The FuMP

There are so many things to do, but you have been chosen. Time is meaningless and your fate is sealed. There is a cat on your lap.

You know how when you were a little kid they told you you could grow up to be "anything you wanted"? Yeah... About that...

Last year at MarsCon I tried something a little different for my concert. Instead of doing my usual set with short bits of stand-up comedy between songs, I tried to make it more like a hip hop concert with minimal talking between songs and my "posse" on stage with me the whole time. My posse consisted of Shoebox of Worm Quartet and Insane Ian. The end result was a lot of fun and I'm hoping to do more shows like this. But since I had Shoebox on stage with me I decided to premiere the latest Stupid Rap Battles. This one features me as a three-legged dog, and Shoebox as a fancy cup of coffee. This was the end result. Chris Mezzolesta was the pre-recorded announcer. This recording is from the 2026 MarsCon Fundraiser Album available now at MarsConComedy.com. Please pick up a copy and help out the comedy-music track. Lyrics, music, vocals: Tom Rockwell, Tim Crist Announcer: Chris Mezzolesta

A while back, I asked folks to suggest song titles, and I would write something based on the title alone. It was a fun expereiment, and maybe I should revisit it again. That said, it did yield this: one of the dumbest songs I've ever written (and honestly, a favorite of mine and Ben, my producer and co-writer of this melodical malady). This track of course comes from the Marscon 2026 Comedy Music Track Funraiser MP3 Album which you can purchase now to help cover the Hotel Room costs for this year's Comedy Music acts, and features almost 4 hours of live comedy music performances and other miscelaneous banter that more often than not features me, as I also emcee'd the event last year.

I had this silly notion for a song, putting Tom Petty together with Rocky and Bullwinkle... and it just wouldn't go away, and it made me giggle. So here ya go. Music: Tom Petty Lyrics :SG, Stephen "burpo" Debonrepos, Niamh Bagnell Guitars, drums, bass, keyboards, vocals, arrangement, production: SG Rocky and Announcer: The Luke "The Great Luke Ski" Sienkowski Bullwinkle: Dale Jones Helpful help: Susan "Sulu" Dubow

Dr. Sarcofiguy impersonates Phyllis Diller in a song that is an ode to yesteryear's "MY BOYFRIEND'S BACK AND THERE'S GONNA BE TROUBLE!". Alas, her boyfriend in this case? That amorous amphibian from the deep: THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON! THE LAGOON CREATURE FROM THE BLACK (IS ON THE ATTACK) by John Dimes Produced and Arranged by Craig Conley But with: THE SARCOFIGUY RAP by The Grave Mood Rings (Craig Conley and Michael Warwick)

I wrote Putin on a Bear after noticing how easily power turns into performance. Big egos, bigger symbols, and a world that sometimes feels more like political cosplay than leadership. The song stays light on purpose. I figured if things are already absurd, there's no need to shout. A raised eyebrow does the job. If it makes you laugh, hum along, or briefly wonder how we got here, that's enough for me. This is a small reminder that when authority starts demanding awe, laughter can still be an option. Blombird

"Bucket List" is what happens when a man misunderstands a STD diagnosis, comes to terms with his mortality, and decides to write an unlistenable song about it. Music video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LqZE4vBkR4g

A tribute to all the Flat Earthers, 1st Amendment Auditors, Sovereign Citizens and other "colorful characters" who live and breathe on social media!

Being a step parent requires sacrifice and responsibility... the former of which is never really talked about (at least on sites that don't require age verification). Parody to "Manchild" by Sabrina Carpenter. Written and Performed: Dino-Mike Wife Voice: Lindsay Smith Step Daughter Voice and Model: Kendra Shepherd Produced, Mixed and Mastered: Bob Emmet

I love the riff in "Hazy Shade Of Winter" almost as much as I hate what is happening to our country. So I put em together. Music: Paul Simon Guitars, bass, drums, keyboards, vocals, arrangement, production: SG Lyrics: SG, Timothy J Weber, Niamh Bagnell Backing vocals: Timothy J Weber Helpful help: Susan "Sulu" Dubow

As you get older time goes by quicker,TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK

The narrator of this song can't help telling dad jokes. But she's not a dad. Parody of Golden by Huntrix

This song is a love letter to Jim Hopper: small-town police chief, full-time dad, part-time monster decapitator, and walking OSHA violation in a Hawaiian shirt. It's got synths, keytar, mustache energy, and the unshakable belief that abs are optional if you punch Russians and glare at Demogorgons hard enough. Turn it up, eat your vitamins, and here's a public service announcement for you - don't mess with Jim.

