Relationscapes

Staying up to date with the news is a huge part of David Pakman’s job. As one of the most popular progressive political pundits on the internet today, he’s spent years navigating the media landscape. And that can really wear a person down! He's not immune to burnout caused by local and global crises covered in today's nonstop news cycles. In this mini episode, Pakman confesses his own exasperation about modern politics, emphasizes the importance of media literacy, and offers ideas about how we can stay engaged without losing ourselves in the chaos. In this mini episode of Relationscapes we're talking about our relationship to the news, digging in to David's new book The Echo Machine: How Right-Wing Extremism Created a Post-Truth America. SHOW NOTES The David Pakman Show on YouTubeDavid Pakman interviews Shirley Phelps-RoperDigital Social Hour with Sean Kelly ABOUT THE GUEST David Pakman is the host and executive producer of The David Pakman Show, a popular podcast and YouTube channel with more than 3 million subscribers and more than 2 billion total video views. With a focus on economic and cultural issues, he has appeared on more than 100 media outlets, podcasts, radio and television shows, and in written interviews. Full transcript available here at relationscapes.org.

When Nancy Reddy had her first child, she approached the situation like the overachieving PhD student she was at the time: She went to find the best research on parenting, studied it, and then tried to apply it so that everything would work out perfectly. The problem is, a lot of that research about caregiving and attachment turned out to be based on flawed lab studies, sloppy research, and so much misogyny. Nancy joins us to talk about the problems she found and to offer alternatives that can benefit parents today. Her new book is called The Good Mother Myth: Unlearning Our Bad Ideas about How to Be a Good Mom. SHOW NOTES here ABOUT THE GUEST Nancy Reddy is the author of The Good Mother Myth. Her previous books include the poetry collections Pocket Universe and Double Jinx, a winner of the National Poetry Series. With Emily Pérez, she’s co-editor of The Long Devotion: Poets Writing Motherhood. Her essays have appeared in Slate, Poets & Writers, Romper, The Millions, and elsewhere. She teaches writing at Stockton University and writes the newsletter Write More, Be Less Careful. Full transcript available here at relationscapes.org.

Kyle Lukoff knows how to captivate readers, and he also knows what it feels like to have his books taken captive by bans. Because in picture books like Call Me Max and middle grade novels like Different Kinds of Fruit, Kyle introduces characters who proudly defy common expectations of gender identity. Trans readers love to see themselves reflected in his books. But frankly, Kyle's giving readers of all backgrounds the opportunity to think more deeply about our own journeys of self-discovery. In this candid interview, the acclaimed author pulls back the curtain on his creative process—how he threads the needle to create inclusive and captivating stories without getting preachy about it. We focus especially on his spooky middle-grade novel Too Bright to See. Show Notes —See Kyle's letter, "On the Eanes School District's response to 'Call Me Max.'" About the Guest Kyle Lukoff is the award-winning author of several picture books including the Stonewall Award winner When Aiden Became a Brother, Explosion at the Poem Factory, and the acclaimed Call Me Max. His first middle-grade novel, Too Bright To See, was a finalist for the National Book Award, received six starred reviews, and appeared on numerous "best of the year" lists. His accolades include the Stonewall Book Award, and Newberry Honor author. After working as a bookseller and a school librarian, he now writes full time. Full transcript available here at relationscapes.org.

The dating world today feels like a minefield—swiping, ghosting, endless situationships, and more. What if the problem isn’t just app fatigue, but the very idea of romance itself? Sociologist Sabrina Strings unpacks how centuries of racism and sexism have shaped our ideas about modern love, leaving many people—especially women who don’t fit the "white enough" ideal—excluded from the fairy tale of true love. Drawing from her latest book, The End of Love: Racism, Sexism, and the Death of Romance, and her own experiences, Strings challenges everything we think we know about love, and asks: Is something better possible? ABOUT THE GUEST Sabrina Strings is author of The End of Love: Racism, Sexism, and the Death of Romance. She is Professor and North Hall Chair of Black Studies at the University of California, Santa Barbara. She was a recipient of the UC Berkeley Chancellor’s Postdoctoral Fellowship with a joint appointment in the School of Public Health and Department of Sociology. A certified yoga teacher, her work has been featured in The Feminist Wire, Yoga International, and LA Yoga. Sabrina is also an award-winning author with publications in diverse venues including, Ethnic and Racial Studies; Signs: Journal of Women in Culture and Society, Fat Studies: An Interdisciplinary Journal of Body Weight and Society and Feminist Media Studies. Her first book, Fearing the Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fat Phobia (NYU Press 2019), was named one of Essence magazine’s "10 Books We're Dying To Toss Into Our Summer Totes." It also made “must read” lists in Ms. Magazine, Colorlines, and Bitchmedia, and has been featured on NPR, KPFA and WNYC. Full transcript available here at relationscapes.org.

