Elis James and John Robins

Are weddings run on facts? Do they need to be ULEZ compliant? Is it a laugh when people respond to questions about dietary requirements with humorous whimsy? These are the questions that are keeping Elis James up at night as the big day approaches. Aside from the stresses and strains of organising a wedding, there’s a debate about whether reading out someone else’s tweets makes for good content - followed by 15 minutes of said content. We take a school trip to the abattoir, we spend an unfathomable amount of time on a coach, and Russell Howard drops by to answer a listener’s dilemma. There’s nothing we love more than to receive your correspondence. So send it to us on the world’s most exciting medium, email: elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk. Or you can WhatsApp the show on 07974 293022

When Elis James meets his idols there’s usually only one outcome: he gets it wrong. But a chance meeting with Britpop royalty this week has given Elis the chance to set this trend right. Will he crumble? Will his symphonic bowels play ball? Will he push his glasses too far up his nose again? All is revealed within. Elsewhere, the previous torch carriers for email have done a volte face and turned on the once glorious medium, the boys decide which of them would be the better friend to various mums, and Elis tries to find a connection to a random Welsh person. Despite this week’s tirade against the misuse of email, we still want to receive your electronic correspondence. Send it to elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or WhatsApp the show on 07974 293022.

John’s world has been rocked from beneath him. Our hero's fears have piled up, and a trip to the medical room - hopefully containing one of London’s timidest doctors - is needed. Join us for a deep dive into the underworld. In lighter news, dads are still up to their mad tricks, a childhood liar descends into the sewers, and John ponders how many children the podcast has sired. Have something you want to share with Elis and John? Send us your emails on elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk, or send us a WhatsApp on 07974293022.

In today’s show ********************** ************** *************** ************ **************. The previous paragraph was censored by Producer Dave for being too balanced. In uncensored information Elis James' Welsh knowledge is put to the test, unique vocal chops are showcased, and there’s a corker of a Shame. The place to go for all that correspondence of yours is elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk

“Surprise surprise”, not the words of the late Cilla Black, but those of Mr Dave Masterman, as the show takes a couple of gastronomic and lyrical turns today, in an effort to a) make a crucial judgement, and b) galvanise one of the four nations of our United Kingdom. From Cilla to one of her bezzie mates, there’s some incredibly innovative advertising involving Paul McCartney. Elis is deep in a world solely consisting of Andy Murray and wedding and John has seen something that will make his best groom feel unwell. Want to send something in then via electronic mail it’s elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or WhatsApp it to 07974 293 022

Remember the Cheeky Girls of noughties Lembit Opik fame? Well today it’s the Cheeky Boys. And former Lib Dem MP Opik is the only reference to politics you’re getting due to Elis’s unsanctioned cheekiness which manifests itself as being *too* balanced. Elsewhere if you had 1,000 guesses as to what TV show John’s been watching this week, you still wouldn’t get it, and Producer Dave files through a formerly unknown Made Up Games repository. Want to contribute to the show? Shames, Games, stuff for Elis James? Then it’s elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp for those who are operational members of 21st century society.

A schism has come between Elis and John that may signal the end of Britain’s youngest broadcasters’ undisputed reign of the podcast-first platform. It all boils down to one question: are emails about the prices of things in the past interesting or boring? It’s time to pick a side. Once a side in this polarising debate has been picked, you are free to enjoy a conversation about French onion soup, a chat about Rob Auton’s lovely new fleece, and a listener calling into question Elis’s claim about never getting DOMS. Want to share your thoughts, feelings and vibes? Then email the show at elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or WhatsApp on 07974 293 022.

On the horizon approaching the dusty Elis and John town in the podcast wild west is an indiscernible speck. Over time it goes from a dot, to a blob, to a horse, to a horse with man. And the man is not just a man but a messenger. And that steed is here to drop off huge news. As we bask and delve into such massive-massive-it-is news, there’s also bard brilliance, a bleeding corker of a Made Up Game daubed all over the walls and we get a first hand account of encountering one of the greatest Daves of any gen - [do the voice] Mr David Bowie. Do you want to send anything in to the only safe haven in the podcast wild west? Then elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk is the place to send it. The horse will then download, PDF convert and print all of your emails (as well as any WhatsApps sent to 07974 293 022) and then deliver them right to the saloon.

What do you get when you cross a mad dad with a donkey? It’s the question we’ve all been asking, and on today’s podcast we finally get the answer: one of the great mad dad stories of all time, a stone-cold hall of famer. Walking over broken glass at Wembley Stadium for Adrian Chiles (and Dion Dublin) is also covered, as is heating up a fajita on a shin, and Chloe Petts is on hand to dole out some questionable advice. Have you got a mad dad? Did you have a night out on £5 in 1993? Has a boxer ever been kind to you? Then email the show on elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or WhatsApp on 07974 293 022.

Move over Geraint Thomas, there are some new Welsh thighs on the cycling scene. Elis’s heroic cycle ride to Brighton is picked over and analysed, as is his newfound insatiable appetite, and his muscle-related chat that bores a fellow 5 Live presenter. In a surprising turn of events we also get one step closer to identifying the graffiti artist Banksy, we hear from a listener who has the ‘ultimate head’, and the Petty Parliament moves ever closer to the autocracy we all feared it could become. If you want to get in touch with the show then email elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or WhatsApp on 07974 293 022.

