45 Forward

There are many people who work for social service organizations during their lifetime, but few do it with the passion and vision of Paul Arfin. In today’s episode, Paul talks about his long and storied career, starting out in the Peace Corps and progressing though a series of groundbreaking social programs on Long Island. He’ll chronicle his multiple initiatives supporting youth organizations in the region, as well as Latin American migrant workers. Ever a pioneer, he'll describe his shift toward blending advocacy for both youth and older adults, as the New York coordinator for Seniors4Kids, the creator of the area’s first intergenerational day care program, and the founder and CEO of Intergenerational Strategies, a leader in promoting the engagement of all people of all ages, helping families age in place and fight against ageism. And while Paul is no longer managing organizations, he remains active in social justice programs and has rekindled another passion later in life, finding new love and connection after caring for his wife of more than 50 years, who passed away from Alzheimer's Disease. About the guest: Paul Arfin is a pioneer in the establishment of numerous social programs on Long Island spanning 58 years. Paul earned a master’s degree in in social work from Adelphi University and served as founder and executive director of nonprofit organizations since graduation. When John F. Kennedy was president, he joined the Peace Corps , serving in Columbia from 1963 to 1965. Paul founded a number of social service programs on Long Island, including Community Development for Youth in Huntington, the first youth Center in Suffolk County; the YMCA of Long Island’s Family Services Division; the Cold Spring Harbor Youth Center; Alma Latina, a service organization for Latin American migrant workers; and Seniors4Kids, for which he served as New York State Coordinator. In 2002 he founded and served as President of Intergenerational Strategies, Long Island’s leader in promoting civic engagement of people of all ages, creating programs to help people age in place and fight ageism. Among his credits are directing Long Island’s first intergenerational day program; the first mediation program in an American suburb; creating The Social Enterprise Alliance and establishing HomeShare Long Island. Paul served on number public committees and task forces in Suffolk County, including the Suffolk County Commission on Creative Retirement. He received the Pioneer Award from the New York State Adult Day Services Association; an Art of Caring Award from former governor George Pataki; and is an inductee into the Long Island Volunteer Hall of Fame. He is the author of two books, “Portrait of a Peace Corps Gringo” and “Unfinished Business: Social Action in Suburbia - Long Island NY 1945-2014,” as well as numerous articles.

As we move through our fast-paced lives, year after year, trying to juggle personal, family and work demands, we inevitably face a pointed question: Has my life been a success? We’d like to think so, but how would we define success? And how would we achieve it—especially when we often find ourselves buffeted by unexpected circumstances, feeling out of balance and unfulfilled? In today’s episode, I talk with Sal LaGreca and Michael Mannix, co-founders of Unparalleled Performance and co-authors of “The 5Ls,” who will take us on a pathway to personal and professional success. What are these 5 Ls, the quintessential elements of success? Love, Laughter, Labor, Leisure and Leave--together. Drawing on their combined 70+ years of work and life experiences, along with the wisdom of a roster of successful individuals, Sal and Mike tell the story behind the 5 Ls and unpack simple, but powerful, real-life learning lessons and tools that have helped individuals from all walks and stages in their life. And they’ll describe the wellness programs and services offered by their leadership company, Unparalleled Performance, which focuses on helping people achieve the balance they need to change their lives for the better. About the guests: Sal LaGreca is Co-Founder of Unparalleled Performance and Co-Author of the “5Ls: The Gift of a Balanced Life.” Sal brings over 40 years of executive leadership from billion-dollar global businesses to middle market companies and start-ups. He was the Executive in Residence at St. John’s University and is a member of the Advisory Board of The Peter J. Tobin College of Business at St. John’s University. The “5Ls” is Sal's brainchild. After being admitted to the partnership at KPMG, he attended, at the request of the firm, a Harvard University Executive Leadership Program with some of the top global business leaders focusing on the key components for success in business. This experience ignited the thought process for Sal that would lead him to the creation of the 5Ls program. Michael Mannix is Co-Founder of Unparalleled Performance and Co-Author of the “5Ls: The Gift of a Balanced Life.” Michael brings 30+ years of business experience spanning multiple industries, advancing to become an Executive Board Member of a Global BPO organization. He has a track record of proven success as a Strategic Operations and Business Development Leader, generating up to 100% in revenue growth, expanding market presence, and driving operational efficiencies that deliver dramatic gains in profitability. Throughout his career, Mike has always taken a "Servant Leader" approach. Combined with his passion for teaching, this methodology has enabled teams to continuously exceed their goals, creating a strong legacy of industry top talent. Beyond his 21+ years of creating and delivering impactful training programs in the corporate arena, he also teaches as an Adjunct Professor at New York University. In the collegiate space, he develops and administers classes in leadership, management, strategic planning, team building, and business development. He currently teaches at various levels including undergraduate, graduate, career professionals, the NYU High School Academy and NYUSPS Aspire—a scholarship program for rising high school juniors and seniors from underrepresented communities who will be first-generation college students.

