Brothers and Teachers

This conversation is part of an ongoing series of conversations with fellow writers, including several on Substack such as and Sex at Dawn author as well as others including addiction expert Dr. Adi Jaffe, master coaches Michael Lipson and Robert Ellis, ultra-runner Charlie Engle and legendary sci-fi author Kim Stanley Robinson. Today’s conversation is between the writer behind and who writes at , which includes his serialized memoir of the same name. Donna and I got together recently a conversation focused on change, including why we are sometimes so resistant to making changes, how we’ve overcome that resistance, some big changes that we’ve made in our own lives, the role of physicality and intuition in change — and, of course, what we’re working on next. If you value authentic, honest, deep, vulnerable conversations between working writers, we think you’ll get a lot out of this discussion. Following the interview are links to some of our writing, some other writers of memoir on Substack, and some questions for you. We’d love to hear from you! Our Conversation I usually record video as well, but I screwed it up this time, so just use the audio player at the top of the page ⬆️ ⭐️⭐️ THANK YOU FOR LISTENING⭐️⭐️ We’ve got some questions for you * What’s the biggest change you’ve made in your own life? * Have you experienced resistance to change—and how have you overcome that resistance? * How do you make your best decisions? What’s your relationship with intuition, and how has that evolved over time? * How do you prepare for making changes? Some of our own writing Subscribe for more Donna writes — a guide to a life of possibility and well-being by examining what lies below the layers of daily life, and taking steps to shift and grow. Bowen’s writing at includes memoir and personal essay on men, adventure, addiction, depression, love and money. Other writers we recommend on Substack Just Enough to Get Me in Trouble ’s Born Without Borders ’s Altered States of Monetary Consciousness Did you enjoy this conversation? Use the heart ♡ below to let us know 👇🏻 Get full access to An Ordinary Disaster at bowendwelle.substack.com/subscribe

This conversation is part of an ongoing series of conversations with fellow writers including several on Substack such as and Sex at Dawn author as well as others including addiction expert Dr. Adi Jaffe, master coaches Michael Lipson and Robert Ellis, ultra-runner Charlie Engle and legendary sci-fi author Kim Stanley Robinson. Today’s conversation is between the writer behind and who writes at , which includes his serialized memoir of the same name. Latham and I got together recently for a deep and wide-ranging conversation covering writing to explore, how “adventure doesn’t happen by accident,” writing as men and the transition into being an older man, using research in storytelling, how “we all need our own philosophy,” the challenge of positive confrontation and “the Goat Work,” how we relate to our immediate geography, long-distance walking, wayfinding, personal spirituality, the gods we’re praying as — and, of course, what we’re working on next. If you value authentic, honest, deep, vulnerable conversations between working writers, we think you’ll get a lot out of this discussion. Following the interview are links to some of our writing, some other writers of memoir on Substack, and some questions for you. We’d love to hear from you! Our Conversation Use the audio player at the top of the page, or watch the interview here ⬇️ ⭐️⭐️ THANK YOU FOR LISTENING⭐️⭐️ Some of our own writing * Latham: The Men’s Movement is Dead; Long Live the Men’s Movement * Bowen: The Man Pays—on the bittersweet joy of being child-free * Latham: What Will You Die For —on developing a personal philosophy of life * Bowen: I’m Here to Tell the Truth—the introduction and table of contents to my serialized memoir, An Ordinary Disaster. Latham and I will both be posting a piece this coming week on the theme of “Recovery” from a group of men including ourselves, Joshua Doležal Michael Mohr Dee Rambeau and . You may recall our previous series on “Fatherhood” from September. Be on the lookout for Latham’s piece on December 11 and Bowen’s on the 13th! Subscribe for more Latham writes — a newsletter about growing up after you’ve become an adult. It’s part memoir, part essays, but always exploration of an authentic life. Bowen’s writing at includes memoir and personal essay on men, adventure, addiction, depression, love and money. Other writers we recommend on Substack and Just Enough to Get Me in Trouble The Bright Life Make Me Good Soil Further Reading and Listening * 📚 The Denial of Death, by Ernest Becker * 📚 The Flowering Wand: Rewilding the Sacred Masculine, by * 📚 Of Boys and Men by * 🎧 Finding Your Soul in The Darkness w/ Francis Weller on Mark Groves podcast * 🎧 The Evolution of Masculinity w/ Chris Ryan on The Mythic Masculine podcast * 📚 Bowen’s complete “for men” reading list. We’ve got some questions for you * If you’re a writer, what has writing done for you? And if you’re a reader, what do you get from your time spent reading? * What is your own relationship to adventure and exploring? What’s familiar—and what would be a new challenge? * How much does the place where you are impact you, as a writer and as a person? * If you have children (or even if you don’t, but just care about a child in your life), what are the stories and models you want to raise them with? * What makes you feel like a whole person? What have you learned becoming your whole self that you would share with others? * Who else needs to be in this conversation about masculinity and men? Who would you point out as positive role models? Did you enjoy this conversation? Use the heart ♡ below to let us know 👇🏻 Get full access to An Ordinary Disaster at bowendwelle.substack.com/subscribe

This conversation is part of an ongoing series of conversations with fellow writers including several on Substack such as Michael Mohr, Lyle McKeany, and Sex at Dawn author Chris Ryan as well as others including master coaches Michael Lipson and Robert Ellis, ultra-ultra-runner Charlie Engle and legendary sci-fi author Kim Stanley Robinson. Today’s conversation is between, the writer behind , who also writes as part of the collective, and who writes, which includes his serialized memoir of the same name. Sam and I got together for a deep and wide-ranging conversation covering how we came to writing on Substack, the questions of why write? and is it hard?, figuring out how to tell the truth, the challenges of editing, using addiction as the “hinge” for writing, how life can seem like “a series of compulsions,” how writing can be “salvational,” as well as the power of community for writers. We also get to one of my favorite topics: masculinity and identity, which is as complicated—or as simple—as you want to make it. Either way, as Sam puts it, “it’s a valid topic.” Finally, the epistemological boundary between arguing a point of meaning vs. speaking from personal experience, reconnecting with our wild center, and, of course, what we’re working on next. If you’re someone who values authentic, honest, deep, vulnerable conversations between working writers, we think you’ll get a lot out of this discussion. Following the interview are links to some of our writing, some other writers of memoir on Substack, and some questions for you. We’d love to hear from you! Our Conversation Listen in the player at the top of the page, or watch the interview on video: ⭐️⭐️ THANK YOU FOR LISTENING⭐️⭐️ Please subscribe Sam writes at on literature, politics, and personal reflections. Bowen writes memoir and personal essay on topics including identity, masculinity, adventure, alcohol, addiction, depression, sports, not having children, and love, among other things. Some of our writing * Sam: Against Branding (and Sarah Fay) * Bowen: Sex is Better Sober * Sam: Gentlemen Prefer B*****s * Bowen: No, it is not a struggle to find good male role models—and, it’s time we got our heads screwed on straight about the “patriarchy.” Other writers we recommend on Substack Just Enough to Get Me in Trouble The Bright Life Make Me Good Soil Further Reading * 📖 The Revolt of the Public, Martin Gurri * 👁️ The Flowering Wand: Rewilding the Sacred Masculine, * 🎬 The Conversation * 📚 Bowen’s complete “for men” reading list. Men’s Writing Group on Substack Bowen hosts a monthly group for men on Substack writing memoir, autofiction, personal essay and other first-person informed work. This group already includes several strong writers Michael Mohr Latham Turner Joshua Doležal Lyle McKeany Dee Rambeau. Participation is by request and invitation. If you’re interested in joining us, please complete this questionnaire. We’ve got some questions for you * Why do you write? Is there a subject or personal complex that serves as a hinge for your writing? * What are your own compulsions? * Is writing redemptive (or just another compulsion)? * How does Substack change the way we think about writing, art, and sharing ideas? Did you enjoy this conversation? Use the heart ♡ below to let us know 👇🏻 Get full access to An Ordinary Disaster at bowendwelle.substack.com/subscribe