If podcasts were countries, and episodes were drivers, then this iteration of Elis and John would be covering a hell of a lot of ground. One minute it’s loco coco dads, the next it’s a deep dive into the Gibraltar national football team. And between them you’ve got shy builders, biro yachts, and a cappella jingles. Solving your dilemmas has become one of our main priorities, and this week is no different. Matthew Crosby is on hand to help a band member in need, where for some reason the question ‘do you want to be a slimy juggler’ is part of the solution. Keen to share something with the BBC’s youngest broadcasters? Send us an email today on elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk, or WhatsApp the show on 07974 293 022.

Elis is hoisted by his own genetic petard today. For he and Isy have combined to create the perfect journalistic lampooner. And he has nowhere to hide. Amidst such blindsiding, the idea of John at a music festival paints a vivid picture and we hear of 2kg of coffee bean consumption to prove a point. Get involved with the show via email on elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk. Whether it’s your Shames, Mad Dads or Made Up Games. You can also reach the boys on WhatsApp on 07974 293 022. Just save the number in your phone contacts and it should then show on the app.

The Euros are kicking off but Elis is sad. Because due to penalties, rather than being on the lash with the lads and girls of Swansea, Rhyl and Pontypridd, he’s in a studio in London. But that’s not to say he can’t have a ruddy good time with his less Welsh pals. And they get down to some right old fun. Producer Dave doesn’t have faith in a temporary sporting feature resurrection due to ‘topicality in a pre-recorded landscape’ and one third of the greatest beans on Earth (excluding Sean Bean) joins to solve a dilemma. What’s the means of contacting us with your great and good correspondence, chat and musings? Well it’s mailto:elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk of course. Or it’s WhatsApp on 07974 293 022 or whack it in a St Bernard’s barrel and send them on their way.

We’re heading towards quite frankly Australian levels of being rattled on today’s Made Up Game as another game format comes under the microscope of two players who simply want to be given the win. Elis is also distracted by the past - shock - and Producer Dave actually wants the boys to get *more* political?! A bold move given the ‘Secretary of State for Getting Ready For The Weekend’s’ role as de-politiciser in chief. Throw your stories and feature contributions our way at elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk. Or 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp if you’re living in the 23rd century.

Today’s show is a titanic showdown between two arch-nemeses. It’s Disraeli against Gladstone, it’s David versus Goliath, it’s The Rumble in the Jungle; it’s Elis James facing up to his footballing rival Nish Kumar. Sparks fly, scores are settled, and a listener’s dilemma is answered (sort of) in the process. It’s also an episode that seeks to teach as well as entertain. And if learning that we should be writing big messages on big melons isn’t enough education for you, we’re not sure what is. Plus, Britain’s youngest broadcasters lament the clothing choices of their fellow young people. Keep your scintillating messages of mad daddery, eating challenge crazies, and everything in between coming in to elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or on WhatsApp on 07974 293 022

If you've ever seen the film Stepbrothers then the behaviour exhibited by man-children Ferrell and C. Reilly isn't so far removed from today's Made Up Game. A very simple premise is put through the wringer, testing Producer Dave to his limits. There's also accusations of inter-show ideas transfer, a goat chop half marathon and Elis is slap bang in his wheelhouse for these week's global Dave. If there's anything you want to contribute to the show then your options are as follows: elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk on email or 07974 293 022 on Whatsapp.

One of the great comedy gameshow performers is in the house as Taskmaster concludes. Whether that’s Robins, or one of his other competitors who came out on top, we’re not willing to spoil via an episode description. Dig deep and you’ll also hear some fascinating stats that really illuminate the psyche of Robins, what not to say to a horse person, and there’s an extraordinary exclusive about the Blue Peter garden. If you want to send anything to the boys then it’s elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk. We’re thoroughly replete with excellent LGC (Listener Generated Content) right now.

Elis and John embark on their 1,000 hours of political podcasting over the next 5 weeks, much to Producer Dave’s dismay. Which is quite an incredible aim given the short timescales at play here. But today’s show is of the unclothed variety as the boys chat being naked whilst John’s seen a film with more willies than the average cinema fare. Plus there are some bold assertions thrown around in the current operating house of this nation, the Petty Parliament. If you want to get in touch with the show with everything from your Mad Dads to general entertaining musings then fire it across to elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk. You can also WhatsApp on 07974 293 022. Save the number in your contacts and then message the show straight from the app.

Dave’s back not with a vengeance, but for an absolute bumper buffet of an episode. For there’s not one, but TWO new features. Oh we do spoil you, but that's all we're telling you. A little tease. But no more. And by our reckoning this edition features the most car brands crowbarred in out of any episode we’ve ever done, which is quite some achievement. Everything from your weird fathers to your mammoth eating achievements, it’s elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk. We simply cannot stress enough that we want to be wading through correspondence until we’re practically drowning in electronic mail.

Well, well, well. Every so often the old gal which is Made Up Games throws a grenade into the mix. And does it lead to drama? You bet ya it does as sparks fly. We’re still operating in a Daveless Zone as he launches his online whiskey company / goes walking in the Lake District - delete as to what’s believable. With the Masterman away there's a googly received at the 80 Daves crease and elsewhere Elis is humiliated on the football field. The quality of correspondence is *superb* at the moment. So whether it’s your Mad Dads or a dilemma to be solved by the boys then get it in to elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or WhatsApp us on 07974 293 022