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Episodes

Episode 26 - Stupid People: Schnapps Forts

10/21/2018
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There are a lot of dumb people around, right? Surely it has never been this bad before, has it? Well...we got some bad news for you. Welcome back for this week's episode. This time, we will cover the ancient Chinese (dumb), the Ancient Greece (real dumb), and the 18th Century Austrian Army (king of the smooth brains). You'll not hear more about drunken donkeys anywhere else on the internet! Sources: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wan_Hu https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_unusual_deaths...

Duration:00:47:27

Mini-Episode 5 - Tornadoes: Skeletons of Trees

10/16/2018
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The boys were busy this week so we have a mini-episode for you about the think Mike fears most in this world: Tornadoes. We will be back next week with a full show, but until then enjoy the soothing sounds of Mike.

Duration:00:10:23

Episode 25 - Cosmetics: Buttered Stink Hat

10/8/2018
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Welcome back everybody! For this week, we have another user suggested episode topic: Cosmetics! Come along with Mike and Lincoln as they explore why literally everyone used to cover themselves in lead, the disgusting ingredients in a Roman face-mask, and the sheer sexism and misogyny that drove most of cosmetic use throughout history. This one should make you angry! Sources: https://cosmeticsinfo.org/Ancient-history-cosmetics...

Duration:00:52:11

Episode 24 - Worker's Rights: They Can't Kill Us All!

10/2/2018
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Eat your pheasant, drink your wine, your time has come...uh, sorry. Got a little excited there. Anyways, welcome back listeners! This week, Lincoln is in a rage as we discuss the roller coaster that is the history of worker's rights. We'll talk about the differences between the Ancient Greek and Roman social safety nets, the upward bump caused by the Black Death, Appalachian coal miners literally going to war for the right to unionize, and one political party's attempts to set us back 100...

Duration:00:58:34

Episode 23 - Severe Weather: Spinny Cloudy Thing

9/24/2018
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Welcome back everyone! This week, we get topical as we cover weather! We'll talk about how extreme weather led to some civilizations collapsing, the Japanese getting saved by a divine wind, the English getting saved by a Protestant Wind, and a tornado so large people thought it was fog rolling in. It is actually terrifying to think about. And yes, I did watch 'Twister' immediately after recording this episode. Sources: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Climate_of_Ancient_Rome...

Duration:01:04:13

Episode 22 - Communication: Roman Vuvuzelas

9/17/2018
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Welcome to a less gore-filled episode of Everything's Just Fine! This week, we cover the history of communication, from the beacon fires of Gondor...I mean Europe, to the modern convenience of the cell phone. Also, the first phone call in history was real lame. Sources: https://www.wired.com/2008/03/dayintech-0310/ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drums_in_communication http://www.hellenicaworld.com/Greece/ImagesGR/StentorophonicTube.jpg https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Church_bell...

Duration:01:02:41

Episode 21 - Executions (Part Two): Party Foul

9/10/2018
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Welcome to the final part of our series on executions! While it will be hard to top death by elephant, the methods we cover this week may be even more cruel. We'll learn about the Roman way of punishing mutiny, giant wheels and the men who used them, the Assyrian penchant for removing skin, and the terror of the Brazen Bull. Once again, it gets kind of gross: Sources: http://www.historyrundown.com/10-most-cruel-execution-methods-of-all-time/ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scaphism...

Duration:01:05:53

Episode 13 - Travel (Part Four): Death Balloons

6/10/2018
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The final episode of our series on travel has arrived! This week we go over the relatively recent history of successful air travel while covering those lovable idiots who tried (and failed) to fly in times past. Follow along as we discuss the deadly year of 1985, the idiocy of using hydrogen in your rigid air ships, Germans bombing infants, and much more. Sources: https://science.howstuffworks.com/transport/flight/classic/ten-bungled-flight-attempt1.htm...

Duration:00:55:34

Episode 12 - Travel (Part Three): Drowned While on Fire

6/3/2018
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Part three is here! This week, we get into the nitty gritty of trains and cars as we examine the horrifying job of stopping trains with big sticks, exploding Sunday School kids, the death traps that are early cars, and Ford's unwillingness to spend more than a few cents to keep its customers from burning to death. It is a lot of fun. Sources: http://oldphotoarchive.com/stories/train-travel-in-the-1800s-15-photos/4...

Duration:00:58:58

Episode 11 - Travel (Part Two): Sunburned to Death

5/29/2018
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Welcome to Part Two of our series covering travel! This week, we go over humanity's long relationship with the sea as we cover early mariners and their crappy boats, piracy, kamikaze, scurvy, and sea monsters! Come learn about Julius Caesar's encounter with pirates in his younger days and see how he earned his reputation for ruthlessness early, the turnabout naval captain William Kidd, the British refusing to take practical advice from a Scottish guy, and how WWI U-Boats kept having run-ins...