This conversation is part of a series of interviews with various brothers and teachers, including many fellow writers, all of which are part of the body of work surrounding my book-length memoir An Ordinary Disaster—one man's proof that we can all learn to listen to ourselves, and to act upon the inner voice of our self, our sanity and our soul. I’m glad you’re here! And—this is a reader-supported publication. If you appreciate my work, please consider becoming a paying subscriber. As a full-time working writer, I appreciate every reader and everyone who chooses to part with five bucks a month to support my writing. Almost all of this Substack remains free; only contribute money if you feel inclined to do so, but there are a few things that I make available only to paying subscribers, like my long-form handbook on intuition. is the writer behind and writes which includes his serialized memoir of the same name. In addition to their writing, Bowen offers his intuitive Guide Service, and Michael works with writers as a developmental editor. Michael and I got together for a deep and wide-ranging conversation that covered a number of topics including how our own writing has changed us, patriarchy and personal responsibility, the psychosexual realm between mothers and sons, love, commitment and addiction, women who inspire and support us, and, of course, what we’re working on next. If you’re a writer who values authentic, no B.S., honest, vulnerable conversations, we think you’ll get a lot out of this discussion. Following the interview are links to some of our writing, some other writers of memoir on Substack, further reading on memoir, and some questions for you. We’d love to hear from you! Use the ♡ and comments below 👇🏻 Our Conversation Listen in the player at the top of the page, or watch the interview on Youtube ⭐️⭐️ THANK YOU FOR LISTENING⭐️⭐️ Please SUBSCRIBE to both of our Substacks Bowen writes memoir and personal essay on topics including alcohol, addiction and depression… adventure, fitness, sports, and nature… identity, masculinity, fatherhood and being child-free, love, relationships and sex, among other things. If you’re not already a subscriber to Bowen’s substack, please do take this opportunity to subscribe now. Michael writes about everything from identity politics to AA and sobriety to existentialism and death to meditation and more. At Sincere American Writing you get a mix of fiction, memoir, personal essay, book reviews, cultural commentary and much more. If you’re not already a subscriber to Michael’s ‘Stack, please take this opportunity to subscribe now. Our Writing Here are two of the more popular pieces we’ve written on Substack: Writers Versus The World — How Writers are Different from Everyone Else Think of any daring, talented and interesting writer—Hemingway, Fitzgerald, Didion, Sontag, Kerouac, Steinbeck, Henry Miller, Baldwin, Mailer, David Foster Wallace, Ta-Nehisi Coates, Ottessa Moshfegh, Zadie Smith, Elif Batuman, etc—and you instantly see that the art stems from an intriguing, even dangerous artist. This is causal: Writers are generally an unusual lot. They are weird, freakish, isolated, individual, “different.” The wild eccentric weirdos who the rest of society seems flummoxed and yet often captivated by… Follow this link to read the rest of Michael’s piece. Other Writers We Like on Substack Just Enough to Get Me in Trouble by Lyle McKeany by Joshua Doležal by Latham Turner by Dee Rambeau by That Guy From the Internet by Alex Olshonsky by visakan veerasamy by Sarah Fay Further Reading Sexus (The Rosy Crucifixion, #1), Henry MillerThe Happiest Man Alive: A Biography of Henry Miller, Mary V. DearbornBlackout, Sarah HepolaThe Routine Things Around The House, by Stephen DunnThe Women’s Movement, by Joan Didion Mens Writing Group on Substack We host a monthly group for men on Substack writing memoir, autofiction, personal essay and other first-person informed work—which...

This conversation is part of a series of interviews with various brothers and teachers, including many fellow writers, all of which are part of the body of work surrounding my book-length memoir An Ordinary Disaster—one man's proof that we can all learn to listen to ourselves, and to act upon the inner voice of our self, our sanity and our soul. An interview with the author My friend Michael Lipson interviewed me recently about the development and writing of my book-length memoir An Ordinary Disaster. I'd love to hear from you after listening, so don't be shy about leaving a comment or a question. Use the Substack audio player at the top of the page ⬆️ to listen to the interview. Highlights 13:39 …how it's possible to forget something as important as what I was supposed to be, and then, a long ways down the road, come back to fully remembering—not coincidentally, a the point when I was also finally in a position to pursue that. 14:39 What was it like to begin and what were you seeking by doing that? 15:19 …part of the reason that writing began to resurface was my experience changing my relationship with alcohol. 17:19 I was asked to state my purpose and I said, “I'm here to tell the truth.” That felt true, and a very clear, spontaneous expression of the answer to the question of what I'm here to do in this chapter of life. 19:59 I was tired of feeling like I wasn't expressing myself—and also that I didn't know how to. 21:09 I felt like I needed to speak myself into existence. 23:09 …The process of ‘becoming a writer…’ “I had to let the material work with me.” 27:09 “As I confronted myself with the truth…that cemented my sense of self...” 36:09 …having people that I've known for a long time read my work has “made me feel like another person, like another whole part of myself is alive and present and being seen and active in relationship.” 40:39 “I now have the confidence that I am doing what I should be doing and I will get where I'm going by being myself. I don't really have to think about it much at all. I just now am able to be myself, and let that lead.” 43:39 Q: Where is the book in terms of the pathway of Campbell's hero's journey? A: The book is the return, the gold, the treasure. 46:10 “The creative act is a form of dreaming. When I'm writing and imagery or metaphors come in, it's the dream state—it's the colors arising from the unconscious psyche.” 64:09 “…intuition refuses to be named because it's a function of the unconscious and therefore it cannot be named directly. It’s a defining characteristic of working with anything in the unconscious—the shadow, intuition, dreams. You have to move towards them indirectly.” 1:13:00 “the spiritual power of sport is hugely underappreciated. Outdoor sports have been the primary path to reconnection with myself, and to wayfinding in my own life in a way that feels whole and satisfying.” 1:15:00 “you tell the story of how you responded to those things as you’ve aged, and I see this as you’re actively wrestling with de-adulterating yourself and getting to your pure state. ... the gravity field is reducing, and your presence, your aura, your perimeter is expanding at the same time...” ⭐️⭐️ THANK YOU FOR LISTENING⭐️⭐️ Thanks 100K to my dear friend for the interview! Michael is a master coach who has worked with hundreds of leaders and executives, as well as a leader in the world of mens work, through his involvement in EVRYMAN and the Young Men’s Ultimate Weekend. Please SUBSCRIBE for all my writing Further Reading Questions for you * Which parts of the interview hit home for you most? * Have you ever forgotten something for many years, and then remembered it at a later time in life, perhaps when you were more capable of realizing that dream? * How has your relationship with the naked truth of your own life evolved over tim, and how has that affected your sense of self? * Where are you in terms of Campbell's hero's journey, in your own life? * Have you...

