Confident Couples Podcast

It’s time for beers and wisdom with our friends and “quarantine experts” Tim and Ellen! When Sara first posted on Instagram asking for tips for working from home with your spouse, Elle jumped in with some great ideas. We knew she needed to share them with our listeners. Tim and Ellen have each worked from home, in separate jobs in software and consulting, for several years. In this episode, they share their best tips for coffee, organizing your day, and staying married if you’re both home all day. We also found out that they are basically “quarantine experts,” having been home with a newborn since January. They started this “stay at home” thing a couple months before the rest of us! If you’re a parent, we think you’ll appreciate their thoughts on parenting a 5-year-old and a newborn while also trying to work full time from home. Enjoy! Tim recommends finding a quality cell phone holder, like this bowling trophy Let's connect! Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram.

Our episode about core values in a relationship has been one of our most popular episodes ever. So when Bud met a business culture expert who doesn’t believe in core values, we knew we needed to have him on our podcast to explain why. In today’s episode, we’re joined by David Friedman, founder of High Performing Culture and author of Culture By Design. David explains the flaws of core values and why he prefers to talk about “fundamentals” instead. He even dives into his work to help clients define their “Family Fundamentals,” the fundamental behaviors that a family might believe in. In this episode, we talk about: The difference between values and behaviorsThe danger of statements like “I’ll try to be home early tonight.”What David would have done differently and more intentionally in raising his childrenHow to develop your family fundamentalsA weekly process to share and teach fundamentals Examples of fundamentals: Practice blameless problem solvingFill each other’s bucket regularlyYour attitude is always a choiceBe flexible Mentioned in this episode: 008: Core Values – What Matters Most in Your Relationship? Let's connect! Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

We’re back, we’re quarantining, and we’re here to talk about it. We’re not people who hate spending time together, but— let’s be honest— this is a lot of time together. In this episode, we talk about how we’re coping, issues we think couples may be having, and how to get along together in isolation. In this episode, we talk about: Bud staying home all day, every daySara’s sweet but impossible vision of co-working togetherBud’s grumpy wife and cool co-workerDivision of new choresCommunicating early rather than letting frustrations build-upHow natural and normal it is to notice your partner’s annoying habitsOur new bell-ringing experiment #ConfidentCouples Challenge Mindfully notice something positive about each of your family members today Let's connect! Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

We spent 17 years together and 8 years married coming up with 55 things to talk about related to relationships. Every week for a year, we sat at our kitchen table and talked into our microphones, hoping to share hope and intentional strategies to create strong partnerships. We’d say we’ve covered the high points that we wanted to when we got started. So—This is the last episode of Season 1. After today, we’re going to take a break to start a new list of episode ideas and connect with more potential guests. This is a great time to scroll back into the archive and save any episodes that interest you. On today’s short recording, we’ll point you to a few of our favorites. Sara’s Can’t Miss Episodes: 005: The Shopping Budget – Spend $ Without Judgement - our way to solve your conflicts around discretionary spendingOur personality testing series, starting with 017: Personality Tests – How to Finally (!) Understand Your PartnerOne of our most commented-on episodes: 021: So… When Are You Having Kids? - why we are child-free by choice028: Roadblocks to Budgeting (And How to Do It Anyway) Bud’s Can't Miss Episodes: 001: The Three-Legged Stool - Our foundational episode about what we see as the pillars of strong long-term relationships: 002: The Ritual - The connection practice we do every single day (The Confident Couples Podcast’s #1 downloaded episode!)046: Networking as a Couple Let's connect! Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

On this episode, we’re talking with the amazing Jonna Phillips. Jonna is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a passion for premarital couples work, which she calls “Engagement Coaching.” Jonna started out working with military couples almost 15 years ago, then shifted into psychiatric care for individuals, couples, families, and military members. Her passion to help couples of all backgrounds build positive foundations for their marriage. I have discovered in my work with couples the more you are willing to have a deeper understanding of yourself and your partner prior to marriage the healthier your relationship will be." Jonna’s practice is located in Portage, Michigan. If you’re in the area and engaged, check out her engagement coaching services! In this episode, we talk about: Why Jonna prefers the term “engagement coaching” to premarital counseling or therapyWhy premarital coaching should be something every couple doesBringing personality assessments and other tools into a relationshipHow seeking help in your relationship is like giving your car an oil changeUsing “I” statements to communicate with your partner instead of “You” statements—Owning vs blamingWhy we (Bud and Sara) refused premarital counseling #ConfidentCouples Challenge: Listen in on Jonna’s new podcast! The Engagement Coach Podcast Mentioned in this episode: Jonna’s practice: Brave Counseling & CoachingThe Enneagram (Jonna uses this assessment, and this is our podcast episode about it)Jonna’s article about why she uses the EnneagramPrepare & Enrich Couples AssessmentThe Engagement Coach Podcast Let's connect! Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

