature) - Daniel Goleman (author of Emotional Intelligence) - to share insights on a powerful part of our brain - the 'amygdala'. We also look at the part played by your 'triggers' - your very individual 'stuff' - including your learning style. As always - a story or two to illustrate, the forensics to better understand - and some action steps to try out. Nothing wrong with intense emotions - all part of our survival instincts - but... they sometimes kick off without a obvious reason ... and potentially creating awkward or 'squashing' after effects. I start this episode with a quote from a great little book called 'Anxiety is Really Strange' by Steve Haines There will be a video of this episode on my YouTube channel - and transcript available in the shownotes on my website.

Are you falling into self-doubt spirals by beating yourself up when things don't go perfectly? You are human - it will happen. In this episode I explore the connection between self-esteem, self-doubt and this 'fighting with yourself' thing! You will go through some forensics with me - including unwrapping a real example to illustrate. It all starts with you doing a powerful visualisation involving a robot! I quote from the classic book on Self-esteem - The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden. I also refer you to other episodes - especially this one: 155 - Manage your negative self talk with this mind trick. For more on 'unsquashing' your self belief - check out my TEDx talk 'The Self Squashing Prophecy' and my book 'The Mystery of the Squashed Self'. If you want to see this episode as a video - head over to my YouTube Channel.

'Just be yourself' - what does that mean to you? This well meaning advice needs a closer look. In this episode you'll discover that personality is not a label or stone sculpture round our neck - we can become something we are not without being a con artist! We can adopt what Brian R Little calls - a 'free trait'. Intriqued? Listen to this short unsquasher episode to learn more - and gain insights into ways in which you can 'be yourself' a bit differently! The way you approach interviews, presentations, networking conversations and all sorts of situations - will be greatly enhanced by understanding more about your eminently mutable self! Health and happiness benefits too! Referenced in this episode: Book - Me, Myself and Us by Brian R Little Research - Self monitoring Scale - Mark Snyder (1979) See this article from 'The Cut' - where you will also find the scale itself. Video version of this episode. PDF transcript at trishalewis.com - podcast page. Enjoy the episode and subscribe. Please take time to leave a review on your favourite platform to help spread the word if you find this podcast informative, motivating, enjoyable or simply 'calming'! Find out more about my communication and confidence coaching services as well as my unsquashing mission (the book, the TEDx) at trishalewis.com.

When you are feeling a nervous mess before public speaking, interviews or any performance event where you fear messing up.... the friendly advice is 'calm down - breathe deep - visualise lovely things' etc! You tell yourself to 'calm down' as you see your hands trembling and feel your stomach full of butterflies.... but.... what if there was a better way to proceed that seems very counter-instinctive? This short unsquasher episode explores an alternative way. Inspired by reading a highly recommended book - 'Cringeworthy' by Melissa Dahl and some research refrenced by the author. Book and research links and transcript PDF in shownotes at https://trishalewis.com/ Video of this episode Enjoy the episode and subscribe. Please take time to leave a review on your favourite platform to help spread the word if you find this podcast informative, motivating, enjoyable or simply 'calming'! Find out more about my communication and confidence coaching services as well as my unsquashing mission (the book, the TEDx) at trishalewis.com.

As a human you are motivated to learn, develop and grow. But it can't just be about study and fancy qualifications surely. What are the basic feeders of personal growth or even business, hobby skills growth? Welcome to an episode full of those growth feeders. My guest Alan Braithwaite (see previous episode with Emily Braithwaite) - is co founder of 'Yellow Tuxedo' - helping businesess be visible online. But he and Emily have also built a brilliant community called 'Digital Circus' - helping smaller businesses by real practical tips and - so much more. That 'more' is the power of a team. The growth ingredient of working together - and we unwrap that in this conversation. Alan is a proud Scout leader - and you will be surprised by the learnings from this that are so relevant to us all as growing humans! As Alan says: "It's about fun, safety and adventure. And all of a sudden, you're an adult with all of these skills that you don't really remember learning then they just built into you." From a Top Gun Maverick mantra to Scouting stories to very real observations about community, fun, motivation - squashing and unsquashing - this is a rich listen. Alan Braithwaite is the co-founder of Yellow Tuxedo. - The online visibility specialists.

You are feeling a bit stale and stuck. Your motivation is wobbly. Time to explore your options you think. But how you go about this exploration might be more meaningful than you realise. This episode explores how to explore. The episode is inspired by the journaler and author Marion Milner (aka Joanna Field) and the two psychologists behind the self-discovery tool known as the 'Johari Window'. What would you think if you were invited to explore your options by exploring your unknown unknowns? What does it mean to explore with 'wide attention' versus 'narrow attention'? How can you practically use these insights to go on a mini voyage of discovery - a bit like being aboard the Starship Enterprise - but very down to earth. You can see the video of this episode on my YouTube Channel. If the concept of 'unsquashing' intriques you - I invite you to explore my book and TEDx talk and connect with me on Instagram and LinkedIn. Or just head over to my website for links and more resources.

Stop beating yourself up! Not so easy. Negative self talk, inner critic, catastrophising, self-doubt spirals - they are a natural consequence of being human. But - our rush to beat ourselfs up when we believe we have 'failed' in some way - is a real squasher! It stops us moving forward and often results in us wallowing in a swamp of self-doubt for hours, weeks or even years! In this episode you will join me in exploring why we do this negative self-talk and - crucially - how we can manage it - accept it and then do something to move us forward. There is a kind of mind trick involved - and it revolves around a well researched concept - 'distanced self talk' - Article here. I also recommend the book - 'Chatter' by Ethan Kross. And - my book - 'The Mystery of the Squashed Self' and TEDx talk. Subscribe and share - please!