This conversation is part of a series of interviews with various brothers and teachers, including many fellow writers, all of which are part of the body of work surrounding my book-length memoir An Ordinary Disaster—one man's proof that we can all learn to listen to ourselves, and to act upon the inner voice of our self, our sanity and our soul. is the writer behind here on Substack and creator of the Clues.life platform. He brings his personal experience with perfectionism, anxiety, and depression to his work on mental health, personal transformation, and the pursuit of meaning and purpose. Andy and I got together recently for a deep and wide-ranging conversation on the infinity of consciousness, the connection between identity and purpose, and how to build a sense of identity, finding flow in the outdoors, the shapes and patterns of the natural world, and how physical activity can be a key to identity, the Grail myth and how it reveals that how “the absolute truth can only be nothing,” and how the search for purpose may never end, but we can still find a way to a satisfactory answer. Especially if you’re someone with questions about purpose, identity, and the meaning of life, or if you’ve dealt with depression, anxiety, or a sense of not knowing yourself or where you’re headed, we think you’ll get a lot out of this conversation. Following the interview are links to some of our writing, some further reading, and some questions for you — we’d love to hear from you! Use the ♡ and comments below 👇🏻 Andy and Bowen on Meaning and Purpose Listen to the audio right here on Substack or watch us on YouTube above. ⭐️⭐️ THANK YOU FOR LISTENING⭐️⭐️ Please SUBSCRIBE for more of our writing Bowen writes memoir and personal essay on topics including alcohol, addiction and depression… adventure, fitness, sports, and nature… identity, masculinity, fatherhood and being child-free, advertising, entrepreneurship, and conferences… creativity, intuition, archetypes, consciousness, symbols, and youth… San Francisco, California, travel… love, relationships and sex, among other things. If you’re not already a subscriber to Bowen’s substack, please do take this opportunity to subscribe now. Andy writes about perfectionism, anxiety, and depression to his work on mental health, personal transformation, and the pursuit of meaning and purpose. If you’re not already a reader and subscriber of Andy’s work, please take this opportunity to subscribe now. Further Reading Here are a couple of pieces related to our conversation: Writing on Purpose, Identity and Meaning “Defining Purpose” ManTalks podcast “F**k Finding Your Purpose” Ari In The Air podcast Rogue River Journal: A Winter Alone — John Daniel He: Understanding Masculine Psychology — Robert A. Johnson Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home — Toko-pa Turner We’ve got some questions for you * Have you struggled with finding or feeling purpose? What has helped? * What is your own relationship with intuition? * How do you feel your own identity relates to your ability to find or feel purpose? * What’s a favorite story from your own life—especially one that you’re a little bit afraid to tell? Was this worth your time?Use the heart ♡ below to let us know 👇🏻 Get full access to An Ordinary Disaster at bowendwelle.substack.com/subscribe

This conversation is part of a series of interviews with various brothers and teachers, including many fellow writers, all of which are part of the body of work surrounding my book-length memoir An Ordinary Disaster—one man's proof that we can all learn to listen to ourselves, and to act upon the inner voice of our self, our sanity and our soul. Like most people who’ve lived in San Francisco for many years, I’ve been doing yoga on and off since my twenties. I didn’t discover pilates until much later—but I sure wish it had been the other way around! I blew a disc in my back at the age of thirty and had surgery at that time, and now that I know how transformational—and how simple—pilates can be, I’m sure that I never would have injured myself in the first place if I’d been doing it back then. When I did start doing pilates, I thought it was all about expensive equipment with springs and straps—and mostly taught by and for women. At a certain point I began to seek out more male teachers for all sorts of things, and when I went looking for a man teaching pilates, for men, Sean Vigue came up as the guy who was doing exactly that. I loved his honest, straightforward, kinda goofy vibe from the start, and his approach to pilates—outdoors with just a mat and no equipment—felt much more me. I got to know Sean to some extent from using his workouts as part of my own fitness routine, and I could tell that he’s a really unique person with his own deep wisdom about the body, a strong positive presence, and a philosophy about living that comes through in his teaching, and so I was curious to meet him face to face, which is what led me to invite him for an interview on BROTHERS AND TEACHERS. Sean Vigue is leading online fitness instructor and a true pioneer in bringing simple, effective, mat-based pilates to millions of people through his fitness videos. Before he became an athlete and fitness instructor he was an actor, dancer, and singer, and all of that comes through when you see him teach. He puts his experience as a performer to work as an instructor, and he’s also just really good at being himself. Sean’s been an inspiration both in terms of physical fitness, and for his powerful presence. If you do enjoy this episode, please do take a moment to click the little heart button 🤍 to like this post here on Substack. As you listen, you might scan the questions at the bottom of the show notes, or just consider this one: What is your relationship with your own body and your physicality—and how does your body, your strength and your physical wellness relate to your identity as a person, and to your mental health? Interview You can listen using the built-in audio player above or watch the video below, although the audio is cleaned up a bit, while the video is just the raw footage. Sean and I cover a lot in the interview, including Sean’s history as a performer — From theater to fitness — dance and Pilates — pilates for back injuries — Good posture — Health and fitness in our fifties — Fitness and mental health — Massage — Discipline and serving others — Being himself — Singing — old habits — Losing his father — Are those ducks real? — Getting outside — Flow — Entrepreneurship — Never call when you can talk in person — Getting out of your own way — Fitness for kids — how Pilates is transformational — The ‘core’ message — Do it now — Get off your phone — and, perhaps most important of all: Joy through movement. Further Reading You can find Sean at https://www.seanviguefitness.com/ and on YouTube and Instagram. Below are just two of Sean’s books—you can find them all on his site. You might be interested in some of my other writing on the body, especially Some questions for you * What is your relationship with your own body and your physicality—and how does your body, your strength and your physical wellness relate to your identity as a person, and to your mental health? * Have you ever tried Pilates — and did you know that you can...

This conversation is part of a series of interviews with various brothers and teachers, including many fellow writers, all of which are part of the body of work surrounding my book-length memoir An Ordinary Disaster—one man's proof that we can all learn to listen to ourselves, and to act upon the inner voice of our self, our sanity and our soul. is the writer behind as well as a creative coach, and writes , which includes his serialized memoir in progress An Ordinary Disaster, about a man learning to listen to himself. One of the most powerful things about Substack is community and connection with other writers. Our goal with this new collaborative interview format is to share something deeper about each others’ work with our readers. We got together on May 11, 2023 for a deep and wide-ranging conversation that covered why we chose to write memoir, the power of story as a way to write oneself into existence, what memoir is (and isn’t), how writing is like music, the power of reading aloud, the value of having a writing group, the biggest pros and cons of Substack, whether we invested in Substack, writing about writing, what we’re afraid to write about, how men can say “sex”, what it’s like to be writing memoir as a man, the value of writing groups, telling the truth, and our biggest challenge as writers. If you’re a writer who shares pieces of their personal life on the page, if you’re curious about what it’s like to do so, or if you’re a reader of memoir, we think you’ll get a lot out of this conversation. Following the interview are links to some of our writing, some other writers of memoir on Substack, further reading on memoir, and some questions for you— we’d love to hear from you! Use the ♡ and comments below 👇🏻 Bowen and Lyle on Men Writing Memoir Listen to the audio right here on Substack or watch us on YouTube above. We haven’t included a transcript because it’s so darn long, but if you’d like to read this instead of listen, just ask in the comments below ⬇️ ⭐️⭐️ THANK YOU FOR LISTENING⭐️⭐️ Please SUBSCRIBE for more of our writing Bowen writes memoir and personal essay on topics including alcohol, addiction and depression… adventure, fitness, sports, and nature… identity, masculinity, fatherhood and being child-free, advertising, entrepreneurship, and conferences… creativity, intuition, archetypes, consciousness, symbols, and youth… San Francisco, California, travel… love, relationships and sex, among other things. If you’re not already a subscriber to Bowen’s substack, please do take this opportunity to subscribe now. Lyle writes about his own life as a father to a daughter with cerebral palsy, questions such as How do I define success? and What is normal, anyway?, breaking up with his therapist, his previous life in music, as well as home projects, divorce, time, dogs, exercise, FOMO, living in the suburbs, context switching, travel, not caring so much, small talk, and even couches, among other things. If you’re not already a reader and subscriber of Lyle’s work, please take this opportunity to subscribe now. Further Reading Here are two of the more popular pieces we’ve written on Substack: Other Writers of Memoir on Substack by Joshua Doležal by Minda Lane by Alex Olshonsky by Euwyn Goh by Marika Páez Wiesen by visakan veerasamy Cured: The Memoir by Sarah Fay by Andrei Șișman by Rae Katz Writing on Memoir and… Writing The Art of Memoir — Karr, MaryMethod Writing: The First Four Concepts — Grapes, JackOn Writing: A Memoir of the Craft — King, StephenBody Work: The Radical Power of Personal Narrative — Febos, MelissaThe Memoir Project — Smith, Marion RoachThe War of Art: Winning the Inner Creative Battle — Pressfield, StevenSexus (The Rosy Crucifixion, #1) — Miller, HenryBelonging: Remembering Ourselves Home — Toko-pa Turner We’ve got some questions for you * If you’re a writer (or reader) of memoir or personal essay, what brought you to that genre of writing? * Who are some of your favorite...