For people with disabilities, leading an independent life can be an extraordinary challenge—at any age. But one proven way to help the disabled lead lives with greater independence is through the companionship of service dogs. In today’s episode, we talk with Dorian Stern, the director of philanthropy for the Northeast region of Canine Companions, a national nonprofit organization that provides remarkable, highly trained service dogs to adults, children and veterans with disabilities. Now in its 50 year, Canine Companions offers services at no cost to qualified individuals. Dorian, a self-described “altruistic cheerleader,” will describe how various programs work, how dogs are trained, and the various roles and services they can provide. She’ll also explain ways people can get involved with the organization, from becoming a puppy raiser to volunteering for events, like Dogfest. About the Guest: Dorian Stern is the Director of Philanthropy for the Northeast region of Canine Companions, a national nonprofit organization that provides service dogs to adults, children and veterans with disabilities and facility dogs to professionals working in healthcare, criminal justice and educational settings. In her role, Dorian identifies, cultivates and partners with individuals, foundations and corporate partners who wish to further the kinship between Canine Companions’ remarkable, highly trained dogs of and their new owners. An inventive, dynamic executive, she has applied her talents in marketing and sales from the corporate sector to the nonprofit area, specializing in donor relations, grants, fundraising, strategic analyst, and community organizing.

As we look forward to the end of winter, there’s always a bright spot in February—Valentine’s Day, our annual celebration of romantic love and friendship. But love can be complicated and hard to find (and keep) these days, amid the swift currents of social and cultural change. Many marriages end in divorce; children are estranged from their families; sexual abuse remains a troubling societal concern; friendships are fractured over politics; and people of all ages report widespread loneliness. Our world of relationships is in crisis. So how do we move forward? In today’s conversation, I talk with Beatty Cohan, a nationally recognized psychotherapist and sex therapist, who is also an advice columnist, radio host and author of “For Better For Worse, Forever: Discover the Path to Lasting Love.” Beatty will talk about our universal aspirations to find true love—and her intriguing research that resulted in a 10-step formula that teaches you how to assess who’s right or wrong for you BEFORE committing to any serious relationship. She’ll describe her experiences serving on Florida’s Commission and Marriage and Family Support Initiatives and her efforts to combat domestic violence. And she’ll offer incisive observations about relationships and mental health from her decades of private practice, working across all age groups—individuals, couples and seniors—helping people relearn the lost art of conversation, heal relationships and rekindle love and friendship. ABOUT THE GUEST: Beatty Cohan is a nationally recognized psychotherapist, sex therapist, author of “For Better, For Worse, Forever: Discover the Path to Lasting Love,” and advice columnist for Dan's Paper's in the Hamptons and Palm Beach. She is also a national speaker, national radio and television expert guest and host of the weekly ASK BEATTY Show on the Progressive Radio Network, which airs live every Monday afternoon from 3-4 P.M. EST. Beatty has a private practice in New York City and East Hampton. Born in Winnipeg, Canada, she earned her master’s degree in social work from McGill University in Montreal, Canada and post-graduate specialization in marriage and family therapy and sexual dysfunction. She treats adults and adolescents of all ages and stages in life whose problems include depression, anxiety, early childhood sexual abuse, addictions of every kind and relationship and sexual issues.

