Sean Healy: Tools

Understanding and responding to drama triangles There are a number of ways in which humans behave when drama, anxiety and intensity increase between themselves and another. Some responses are helpful and lead to resolution. Other methods actually make matters worse. One way in which anxiety and friction are managed between two people is to pull in a third party to vent and complain to. There are helpful versions of this and unhelpful versions. This episode looks at the triangle dynamics...

What to do when faced with the reality of an affair In this final episode of looking at affairs, we look at what to do if we are faced with the reality of unfaithfulness. What are some of the better ways in which to support ourselves through such a challenging time? Do you stay or do you go? Are there larger considerations? How I respond now will either help my future moving forward or adversely affect my future relationship health. How can I best support myself? How specifically do I...

Red flags to look out for & how to deal with an affair Continuing on from part 1 with the idea that monogamy can no longer be safely assumed in the modern relationship arena, what can we do? How can we continue to have honest and open discussions around the strong possibility that at some point temptation will present? Denial and refusal to have the challenging conversations can leave us very vulnerable indeed. In this episode, we explore possible red flags that our partner could be...

Challenging assumptions about why people are unfaithful The way the modern relational landscape is moving it has never been more important than now to begin to examine some of our outdated assumptions about why people are unfaithful. As long as there has been committed relationships there have been affairs. We need to be able to accept that they happen and begin to work out better ways to approach and deal with them when they do. The idea that "It will never happen to me!" is a very...

How can I use feedback to better enrich my life? Those that excel in their chosen field of endeavour have a very different relationship and idea of feedback than the rest of us. Feedback and peer review is an opportunity for advancement. It is an essential tool for improving in life, love and business. How can we get better at utilising feedback to advance? This episode looks at what the successful tend to do regarding feedback and getting the most out of it for themselves. When we are...

How do I as a parent make it easier for my kids to hear me? Modern parenting is challenging and one of those challenges is getting the kids to listen to our sage words of parenting wisdom! The reality is we can't make anyone listen who doesn't want to but we may be able to maximise our chances of increased receptivity in our children. This episode looks at some of the ways that parents get in their own way when trying to lovingly guide their children through the journey of life. One way...

Strengthen your romantic relationship by discussing boundaries Boundaries in romantic relationships are so important and add to connection or distance depending on how we respond to them. Boundaries are about what is and isn't ok in relationship for us, and it is very likely that our partner’s ideas, or at least some of them, will be different from ours. Boundaries in relationships is a vast area and will vary from couple to couple. However, there are ways to approach the discussion of...

How can we process our loss in a healthy way? The loss of a dearly loved one is painful! These moments in life can have a very significant effect on individuals but also on the whole family system. A family can be pulled apart by their grief and unresolved conflicts resurface at this time or we can come together with greater compassion, love and closeness than ever before. One way in which we can manage the experience is to over focus and over worry about others. It is important to be...

How to create the best new family dynamic we can The most rapidly growing relationship style is the remarried or step family relationship. Some individuals are not only on their second family but beginning the third. It is important to know what can make this journey so much more challenging for not only the new couple but the children they bring into the new arrangement. How can we best support the children, ourselves and our present partner going forward to create the best new family...

Keep the magic and desire alive Modern relationships are changing and under pressure like never before thanks to all the external demands of our everyday lives, career and social pressures. The thinking and expectations for people have changed around relationships and it has never been easier than now to leave if it isn't working out. This episode looks at some key elements for helping us to create stability in our relationships whilst also keeping alive the magic and...

How much time are we spending where? Do I consistently bring my best thinking and most positive self to the business, whilst family and home is where I go to shut down? Nothing wrong with the home being a place to regenerate, but if all our family sees is our most shut down, preoccupied self it really leaves our relationships vulnerable long term. It can be so easy to slip into these patterns as a relationship progresses, especially if our family model was something like, dad worked all...

Embracing our success Many of us learned a healthy work ethic from our family system. However, what many of us didn't learn was a healthy reward ethic! Entrepreneurs, businesses owners and anyone working towards success and financial reward, may find that when they get there they are filled with guilt about taking advantage of what they have achieved. What will my family think? What will my staff think? Part of adult maturity is being able to see objectively both the strengths and...

What kind of power dynamic am I in right now? The ability to become aware of what type of power game others have got you in can be vital to avoid being exploited! Power With means that we are working to achieve our goals and desires but not at the expense of others. People playing Power Over however are doing things very differently and are counting on the fact that you won't recognise what they are doing. Backhanded insults, withholding important information, consistent misunderstandings...

Understanding the manipulative strategies of gaslighting Gaslighting, deliberately influencing another's perception of reality for advantage takes many forms. This is a vast topic with many ways to keep someone in the dark, misinformed, defensive and off balance. Episode 72 looks at some of the strategies that are employed to exploit people. Through understanding and greater recognition, we aren't left as vulnerable to being taken advantage of. Some exploiters have greater elegance and...

How to understand and approach fundamentally aggressive people It is wonderful to see that in business we are moving more towards embracing emotional intelligence and that the psychological safety of people in the workplace is a key component to more profit. However, with the move towards more feelings sensitivity, there may be some unexpected downsides. This type of environment could make it easier for covertly aggressive people to avoid detection and promote their win at all costs...

How to apologise effectively Ever been on the receiving end of a hollow or what you felt was an insincere apology? There is a way to apologise effectively and then there are plenty of ways to deliver an apology that can lead to more disconnection and frustration. The ability to deliver an apology that works can leave the receiver feeling acknowledged and validated. Who wouldn't want that? This episode looks at what to do to deliver an apology that works and also what doesn't work. Genuine...

Promote deeper, richer connection between ourselves and others. Ever tried to have a conversation with someone where you thought you'd risk showing yourself only to find that you came away feeling frustrated and unacknowledged? The ability to share effectively in conversation relies on both parties involved. There is the responsibility of the sender and the responsibility of the receiver. This episode looks at the message sender and what we can do to promote deeper, richer connection...

How to manage extreme responses & grow in confidence Human beings are prone to either over responding or under responding in moments of stress. What this can translate to is our intention to deal with an already stressful situation is actually made worse through our response. Through self-reflection of the ways in which we can have extreme responses either to acute or chronic stress situations, we will be able to better support self. If we are able to stay in a more moderate space of...

Giving to others from a place of joy rather than resentment When we give to get this can often blow up on us and leave us feeling resentful! What space am I giving from? In relationships be that with a friend, romantic partner or in business, there are times when I have engaged in giving purely because I had an agenda and expectation for myself. I am going to keep score of what I have done for you and what you have done for me. I am ahead, so now you owe me! This type of approach and...

Manage mistakes without losing confidence It is important to have a method in place to overcome or move through potential failures and short comings. How do we get up and going again after our beloved business vision fell flat or seems to be heading in that direction. The most effective business people are those that have a way to manage mistakes without losing confidence, freezing up and grinding to a halt. Having a bounce back plan in place before you begin can really help you to take...