Elis James and John Robins

The Cymru Connection is officially newsworthy: we said it could be significant, and boy was it. Sadly we didn’t get a 2000 word thinkpiece on whether opening with the question ‘where did you go to school?’ is actually harmful for Elis’s xC (expected connections), but we did get a 3 minute package on the nation’s favourite feature that will no doubt be talked about for decades to come. The boys reflect on their newfound cultural importance, and John discovers a hard truth about how his role on this podcast is viewed in Wales. Beyond all the excitement, there’s chat about the downsides of dressing your children for World Book Day, there’s a Shame Well that’s so shameful it leads to everyone talking French, and the boys wonder why farms always have massive piles of tyres. Your usual fare, basically. Oh, and we finally get to relive some of John's early stand up material. Brace yourselves. If you feel compelled to offer up some newsworthy items of your own, send them to elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk, or WhatsApp the show on 07974 293 022.

Is John having a Pep Guardiola moment? For a man who wins a lot, he’s chalked up a lot of losses this week. Firstly there’s an unprecedented Wordle catastrophe that only the language of the great Bard can summarise. And secondly, there’s a barren month on the old PB’s (premium bonds). But worry not, for John has “lit a fire in today”. What kind of fire? A content fire. Nothing can stop the man from producing content. Elis dives once again into the annals of history to continue a comprehensive look back at John’s 20 year stand up career. And he calls on two famous friends to colour in the details. Elsewhere, a new facet of the Mad Dad is unearthed, a listener shares a Van Morrison story, and the boys have a chat about mullets. If you want to throw your 2 pennies in, email the show on elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk, or WhatsApp us on 07974 293 022.

“Wales might be a country of 3.1 million people, but it seems like we all know each other. Well one broadcaster on BBC Radio 5 Live is putting that to the test.” [Roll VT] It’s a big day for Elis. This could be significant. BBC Wales are in the house to cover the local / national news stories on everyone’s lips: The Cymru Connection. The eyes of a section of the UK are on him. Can he succeed when the nation’s local news comes to town? As a result there’s not just one, but two bites at the succulent connecting cherry for you lucky rascals. Wipe those juices off your face, it's unbecoming. Plus there’s a Made Up Game that once again confounds the boys’ lowly expectations of their own creativity, whilst Elis simply cannot get his head around plot when it’s sung to him. Whilst you’re here get yourselves subscribed on BBC Sounds where you can also get Elis and John bonus content every Saturday morning! Want to connect with us via digital media? Well the best options are elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk on email and 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.

“I just feel ashamed and sad now.” John’s in a bad mood. He has made this patently clear he wants nothing to catch him off guard. That’s great news for Elis when he’s got a big fun surprise for John that he’s put a load of work into. Wish him luck. Because it’s a huge milestone week for Mr Johnny JR Robins. Two decades on the circuit. And in that time innumerable regional arts centres have felt his comedic touch in that time. So many times has John won. Again. And Again. Thus now is the time to cast a wistful eye back on 20 years of John Robins stand up, warts and all. For This Is Your Stand Up Life. We also circle back around to sex clubs again. This time on The Wirral. Premium bonds are like truffles in the earth. Got any truffles that you prime hogs have dug up and now stand attentively next to, waiting for us to gather? Well send them in to elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk and 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.

John’s currently penning something which will change global culture. But what if we lift the bonnet of his genius? That is what we find out on today’s show. For in that bonce is a V8 plucking words from the ether with such vim and vigour, and combining those words to make phrases, clauses and sentences. Word constructs which then combine to make reflections and musings that will make people go “huh, that’s profound” like nothing before. The ease with which John hammers out words at such a pace would make Jilly Cooper, professional blush causer, blush. Pages churned out with an efficiency that if this were Bob Cratchit doing office based tasks then Scrooge would offer him a raise. Elsewhere, there is combat over the combativeness of features and where the blame for that lies, whilst once again Elis is unreasonably put under time pressure to think of things. Plus, have you ever just snogged someone constantly for an hour? If you’d like to pen your own novellas (emails / texts) then get in touch through elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.

John has eaten some chocolate just before recording and now he’s all glum. So it’s up to Elis and Dave to get him out of his funk. Their options: 1. Take his trousers off. 2. Give him a wedgie. 3. Let him tell his anecdote about going to a folk gig and sitting in front of an annoying couple. One wonders which they’ll pick? After the chunk funk (chocolate funk) has subsided, there’s more premium bond chat, and after Elis’s poor showing around Valentine’s Day last week, dating expert LalalaLetMeExplain stops by to impart some romantic wisdom. If you have any of the following: some tips for Elis’s love life, a mad dad, or a story about winning loads of money, then we want to hear from you. Send all your guff to elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk, or WhatsApp the show on 07974 293 022.