When experts talk about financial planning for retirement, many of them assume that people are following a standard life script—go to college, get married, buy a house, have kids and a career until traditional retirement. But a growing number of adults do not have children, and in fact, are choosing to be child-free. According to one recent survey, 47% of U.S. adults younger than 50 say they are unlikely to ever have kids. In today’s episode, I talk with Bri Conn, the Chief Experience Officer of Childfree Wealth, a firm that specializes in financial planning for adults who are childfree by choice. Bri will talk about what it means to be childfree and the ways in which childfree financial planning may look vastly different from traditional planning. She’ll explain the concept of FILE, which stands for “Financial Independence, Live Early.” It’s an innovative approach, Bri says, that helps people plan their lives with the goal of ensuring their money needs are met, but instead of stopping work entirely in retirement, they might consider the pursuit of an evolving career or passion that is flexible, enjoyable, and on their own terms. There are still common concerns, like “Who will take care of me when I’m older?” but through such planning, childfree people can choose and design a life around their own wants and needs. About the Guest: Bri Conn is the Chief Experience Officer of Childfree Wealth, a life and financial planning firm dedicated to helping childfree and permanently childless people. She is also a Childfree Wealth Specialist® and the co-host of the Childfree Wealth podcast. Childfree Wealth has been featured on Fortune, Forbes, MarketWatch, Wall Street Journal, New York Times, Business Insider, CNBC, and many other publications. In her free time, Bri loves hiking, running, or enjoying the beauty of nature. Her core values are community, education, social participation, and sustainability, and she is committed to integrating these into everything I do.

Today, on the 5 anniversary of the 45 Forward podcast, my guest is Dr. Andrea Gould-Marks, a licensed psychologist, entrepreneurial coach, podcaster and seminar leader, based in Arizona—who also happens to be my life-long friend. We’ll be talking about our collective experiences over the years promoting creative strategies through times of change, offering resources and guidance for people navigating life’s crossroads, both personally and professionally. We’ll share our respective evolutions to where we’ve come today: I, with Roel Resources, moving to podcasting and writing about 45 Forward, my mission to help people thrive with purpose and productivity through the second half of life; and Andrea, with a unique career as a therapist, creating Lucid Learning Systems and co-founding Boom Talk Media, “to inspire and nurture the human journey with insightful media” as society undergoes the effects of rapid and often unrelenting change. We’ll reflect on the importance of friendship (including our own) and social connection today, and the need for “friendliness” in a culture driven apart by political differences. And, we’ll talk about our thoughts and hopes for the coming year—as well as how we can plan, adapt and succeed during a time of great uncertainty. About the Guest: Dr. Andrea Gould-Marks is a licensed psychologist, entrepreneurial coach and seminar leader, based in the Tucson, Arizona area. Her work with groups and individuals provides creative guidance for people navigating life’s crossroads, both personally and professionally. With decades of expertise as a clinical and organizational psychologist, Andrea shares her skills and personal experiences to support the best of each of us in our relationships — the building blocks of a satisfying life. Her work in educational and business settings has shaped her multifaceted approach toward well-being, guiding clients toward well-integrated and purpose-filled lives. Along with her unique career as a therapist, Andrea is the Owner of Lucid Learning Systems and Co-founder of Boom Talk Media, which just begins with podcasts and broadens into an array of other projects, including newly published booklets she calls “Relief-Lets.” Together with “BB” Peters, their mission, is “to inspire and nurture the human journey with insightful media as we undergo the effects of rapid personal and global change.”

The first time I met Dr. Ken Dychtwald was in 1989, when I was writing a cover story about older workers as a business reporter for Newsday, Long Island’s daily newspaper. I remember it well. I was interviewing job experts and workers who talked about the frustration they felt being overlooked by employers—especially at a time when most companies, facing acute labor shortages, could ill afford to do so. Ken was the author of a best-selling book, “Age Wave,” (he now has written 19 books) and was the founder of an acclaimed think tank bearing the same name. At the time Ken explained what has become commonly known today: that the U.S. was experiencing a “senior boom.” Older workers were living longer; the baby-boom generation was turning forty-something; and the nation’s birth rate was continuing to decline. “A young country is growing old,” Ken told me. He foresaw a time when most older workers would routinely work longer and leave jobs in their 50s for entirely new careers. “It will happen within the next decade,” he said. “We’re tiptoeing on the edge of the ice, testing the surface.” Well, folks, we are now at center ice. Ken Dychtwald was absolutely right—as he has been about many observations in the field of aging. In today’s episode, you’ll get to hear an array of Ken’s latest thoughts—observations, reflections and sage advice from America’s foremost thinker regarding the many consequences of our aging society. He’ll talk about how we can close the gap between our lifespan and healthspan; how we need to recast the conversation about what older people really want as they age; and how many of us are choosing to redefine our legacy from success to significance. All that, and much more!