Have you ever felt resentment about how responsibilities are divided in your relationship? Kate Mangino joins us to break down why this dynamic exists—and more important, what you can do about it. Outdated gender norms are causing a lot of problems for people whether they're married, dating, or in a queer or straight partnership. Luckily, some small, everyday changes can lead to a more balanced home life where everyone has time for work, family, and themselves. We're talking about the book, Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home. SHOW NOTES —State of the World's Fathers Report —"In a Growing Share of U.S. Marriages, Husbands and Wives Earn About the Same," Pew Research Center —"What to Do if You're Doing Too Much," Kate Mangino, Psychology Today ABOUT THE GUEST Kate Mangino is author of Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home. She has written and delivered curricula in over 20 countries about issues such as women’s empowerment, healthy masculinity, HIV prevention, and early and forced childhood marriage. Kate's work can be found in Time, Slate, and the Harvard Business Review. Subscribe to her newsletter at katemangino.com. Full transcript available here at relationscapes.org.

One January day in 1975, seven-year-old Guinevere Turner put on her best dress, hugged her favorite toy tightly, and waited for the spaceship to arrive. The world was ending and she would be saved, spirited away to Venus with the rest of her enormous and enlightened family. The prophecy failed. Instead of collapsing, the cult she was being raised in carried on. But Guinevere would soon find herself thrown out into the world beyond, where things somehow became more nightmarish than before. In this episode, Guinevere Turner joins us to talk about her remarkable memoir, When the World Didn't End. Buy the Book. Read Guinevere's piece in The New Yorker that led to her memoir. About the Guest Guinevere Turner is an acclaimed screenwriter and director. She co-wrote the screenplays for American Psycho and The Notorious Bettie Page and, most recently, wrote the screenplay for Charlie Says. She also wrote and starred in the film Go Fish and was a writer and actor on Showtime’s The L Word. An essay she wrote for The New Yorker is the inspiration for this memoir. She lives in New York and Los Angeles. A full transcript is available here at relationscapes.org.

In this episode: Family Proclamations is getting a new name! A few listeners sound off on their divorce experiences, and attorney Heather Quick stops by to talk about what to look for in a divorce lawyer. Check out Heather's resources: Florida Women's Law Group resources Women Winning Divorce podcast The full transcript of this episode is available here.

Paul Scheer is an award-winning actor, screenwriter, comedian and podcast host of How Did This Get Made? So you'd think his most interesting life stories would be about his audition for Saturday Night Live or how he came up through improv comedy to star in shows like The League and Black Monday. Those are interesting stories, but in his new memoir, Paul gives center stage to family stories. Growing up with a loving mom and dad who divorced, the tyranny of an abusive stepfather, and what it's like to become a marriage partner and a parent in the shadow of traumatic experiences. About the Guest Paul Scheer is author of the New York Times best-selling memoir, Joyful Recollections of Trauma. He's a comedian and a Screen Actors Guild Award-winning actor from shows like The League, Veep, Fresh Off the Boat, and Black Monday. He’s a podcaster of the smash-hit How Did This Get Made and also Unspooled with his co-host Amy Nicholson. He lives in LA with his partner June Diane Raphael and their two kids. Full transcript available at familyproclamations.org.

Mainstream feminism today was created mostly by white women, for white women. It has soaked into American pop culture, social media, the economy, politics, and more. Rafia Zakaria wants that to change. In this episode, we discuss her book Against White Feminism: Notes on Disruption. About the Guest Rafia Zakaria is a Pakistani-American attorney, feminist, journalist, and author. Her books include he authored the books The Upstairs Wife: An Intimate History of Pakistan and Against White Feminism: Notes on Disruption.

Laurie Lee Hall was a promising college student studying architecture, and she was known to the world as a man. When she encountered The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints she saw a well-defined path that fit the gender she was assigned at birth. So she buried her past to become the perfect Mormon man. Wearing her male disguise, she married, had children, and rose to the position of chief architect for the LDS Church, overseeing its most sacred building projects. But her past refused to stay buried. Could she become who she really was without risking her family, her career, and her church membership? Her whole world? About the Guest Laurie Lee Hall is author of Dictates of Conscience: From Mormon High Priest to My New Life as a Woman. She was raised in New England and trained in architecture at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute. Her career included managing design and construction programs for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as its chief architect. She simultaneously served in several ecclesiastical leadership positions until her church excommunicated her following her gender transition. Since then she has served on the executive committee of Affirmation: LGBTQ Mormons, Families & Friends. In 2023, she became the first transgender recipient of Affirmation’s Paul Mortensen Award, for leadership within the LGBTQ/Mormon-­adjacent community. She and her partner, Nancy Beaman, live in Kentucky and have nine children and twenty-­four grandchildren.