Brace yourselves, because John is about to discover something massive LIVE on the podcast. This could be significant. This could change the game. This could mean that Project 2032(TM) has come early. It’s a potentially life-changing day for Robins, and somewhat like an episode of 24, it all plays out in real time. Strap yourselves in, folks. And with John’s attention elsewhere, could this also be a game-changing day for our Elis James? Will the sense of excitement that’s pervading the studio seep into Elis’ attempt to connect to a random Welsh caller? Is a tap in on the cards for Made Up Games? It’s certainly all to play for. So sit back and enjoy some textbook Elis and John badinage, featuring a welcome return of #HotChat, and a Made Up Game that features so many brand names it’s taken the production team 2 days to fill out all the forms. Send in your reactions to John’s potentially life-changing news to elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk, or WhatsApp the show on 07974 293 022.

Love is in the air and it’s really setting Producer Dave’s pulse racing. And not just because he’s madly in love himself. Rather it’s because Elis and John are leaning into topical content in a natural fashion without prompting. Something to get any commercial radio producer excitable. For yes, it’s Valentine’s Day. Romance is making the studio a thick humid erotic soup. Elis will send Isy a text saying “well done”. And John’s Love Heart that says “new love” on it has broken in half; a sign that pagans would have interpreted as coming crop failure. But John is in love. In love with a new beau... the Top Shows Podcast Chart. He’s also had the greatest match with a woman of all time… his mortgage broker. In less romantic affairs we ask “could you wake a baby for £25,000?” and there’s a clash of two ingredients that were just made for each other: Mad Dads and sat navs. Contact us right now you sexy lovers on elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk and 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp if you’re more of a direct message sort of person.

What do the people want? Wordle Live. What do they not want? The Cymru Connection. That’s the opinion of John Robins. Just John Robins. You thought that we were out of the Wordly woods. But no, the more concern you have for the woods the more trees John will plant. PLANT being a good starter. John wants a feature substitution and he'll wage this war on Elis, listeners and production staff alike until he gets it. Failing that, what about a daily Wordle podcast? Guys. Guys! GUUYYS!?! Don’t run off. It can’t happen anyway because they’re hard to promote and you can’t get a commercial midroll advert in if they’re too short. So it’s all fine. That door is closed. Anyway there are larks aplenty today on the show, and not the avian sort. For Richard Herring and his singular ball are in today to talk about someone who looks like Tim Key. Plus there’s a Made Up Games which really will make TV commissioners *finally* sit up and listen to the ideas machines. If there’s any format that you think has the potential to make the boys boat loads of cash then it’s elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or 07974 293 022.

You would think Elis and Producer Dave would be offering praise to the mood gods, for Johnny JR is in a good one, having interviewed his favourite musician of all time for a project he cannot comment on. May - check. Oldham - check. McCombes - check (but didn’t engage). Yet the fly in the ointment: with such big energy, John’s sackings flow forth like a wave. Equally such vim it also means there’s the vigour to go in two footed on shoes. Who could expect that? Elsewhere, we’re on other fertile ground covering topics such as tying your shoe laces. It’s all good stuff crowned off with a proper meat and drink Mad Dad. Got stuff to put forward to the CEO and his employees? Then it’s elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk on electronic mail or 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.

There’s some big goals targeted on today’s show. Firstly, ‘legacy’ is on the lips. What permanent impact can Elis and John leave? Secondly, what can help achieve Project 2032 and allow John to retire in just 7 years? Finally, Dave just wants to create some vaguely entertaining content and keep John busy. The proposed options are numerous to reach the above goals. Well, everything from pottery and doing a food safety certificate. Can any of the ideas achieve all three? Absolutely not. Not even the tantalising prospect of a thousand lovely ladies or John Robins: Deal Dog. Speaking of deal dogs, there’s a Made Up Game which lasts as long as an episode of Eastenders and really gets JR's juices flowing - Elis is also there. Also expect Elis’s questioning to be questioned... once again. Got any suggestions for things that John could do? Well send them to elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or WhatsApp them in on 07974 293 022.

Some of you wanted less not more Wordle chat. You pleaded even to the production team. But the team were scared. For there were Wordle emails that had come in. What if Emperor Robins found out they’d been squirreling such content away from him. It would displease him so. Thus he was presented with it all. And like a labrador at the bowl, he could feast. Feast until unwell. So what of the pleas? With his 3.6 average word score laurel perched on his head, he peered down from his chaise longe. As the fickle thumb of fate turned down, and he yelled ‘No!’. And rather than getting less Wordle, it’s more. It’s double Wordle. Another 20 minutes 30 seconds of it all across two doses. This’ll teach the complainers. The rioters. Eat your wordy gruel and be happy with it. Might assess ‘gruel’ as a potential for new starter words actually. Dave write that down. Elis was not consulted on today's content. Anyway, aside from that there’s also non-etymological issues at play including Adrian Chiles’ pants and the rather frightening thought of ‘what if John was the second coming of Christ’. Remember to subscribe on BBC Sounds for bonus Sounds Bites / Bureau de Change of the Mind every Saturday morning. And if you’ve got Wordle-based content for the Emperor then it’s elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.