As we come to the close of another year, it is a time when we naturally look both backward and forward. In looking back, it is often a time when we (individually and collectively) reflect on passings—the death of important people in our lives. Some of them are lost through long, debilitating declines; others are lost suddenly, wrenched from us without morning. Either way, we mourn the losses; we seek ways to cope with and process our grief; to preserve their memories and find ways to move on. In today’s episode, I’m talking with Rachel Zimmerman, the author of “Us, After,” a memoir centered on the death of her husband, who committed suicide at the age of 50. As an award-winning journalist, her story naturally begins with a search for answers: How could the man she’d married, a devoted father and MIT professor with many friends, with no history of mental illness, have done this? But her exploration ends up being much more than a search for facts. Her book examines the devastation and resurgence of domestic life; the mental struggles between private and public lives; the secrets we keep; the work of motherhood; and the rediscovery of love, and the good of what remains. It is a deeply personal, absorbing and yes, inspiring, story. About the Guest: Rachel Zimmerman is an award-winning journalist who has written about health and medicine for more than two decades. She’s a contributor to The Washington Post and previously worked as a staff writer for The Wall Street Journal and a health reporter for WBUR, Boston’s public radio station, where she co-founded a popular blog and podcast. Her essays and reporting have been published in The New York Times; Vogue.com; New York Magazine’s The Cut; “O” The Oprah Magazine; The Atlantic; Slate; and The Huffington Post, among others. She received an MS from Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism and a BA from Sarah Lawrence College. She lives with her family in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

Several years ago, as Scott Fisher and Ben Green approached their 70th birthdays, the challenges of aging loomed large for these two lifelong friends. Scott, an organizational psychologist, and Ben, a psychoanalyst, were curious about what kept some elders going strong while others lost interest or drive, or both. And they were determined to learn as much as possible about how to make their own elder years as purposeful and fulfilling as possible. In today’s episode—the third appearance for Scott and Ben on 45 Forward—we’ll be deepening our discussion about their intriguing, recently published book, “The Aging Wisely Project.” In our previous episodes, the co-authors expanded on a number of their major concepts, particularly the emergence of a new, distinct developmental stage of elderhood, which they call “Elder Identity Revision.” They talked about the critical psychological tasks we face during this period, such as dealing with the loss of control in our lives, as well as some of the skills and attitudes (they call them “Healthy Habits”) we need to strengthen to address these challenges. Even as Scott and Ben have launched their book, they’ve discovered a somewhat unexpected, and heartening response from their readers, which they’ll reveal in today’s conversation. They call it the “Growth Mindset”: a welcome feeling of optimism—that is, amid the inevitable setbacks in our later years, people can continue feel a renewed sense of hope and expectations for improved health and happiness—a meaningful, well-lived life, all the way through our elderhood.

When we think about the career track of actresses today, we often envision a challenging path, auditioning for myriad jobs, hoping for breaks, and meeting the right director—but more often than not, working as a restaurant server or in some other temporary job to pay the rent. That’s not how Judi Allaire started her acting career. In today’s episode, Judi tells her singular journey as an actor, after starting out in the fashion business, then founding a women’s sportswear chain, then owning a Long Island winery, and now garnering multiple roles in film and TV. She’s talk about what it’s like behind-the-scenes of movie-making, what she learned from her various career “reinventions,” and what she discovered about relationships—and herself—along the way. Judi’s story is refreshing, honest and inspiring for many of us looking for renewed purpose and challenges, no matter what our age.