This conversation is part of a series of interviews with various brothers and teachers, including many fellow writers, all of which are part of the body of work surrounding my book-length memoir An Ordinary Disaster—one man's proof that we can all learn to listen to ourselves, and to act upon the inner voice of our self, our sanity and our soul. Today, I'm speaking with Scott is a fellow writer, who runs two Substacks, and . He’s also a fellow entrepreneur as a co-founder of Troops.ai, which was acquired by Salesforce in 2022. Scott has written extensively about his own spiritual journey, in particular about the impact that ten-plus years of meditation and on “exploring consciousness and the boundless self while enjoying the human experience.” If you’re enjoying my writing and podcast and would like to see more episodes like this one, please consider becoming a paying subscriber. In the meantime, if you do enjoy this episode, please do take a moment to click the little heart button 🤍 to “Like” this post here on Substack. Think of it this way: your click on that little heart is the answer to the question—if someone asked you about it, would you recommend this piece to a friend? As you listen, you might scan the questions at the bottom of the show notes, or just consider this one: what is your own understanding of what meditation is, what it’s for, and what kind of impact it can have on one’s life? Show Notes Meditation as a sport. Harder to feel the feedback loop of change or progress. Feeling something different in your body. “people get discouraged” …the thing about a sport is that you can feel yourself getting better. …awakening the feedback loop with meditation and tuning into the physical aspects… …when I think about all the awesome experiences, that I've had doing various sports, I've thought of those as like putting awesome in the bank… being able to see that meditation could perhaps deliver that same sort of awesomeness… “cascading perceived benefits” “the supreme benefit is a still mind — and, what does a still mind get you?” “the source of creativity or breakthrough ideas or insights…derives from…a still mind.” “We're taught to fill the mind versus create space in the mind.” “…now we are effectively unlearning all of the learned behaviors.” “when you talk to most leaders in society, many will cite that the best decisions they ever made were from their gut, like from their intuition…we don't really intentionally practice a skillset around cultivation of that…there's clear attribution to this thing that is really good for decision making. And then there's low investment or unclear directive onto how to do more of it.” “I actually do think that one can learn how to create more direct and consistent intuitive guidance. …the way to do that in my own experience has been to learn how to still the mind and present a question and patiently.” “it actually very much is an active practice… There comes a point in time where you can develop a level of stillness and you can effectively present something and then wait for an answer to emerge.” “when I'm getting that type of clear guidance in a quiet mind, I'm connecting to source, I'm connecting to the highest divinity that my consciousness is an expression of, and that divinity is all knowing, it's all aware.” one of my own tools is to recognize the state of trying to decide, and to stop and allow space for something to emerge. a lot of people have described intuition as pattern recognition — patterns that we recognize, but that we can also get better at recognizing. “you can start to be intentional about setting up the conditions to have lots of creativity.” “that which consciousness poses a question to, or is focused on, solutions tend to emerge.” “I have a notebook on my bedside. Before I go to bed, I just ask a question that I want an answer to.” We need to move to think completely… the movement of the body is part of how we interact with the shapes and...

This conversation is part of a series of interviews with various brothers and teachers, including many fellow writers, all of which are part of the body of work surrounding my book-length memoir An Ordinary Disaster—one man's proof that we can all learn to listen to ourselves, and to act upon the inner voice of our self, our sanity and our soul. Today, I'm speaking with Dr. Adi Jaffe. Adi is the author of a best-selling book outlining a unique perspective on addiction called The Abstinence Myth and a nationally recognized expert on mental health, addiction, relationships and shame. He lectured in the UCLA Psychology department for most of a decade and was the Executive Director and Co-Founder of one of the most progressive mental health treatment facilities in the country before starting his own company called IGNTD, through which Dr Jaffe is changing the way people think about and deal with mental health issues. He’s now working on his next book, to be called Unhooked. Adi and I met through a mens group called METAL, which is best explained by their catch-phrase “Together, we’re better,” which itself expresses a spirit of community and cooperation amongst men that also comes up in our interview. If you’re a man and you’re not yet familiar with the world of mens work, and you’d like more community, connection and emotional depth in your life, I highly recommend finding a men's group to participate in. In addition to all of my writing and podcast episodes, paid subscribers get full access to my entire memoir in progress, access to occasional bonus and AMA posts and chats—and the opportunity to order a copy of my book when it comes out for just the cost of shipping. If you’re enjoying my writing and podcast and would like to see more episodes like this one, please consider becoming a paying subscriber. Join nearly 1,000 other subscribers for writing and audio on identity, addiction, and adventure. In the meantime, if you do enjoy this episode, please do take a moment to click the little heart button 🤍 to “Like” this post here on Substack. Think of it this way: your click on that little heart is the answer to the question—if someone asked you about it, would you recommend this piece to a friend? As you listen, you might scan the questions at the bottom of the show notes, or just consider this one: which is what is your own understanding of how abstinence relates to addiction and recovery? And is absolute abstinence, an absolute requirement for recovery from addiction. And if so, why? Show Notes WHAT IS ADDICTION? In an colloquial sense, “Addiction, broadly, is anytime we engage in habits that are bringing us harm of some sort, and we're having a hard time stopping them or slowing them down.” In more clinical terms, it’s “people being prevented from functioning in their everyday life…” SAMHSA’s new definition of addiction has about 40 million people, or more than 10% of the U.S. population suffering from one form of addiction or another, “but it's probably seventy to a hundred million people who struggle with the broader version of what we're talking about.” “You're not really hooked on social media. You're escaping something else.” “nobody talked to me about addiction until I was using meth all day every day.” THE MYTH OF NORMAL “there's a false dichotomy that gets created between ‘normal’ people and ‘addicts’ and ‘alcoholics.’” There’s a kind of a cognitive misdirection that we have with the concept of normal. It's average—and nobody is the average. It's a statistical myth. Actually the variation within any “normal” is the full infinite range that exists. “while we all try to be as normal as possible, nobody wants to be normal.” we want to be different and accepted—different, but part of something… what we mean by “normal” is included, invited… and understood. HOOKED “many people that I work with, part of the reason they developed their addiction is actually because they felt so abnormal, but felt like...