Trump's 2018 zero tolerance policy which separated immigrant children from their parents at the border with no plan for reuniting them shocked the conscience of many Americans. And even though Trump claimed to cease the practice within weeks, zero tolerance is rooted in American law that dates back 100 years and remains on the books today. It can easily happen again. Efrén Olivares was on the front lines defending immigrant families, and the work was personal. Efrén himself is an immigrant, and he joins us to talk about his incredible book, My Boy Will Die of Sorrow: A Memoir of Immigration From the Front Lines. About the Guest Efrén Olivares is the deputy legal Director of the Immigrant Justice Project at the Southern Poverty Law Center. He was the lead lawyer in a successful landmark petition to the Inter-American Commission on Human Rights on behalf of families separated under the zero-tolerance policy. He previously directed the racial and economic justice program at the Texas Civil Rights Project. His writings on immigration policy have been published by the New York Times, USA Today, and Newsweek. He has testified before Congress and at briefings on Capitol Hill about immigration and border policies. He was the first member of his family to attend college. He is a graduate of the University of Pennsylvania and Yale Law School. He is author of My Boy Will Die of Sorrow: A Memoir of Immigration From the Front Lines.

"We are effectively run in this country via the Democrats, by a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they've made and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable, too. And it's just a basic fact, if you look at Kamala Harris, Pete Buttigieg, AOC, the entire future of the Democrats is controlled by people without children. And how does it make any sense that we've turned our country over to people who don't really have a direct stake in it." —J.D. Vance, Republican Senator and Vice Presidential candidate In this mini episode, historian Peggy O'Donnell Heffington returns to talk about how women without children became a focal point of the 2024 presidential election. Check out her full interview here. Plus: Refamulating

As a Black woman growing up in England, Catherine Joy White sometimes felt out of place at home, but also disconnected from the heritage of her Jamaican ancestors. Until she began connecting with the stories of remarkable but often forgotten Black woman from history. Their stories helped her re-envision what beauty means, how silence can also be strength, what "self care" really means, and what courage looks like. She found fortitude which, like a thread of gold, can connect all of us to the past, keep us grounded in the present, and point us toward a better future. About the Guest Catherine Joy White is author of This Thread of Gold: A Celebration of Black Womanhood. She earned a Master’s Degree in Women’s Studies from Oxford. She is an actor, writer, filmmaker, and founder and CEO of the award-winning Kusini Productions, a company established to champion the voices of Black women. White is also a gender advisor to the United Nations, and was honored as a member of the Forbes 30 Under 30 Class of 2022.

Abi Maxwell's daughter wanted the pink shoes. She wanted to dress as a witch on Halloween in kindergarten. She wore her hair long and envied the dance costumes other girls got to wear for the recital. The problem was that Abi's daughter was "known" to her, and to their conservative New Hampshire town, as a boy. Suddenly, Abi's beloved hometown became engulfed in a hurricane of controversy with her daughter right in the eye of the storm. In this episode, Abi tells the story of how her own ignorance about trans people turned into understanding about her own daughter, and then fear for her family's safety. About the Guest Abi Maxwell is author of the novels Lake People and The Den. After graduating from the writing program at the University of Montana, she spent many years working in public libraries. She is a dedicated advocate for the rights of transgender youth. Her latest book is called One Day I'll Grow Up and Be a Beautiful Woman: A Mother's Story. Full transcript available at familyproclamations.org.

History is full of women who never gave birth to children, whether because they couldn't or even didn't want to. Historian Peggy O'Donnell Heffington says her research about women without children made her feel more settled about her own choice not to have kids, but it also surprisingly made her feel greater solidarity with women who make the opposite choice. She joins us to talk about her book Without Children: The Long History of Not Being a Mother. About the Guest Peggy O'Donnell Heffington is Assistant Senior Instructional Professor and Associate Director of Undergraduate Studies at the University of Chicago. She teaches and writes on feminism, women's movements, and motherhood in American and European history. Her first book is called Without Children: The Long History of Not Being a Mother (Seal Press, 2023). Her writing has also appeared in Jezebel, the Boston Globe, Los Angeles Review of Books, and elsewhere. She received her PhD in History from the University of California, Berkeley. Full transcript available at familyproclamations.org.

