Birth Moms Real Talk

Carman and Susan continue their story an adoption plan is made . Carman shared of her unique and sometimes funny journey. Carmen “ Knew” what she wanted for herself and her child. She talked about the “ Fear” from both the birth mother perspective and adoptive mother perspective . Susan talked about being at the birth of Olivia , Carmen’s daughter . Susan has penned her memoir titles “ One Yes at A Time : How Open Adoption Transformed Our Family “.Birth/First Mothers look forward to meeting their child they have carried for nine months . Carmen and Susan had parallel lives intersecting to form an open adoption. Carmen spoke of “ The Best in All of Us”. Carmen and Susan “ Adopted Each Other . Communication is the Key to navigation of Emotions and Trauma of Adoption.

Carmen and Susan share their journey of life . In typical adoption stories, the birth/first mom and adoption mom may never have a conversation, yet Carmen and Susan had “ Real Talk” and conversations about “ their daughter. These two mothers grew up in different situations and yet started the journey to “grow and learn from each other “. Carmen was an independent college student providing for herself on the west coast . Susan had a Midwest life and journeying through school, work, and marriage . Their story begins when their parallel lives crossed. They both came to ‘an adoption plan ‘ from two different perspectives. An Honest , Open , Transparent , H. O. T. Conversation is what you will hear on this episode of Birth Moms Real Talk.

Abby is a transracial adoptee as a black adoptee adopted in 1971 by white parents. Her family was interested in adopting another Black child but that did not work out. Her family were told by adoption agencies that a Black child would be the“Cheapest and Quickest “. Abby started searching earnestly for her “truth” with her mother’s dementia,diagnosis. Abby is also a Birth/First Mother and psychotherapist serving clients in the adoption constellation. Abby spoke about the “ Real Truth” in Adoption dispels the Blank Slate ,Nurture over Nature that she heard in her family . She speaks about her “ Dream Family” for her son placed in adoption. The Truth Always Prevails and we need to Talk the Truth about the Trauma

Jenny grew up in a large family with over 80 cousins in Kentucky. Adoption and foster case touched her family through her father. She spoke about 2 grandfathers and 2 grandmothers on her father's side, as the adoption community experiences with adoptive and biological families. As a teenage mother, Jenny was led to believe that open adoption was the BEST decision for her child's life. All Jenny ever wanted was THE absolute best for her baby. If that meant Jenny had to endure pain and sorrow, she believed it would be worth it. Jenny was an athlete in college and experienced different racial cultures for the first time. Jenny's story spoke of unique experiences upon leaving the hospital with her child and having the birthfather in her daughters life as well. After 32 years, Jenny shares about the realities of open adoption and the many complexities that comes with. Blessings, pain and the realization that JENNY was always what was BEST for her daughter.

Abby is a transracial adoptee as a black adoptee adopted in 1971 by white parents. Her family was interested in adopting another Black child but that did not work out. Her family were told by adoption agencies that a Black child would be the “Cheapest and Quickest “. Abby started searching earnestly for her “truth” with her mother’s dementia diagnosis. Abby is also a Birth/First Mother and psychotherapist serving clients in the adoption constellation. Abby spoke about the “ Real Truth” in Adoption dispels the Blank Slate , Nurture over Nature that she heard in her family . She speaks about her “ Dream Family” for her son placed in adoption. The Truth Always Prevails and we need to Talk the Truth about the Trauma

Shelley was very engaging as she talked about explored “it” with her “bestie” male friend. After three months, as a first-year student in college, she was overwhelmed to learn that she was pregnant. Her initial feelings were numbness, shock, and fear upon this life-changing news. We spoke about where she was, who she told first and all the specific details that birth/first moms experience as specific as time of day, what we are wearing, and the words remembered our entire life. Life stands still for a moment when moms receive this news. Shelley received “immediate support “from all in her life. Shelley’s college professor played an integral role in her life and placement of her son. We spoke about how “support” could change the scenario from one choice to another. Shelley’s reunion with her son was “Amazing “. The first hug with her son felt like ”Home”. The nature and nurture of adoption is “Powerful.

Sydney says she was a relative “ normal” kid whose family expected her to behave at a certain standard because of her “ family influence” in her town . Early in Sydney’s life, trauma and grief entered her life with the tragic loss of her mother. . She then became the “ mother figure” to her younger siblings. Sydney became a mother without family support as other first/birth mothers experienced. The “family decision “ of adoption was the next step. Conversations or discussions about this ‘life-changing” decision were not an option for Sydney . Sydney’s journey in placement of her son was challenging . Sydney spoke of being an “ A “ student in school and upon becoming a birthmother, her life then was considered “ blemished.” We spoke about the stereotype placed on birthmothers living a “broken life.” We spoke of this simply “ not bring true “. Sydney is a shining “voice” in the adoption constellation with her professional work in public policy and advocacy on the current adoption landscape.

Jeanne talked about her life growing up in Canada happily entertaining herself with her dolls. She talked about her anxiousness through her life facing fear and doubting herself. Secrets and fearing sharing the truth were sometimes overwhelming. Jeanne has broken through her fear to share her story for the first time. DNA and Search Angels played a major role in Jeanne’s journey. As all of us in the Adoption community know, “Reunions are Roller Coasters “.

"Karen faced her 'own' birth secrets that she strived to 'untangle'. This gave Karen a unique experience as an adoptee confronted with finding her original birth certificate (OBC). Karen was passionate about the 'Real Talk' of adoption laws from state to state. She shared her story with passion, peace, and purpose. Karen had a straightforward attitude about societal pressures placed on birth/first moms in the United States. The essence of her story is that childhood experiences profoundly impact one's entire life."