This conversation is part of a series of interviews with various brothers and teachers, including many fellow writers, all of which are part of the body of work surrounding my book-length memoir An Ordinary Disaster—one man's proof that we can all learn to listen to ourselves, and to act upon the inner voice of our self, our sanity and our soul. Today, I'm speaking with Charlie Engle. Charlie is an ultra-endurance athlete, author of an outstanding memoir called Running Man, the subject of a documentary film called Running The Sahara, and the founder of the 5.8 Dead Sea to Everest project, in which he will travel under his own power from the lowest to the highest points on all seven continents. Charlie is also one of the most accomplished ultramarathon runners in the world, having placed in hundreds of races in dozens of countries around the globe. His motivation to run and tackle extreme adventures stems from his battle with addiction to drugs and alcohol. Charlie has been in recovery since July 23, 1992, and he credits a large part of his recovery to the purposeful devotion and emotional release he experiences while running. Charlie and I met through my friend Todd Eichler, who I met through my friend and previous guest Adam Gayner, who I met through EVRYMAN, one of the leading organizations for men's work and men's groups. If you’re a man and you’re not yet familiar with the world of mens work, and you’d like more community, connection and emotional depth in your life, I highly recommend finding a men's group to participate in. I want to say thanks to all of you. There are now 750 of you—subscribers to my Substack, that is, and many have also chosen to become paying supporters. Of all the communities that I’ve been involved in, joined, started, and led over the years, this community of readers, listeners, subscribers and supporters, of fellow writers, and of the broader world of writing is the most gratifying, the most real, and the most of myself of them all. Thank you for being here, and as those of you who have felt to inquire know, my door is open, and so if there’s something you’d like to talk about, just ask. Particularly huge thanks to folks who have become paying subscribers recently, including Mary, Tommy, Sean, Michael, Thom, John, Zoe, Bill, kingultra01, Julie, Tom, Danielle, Jean, Volker, Taryn, my father Duncan, Anthony, Samir, Peter, and Zach—and to the growing list of other Substackers who recommend my work. Check them out when you get a chance: and . Join more than 1,000 other subscribers for writing and audio on identity, addiction, and adventure. In the meantime, if you do enjoy this episode, please do take a moment to click the little heart button 🤍 to “Like” this post here on Substack. One way to think of the 🤍 button is as a Net Promoter Score—your click on that little heart is the answer to the question—if someone asked you about it, would you recommend this piece to a friend? As you listen, you might scan the questions at the bottom of the show notes, or just consider this one: what is your own relationship with addiction and addictive patterns? Even if you’ve never been addicted to anything at all—although that’s doubtful—what do you know, or think you know, about the mechanisms of addiction? Most of what I thought I knew for most of my live was wrong, and it’s been highly informative, useful, and interesting to get more familiar with what addiction really is, and how it affects just about all of us. Show Notes RUNNING how “we all ran when we were kids,” and “it's a thing that we are naturally meant to do.” “Running isn't what people think it is” “It's not even running that I like that much. It's stopping. It's the feeling that you get of having done something.” …human scale and human speed movement…when we move through the world on our own two feet…we see the world and in the way that we evolve to see it. “coming into a village on foot changes everything.” DISTANCE IS...

This conversation is part of a series of interviews with various brothers and teachers, including many fellow writers, all of which are part of the body of work surrounding my book-length memoir An Ordinary Disaster—one man's proof that we can all learn to listen to ourselves, and to act upon the inner voice of our self, our sanity and our soul. Today, I'm speaking with Galen Kirkpatrick. Galen is a professional paraglider pilot and coach, and the 2022 FAI Women’s Pan-American Paragliding Champion, which means that she’s a world-class practitioner of the exceptionally rarified and extraordinary sport of sky racing! Racing paragliders is a lot like sailboat racing in that the object is to complete a given course in the shortest time possible, racing around marks or “turn points”—but it’s all in 3D, up in the sky. In additional to her passion for flying, she’s a skier, improvisational comedienne and a very talented Tetris player, and, I would add, humble, intelligent, courageous, passionate about her sport and about life, and a pioneer. I’ve been a paraglider pilot myself, which is how Galen and I met a few years ago, and we both know what it’s like to practice something so incredible, that most people don’t even know exists, and also—whether they’re right about it or not—that most people consider ridiculously dangerous. Galen stopped in for an interview in between flying trips to Brazil and Colombia, both frequent destinations for pilots this time of year, and I’m excited to share this conversation with you. Galen is the both the first fellow pilot, and the first trans woman I’ve had on the show. She is someone who I’ve learned from, and shares the experience of how paragliding has been a teacher for me and so many others. As you listen, you might scan the questions at the bottom of the show notes, or just consider this: how has your relationship with gender and your own identity evolved over time? Join more than 1,000 other subscribers for writing and audio on identity, addiction, and adventure. Show Notes Some of the topics that we cover in our talk: Becoming a professional paraglider pilot Flying as a discipline — “we require ourselves to get our s**t together.” Free flight as a form of self-expression How flying forces you to get your s**t together if you want to fly well, and safely. Discipline, and how creating an environment where you can remove yourself from the equation — “I really thrive in an environment where I can remove myself from it.” How flying “becomes not an escape, but sort of like a higher project, something that's to be worked on.” Risk and Creativity Fear and Anxiety Managing Risk — “by seeking expertise and training really hard and immersing myself in the sport, I can manage all this risk, but I'm still performing in a unforgiving environment.” Identity and Gender Dysphoria Gender Euphoria Limiting Nature of a Binary Point of View Getting More Specific about "Binary" Deconstruction of Gender “Men talk about their feelings and women blow snot rockets.” Activism and Resistance The Responsibility of Coming Out Learned to Stop Learning Paragliding as an Infinite Game “it's not about in it to win it, it's in it to live it” You can find Galen on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/galenmmmk/ and in this profile in Cross Country magazine. The music that you hear briefly is Flying, by Moon Duo. Further Reading You can dig into paragliding racing on airtribune.com and also on the FlyMaster Live Tracking site (although it’s pretty opaque). A great resource if you’re interested in paragliding is Gavin McClurg’s Cloudbase Mayhem podcast. If you want to learn to fly, search up your local paragliding school. In the San Francisco Bay Area, I recommend Airtime SF and Penguin Paragliding. You might enjoy some of my other writing on the subjects of sports, paragliding, and identity, especially The Last Time. Richard Reeves on Equality Without Androgyny Kathryn Bond Stockton’s book,...

This conversation is part of a series of interviews with various brothers and teachers, including many fellow writers, all of which are part of the body of work surrounding my book-length memoir An Ordinary Disaster—one man's proof that we can all learn to listen to ourselves, and to act upon the inner voice of our self, our sanity and our soul. Today, I'm speaking with Ashanti Branch, who is a pioneer in education reform and in youth mental health. Ashanti is the founder and executive director of The Ever Forward Club, a nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting marginalized students in their journey towards graduation from high school by providing them emotional tools and mental health support. Ashanti is a keynote speaker and advisor to the U.S. Surgeon General, a Fulbright fellow, and a four-time TEDx speaker. Raised in Oakland by a single mom on welfare, Ashanti found his passion while tutoring struggling students in a school with a majority of African-American and Latino students. It broke his heart to see 40% of these students want to drop out at such a young age. By helping to fulfill their deeper emotional needs to feel safe, be seen and heard, The Ever Forward Club has helped 100% of its student members graduate from high school, 90% of them enroll in higher education, and has also achieved a 0% incarceration rate compared to the national incarceration rate, which is 8% for black males, age 20 to 24. Most recently, Ashanti and The Ever Forward Club have formed The Million Mask Movement, dedicated to helping young people reveal their true selves and find out how much they have in common with their peers. Ashanti and I met through EVRYMAN, one of the leading organizations for men's work and men's groups, and reconnected at the suggestion of one of my previous guests, Michael McDowell. Ashanti and I are both natives of the San Francisco Bay Area, and we are both passionate about helping young men to grow and become more whole. As you listen, you might scan the questions at the bottom of the show notes, or just consider this: what is the mask that you're wearing, and what part of yourself would you reveal if you took it off? Join more than 1,000 other subscribers for writing and audio on identity, addiction, and adventure. Show Notes Some of the topics that we cover in our talk: Choosing to prioritize health, and healthier eating. Wanting to show up as his best self. The meaning of discipline. What it means to be an adult. Intimacy, sex and the range of deep connection. Thinking “wrong” and giving room to explore someone’s thinking. The power of positive confrontation. The Million Mask Movement. You can find Ashanti at https://www.branchspeaks.com, The Ever Forward Club and Million Mask Movement, as well as @branchspeaks on Instagram. The music is The Mask by the Fugees. Become a subscriber If you’re enjoying my writing and podcast, please consider becoming a paying subscriber. …or just share this post with some folks that you love: I’ve got some questions for you… please join the conversation. * What have you learned lately that has changed the way that you live? * What values do you embody, in your own life? * What does discipline mean to you, and what’s your own relationship with discipline? (I wrote about my own in Someone Else’s Discipline…) * What does intimacy mean to you, especially in a non-sexual context? * What is the mask that you're wearing, and what part of yourself would you reveal if you took it off? * How do you confront someone in a positive way, with love and respect? Please join the conversation by answering any or all of these in the comments below. And finally, please don’t forget to let me know that you enjoyed this episode by clicking that cute little red heart ❤️down below ↓ Get full access to An Ordinary Disaster at bowendwelle.substack.com/subscribe