Up to 90% of women and trans men experience menstrual abnormalities or pelvic issues at some point in their lives. Dr. Karen Tang says too many people are suffering in silence, and that's why she wrote a comprehensive guide called It's Not Hysteria: Everything You Need to Know About Your Reproductive Health (but Were Never Told). We're talking all about reproductive health, so if you've ever met with a gynecologist, this one's for you. And if you haven't, this one is also very much for you! About the Guest Dr. Karen Tang is author of It's Not Hysteria: Everything You Need to Know About Your Reproductive Health (but Were Never Told). She's a board-certified gynecologist, a minimally invasive gynecologic surgeon, and an internationally recognized leader in reproductive health, and social media. She received her MD and Masters in Public Health at Columbia University, her residency training in OB/Gyn at Beth Israel Deaconess/Harvard Medical School, and her fellowship in advanced gynecologic endoscopic surgery at Legacy Health in Portland. Her areas of medical expertise include endometriosis, fibroids, chronic pelvic pain, and gender affirming gynecologic care for transgender and non-binary individuals. Follow her on social media (@karentangmd) or learn more at karentangmd.com. Full transcript available here at familyproclamations.org.

Bella DePaulo has been single her entire life, but she doesn't want anyone's pity about that. This social psychologist loves being single, and she always has. In her latest book Single At Heart she highlights the lives of people who are thriving not in spite of being uncoupled, but because of it. She joins us to talk about what her research uncovers about the "Power, Freedom, and Heart-Filling Joy of Single Life." About the Guest Bella DePaulo has been described by The Atlantic as “America’s foremost thinker and writer on the single experience.” She is a social psychologist who earned her PhD at Harvard University and works as an academic affiliate in the Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences at the University of California, Santa Barbara. Her latest book is Single At Heart: The Power, Freedom, and Heart-Filling Joy of Single Life. She also blogs at Psychology Today. A full transcript of this episode is available here. Recommend the show to a friend! Rate and review in Apple Podcasts and Spotify!

Lauren Sandler is an "only child" expert. She is one. She has one. And as an award-winning journalist, Lauren dug deep to answer some of the most pressing questions about singletons. Are they more lonely? Are they more selfish? Would they be better off with siblings? She answers these questions and more in her book, One and Only: The Freedom of Having an Only Child and the Joy of Being One. About the Guest Lauren Sandler is an award-winning journalist and author based in Brooklyn. She is author of multiple best-selling books including This Is All I Got: A New Mother’s Search for Home, Righteous: Dispatches from the Evangelical Youth Movement, and One and Only: The Freedom of Having an Only Child, and the Joy of Being One. Her essays and features have appeared in dozens of publications including Time, The New York Times, Slate, The Atlantic, The Nation, The New Republic, The Guardian, New York Magazine, and Elle. She has been on staff at Salon and at NPR, where she worked on All Things Considered, Morning Edition, Weekend Edition, and the Cultural Desk. And there’s even more! Visit laurenosandler.com/about to see what she's up to now. Complete transcript available at familyproclamations.org.

As an ultra-Orthodox Jew, Sara Glass was raised to believe her purpose in life was to marry a righteous man and bear children, all to the glory of God. On the outside, she was following that plan to perfection. But on the inside, something was pulling her in a very different direction. It was traumatic, and she would have to risk everything to find healing. Sara joins us to discuss her new memoir, Kissing Girls on Shabbat. Note: This episode includes discussion of miscarriage and also sexual violence. Listener discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is experiencing intimate partner abuse, help is available. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233, text the word "START" to 88788, or visit thehotline.org. About the Guest Sara Glass is a psychotherapist and writer in New York City. She earned her a Master’s in Social Work from Rutgers University and a PhD in Psychology from Capella University. She is the clinical director of Soul Wellness NYC, a private psychotherapy practice in Midtown Manhattan, and serves as a Clinical Supervisor for Jewish Queer Youth, a non-profit organization that supports and empowers LGBTQ youth. Learn more at drsaraglass.com or follow her on social media: @drsaraglass. Complete transcript available here: familyproclamations.org.

What does it mean to be a man? It depends on who you ask. And it depends on *when* you ask, because masculinity has always been a moving target. In this episode we travel back to ancient Rome, where manly men loved war, violence, and sexual conquest. Mike Pope says this history has powerful relevance for us today. We're talking about his book, Lucretius and the End of Masculinity. About the Guest Mike Pope is Associate Professor of Classical Studies at Brigham Young University. He is author of the book, Lucretius and the End of Masculinity. Complete transcript available here (familyproclamations.org).