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Episode 56: Two Key Pressures In Relationship

Reduce resentment, and build desire, passion and connection Long-term stable relationships are wonderful but they can also trigger old relationship patterns from our Family of Origin in how to manage anxiety and intimacy. Depending on what type of Family system we grew up in we may not have the most workable skill sets on board to make it work effectively long term. This episode is inspired by the book, Growing Yourself Up by Jenny Brown who is a family system specialist. Through...


Episode 55: Red Flags For Possible Narcs and Abusers

Early warning signs to look out for It can be so valuable to be able to spot potential trouble early on in the form of a Narcissist, Social Psychopath or someone with control issues. These dynamics don't often emerge until they have us hooked in but there are certain early warning signs to look out for. I personally have had challenges with such people both in my personal and professional life. I would have loved to have known more about some of these dynamics earlier in my life! I hope...


Episode 54: The How or When of Self Love

The power of asking ‘when’ questions Sometimes we ask how to questions when there could be better questions to ask. When questions can be very powerful and create for us an opportunity to approach a block or goal in a different way. "How do I learn to love myself more?" A powerful question however different to: "When will I love myself more?" Sometimes asking when will we change is very different to how can we change. This episode explores why that is the case. Asking when questions...


Episode 53: Working With Narcs

How to respond to narcissistic behaviour in the workplace Working with Narcissists can be a bewildering and painful experience. Narcissism is a spectrum and dealing with those that demonstrate consistent adaptive disfunction can really make your work life extremely challenging. Through understanding a little more about Narcs (Narcissists) and what patterns they often display allows you to form a strategy to respond rather than react. Often not getting hooked into their game, managing your...


Episode 52: Building Self Trust

How to develop informed self trust Many people think that when they feel they can trust self then they will take a risk. Unfortunately, informed self-trust and self-confidence come from risking first. True trust comes from knowing that whether it works out in the moment or it doesn't, you can handle it! Once we know that we can manage ourselves through life's challenges then we deepen in self-trust and self-belief. However, this only arises by taking the steps first.


Episode 51: Emotional Fusing In Relationship

Is it Love or just Emotional Fusing that you are experiencing in your relationship? When we grow up in family systems that didn't foster and support our right to individuality, we learn that love involves unhealthy fusing. (Eg: When mum was unhappy, everyone was unhappy!) This episode draws from the wonderful work of Dr David Schnarch and in particular his book Passionate Marriage. The episode goes through some elements of unhealthy emotional fusing dynamics and how it leads to couples...


Episode 50: Fostering Intimacy

How intimacy transforms relationships With so many relationships not going the distance and people in relationship wishing for a more intimate connection with their partner, what is missing? Many people express a desire to be more intimate and then find that they are unable to sit in the vulnerability that arises as a result. Instead of challenging our partners to be closer, the paradox is we need to examine and understand what it takes for us to be closer. This episode looks at some of...


Episode 49: Adult Children Raised By Narcissists Pt II

Understand the challenges and how to heal The whole challenge of having been exposed to Narcissistic behaviour through a parent as a child is such a complex area. Certain coping responses get employed often just to survive especially if the parent is on the extreme end of the spectrum. As a result, the adult child can have some unique challenges to overcome in order to embrace their own life and have healthy and loving relationships. When we have been consistently shamed, told we don't...


Episode 48: Adult Children Raised By Narcissists Part I

Understanding the dynamics of narcissistic parenting Narcissism is challenging at the best of times to deal with let alone having been raised by a parent on the Narcissism spectrum. In order to accommodate the narcissistic parent, the child must learn to adapt and mould to what it perceives are the parent's expectations. If not, the consequences can be severe! However part of maintaining a perceived position of superiority for the narcissist is that strategies are employed to see the...


Episode 47: Identifying Emotional Abuse

Identify toxic patterns in relationships When we look at abuse in relationships there can be both physical and non-physical. Both are stunningly toxic and damaging! In this episode, we look at continuing to develop our understanding of the impact of non-physical abuse because it is so pervasive. Emotional abuse can include verbal abuse, but episode 47 looks at the often more subtle abusive patterns that over time erode our self-belief, self-trust and self-esteem. This can leave us...