This conversation is part of a series of interviews with various brothers and teachers, including many fellow writers, all of which are part of the body of work surrounding my book-length memoir An Ordinary Disaster—one man's proof that we can all learn to listen to ourselves, and to act upon the inner voice of our self, our sanity and our soul. Today I'm speaking with Kim Stanley Robinson, a true legend of a writer, and also as an advocate for better stewardship of planet Earth and for sustainable cohabitation with all the species that inhabit this unique gem of a planet. Stan has published more than twenty books including the pioneering Mars Trilogy, 2312, Shaman, The Ministry For the Future, and, most recently, The High Sierra: A Love Story. He has received great recognition for both his creative work, his advocacy—and, although he's quick to qualify it as the work of a novelist, the fact is that he’s made quite a mark with his scientific thinking as well. Stan and I met through the Long Now Foundation here in San Francisco and reconnected through our mutual love of the high Sierra, in particular through the shared experience of independently coming across Paiute obsidian knapping sites simply by following our intuition in looking for good places to rest while out hiking. Especially since I'm working on building a third career as a writer, I value very highly Stan's life experience as a working artist who's met with such success—and also as someone who embodies warmth, curiosity, irreverence, adventure, poise, truth, and openness, just to name a few of the values that I see in him. Topics Stan and I cover a lot of ground that should be interesting to fans of his writing as well as lovers of the high Sierra of California, including the Cardboard Set Problem, physical places as characters in writing, how he became a writer, poetry, how he feels about formal training in creative writing (and MFA programs in particular), the connection between geography and outdoor sports, intuition and the practice of wayfinding, the difference between micro and macro lost, risk and danger, the spiritual practice of ‘being a dog,’ learning to love the inhuman—and other species of ‘people,’ dualism, escape, and balance, our collective embodiment, moving from a model of masculinity based on dominance to one based on resistance, his relationship with Gary Snyder, civilization and progress as “lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, lose, win,” and the Kingdom of San Francisco. As you read or listen, you might scan the questions at the bottom of the show notes, or just consider this: what is your relationship with the natural world? How does it feel to be in nature and to be part of nature? And how does that inform you in your daily life, and as you look towards the future? The Interview with Kim Stanley Robinson Bowen Dwelle: Stan, welcome to Brothers and Teachers. Kim Stanley Robinson: My pleasure, Bowen. Good to be with ya. [00:03:27] The High Sierra Kim Stanley Robinson: I know that we're here today also to talk about my most recent book, The High Sierra. And that of course is a whole different thing. It's non-fiction. It has a bit of memoir in it. Never have I written directly about myself as much as I have in that book. And it was kind of uncomfortable to tell you the truth. But in order to express the Sierra properly, I needed to tell my own story. And it would've been crazy not to. So I went ahead and dove in. Bowen Dwelle: I really felt that, and it was just a lovely surprise and serendipity to come across your book in the little Mono Lake bookshop there in Lee Vining. I was just on my way back from a visit to the high Sierra, and so it just made perfect sense. It was so striking to me, this relationship between these two very different worlds of backpacking in the high Sierras of California and the futuristic, fictional worlds that you write about. If they've read the High Sierra, I'm sure other readers can see the places and the...

This conversation is part of a series of interviews with various brothers and teachers, including many fellow writers, all of which are part of the body of work surrounding my book-length memoir An Ordinary Disaster—one man's proof that we can all learn to listen to ourselves, and to act upon the inner voice of our self, our sanity and our soul. Today I'm speaking with Chris Ryan, author of Sex at Dawn, Civilized to Death and a very active Substack called as well as his long running podcast by the same name. I came across Sex at Dawn several years ago and that book has played a big part in cracking open my thinking about love, sex, and relationship, as it has for many many others. More recently, I took the opportunity to meet up with Chris at a retreat that he co-hosted in Montana, where we connected as fellow writers, van travelers, hot spring aficionados and former-but-not-current-users of psychedelic substances. Chris mentioned that he and his partner would be spending the winter in Crestone and invited me to stop by sometime, and so, just a couple of months later, I found myself recording this interview in his little office studio slash guest bedroom... and so... I think it's fair to say that I've been in bed with Chris Ryan. Especially since I'm working on building a third career as a writer, I really value Chris' life experience as a working artist who's met with some success—and as someone who embodies warmth, curiosity, irreverence, adventure, equanimity, poise, truth, and openness, just to name a few of the values that I see and share. I'm grateful to Chris and Anya for the invitation to visit with them in Crestone, and for his support of my efforts with this podcast and as a writer. As you listen, you might scan the questions at the bottom of the show notes, or consider just this one: is there anything about yourself that you have come out about—or that you haven't come out about, but could, or would like to embody more openly? Show Notes Changing the Relationship with Alcohol “The problem is the lack of problem.” I suggest that perhaps he “suffers from a lack of trauma.” He feels that he didn’t need to stop, but he “wanted to clearly know that I was in charge.” “It works well when the dog knows you’re the boss.” It’s not so much the question of whether there’s a “problem”—if you feel like changing, that’s reason enough. “A lot of people feel like it’s a failure to give up and let go of things that used to work…” Maia Szalavitz’s thesis in Unbroken Brain that there is no such thing as an “addictive personality,” and that addiction is a learning disorder. Stanton Peele’s book Love and Addiction. If you have a “hole in your psyche,” the problem isn’t the substance, it’s the hole. Learning to let go… to choose to close a chapter consciously, not as the result of some catastrophe, or of ‘hitting bottom.’ “If you let go, that's empowering—as opposed to having it ripped from your grasp…” “There's something powerful about letting go… There's power in conscious loss.” We have a culture of attachment… of attainment, of accumulation… When I choose to let go of things, I can look back and see the gold in the past. “Why would you want to carry around the ashes?” “If you don't put it down, then you can't up anything else.” I write about letting go in The Last Time. Relationships with other men, and with women, and how coming out is a form of “facing a fire.” “A lot of straight men are just f*****g boring.” “A lot of my closest male friends have been gay… Those relationships had an intensity and an openness that I rarely find with straight men” “Straight men are fragile.” “To be a gay man…means that you have faced a fire.” “They’ve been through the experience of saying ‘f**k it, I'm gonna be authentic.’” A lot of us remain untempered without some sort of defining challenge. Homosociality “I think there's a lot of homoerotic energy in this culture of masculinity.” “Vulnerability and courage are two expressions of the...