Denise’s journey started with her own adoption and her first glimpse into trauma. She grew up in the Mennonite community in Pennsylvania . Denise and Yvonne had some common memories to share . Secrets were prevalent in the family. Denise talked about her experience as a Mennonite and the expectations and acceptance from her parents. She spoke about looking for love and her identity. Becoming a mom at an early age was traumatic and caused her to leap into independence. Denise’s journey was full of surprise connections. She talked about her heart’s desire.

Patience experienced as many, a childhood of challenges. Her family was separated in dramatic fashion. At the age of 16, patience learned of a maternity home through her mother’s church affiliation. Her journey to motherhood involved traveling to the home for birth mothers with strangers. Her experience , as she said was in many ways better than her home. Patience felt lost, still in love, and knew the trauma of her childhood that she strived to overcome.

Monica was adopted at the age of 4 months. Her parents who adopted her from a foster home in Alaska saw her resilience grow to become a “strong young lady“ who exhibited her “power“. Monica loved the attention from her mother, she felt the need to be loved. Monica became resilient to overcome challenges and became the “ tomboy” in the family. Monica experienced the infamous Alaska earthquake that traumatized many. Monica’s way of coping was to “stuff down deep inside” the dysfunction she experienced. Facing signing relinquishment papers after giving birth in the hospital was overwhelming. Monica is in reunion and states that she is experiencing her “destiny“ and is encouraging others to give themselves “Grace“ for Healing. Monica has released her memoir after eight years of work, entitled “ Practically Still A Virgin", which is available on Amazon and other book outlets.

Lori spoke about her experience of becoming a mother as lonely and afraid. Lori talked about her uniqueness of being Jewish and the perspective of the guilt and shame placed on her. Lori experienced many traumas in her life that brought many challenges of “coping in life “. She spoke about the “voices” in her ear that determined her own voice of asking herself “ if she was worthy. Lori traveled the road of many birth/first mothers of building the courage to “ Speak “ and share her story. She has found her “ Voice “.

Nicole -We are Told to Move On … Not Easy Nicole exhibited strength beyond belief as many birth mothers. Nicole experienced many losses from the age of 5, she persisted. Nicole’ resilience grew stronger with each trauma. She has built a relationship with her son in her open adoption. Now, she is in the midst of one of her Biggest traumas. Listen as she shares her journe

Marisa describes her childhood as being a “tough life” living with her single mom. There were many “ life transitions she experienced at an early age without the comfort and love to deal with her traumas. Marisa lived life on the streets and managed to stay focused towards a better life. A Friday night invitation for pizza changed her perspective on life. Marisa “Found the Ones” who were meant to be in her life. Marisa shared “words of wisdom” from her life experience and her chosen profession.

Maddy grew up with both parents and at an early age lived with both parents in separate homes. She received support as a young teenager from both parents. When Maddy discovered she was pregnant with her boyfriend, she was at a difficult place and decision. She faced the voices of others regarding "what she should do", She faced the same stigma that most birth mothers faced as an 18-year-old unmarried mother. Maddy is a strong and determined young lady who makes up her mind and gets it accomplished. Maddy wants all birth mothers to know that " they have a voice" and they are free to use it. Open adoption is Hard and may 'Shift" from the original agreement. Maddy talks about her devastation and pain when the rules changed about her seeing her daughter. Maddy shares about how she is progressing and experiencing some 'good news' about her life.

Yvonne started her reunion with her son by finding him on social media in 2015, connected to him and meeting for the first time after 45 years in 2018 and now 2023, still progressing on a path of Grace and Healing. Yvonne started BMRT Podcast in June 2021 as a “ Place of providing a safe place for birth and natural mothers to share their “truth’ of disenfranchised grief for so many years. Our moms range from 14 years old to over 40 years, from the 1950s to now, who share their adoption stories. We are all Mothers and our stories are different. This episode covers Yvonne sharing her steps, her thoughts, her journey in reunion. Reunion is Great AND Hard at the same time. This reality of facing nature versus nurture, facing the discovery of each other and growing to love her son and allowing him the space to process, accept and grow to love her. It is indeed a roller coaster journey . It is “ All about Love”. We are All in This Together. Listen to Episode 00 , where Yvonne shares her full journey with Damon Davis of “ Who Am I Really Podcast “

Shanae remembers the age of 9 and 1/2 so vividly. This time in her life was very challenging and brought forth many traumas that disrupted her life. This life-changing moment gave way to her ‘gift’ of writing her feelings in a journal. This was her “ coping” method. Shanae faced doubts of her ‘ truth’ by the adults in her circle. As an expectant mother, she faced challenges and vulnerabilities in her life. She faced the flop - flop of support from family. Many perceptions of adoption were from what she watched on “ TV’. She is focused on healing herself and her son. Shanae’s message to birthmothers is “ You Belong Here”

Cindy shares her experience of being a 15-year-old birth mom living in the Midwest. Cindy had a ‘ different family situation “ as she describes her life. Cindy had a sibling with autism which translated into her being a caregiver. Family legacy was missing from both her mom's and dad's families. Cindy says she grew up on “ an island”. Her journey took her through many different scenarios with parental support. Cindy faced her fears of finding her son.

Cathryn grew up in a very strict family. Her religious background shaped her youth. She described herself as a ‘ rule follower”. She felt she was “ in the way” in the home growing up. Cathryn had unconscious memories about giving birth to her daughter. Cathryn experienced PTSD while in therapy which prompted her to search for her daughter.