Financial therapist Lindsay is back! Today, we’re talking with Lindsay about her focus on working with couples with breadwinning women. In her experience, Lindsay has found that couples with non-traditional money roles can often have emotional and financial challenges. We knew we needed to dive in and find out more. This episode features guest Lindsay Bryan-Podvin of Mind Money Balance, one of only 50 financial therapists in the United States. Don’t miss her first episode with us: 050: What is Financial Therapy?! In this episode, we talk about: When Lindsay first heard women come into her office and say “I wish I didn’t have this pressure” or “I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I wish my husband made more than me.”Some of the challenges Lindsay sees in these types of relationshipsThe common discounting and downplaying behavior that breadwinning women haveSee-saw earners—couples who contribute somewhat equally financiallyWhy Lindsay recommends couples pool their money into one bank accountIdentifying the non-monetary assets you bring to the relationship #ConfidentCouples Challenge: Do Lindsay’s example exercise (fast forward to 12:30)! What do I need to believe in order that we are equitable partners in our relationship?What would need to happen in order for our relationship to feel equitable? Mentioned in this episode: Our first episode with Lindsay: 050: What is Financial Therapy?!The Shopping Budget (similar to the monthly cash Lindsay and her husband allocate): 005: The Shopping Budget – Spend $ Without JudgementLindsay’s group couples coaching program: Boundless Let's connect! Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

Some days in a relationship are bright and rosy and fun and games. Other days or weeks... just aren’t. We’re currently in a season where we feel out of sync, and this episode is all about it. We’re talking about how we haven’t liked each other all that much recently (yikes, I know), and how we’re trying to fix it. In this episode, we talk about: Negative patterns, where everything your partner wants makes you crazyBud’s golf and nap routine that caused our most recent argumentThe cyclical nature of relationshipsHow to use appreciation to get out of negative patterns and start dwelling on the positiveConfronting negativity rather than ignoring itBeing self-aware when you’re in a bad mood about your partner #ConfidentCouples Challenge: If you’re feeling out of sync, write down three things you appreciate about your partner. Mentioned in this episode: Sara’s recommendation for training yourself to notice the positive things your partner does: 006: Acknowledge & Appreciate Let's connect! Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

As if you haven’t heard enough about resolutions already…. We’re here to give you another one. This resolution is not only good for your health, it’s good for your relationship. We’re talking about travel, and why you might want to add a getaway to your calendar this year. In this episode, we talk about: Why we think travel is so healthy for a relationshipThe problem with “groundhog day”Maintaining a feeling of aliveness in your relationship #ConfidentCouples Challenge: Think about a place that your partner might really like to travel to. Start putting that plan into motion! Mentioned in this episode: Esther Perel quote from this articleEpisode 002: The RitualEpisode 012: Unplugged WeekendEpisode 037: Surviving Travel with Your Partner Let's connect! Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

We’re live with our first in-person interview! Today, we’re talking with Lindsay Bryan-Podvin of Mind Money Balance, one of only 50 financial therapists in the United States. We stepped into Lindsay’s office in Ann Arbor, Michigan to learn more about what financial therapy is and why couples might need it. Then, Lindsay and Bud have a showdown about whether budgeting is an emotional issue or a black-and-white math equation. In this episode, we talk about: What financial therapy isHow money conversations in a partnership are inherently emotionalAt what point couples might decide they need financial therapyWhat happened in our relationship when we didn’t talk about moneyWhat makes people more likely to save and invest for the future, and how to trick your mind into itLindsay’s advice on how couples can start budgeting if they’re currently in money conflictWhat’s the one thing a couple can change about their spending that feels the least harmful?Using the term “spending plan” instead of “budget”Monday dates Mentioned in this episode: Our recent goals episode: 047: Goal Setting as a CoupleMint.com: recommended budgeting tool Let's connect! Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