This conversation is part of a series of interviews with various brothers and teachers, including many fellow writers, all of which are part of the body of work surrounding my book-length memoir An Ordinary Disaster—one man's proof that we can all learn to listen to ourselves, and to act upon the inner voice of our self, our sanity and our soul. Today I'm talking with Bill Maeda, a very humbly self-described "54-year old married dad," a lifelong athlete and personal trainer, and, more recently, something of an accidental TikTok star. Although Bill has been into fitness and physical training since he was a teenager, his journey to finding his strength again in middle-age after a bout with cancer and depression is particularly inspirational—and that, along with his warm, open, direct, very strong—and very funny presence is what's led so many people to connect with him on social media. I reached out to Bill out of the blue as someone that I saw embodying positive presence, and he very generously accepted because he appreciated my invitation and wanted to be part of the mission of what I'm doing with the show. As you listen, you might scan the questions at the bottom of the show notes, or consider this: what is your relationship with your own body and your physicality, and how does your body, your strength, and your physical wellness relate to your identity and your mental health? Show Notes Getting into trouble at an early age—and early signs of his physicality being very active. He didn’t want to be a “jock,” but he did start lifting weights, and despite also taking up smoking cannabis at the same time, he showed a strong affinity for weightlifting. As his fellow high school students started to take notice, he began to teach and train them, and was soon invited back into the gym at the private school that he had had to leave just a couple of years prior due to bad grades. Becoming his current self—fairly recently. Colon cancer in 2012, long recovery and slide into depression. He had an “arrogant delusion” that “cancer doesn't happen to me,” and had a serious and very humbling struggle to recover his physicality that resulted in a dive in to depression. Looking back, he sees the roots of his depression in a childhood “shielded from challenge and adversity,” and that he “didn't know what it was like to overcome hardship” until he got cancer. That hardship, and the isolation and repetition of working solo with clients led him to feel alone and a lack of “texture” in his life. Being challenged by one of his clients to start posting on YouTube brought him into contact with people all over the world, which helped him to realize how much he needed connection and “unpredictable interactions” to feel normal and good. Bill talks about self awareness and having a “strong moral compass,” that has roots in seeing his dad’s willingness to apologize and another mentor’s focus on finding win-win solutions, and grew into an inclination towards kindness and patience, both of which have been reinforced by his experience as a father. We talk about what he calls “violent expression” as something that humans have and need to express, for self-defense, and as an objective for physical training. We need to express this “potential energy,” otherwise it will back up in the system, just like any other shadow. We talk about his journey to fatherhood, and how he always knew that he was going to be a father, but didn’t want to be one until he “calmed down” enough. Now he has two daughters. Even so, at first he didn’t see his first daughter as a ‘person,’ until she told him to “dip it” one day when he was eating tough bread with a bowl of soup. This moment was a paradigm shift and he sees that as “the day where I became a dad.” I asked Bill what he’s afraid of, and he expressed his concern for the lack of connection and engagement so many of us are seeing and feeling, in part due to how pervasive social media and other technology is these days....

This conversation is part of a series of interviews with various brothers and teachers, including many fellow writers, all of which are part of the body of work surrounding my book-length memoir An Ordinary Disaster—one man's proof that we can all learn to listen to ourselves, and to act upon the inner voice of our self, our sanity and our soul. Today I'm talking with Fernando Desouches, Managing Director of the New Macho strategic division at London-based brand marketing agency BBD Perfect Storm, whose mission is to help brands grow through positive gender narratives. Along the way Fernando led a radical repositioning of Unilever's Axe brand and has worked with many other global brands to help them stay relevant, dispel negative cliches and redefine how they approach and understand masculinity. It took me a minute to remember how I came across Fernando's name, but it was originally from a blog post that did with Michael Katz about meditation and lucid dreaming. I looked up Michael's name and came across a podcast interview that he did, and then from looking through other episodes of that show, I came across Fernando's name…and now he's on the show here. Fernando's accent can be pretty tricky to understand, so in this case, I have provided the full transcript of our interview below. It is well worth the slight extra effort in listening, as Fernando is working at the cutting edge of masculinity, identity, and gender—and he kind of blew my mind with what's going on today in the world of brands, advertising and marketing, and how some brands are taking the lead in moving towards a more sustainable relationship with customers, and in helping to inspire people to come into better relationship with themselves. As you listen, you might scan the questions at the bottom of the show notes or at least consider just one, which is: what does identity mean to you in the context of gender? And where do you think cultural constructs like masculinity and femininity are headed? I'd love to hear from you, and you can subscribe, recommend, share, and comment right at the bottom of this page or in whatever app you're listening with. Fernando is doing important work and bringing the conversation around evolving masculinity into the very powerful realm of advertising and marketing. He's someone whose work I respect, who is speaking up with his own voice as a new man and who I want to get to know more deeply, all of which is why I've invited him to be with us here today. Transcript Bowen Dwelle: Fernando, so great to have you with me. So really first question. How did you come to be doing this? What inspired you as a marketing person, a brand strategist, to bring this point of view about the new man and involving masculinity into your work? Fernando Desouches: Yeah it's interesting. So it is like when you can join the dots from the past , like Steve Jobs said. I work 18 years in a [00:04:00] company called Unilever. Quite famous, big company. Just was certain deputy I realized later that I work most of the time either in brands that talked to men or brands that then I launch a men part. The Axe Effect Fernando Desouches: So I worked for Man plus Care three years , and then nine years for Axe. But also I worked for Suave and launched Suave Men in Argentina . What got me the attention is something that happens in parallel. That is my middle age crisis at the moment. My assignment was to reposition the Axe campaign, the campaign idea what the brand stand for. In the past, the brand was super clear. It has a promise that was called the Axe Effect when you wear the fragrance and then you get as many women as possible. But then we realized that this wasn't working with the same direction anymore, and this was the year 2013. So we did a deep research to understand where men were across the globe in 10 countries. We talked to 3,500 guys. And in the output, we got for that study, there was [00:05:00] a slide that I really engaged to really...

This conversation is part of a series of interviews with various brothers and teachers, including many fellow writers, all of which are part of the body of work surrounding my book-length memoir An Ordinary Disaster—one man's proof that we can all learn to listen to ourselves, and to act upon the inner voice of our self, our sanity and our soul. Today I'm talking with my friend James Brown. James and I met through the Battery here in San Francisco where we have both served as Creatives in Residence and produced events together. After an early career in advertising, he became a meditation teacher years ago and has taught thousands of people to meditate and worked with a diverse range of global companies including Summit Series, Salesforce, TRX, and BBDO. His practice is called Vedic Path Meditation. James is someone that I've learned a lot from, a man that I love and respect and that I continue to want to get to know more deeply, all of which is why I've invited him to be with us here today. As you listen, you might scan the questions at the bottom of this page—or at least consider just one, which is—what does “Flow” mean to you, how do you get into flow, and how is it integrated into you everyday life? I'd love to hear from you after you listen — please subscribe, like, recommend, share, and comment at the bottom of this page. If you’d like to listen to this show in your favorite podcast app, just paste in this URL to add the show https://api.substack.com/feed/podcast/25958.rss — further instructions are here. Show Notes How “flow” has been seized by “peak experience chasers” and how what Csikszentmihalyi was getting at, and what many more of us can benefit from is what James calls Everyday Flow. “Flow isn't necessarily about the experience you're having, it's about the state of consciousness you’re in…” Little moments of presence. That said, there are some ways of doing that can make flow more available. Some of us are drawn to extremes… But why? Can you feel that alive when your life is not at risk? We can get into flow through very gentle experiences as well—and things like backpacking, for example, can also take us to extremes of being without taking us to extremes of doing. Meditation is about getting to that experience of engagement and presence. “Can the aperture remain open when the situation of the moment doesn't demand that it be open?” What is Vedic meditation? “…it's a way of being in meditation, not a way of doing meditation.” The Beatles didn’t write “Let it Go,” they wrote “Let it Be.” It’s more about allowing as opposed to concentration. “Go” implies gone. It’s more about letting thoughts flow, or letting things be. Meditation and intuition. Athleticism and intuition. A coalescing of the five senses into a greater knowing, a sixth sense of what feels right. Making yourself available to the layer of consciousness from which creativity and insight flow. You have to stop thinking about the problem to be available to the solution. “…intention is important, but it can only take you to a place from which you can let go of intention.” How intuition can speak through the body, in words, and also sometimes as a voice that we hear—and how intuition led him to adopt their second son. His father was an alcoholic and not present until later in life—which led James to want to become a father. He was clear on that—and for him, it was very intentional. And, still, impossible to prepare for. How we only get to live one life, the beauty and the tragedy of that, and the power of acknowledging what we lose as we go through junctures in life—and of giving things up intentionally. “How do you actually know that you love the things you love unless you are willing to let them go for a while?” “I have loved giving up some of the things that I have loved.” …like alcohol. He likes the taste experience of a cocktail, but no longer enjoys the feeling. It used to feel alive, and now it feels dull. Freedom, and “the difference...

