Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

Comedy

The weekly Ross o'Carroll-Kelly column in audio, read by Paul Howard. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Episodes

‘Wait a minute, are you telling me there’s a World Cup in soccer?’

‘Your accent is up and down like a focked umbrella,’ I tell the old man

‘I’m not giving that kid the money. Not a focking chance’

We filled a skip with all the things Sorcha decided she can live without, until she changed her mind

‘Nobody can say I haven’t put my body on the line for this Leinster team’

‘Ross, it’s a very simple choice. It’s me or it’s Leinster. You decide’

‘Ross, I think you’re finally getting your comeuppance from the universe’

‘Dude, you’re not in Ballsbridge now,’ I tell the old man. ‘This is Las f**king Braygas!’

I have zero interest in her in that way – is it weird that I want to spend time with this girl?

‘There’s nothing wrong with Bray, Ross,’ the old man says. Literally. Word for word

‘Sorcha, I don’t need ChatGPT to tell me how to talk to my daughter and the girl she’s seeing’

‘Potatoes au gratin? My old dear used to say they’re for people with money but no class’

We’re driving through Donnybrook and Sorcha shouts ‘Stop!’

‘Ross,’ Sorcha goes, ‘we’re not going to Dubai. We cancelled because of the war.’ I’m there, ‘What war?’ and I genuinely mean it

‘We’re losing, like, 32-0. The Blackrock first years are taking us aport’

‘I’m so full of myself this morning that I’m actually making myself sick’

‘There you go with the school rivalry thing again. You need to move on’

‘The woman is as C as M – as my old dear used to say. Common as muck’

‘How embarrassing is it for me to have three kids who are absolutely focking useless at rugby?’

The words every south Dublin rugby parent dreads: ‘Dad, I want to join the drama society’