How to flourish as an individual in a Collective. Have you found your tribe? Do you feel valued for your individual approach and contribution whilst also part of a supportive group with shared aims? Emily Braithwaite is the co founder of 'Yellow Tuxedo' - online visibility for small business owners. They have a brilliant community called Digital Circus and so she understands this need for being amongst a group that see you as an individual. In this episode you also hear her squashing and unsquashing story and how she maintains her individuality whilst working with her husband! Emily also shares an inspiring story about a recent trip to Malawi with a group of women - to work with a group of aspiring business women. A gripping listen! The podcast with full PDF Transcript is on my website - also on all main pod platforms. https://trishalewis.com/unsquashed-blog/ Emily Braithwaite - Yellow Tuxedo Website: https://www.yellowtuxedo.co.uk/ NB - If you prefer to watch - the video is on my YouTube channel - here: https://youtu.be/dtYLYjcxWxQ?feature=shared Enjoy the episode and subscribe. Please take time to leave a review on your favourite platform to help spread the word if you find this podcast informative, motivating, enjoyable or simply 'calming'! Find out more about my communication and confidence coaching services as well as my unsquashing mission (the book, the TEDx) at https://trishalewis.com/stay-unsquashed/

Do you get a pang of feeling inferior when you hear someone else being praised. You know it is irrational. You don't want to be an envious type. You want to feel fine about other people being great! The problem is - you are reacting from your self-squashed self! How to stop this odd form of comparisonitis? How to embrace other people's achievments without seeing it as a dig at you - that someone you are 'less than'? In this short unsquasher episode you will be asked to do an audit on the FIBs that might be fuelling this reaction - the fears, illusions and baggage. Short and sweet - and very human real! Full transcript at www.trishalewis.com - pod/blog page. Video version on my YouTube channel. Subscribe to this podcast for the short unsquashers and the longer explorations with fascinating guests.

Why are you allowing self-doubt to squash your non-fiction book idea? Why do women in particular have deep fears about being judged negatively if they publish a non-fiction book about the thing they have tons of experience in - that will help others? What are the procrastination demons and what do you do to get unstuck and belief in your right to write that book! My guest is Helen Pollock - founder of 'Her Next Chapter' - with a rich background in PR, Ghostwriting and content coaching. She is on a mission to help women entrepreneurs create more impact, inspire others and build a legacy no-one can take away from them, by writing a business book to be proud of. Quote: (Helen frequently hears this from her clients) "Am I being arrogant? Am I showing off? Will people judge me for doing this - for writing this - for little old me writing a book." More details on the resource Helen is offering can be found here. Full episode transcript on podcast page here. YouTube video version here.

This is about identity labels and growth mindset versus fixed mindset. What lies behind phrases such as 'not my thing' or 'never been like that'? Time for an audit on how much 'should' your are doing - because you have got stuck in a stale and potentially squashed identity. You will hear a short but very real example of the way we get stuck and the way we can unstick and embrace new phases of identity evolution! A short unsquasher episode. Transcript at trishalewis.com - pod/blog page. Video version on my YouTube Channel.

You have heard about narcissists - but how do you know if one is in your life? How do you know that your deflating, inhibiting lack of self-belief is due to ongoing or past narcissistic abuse? My guest Amanda Craven is a clinical hypnotherapist who helps people recover from emotional trauma. She shares her personal story - as does your host! Insights and practical steps as always. For episode transcript - head to www.trishalewis.com pod/blog section. You can view this episode on my YouTube channel

What lies behind your fear of being boring in conversations? Is this fear of other people thinking you are boring - holding you back and sucking the joy from social or work based conversations? Welcome to another short unsquasher. In this episode we unpack what you might mean by 'boring' and how to do the forensics with some simple steps that will give you a reframe and a refresh. If you really are boring (and remember it is your inner fear at play) - there is hope! For more on 'unsquashing' check out resources at www.trishalewis.com and my YouTube channel - Self Belief Unsquashed.

How do you rebuild confidence and stop your self-belief being squashed when an unexpected health scare changes your world? My guest is 'Heart Healthy Living Coach - Crescentia Cook. She specialises in supporting those with Atrial Fibrillation. Her personal experience, knowledge and coaching expertise means this episode will be hugely valuable to you if you are dealing with anxiety that is 'shrinking your world' and messing with your confidence. Plenty of practical tips and resources for you to explore. **** Links to resources mentioned: Books and events - Dr David Hamilton. https://drdavidhamilton.com/ More about the science and research into EFT https://eftinternational.org/discover-eft-tapping/eft-science-research/ Havening https://www.havening.org/ Crescentia Cook's website: www.hearthealthylivingcoach.co.uk How Emotions Are Made - Dr Lisa Feldman Barrett Rough TRANSCRIPT - and more on 'Unsquashing' - head over to my website here. https://trishalewis.com

Self belief includes working on your sense of agency - taking back your power. You have more power to create change in yourself and in the world than you realise. My guest Gerri McHugh is the founder of Global Health Film - her life and work challenges have meant nurturing her own self belief and that of her film makers too! But how exactly...? PDF Transcript here Gerri McHugh on LinkedIn Global Health Film Website Referenced in this episode: Quotes: J M Storm - Find on Instagram or his poetry book on Amazon Valentina White's chapter in: 'Creating Success: Entrepreneurs & Changemakers Share Wisdom on Achieving Success on Your Own Terms' - Amazon TV series - My Mum Your Dad with Davina McCall - ITVx Want to know more about 'unsquashing' self belief? Visit my website.