This conversation is part of a series of interviews with various brothers and teachers, including many fellow writers, all of which are part of the body of work surrounding my book-length memoir An Ordinary Disaster—one man's proof that we can all learn to listen to ourselves, and to act upon the inner voice of our self, our sanity and our soul. Today I’m talking with my friend Noah Rainey. He and I met through our mutual love for kitesurfing, and also as fellow event organizers, lovers of adventure and through a shared connection with Summit Series and The Battery here in San Francisco. Noah is co-founder of Adventure Architects, which produces adventure events for companies, teams, conferences, and community groups, and he lives on Salt Spring Island between Victoria and Vancouver BC with his partner and their two young sons. Noah is a unique individual, someone that I’ve learned a lot from, a man that I love and respect and that I continue to want to get to know more deeply, all of which is why I’ve invited him to be with us here today. If you’d like to listen to this show in your favorite podcast app, just paste this URL into where it says “add by URL” → https://api.substack.com/feed/podcast/25958.rss — further instructions are here. Show Notes What is adventure? “Stepping out into the unknown.” Adventure means different things to different people. The paradox of creating adventure. “Moving intentionally into the unknown.” Leading at the pace of the slowest person in the group, and yet also with the intention of taking people to the edge of comfort. Postitive role models. Brad Morris Majik Kids and his “commitment to joy and fun.”Salt Spring Island → Toko-Pa Turner. The power of invitation. Not just how we are but what qualities do we embody? Embodiment is what you express through your body, and what you transmit to others. Values vs. virtues on the A16Z podcast. Esther Perel said ‘A lot of us get turned on at night by the things that we would protest during the day.’ What you believe isn't necessarily what you do in practice, and your virtues are what you do actually practice—what you embody. Men’s groups… are trending—and most are based primary around talking. Here’s an idea: a men’s group built around adventure and play! And also other types of adventure, like creative expression. Adventure is intentionally moving into the unknown, and moving towards and exploring the territory of fear, which is how we grow. Unexpected fatherhood at young age. Any parent is going to “get schooled on surrender.” “It’s about the babies now.” Time is different when you’re a parent—there’s certainly no more time for showing the abs on Insta! It’s been a tough initiation. Support from other men, groups and coaches like Trevor Spring. Going through the fire. Rites of passage for boys. Sacred Sons → Sonz Youth. Young Men’s Ultimate Weekend. Headwaters Outdoor School. At 25 he was enjoying the life of a young man, but still identified in some ways as a boy. Having a child of his own made it necessary for him to carry the responsibility of a “man,” which did lead him to identify more as a man. He didn’t have the opportunity to struggle with the question of whether to become a father—it just happened—but he was in a puer state, a boy-man suddenly with a son. It was a forcible initiation. Conscious relationships with alcohol & cannabis. He doesn’t miss alcohol, and has been thinking about reducing his use of cannabis. Wanting to make space for other things. Adventure sports. His new side project is the Wingfoil Travel group. Dedicating oneself to a single deep, serious, “fanatical” hobby. Stripping away distractions and closing chapters consciously. You can find Noah Rainey at Adventure Architects. Here is the Wingfoil Travel group that he hosts on Facebook. If you’d like to listen to this show in your favorite podcast app, just paste this URL into where it says “add by URL” → https://api.substack.com/feed/podcast/25958.rss —...

This conversation is part of a series of interviews with various brothers and teachers, including many fellow writers, all of which are part of the body of work surrounding my book-length memoir An Ordinary Disaster—one man's proof that we can all learn to listen to ourselves, and to act upon the inner voice of our self, our sanity and our soul. Today, I'm talking with my friend Kenyon Phillips. He and I met through an ex of mine back in the years when I was going to New York on the regular for the conference business that I started in 2000 and sold in 2015. Kenyon struck me early on as one of the most unique people I'd ever come into close contact with, someone who was very much following his own path- and in full rock and roll style. Let's just say that i liked how he was living- and I still do. As I was editing this episode I was thinking about how one way to look at this podcast is as an opportunity for me to work with people who have been my teachers, which also explains the song that I’ve used in the intro. I mean, look at this guy—you'd be hot for him too! In the years since, he's gone from midnight cabaret musician and band leader to suburban family man and creative talent with his own podcast called Be Here Tomorrow and an emerging wellness project called CENTER. Kenyon is another man that I love and respect and that I continue to want to get to know more deeply, which is why I've invited him to be with us here today. If you’d like to listen to this show in your favorite podcast app, just paste in this URL to add the show https://api.substack.com/feed/podcast/25958.rss — further instructions are here. Show Notes What human amimals do—Nature Boner, high school sex and how his sex drive has changed as he’s become a father. Doing it for the tribe. Solitude vs loneliness. Sex is better sober. How he went from being decidedly nonmonogamous as a king of New York night life to happily married with two kids in the country. …being a “man” is…being a person… “I think my personhood—my manhood—is resting on my purpose-hood—and what is my purpose? My purpose is to be of service and to do it from a joyful place.” “It’s important that you find a way to life a pleasant life, and in the best case, support other people that they also find the same. This is what it’s about. No matter in which form you put it in, which cultural background you put it in, that main idea is if you don’t find this way of reducing suffering of your surroundings your suffering won’t stop.” — @vedic_spirituality27 posted by Cat Power Giving from the interest rather than the principal. There are just so many experiences in life—and we don't get to have all of them. Fear of f*****g it up. Happening into changing his mind about becoming a father—and then about having a second child. The primal fear of not being able to provide. How the view from the inside always seems normal—and how that view can change radically. “the only thing constantly changing is change” — Lou Reed, The Raven, which refers to the poem by Edgar Allen Poe of the same name. Fear of not having enough, not being enough. There’s no floor underneath us. “That’s my number one fear.” Staking our claim and seeking some sense of security. “Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.” — Helen Keller, The Open Door How money comes and goes. “It’s funny about money.” — Gertrude Stein. How rootlessness can be painful… and it’s an adventure. ‘I really thought that one day it would all just be easy sailing, and life just doesn't work that way. Once one challenge is met you're presented with the next tougher challenge.’ What does it mean to be a “man,” aside from having a penis? Choosing not to ‘play rough,’ and losing male friends because of it. Putting ‘what does it mean to be a man?’ in terms of what can...