We’ve been traveling solo a lot lately, so we wanted to share what we’ve been learning. Today, we’re covering travel plans, keeping in touch, and how to underpromise and overdeliver next time you’re apart. Our 3 Tips for Business Travel Be clear about when you’re leaving and when you’re getting homeBe clear about how often you’ll be able to be in touchBe thoughtful about re-entry In this episode, we talk about: How we share our travel schedules so we’re on the same pageRecognizing that you may not be on your regular communication routineThe power of text messagingHow you can welcome your partner home in a positive wayHow you can re-enter home life in a positive wayWhether or not Bud eats when Sara travels ;)Should you bring home a gift if you travel without your partner? Let's connect! Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

When Confident Couples ask, we answer! I didn’t think anyone would be interested in the behind the scenes of this podcast, but I guess you are. ? Today, we’re answering your listener questions about the podcast, why we’re doing it, and how it has affected us this year. In this episode, we talk about: What do Bud’s friends think about the show? What are you hoping to get out of this project? If there are common relationship issues that you have not had firsthand experience with, how do you plan to address them on the show? Do you think other couples should start a podcast together? What would make you quit doing this podcast? Many more! #ConfidentCouples challenge: Send in more questions for Bud and Sara Radio here! We are now obsessed with the “mailbag.” ? Mentioned in this Episode: Couples Retreat movieSara’s favorite episode: 006: Acknowledge & Appreciate – What ‘The Office’ Taught Us About MarriageBud’s favorite episode: 018: Scott & Linda Schwefel: Insights Discovery & Learning to Communicate Let's connect! Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

The end of the year is always full of presents, parties, reflection, and resolutions. Instead of just resolving to do stuff in the new year, how about setting some real goals for yourself and your partnership? Today, we’re talking about our annual goal setting process and how it keeps us moving forward together. The specific areas we goal plan are: PersonalBusiness/WorkFamily Finance In this episode, we talk about: SMART goals (and why Sara isn’t necessarily into that framework)How visioning for the future can help you set goals for this yearSetting a preferred outcome and thinking through the monthly steps you need to take to get thereWhy the way we each design our goals is way differentA few of our real annual goals all the way back to 2012!Starting with a fun “dream date”Providing support vs accountability Our suggested goal planning process for couples: Write your individual goals separatelyExchange them electronically so your partner can review them in advanceCome together and provide each other feedback #ConfidentCouples challenge: Recommend to your partner that you go out on an end of the year “dream date.” You decide what you want to get out of it! Mentioned in this Episode: 15 year visions (episode 14)Life Planning Dinner (episode 3) Let's connect! Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

Tis the season for work parties and networking events. Are you prepared to tackle them as a couple? Today, we’re talking about our favorite ways to make the most of these events, and a few of our networking secrets. In this episode, we talk about: Our history of going to work events togetherLearning to split upSetting you partner up for success if he/she doesn’t know anyoneRed, yellow, and green light topicsA trick for how your partner can help you if you don’t remember someone’s nameHow networking as a couple can make you stronger together than you are apart #ConfidentCouples challenge: Talk to your partner about our “introduction” trick for figuring out someone’s name. Let's connect! Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

This week’s episode is a follow up to last week’s about mindset shifts in marriage. This week, Bud is talking about mindset shifts that men in marriage often need to make. From involving your spouse in your finances to communicating better, these three simple things are some of Bud’s best pieces of advice for better relationships. In this episode, we talk about: Living on the same planet when it comes to financesHow to make budgeting easier to understand and talk aboutCommunicating with your spouse the way they want to be communicated toIt’s not about how we get there, it’s about the end result“Are we having a problem-solving conversation or are we having a listening conversation?” #ConfidentCouples challenge: Pick out one of these shifts and try it today! Mentioned in this episode: Money and budgeting episodePersonality tests episode“It’s Not About the Nail” on YouTube Let's connect! Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

Ladies, this episode is for you. I was thinking about advice I would give to young women entering into marriage, and I came up with these three mindset traps that women often fall into. These are things I’ve learned from and am still working through after 17 years in a relationship and 8 years of marriage. –Sara In this episode, we talk about: Bud’s advice: Thinking about your preferred outcome or keeping the end goal in mind—What do you want your relationship to look like? Then work backward from thereExpecting your partner to constantly know how you’re feeling and what you’re thinkingThe right, fair, productive way to seek emotional supportDo you want to be right, or do you want to be happy? You can’t be right all the timeDeciding what you’re going to live withRealizing that everyone’s relationship is different and that your partner is not going to have every good trait of every good relationship you hear about #ConfidentCouples challenge: Think about one thing you’re going to decide to live with—Something your partner does that you can get over and try not to fix. Then, think of one other thing that they do well naturally that you can choose to appreciate. Mentioned in this episode: Our episode on visioning: 014: Visioning – Imagining Life 15 Years from Today011: Are You Setting Your Partner Up for Success or Failure? Let's connect! Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

