A Codependent Mind

Brian recently read through both our books and did some self-analysis on where he is at on his 'growth journey.' In this episode we discuss some of his findings. If you interested in reading the notes he took while reading, sign up for our newsletter on our website. https://www.codependentmind.com/

Brian and Stephanie come back for an ad hoc season and start with another discussion of shame. This time they tackle the question of what kind of relationship work shame can do and how it can cause relationship dysfunction (and how it has in their relationship). Brian goes in to more detail about the ways in which shame continues to impact him and how it moves through it when it does. https://www.codependentmind.com/ Thank you for rating and reviewing the podcast and the book. It helps others find us. Use this link to review the book on Amazon - https://amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B0CYH7TMZ1

We end the book, and this season, with a discussion of gratitude. This chapter and the first chapter of the book will remain available on the podcast indefinitely. The rest of the chapters will be removed. The audiobook is available on most audio platforms and from our website. The paperback and the eBook is available on Amazon. https://www.codependentmind.com/ Thank you for rating and reviewing the podcast and the book. It helps others find us. Use this link to review the book on Amazon - https://amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B0CYH7TMZ1

* In honor of the new book release, get the first book (in eBook format) for FREE until June 15th. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V/ Available now on Amazon Me, You & Us Moving Beyond Relational Trauma and Disorder (Anxious/Avoidant Attachment, Codependency, BPD) to Build a Stable, Lasting Relationship As described in this podcast, for years, I struggled in romantic relationships—trapped in people-pleasing, conflict avoidance, and emotional disconnection. I didn’t know how to set boundaries, communicate honestly, or feel safe being myself. Like many people with a history of codependency or relational trauma, I was stuck in survival mode—longing for intimacy but afraid to be truly seen. This book is both a relationship memoir and a healing guide—an honest, compassionate look at how I learned to show up differently in love. Through personal storytelling and psychological insight, I explore the relationship tools that transformed my life: empathy, vulnerability, boundaries, communication, emotional co-regulation, and more. These are the tools that helped me move from dysfunction to connection—from trauma bonds to the emotionally safe, interdependent marriage I now share with Stephanie. Available on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FC6M5X5M/ Contact us at: https://www.codependentmind.com/me-you-and-us

Our new book is coming out! You, Me & Us: Moving Beyond Relational Trauma and Disorder (Anxious/Avoidant Attachment, Codependency, BPD) to Build a Stable, Lasting Relationship. Learn more: https://www.codependentmind.com/me-you-and-us In this episode, we revisit the topic of caretaking and how it can be a tool for strengthening the sense of partnership within a relationship. Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast. And thank you for reading these notes! Very few people do.

The 5 Love Languages claims to be a "simple and effective" tool for strengthening your connections. We explore that claim. Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast. You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com The audiobook can be purchased from PayHip. Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

For most of his life, Brian believed that his primary challenge in relationships was mastering the tool of "being present." He thought that if he could just fully grasp this skill, everything in his life and relationships would significantly improve. However, regular listeners to this podcast will recognize that this belief was far from accurate. We discuss how he understood the tool of being present in his past relationships and how he uses it now, in the present. You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased from our website for only $2.99. http://codependentmind.com Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.

In this episode, we building on the Boundaries episode and talk more about Relationship Boundaries in particular. How can you use relationship boundaries do develop a greater sense of partnership? How do we find a balance between protecting the relationship from outside threats and having expansive enough boundaries that the relationship can continue to grow and thrive? Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast. You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.

In this episode, we take on the complex emotion of jealousy, exploring its potential as a constructive tool within relationships. As we have discussed in previous episodes that emotions, including jealousy, are neither good nor bad but rather signals offering valuable insight. Learning how to use jealousy as a tool involves being able to interpret and apply the information that jealousy offers. 00:00:11 Jealousy 00:01:46 Not Feeling Jealousy 00:03:04 Jealousy in Polyamorous Relationships 00:06:38 Compersion 00:09:16 Jealousy-Like Behaviors 00:06:38 Compersion 00:11:34 Distinguishing Jealousy from Control 00:13:14 Jealousy as a Measurement Tool 00:19:38 Working Together Through Jealousy Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast. You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.