You can’t open a newspaper or go online today without seeing articles about anxiety, depression, burnout or suicide rates—clearly, we’re struggling with our mental health, individually and as a society. But the fact that we’re all talking about mental health is a step forward, acknowledging how important it is to move these issues out of the shadows and take care of ourselves. In today’s episode, I’ll be talking with Jamie Rosen, chair of the Mental Health Law Group at Meister Seelig & Fein, who specializes in representing individuals and families in crisis situations relating to mental health as well as substance abuse disorders. Jamie will highlight some of the emotional and complex issues of mental health law, which often affect parents of adult children with serious mental health issues, and in some cases, adults managing elderly parents with mental health issues. She’ll explain some of the obstacles people face when trying to get their loved ones mental health treatment. And she’ll break out some specific areas of practice, such as psychiatric hospitalization, assisted outpatient treatment, guardianship and estate planning. There are myriad challenges—but also success stories—and you’ll want to hear them.

As National Family Caregivers Month comes to a close, we have the unusual opportunity to take a different view of caregiving from abroad—from Hong Kong. In today’s episode, we’ll be talking with Grace Cheng, the founder and CEO of Agewhale, a social organization whose mission is to provide solutions to help caregivers of older persons identify suitable services and resources so they can age well in place. Grace has always had a deep connection with older people. She took care of her grandparents in their final years and experienced firsthand the numerous challenges faced by family caregivers. She’ll describe how caregiving practices and policies are implemented in Hong Kong, which has one of the longest lifespans and lowest birth rates, and where the economic needs of the elderly exceed those of children. Grace will talk about the challenges confronting the caregiving field in Hong Kong, and how her organization strives to help businesses ensure that their employees effectively balance work and caregiving responsibilities. “Caring for our loved ones shouldn't come at the cost of our career, personal life and health,” she says. With the right resources, guidance and community, caregiving can be a positive and meaningful experience for all of us. Our loved ones deserve to age well—and so do we.”

The first time I met Dr. Ken Dychtwald was in 1989, when I was writing a cover story about older workers as a business reporter for Newsday, Long Island’s daily newspaper. I remember it well. I was interviewing job experts and workers who talked about the frustration they felt being overlooked by employers—especially at a time when most companies, facing acute labor shortages, could ill afford to do so. Ken was the author of a best-selling book, “Age Wave,” (he now has written 19 books) and was the founder of an acclaimed think tank bearing the same name. At the time Ken explained what has become commonly known today: that the U.S. was experiencing a “senior boom.” Older workers were living longer; the baby-boom generation was turning forty-something; and the nation’s birth rate was continuing to decline. “A young country is growing old,” Ken told me. He foresaw a time when most older workers would routinely work longer and leave jobs in their 50s for entirely new careers. “It will happen within the next decade,” he said. “We’re tiptoeing on the edge of the ice, testing the surface.” Well, folks, we are now at center ice. Ken Dychtwald was absolutely right—as he has been about many observations in the field of aging. In today’s episode, you’ll get to hear an array of Ken’s latest thoughts—observations, reflections and sage advice from America’s foremost thinker regarding the many consequences of our aging society. He’ll talk about how we can close the gap between our lifespan and healthspan; how we need to recast the conversation about what older people really want as they age; and how many of us are choosing to redefine our legacy from success to significance. All that, and much more!

As we celebrate National Family Caregivers Month, it’s important not only to honor the contributions of 48 million family caregivers nationwide, but understand how they fit into our government-supported care system for older adults. In today’s episode, I talk with John Cochran, the Chief of Staff for New York State’s Office for the Aging, who has worked on a wide range of aging issues for decades. With a career spanning high-level staff positions in government, the state legislature and the field of government relations, John brings a rare perspective and keen insights to the challenges of serving the needs of older Americans, including how to support community empowerment and civic engagement, advocate for long-term care reform, emergency response planning, and home care support for individuals aging in place. John will describe the state’s comprehensive Master Plan for Aging, set to be unveiled next year, and outline how ideas, goals and recommendations were gathered from stakeholders across the state, highlighting what experts have found not only in New York, but across the country: That our fragmented systems of aging services and healthcare delivery lack the coordinated approach that we sorely need to serve our growing aging population.