We recently listened to a great presentation about Trust. Research on trust shows that trust is built in small moments, not in grand gestures. In this episode, we’re talking about building a stronger relationship every day. In this episode, we talk about: Treating every day like it’s your anniversary“Trust is gained in drops and lost in buckets.”There are no cheat days in trust-buildingPutting way too much pressure on anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays #ConfidentCouples challenge: Go listen to Dr. Brené Brown: The Anatomy of Trust! You’ll learn so much about trust-building. Mentioned in this episode: Thoughts inspired by Oprah’s SuperSoul Conversations specific episode: Dr. Brené Brown: The Anatomy of TrustNaked Marriage podcast006: Acknowledge & Appreciate – What ‘The Office’ Taught Us About Marriage Let's connect! Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

There are probably a lot of people in your life who want to be prioritized. For young couples especially, prioritizing your partner vs your family members can be really tough. Today, we’re talking about who should be the top of your priority list. And, we’ll dive into positively managing your family relationships. In this episode, we talk about: A short tangent on dealing with family over the holidaysSara gets fired up about putting your spouse above all othersPublic agreement, or at least not embarrassing your partner by disagreeing with them in a big, loud wayHow you’re making your family feel about your partnerHandling communication with each family #ConfidentCouples challenge: Do something today that makes your partner feel like they’re number 1. Mentioned in this episode: Four Christmases movie Let's connect! Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

In this episode, we’re talking to Jocelyn and Aaron Freeman, relationship coaches, speakers, and hosts of the EmPowered Couples Podcast. Since social media is such a tough topic for modern couples, we asked them to tackle it with us. This interview went deep into how social media can be a distraction from connection and how to recover trust. For both of us, our favorite part of the interview was the Freemans’ advice about creating clear agreements in your relationship. Don’t miss it! In this episode, we talk about: Committing to a growth-oriented relationshipThe ways social media can become a distraction from true connectionHow to talk to your partner about their social media activityHow to recover from social media trust-breaking eventsAgreements—99% of couples have no agreements in their relationships, only assumptions and expectations (don’t miss this! Fast forward to 25:05)Getting caught up in other people’s goals #ConfidentCouples challenge: Use the holidays to create your next year intentionally. Save some time on your calendar now! Mentioned in this episode: Connect with and find out more about Aaron and Jocelyn’s work: The New Power Couple book@meet_thefreemans on InstagramMeetTheFreemans.com Let's connect! Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

We’ve all been in situations where we’ve complained about our partner to our friends. This is kind of inevitable once in a while, but we really believe it shouldn’t be a habit. On today’s episode, we talk about the impact that complaining about your partner has on your relationships, friendships, and your own mindset. In this episode, we talk about: How complaining can make you feel more negative about your partner in generalThe difference between believing your partner is being (a temporary state) a jerk and believing your partner “is” (a permanent character) a jerkRecognizing when you’re complaining just for relief or affirmationHow your complaining can affect your friends’ relationshipsTalking to your friends about your spouse in a way that is actually looking for help #ConfidentCouples challenge: Sara’s challenge: Say something nice about your partner to your friends. Bud’s challenge: Catch yourself the next time you start complaining about your partner, or rephrase the complaint into a “help me” statement. Mentioned in this episode: Mr and Mrs Smith movie— therapy sceneGreat times to address complaints with your partner: The Ritual and Life Planning Dinner Let's connect! Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.

Where are our work from home couples? This one is for you! In this awesome age of the internet, a lot of us have a job or business that allows at least one partner to work from home. This has been our life for about 9 years. Today, we’re talking about how we handle Sara working from home, and our advice for other couples. In this episode, we talk about: What we love about working from homeOur challenges with Sara working from homeHow we don’t talk to each other at lunchDiffering work styles and how to navigate them #ConfidentCouples challenge: If you work from home, invite your partner into a conversation about your work style and what you need to be productive. But—Also be open to your partner’s feedback about your work and what they need related to your work. Share this episode with someone you know who works from home! Mentioned in this episode: This Is Nuts: It Takes Nearly 30 Minutes to Refocus After You Get Distracted Let's connect! Follow us at @budandsara on Instagram and send us a message with any questions about this episode.