We have talked about entitlement quite a bit. Mostly about how Brian's narcissistic partners have used their feelings of entitlement as fuel to abuse and mistreat him and other people. In this episode we explore how the feelings of entitlement can be used productively to strengthen a relationship rather than degrade it. You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.

In Season 4, we had a four part series on codependency, trauma and sex. In this episode we focus on the role sex can play in a relationship For Brian, shifting from a performance mindset to a connection mindset made all the difference. You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.

Communication is vital to any relationship, but for those of us with relational trauma, it can be difficult to figure out what that means. If we aren't getting yelled at or insulted, it feels like good communication. Bad communication is when someone is disappointed or upset with us. Join us as we talk through Brian's new understanding of the role communication has played and can play in his relationships. You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.

In this episode we discuss the relationship tool of attention. Paying attention can be difficult for people with relationship trauma and codependent habits. It was certainly challenging for Brian. Healing codependency has involved re-learning how to use the tool of attention, directing its use to building strong connections with people we care about who care about us. You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.

Brian spent most of his life being 'conflict avoidant' at least that is how he understood it. Really the powerlessness and shame that underlied his codependency meant that any interpersonal conflict felt existentially threatening. In this episode we discuss how to approach conflict differently such that it functions as a tool for learning and connection rather than destruction. You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast. You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.

Can you tell the difference between a genuine apology and apology theater? In this episode, we discuss to tool of apology - how narcissists use it, how Brian used it codependently and how to use it authentically to make long lasting repairs to relationships. You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.

Be grateful! We are told that at various points on our lives as was to cure numerous ails in our lives and in the world. In this episode, we talk about what gratitude can and cannot to for your relationships. Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast. You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms.

As discussed in a previous episode, Brian used money to fuel his codependent habits. Healing from codependency also involved developing a new understanding of the role money plays in his life and his relationship. In this episode, we discuss what kind of tool money is and what challenges and opportunities it presents. You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.

Boundaries are an expression of the distinction between me and you. Understanding and respecting that distinction is critical when setting up a relationship structure that will be stable and supportive for both people in the long run. For those of us who experienced relational trauma as children, developing an understanding of ourselves as separate, autonomous beings can be compromised right from the start. Codependency, borderline personality disorder, narcissism, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, dependency, all involve a struggle to acknowledge and respect personal boundaries. In this episode, we review we review the concept of boundaries, understanding it as a stand-in for self-protection and self-respect. We then go on to discuss how to use the metaphor of boundaries to create a relationship in which both parties are respected and protected. Mentioned in this episode: S3 - #1 Beyond Codependency - Boundaries https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6d942938/s3-1-beyond-codependency-boundaries S4 -#13 Codependency and Relationships: You, Me, Us https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6e1bf1f4/s4-13-codependency-and-relationships-you-me-us No Man is an Island - John Donne In this episode we discuss the importance of self knowledge in relationships - what it is, what happens in its absence, how to get it and how it functions. 00:02:22 Codependency as self erasure 00:05:47 Examples of lack of self knowledge 00:09:32 Consequences and shame 00:12:11 Shame relief 00:15:05 The codependency framework 00:20:15 Asking questions You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.

In this episode we discuss the importance of self knowledge in relationships - what it is, what happens in its absence, how to get it and how it functions. 00:02:22 Codependency as self erasure 00:05:47 Examples of lack of self knowledge 00:09:32 Consequences and shame 00:12:11 Shame relief 00:15:05 The codependency framework 00:20:15 Asking questions You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.

If lying forms the basis of codependency then the antidote must be telling the truth. Unfortunately it is not that simple (or that easy!) In this episode we discuss the powerful tool that is the truth and how to learn to wield it safely and effectively. Thank you for liking, rating, reviewing the podcast and the book. We appreciate your support and it helps others find us. Get your Paperback or eBook copy of our book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. 00:04:09 Lying vs Truth Telling 00:08:39 What is Truth 00:11:07 'Telling it like it is' 00:14:45 Full Disclosure 00:16:49 How and When - Motivation and Effect You can reach us at: codependentmind.com