Duration:01:20:42

Episode 10 - Travel (Part One): Oxen Roofs

5/21/2018
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Episode 10! This week, we have part one of our first multi-part episode and the topic is about traveling. For this one, we are going to talk about hoofing it...literally. Come along as we talk about leaving grandma to the wolves because you had to follow the herds, the danger of horse archers, the drunken little people of the Pony Express, and the Native American's favorite form of 19th century entertainment: Watching ill-prepared white people drown themselves, shoot their families, and use...

Duration:01:06:14

Episode 9 - Inbreeding: A Rich Tradition of Xenophobia

5/13/2018
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Hey, welcome back everyone! We were both sick with the plaque so we missed last week, but we are here now to cover everyone's favorite RedTube category: Incest! Follow along as we discuss the walking nightmare that was King Tut, the surprising beauty of Cleopatra, and the sheer amount of intermarriage that went on among European royalty. It gets weird. Sources: http://www.natureworldnews.com/articles/885/20130319/fossils-found-china-show-evidence-inbreeding-early-humans.htm...

Duration:01:01:41

Episode 8 - Combat Sports: Knight Kebab

5/2/2018
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Episode 8 is here! This week, we cover the history and variance of humanity's obsession with combat sports. From stick fighting in Africa, the arena and Rome, and eye-gouging in the Old South, this one has it all. Learn about Milo of Croton and the Ancient Greek fighter who destroyed a school after losing a fight, the 9,000 animals killed in the Roman Coliseum in a single day, and the story of a poor doctor who got his eye plucked from his socket, Kill Bill style. Sources:...

Duration:01:20:46

Episode 7 - Drug Use: Meth Nazis

4/23/2018
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4/20 blaze it, Y'all! Ok, that's enough of that...welcome to Episode 7 everybody. In this episode, we cover the long history of humans ingesting things for the singular reason of getting high. Follow us as we venture to Ancient Greece and their mysteries, medieval monks getting stoned for Jesus, ergot poisoning everywhere, and cover the hilarious Opium Wars! Sorry, did I say hilarious? I meant awful. Sources: http://www.advancedholistichealth.org/history.html...

Duration:00:57:34

Episode 6 - Hygiene: Communal Corn Cob

4/15/2018
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Welcome back, listeners! In this episode of Everything's Just Fine we cover this stinky, dooky-covered history of hygiene. Find out about how wiping was a particularly dirty affair, the issues with going to a Roman bath with an open wound, and the mountains of feces and horse corpses that would accumulate in the streets of many medieval and early-modern cities. Bring your nosegays...things are going to get gross.

Duration:00:55:40

Episode 5 - Technological Unemployment: Machines of Flesh and Blood

4/9/2018
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They're taking our jobs! And they always have been! Welcome to Episode Five everyone! This week we take a look at the long history of machines - be they advanced robots or an inclined plane - taking the jobs of the hardworking men and women of the historical world. Come learn about Eli Whitney and his goddamn cotton gin, how the Romans almost had an industrial revolution over 2,000 years ago, and humanity itself: "the machines of flesh and blood". Sources:...

Duration:00:48:16

Mini-Episode 1 - April Fool's Day: Spaghetti Trees

4/1/2018
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Lincoln is in the sunny land of Florida, so this week we present to you a short episode featuring Mike. Listen in as he goes through a quick history of some of the most sadistic, hilarious, and clever April Fool's pranks in history.

Duration:00:10:13

Episode 4 - Dangerous Jobs: Toshers and Mudlarks

3/25/2018
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Hello everyone! We are back and this week it is all about some of the most dangerous jobs throughout history. Find out why people used to dig through raw sewage on the banks of the Thames, the propensity of donkeys exploding, and the contentious relationship between the Pony Express and their sworn enemies, the ox. It's a fun ride (not for the guy who hit the ox, though).

Duration:00:41:54

Episode 3 - Dentistry: Wolfmouth

3/21/2018
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Welcome to Episode 3! In this - what may be our most cringe-inducing episode yet - we cover the horror that is dental history. Join us as we talk about shoving hair into cavities, the multiple uses of beeswax, 'Waterloo Teeth', and our sneaking suspicion that George Washington did not pay for his fake chompers. Sources: http://www.ancient-origins.net/human-origins-science/jewel-capped-teeth-golden-bridges-9000-years-dentistry-001427 https://www.gentledental-mi.com/ancient-dentistry/...

Duration:00:47:23

Episode 2 - Corpse Disposal: Highway Burial

3/11/2018
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In this episode of 'Everything's Just Fine' we take a trip down memory lane as we talk about the long, sordid history of getting rid of human remains. Come with us as we discuss tree coffins, flushing yourself into your local water supply, and the new tradition we made up: Highway Burial. Trust us, it is going to be huge. Sources: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Natural_burial https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plague_pit http://spartacus-educational.com/FWWrats.htm...

Duration:00:45:31