Someone’s put 50p in Johnny JR today. And it’s incredible what such loose change can enact. For since the wee hours he’s been cackling into his notebook at the output of his terrifyingly fervent mind at work. So fervent in fact, that he almost struggles to get through his own twisting creation. Strap in from the off, because when he’s in top gear it’s a mind quite unlike any other. Beyond the bubbling crevasses of John’s imagination there’s Elis James to deal with. Because once again it’s time for his own progeny to skewer him in increasingly damning ways. What have you got for us? If it’s worth the paper / pixels it’s written on then send it to elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or WhatsApp on 07974 293 022.

You thought you were safe from Wordle? Hasn’t everyone else stopped talking about it? Well, you were wrong. But don’t switch off, come back, come back! For it’s an etymological *feast* today - is that a good eliminator word?! Because alongside Old English word origins and some quite impenetrable tactics chat, there are some astonishing revelations about Johnny JR’s mental approach to the global word game. But there’s also good news in the Robins Realm because his young bum has been signed off. A young bum that yearns for the simpler less filth-ridden times of the 1930s. Want to get in touch with your bad tatts or takedowns of Hercule Poirot? Then email elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or WhatsApp us on 07974 293 022.

No, this episode is not a web error. Instead it contains something else which will make the content servers explode. Yes that’s right, it’s the return of the Cymru Connection. And amidst such Cymraeg content it’s fever pitch. In fact the fervour has led to an Elis on such a high that he makes financial cheques that he might not be able to cash. In other slightly less medium shaking happenings the lovely Lou Sanders joins the boys to offer some sartorial advice. As well as Lou's usual askance approach to the world there's a Petty Inquiry is formed to handle an orthographical issue. Also, when on earth did people start cupping their bits? And is it worse now than ever? To contact the show in digital form it’s elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.

Akin to Weller in February 1980 ‘tatts entertainment’ was bouncing around the studio today as the boys hit action stations to execute one of their great TV ideas. If commissioners are listening then elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk is the place to send your multimillion pound offer. Next on the list: Adrian and John travel round the UK feeling existential dread. Elsewhere away from such bona fide televisual hits John gives us another peek into his fervent mind via the vehicles of brown noise and the weaknesses of Hercule Poirot. If you do want to submit any ideas to catapult Elis and John onto the iPlayer screens then its the email above or 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.

With Speakergate gone (we hope) in the blink of a manually adjustable eye it’s time for John to turn to one of his other favourite pastimes: cheekiness. Trying to get plugs past Producer Dave without him noticing, by increasingly layered and convoluted means? Count that checked and duly intervened on. Campaigning for the return of erotic movies? Tick, oh he's a cheeky scamp that one. And that saucy subject is one he seems to know more about than he perhaps should. In other goings on there’s a logically watertight game which causes the usual ructions from the usual parties, and despite the lack of 35 minutes on sound systems there is a brutal time consuming neg from a listener that really derails the vibe. If you’d like to trash Elis and John as well then it’s elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.

Nobody’s making audio like this. Nobody approaching such breadth. One episode it’s half an hour discussing home audio solutions and then the next the wheels are set in motion to achieve the pilot of Britain’s Sexiest Tattoo. The rumours are that we’ve already hit five submissions. Could ‘a breast on a knee’ make the shortlist? And the online promo strategy isn’t torpedoed as you can get away with it on socials because 'it’s art'. And on top of that there’s a couple of majestic Mad Dads, some clownery, blue biros and special flake dust. Just imagine if you could make it into a paste. The mind boggles. If you have access to cereal dust then please get in contact on elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.

400 not out. But plough on past Brian Lara we will. And welcome new listeners for 2025. The BBC's wide reaching podcast ad campaign has no doubt brought you here. You are likely puzzled now that you're here, because what follows today is a man spending around 35 minutes ranting about speakers and the technicalities of streaming platforms, before another 35 of a man talking about knowing people in Wales. It’s all completely approachable stuff. Debates have rarely been more heated as John has a massive bee in his big old billy bonnet about the adjustability and accessibility of modern tech. He’s been on the forums. Dave, Elis and likely most of the audience meanwhile just don’t get his problem. It’s not The Dance but has similar levels of intensity. And in an episode of intense chats Dave finally snaps as he’s pushed to his limits by criticism following the sun lounger controversy. But fear not, because it's an impact moment. Thus despite the three match ban there ends up being three times the Connection Content as Elis has to get his head in the game. If you want to get in touch with the show then it’s elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk on the old email, and 07974 293 022 on the new WhatsApp.

The boys are kicking off 2025 with contrasting vibes: Johnny JR is feeling grateful, and the team think of 11 (slightly unusual) reasons for him to be cheerful (think white teeth, think flat ears). Poor Elis on the other hand is starting the New Year with the sniffles, so regales us of his Christmas antics down the line. And is it a case of new year new pod? Will this chance of renewal be grasped by our podcasting heroes? Will this be the Great Reset 2.0? We’ll let you decide, but do bear in mind there are a lot of emails about guffs, there’s an argument about the Cymru Connection, and John explains how he spent Christmas Day in a Premier Inn. If one of your New Year’s resolutions is to send in more top quality correspondence to one of your favourite podcasts, then you’re in luck! We will happily assist in achieving your goal. Just send any old nonsense to elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk, or WhatsApp the show on 07974 293 022, and your resolution will be complete.