Wherever we go these days, we feel the impact of technology. It’s part of every workplace, in our digital devices, our “smart homes,” cars, virtual reality tools and games, and, of course, the inevitable AI. Sometimes this march of technology feels relentless and overwhelming. And yet, technology is so essential to navigating—and succeeding—in our society that it has become a significant issue for policymakers and advocates, who point to a “technology gap”— a lack of access and resources, especially for older people, who are not digital natives. In today’s episode, I’ll talk with Mario Rubano, a manager for the nonprofit organization, OATS, which stands for Older Adults Technology Services, who will describe their flagship program called Senior Planet. Senior Planet, a charitable affiliate of AARP, is an incredible resource that offers free courses and programs to help seniors learn new skills and improve their lives through a host of online events and in-person classes in New York City and at locations around the country. Mario will explain how people can access these programs in areas ranging from financial security, to health and wellness, and civic participation. You can find classes in morning stretch and meditation sessions; programs on online banking and telemedicine; discussion groups that foster conversation and lasting friendships; engaging podcasts, videos and articles; demos of new and emerging technology. Indeed, after listening to Mario today, you’ll learn why Senior Planet celebrates “aging with attitude”—living life to the fullest and enjoying every minute of it, struggles and successes alike.”

If you’ve ever had a loved one living in a nursing home, you may have worried at times about the quality of their care—especially when high-profile cases of neglect and abuse make their way to the top of the news headlines. How do you make sure your family member is safe, and how can you prevent abuse or identify it when it happens? In today’s episode, Deborah Truhowsky, a renowned personal injury attorney and staunch advocate for the elderly, talks about her passion for protecting and securing maximum compensation for victims of nursing home neglect and abuse. She’ll explain how to evaluate the quality of nursing homes, identify frequently asked questions and myths about long-term care practices; outline what you need to know about regulations and resident rights; and explain how families can fight for the rights of their loved ones. And as President of the Board of Directors of the nonprofit Long Term Care Community Coalition, Deborah will describe how advocates nationwide have joined together to protect the welfare of people in long-term care, striving to help them thrive with dignity, respect, and a quality of life they deserve.

Earlier this year, I had the opportunity to host Asher Rabinowitz, a clinical social worker and credentialed counselor as a guest on 45 Forward. Asher, who has worked in the field of alcohol and substance abuse treatment for the past 28 years, has helped thousands of individuals with what he calls a “simple, but not easy” approach, which he calls, aptly, the “ABCs of Recovery”—the letters representing Awareness, Boundaries and Consequences. What makes Asher’s treatment system so distinctive is his approach to engaging people, motivating them to action, through stories that offers life lessons. In today’s episode, we’ll follow up with a closer look at storytelling as an unusually effective therapeutic tool. These stories are told in Asher’s newly released book, which includes a far-flung assortment over time and cultures, ranging from a 2nd Century B.C. collection called the Panchatantra, to 17th Zen Master Bankei Yotaku, to contemporary American storyteller Heather Forest. They are powerful tools, not only for those facing recovery, but for the rest of us seeking ways to manage life’s many challenges as we age.

As you approach traditional retirement age, you probably know the importance of enrolling on time in Social Security and Medicare—the bookends of retirement planning. But what you may not be aware of is that only a small percentage of recipients maximize their benefits, which could have a significant impact on their standard of living in their later years. Both programs are designed to support retirees, but optimizing one’s benefits requires careful planning and strategic decisions. In today’s episode, I talk with Todd Whiton, the president of Colby Jackson Advisors, a veteran Social Security and Medicare expert who offers an integrated approach in providing effective planning strategies for the two programs together. Todd reviews a litany of key provisions people need to consider when evaluating their coverage; mistakes people make or misconceptions they have about these programs; and what significant changes may be coming down the pike in 2025.

As we kick off October with the United Nation’s International Day of Older Persons, it’s fitting that we begin the month with Maria Alvarez, an iconic leader who has been at the forefront of advocating for older Americans for more than 30 years. In today’s episode, Maria who is Executive Director of the New York Statewide Senior Action Council, explains the mission of her grassroots organization, which brings seniors together from across the state for self-empowerment and improvement of the quality of life for older New Yorkers and their families. She’ll explain why it’s critical to have consumer representation and involvement in public policy and why seniors are so vital to strengthening the fabric of our society. And Maria will offer her broad perspective as to what aging looks like in the years ahead, and how the Senior Action Council will continue to conduct its wide-ranging advocacy campaign for future generations.