I don't know about you, but the power of Taco Bell hits me sometimes after I enjoy items from their bountious (but still recovering from the deep item slashing of 2020) menu. That made me think, who needs a laxative when Taco Bell's a much tastier solution! So had to write a song about it. And since I wanted to try a lot of different styles for the debut album, I thought a foray into mariachi was perfect for this one (no latin/mariachi catagory in the drop down so picked pop!) I know there are several other funny songs about the Bell, but don't miss this hot fresh one! Video for this song. Please Follow and Subscribe at YouTube, TT, and IG (@kurplunkmusic) for new funny videos! Most songs from the new album can be heard (and seen!) at our YouTube channel plus behind the scenes content: https://www.youtube.com/@Kurplunkmusic/videos More info and links to all our socials at www.kurplunk.lol

You know the drill: It's time to sober up, hit the gym, pick up an actual book, and become your best self. At least until next weekend. Resolution 9: M. Spaff Sumsion: Lyrics Robert Lund: Vocals, instruments, production, what have you "My Favorite Things" is by Rodgers and Hammerstein. To our fan: Yes, this is an updated version of a song from Elves Gone Wild!

The Suffolk and Goode Players take on the Gig Economy in this parody of "Scarborough Fair/Canticle," an old English folk tune arranged by Martin Carthy and Paul Simon, who also added some lyrics and recorded it with Art Garfunkel. Our version had lyrics by Dale Leopold, Chris Mezzolesta arranged it and played acoustic guitar, bass guitar and virtual harpsichord and bells, and sung by Chris, Lori Furth and Karyn O'Bryant. Like the SandG version, there's a "Canticle" counter-melody that takes aim at the greed and callousness of those at the top. Enjoy!

Giant humanoid robots fighting battles in space! They're one of the coolest things imaginable, but they're also financially impractical and physically improbable, and the guy in charge of them inevitably ends up being some kind of corrupt, child-abusing weirdo. So why do we keep building them? Because they're one of the coolest things imaginable! Join our beleagured general as he attempts to justify his indefensible purchasing and staffing decisions

Every year or so, someone with inside knowledge announces a date upon which the world will definitely end. So everyone hunkers down, and then the only thing that happens is every radio station plays R.E.M.'s "It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)." The apocalyptic event you actually can bank on is an annual occurrence called the Holiday Season. Thus, this. Three Wise Guys: M. Spaff Sumsion: Lyrics Chris Mezzolesta: Vocals Bob Emmet: Instruments, production, Christmas Easter eggs More credits: The original song is by Bill Berry, Peter Buck, Mike Mills, and Michael Stipe. "The Little Drummer Boy" is by Katherine Kennicott Davis. "Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire" is by Bob Rivers. "Forty movies with Will Ferrell" is from Fountains of Wayne's "A Road Song." "Christmas Karol" (with a K) is by Edmund Wells.

Grandpa Seamonkey tucks the young FuMPlings in on Christmas Eve with an update of a Christmas classic, fine tuned for 2025 and probably at least 3 more years. So, egg yer nogs, bough them hollies, and for God's sakes hide those Christmas tamales! Featuring the voice talents of: Devo Spice! Insane Ian! the great Luke Ski! ShoEboX! Carla Ulbrich! Chris Mezzolesta! Jared Ringold! and featuring Rob Balder as Jesus Christ! Niceness Is Comically Easy... just be N.I.C.E.! May Seamonkey bless us, every one!