Episode 46: Facing Shame

Facing & moving through toxic shame This episode is by audience request. How do we face toxic shame and continue to move forward in our lives. Toxic Shame is where we take the feelings of shame and we collapse it into our identity. I have an uncomfortable feeling of wrongness becomes "I am wrong!" When we begin to feel that we are wrong or we are driven to avoid this feeling it can really dictate our choices and actions in life. Shame survives by hiding and can pull us away from having the...


Episode 45: Parenting Awareness

Honouring the authenticity of our child The parenting journey is so amazing and challenging at the same time and I can't think of a greater self-development course than embarking on the journey of raising a child! This episode is designed to support parents and further champion children by inviting parents to examine their own childhood experiences. The more aware we are of the reality of what we experienced growing up the more conscious rather than reactive our parenting becomes. We need...


Episode 44: Moving Towards Functional Adult

Benchmarks in developing our sense of healthy functional self How do we esteem with greater effectiveness and acknowledge our innate worth? When we are able to operate from a place of functional adult our relationships improve and deepen. This focus is just as valuable when considering improving business relationships as it is in our personal lives. Some of our past experiences and conditioning has caused us to lose sight of our inborn value. When we devalue self, we set a precedent for...


Episode 43: Understanding Verbal Abuse

Elements that make up Verbal Abuse in relationships Verbal like physical abuse happens behind closed doors and the victim can feel isolated, confused and as if they somehow are to blame. This episode uses Patricia Evans' insightful book "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" as a reference and a resource. Through understanding some of the patterns of toxic verbal abuse we can reclaim our right to healthy relating or keep an eye out for our friends and family members who may be in this type...


Episode 42: Elements of Secure Relating

How do we know that we are in a relationship that is built on a foundation of secure relating? What are some of the key aspects to help us navigate into the kind of healthy relationships we desire to have? This episode explores some of the key elements that are consistent in relationships that have secure attachment at their core. Knowing this assists us in keeping relationships on track or side step finding ourselves stuck in avoidant/anxious relating with our partner for too long. I...


Episode 41: Rushing The Relationship

Missing out on true intimacy Sometimes in order to deal with the uncertainty of future relationship history, we rush at the beginning. The rushing is designed to reduce anxiety about the relationship and the person we have just begun with. Rushing, however, creates a fantasy and a false intensity which can mean that we miss out on true intimacy having a chance to develop. Slowing down, setting boundaries on how much time is spent together and not racing to claim relationship status can be...


Episode 40: They Aren't Going To Change

Can we take the necessary steps of courage on our own behalf? In this Episode we look at the desire we have for our partner to change and do something different. When are they going to be more loving, considerate and acknowledge how I feel? Some people choose to hold onto a fantasy that their partner will change despite the everyday evidence that clearly shows nothing is different at all! Why hold onto a wishful desire that in time they will finally see the error of their ways and...


Episode 39: Using your Relationship as a Crash Point

Bring your best self home Modern life is so demanding and we can get pulled in so many directions. As a result, we can unintentionally put our intimate relationship on the back burner. We give all day to others and then come home and crash onto the couch, disappear into social media and forget to connect with the one we love most. If we continue to use our home and our relationship as a place to go to shut down then ultimately our relationship will be at risk. We lose the spark as we are...


Episode 38: The Joy of Family Business

Key areas of challenge that family businesses face If done well a family business can be a fantastic experience! We generally tend to spend more time with those we work with than anyone else. Why not spend it with those you love! However there can be challenges and risks when we combine family dynamics with the stress and pressure of business. It is so important to take the family out of family business at certain times and stick with professional behaviour. If we can do this we increase...


Episode 37: Sufficiency

What if you knew you were already enough as you were right now? How would that inform your decisions about yourself and your business? When we come from the myth of scarcity it can drive us to operate in ways that are selfish, short-sighted and problematic. As someone who has been driven by the idea of not being good enough and not having enough for most of my life, it is truly exhausting. Scarcity has at times robbed me of true joy and creativity. This episode begins to explore the idea...