Couples Therapy In Seven Words

Welcome to Short Takes! In this series Bruce and Judy talk about some of their (well, mostly Bruce’s) favorite topics in bite-size morsels. Today’s topic: The Dread Disease, “Hardening of the Categories” Please subscribe and review us! Visit our podcast website, ctin7.com, for more about our podcast, access to past episodes, and links to contact us to make suggestions and sign up for a time to be a guest on our show. Visit Dr. Chalmer’s website, brucechalmer.com, for information on his practice, to find his books, and to sign up for his Substack newsletter. Visit Laria Zylber’s website, lariazylber.com, for information on her book The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible. (Laria is Judy’s pseudonym, and as you’ll see in the videos on her website, she looks just like Judy, except she has blue hair!)

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/rabbi-shlomo-slatkin/. Can a couple who have fallen out of love regain their passion for each other? What is Imago Relationship Therapy, and how can it help? Our guest in this episode, Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, is the founder of the Marriage Restoration Project, which offers intensive retreats, group workshops, and online courses. Rabbi Slatkin’s website is https://www.themarriagerestorationproject.com/. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. And here’s the link to leave a review: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B0D4B6KL79

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/found-out-my-father-had-been-cheating/. What would you do if you found out at your father’s funeral that he had been having affairs? Your father, whom you had loved, honored, and trusted? Recently I’ve talked with several people in similar situations. Judy and I talk about how they might work on healing from that kind of betrayal. We also talk about a dilemma a woman wrote to the NY Times Ethicist column about: Should she reveal to her adopted cousin that she (the cousin) was the product of an incestuous relationship? The article we refer to in this episode is at https://www.nytimes.com/2025/03/14/magazine/adoption-incest-secret-ethics.html. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. And here’s the link to leave a review.

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/craig-mattson/. Do you ever find yourself drowning in digital stimulation and demand? How does digital overwhelm in work life relate to life as a couple? Our guest in this episode is Craig Mattson, a professor of communication who has studied the disconnection and intensity many workers feel in their work lives. And as a person of faith, Craig has invoked teachings from biblical texts as relevant to these very modern issues, in ways that we (Bruce and Judy) find fascinating. Let us know what you think! Craig’s website is https://www.themodeswitch.com/. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. And here’s the link to leave a review: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B0D4B6KL79

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/leah-spasova/. Our guest in this episode, Leah Spasova, is the CEO of LifeSexperts, which offers coaching and training to individuals, couples, and organizations about healthy relationships. We talk with her about her multi-layered approach to helping couples with sex and relationship issues. Leah’s website is https://www.lifesexperts.com/. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. And here’s the link to leave a review: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B0D4B6KL79

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/wilk-wilkinson/. We’ve had many wonderful guests, and like parents with their children, I don’t want to compare them. But I do think this is one of our most important episodes. Our guest, Wilk Wilkinson, is a Christian conservative who has taken on the mission of helping this country heal from what he terms toxic polarity. Through his own “Derate the Hate” podcast, as well as his work as a volunteer with Braver Angels and the Prohuman Foundation, Wilk fosters respectful conversation among people across the political spectrum. Wilk’s website is https://deratethehate.com/ Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. And here’s the link to leave a review: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B0D4B6KL79

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/rachel-macneill/. Are you in a sexless marriage? Our guest in this episode, Dr. Rachel MacNeill, is a pelvic floor physical therapist who specializes in helping people with intimacy issues. She also helps people with urinary incontinence (did you know that Kegels are usually not the answer? I didn’t!). Among the sexual issues we talk about are the myth (often) of low libido in women, dyspareunia and how to treat it, what queer relationships can teach straight couples, and more. Rachel’s website is https://www.rachelmacneillintimacycoaching.com/. Rachel is offering a one-time 20% discount for an appointment with her (intake or follow-up) to our listeners--use the discount code SEVENWORDS. She also offers a 7-day Pleasure Challenge at this link. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. And here’s the link to leave a review: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B0D4B6KL79

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/kristen-williamson/. What is it like to be “neurospicy”? How does neurodivergence affect relationships? Our guest in this episode is Kristen Williamson, the self-proclaimed “queen of chaos.” Judy and I had a delightful time with Kristen—she exudes a contagious joy, and I hope you’ll catch it too by tuning into this episode. Kristen’s website is https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristensmith0045/. On Instagram, she’s at https://www.instagram.com/empowermindsolutionsllc/. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. And here’s the link to leave a review: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B0D4B6KL79

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/becky-whetstone/. When one partner in a relationship tells the other, “I think I want out,” their relationship will never be the same. They might break up, or they might stay together, but either way they’ll have a new relationship. Our guest in this episode, Dr. Becky Whetstone, works with couples dealing with that relationship crisis. She’s been through it herself, and she’s done research, and based on that experience and learning she helps couples turn their crises into opportunities for growth. Becky’s recent book is I Think I Want Out: What to Do When One of You Wants to End Your Marriage. Her website is https://marriagecrisismanager.com/. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. And here’s the link to leave a review: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B0D4B6KL79

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/daniel-cohen/. Our guest in this episode is Rabbi Daniel Cohen. Rabbi Cohen has written about how you can “reverse-engineer” your life, so you can live now in ways that will help shape the kind of legacy you want to leave at the end of your life. We talk with Rabbi Cohen about how we can learn to recognize and cultivate “Elijah moments,” and how that skill can benefit couple relationships. Rabbi Cohen’s website is https://www.rabbidanielcohen.com/. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. And here’s the link to leave a review: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B0D4B6KL79

How can EFT and attachment theory help couples develop secure, rewarding, lasting relationships? Our guest in this episode is Julie Menanno, a therapist, author, and Instagram creator with over 1.3 million followers. We talk about how she works with couples, and how Bruce’s seven words (“Be kind, don’t panic, and have faith”) map onto the concepts that guide her work. Julie’s website is https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/. She can be found on Instagram at @thesecurerelationship. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. And here’s the link to leave a review: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B0D4B6KL79 For the audio-only version of this podcast, visit https://ctin7.com.

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/andrew-davies/. Improv is all about spontaneity, fun, listening, and being willing to play. How can improv help you improve your relationships, romantic or otherwise? Our guest in this episode, Andrew Davies, combines his love and training in theater and Judaism, and beings the joy of improv to children and adults of all ages. We had fun talking to Andrew, and we hope you’ll have fun listening to this interview. Among the many nuggets of wisdom Andrew offers is a brilliant hack for making the concept of “date night” possible even for parents of young children. Andrew’s websites are https://www.artlyworking.com/ and https://www.thebibleplayers.com/. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. And here’s the link to leave a review: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B0D4B6KL79

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/four-things-your-therapist-wants-you-to-know/. What should you know before you start therapy? Christina Caron wrote an article about that in the New York Times (link below), and Judy and I talk about the four things Caron wrote about, and apply them specifically to couples therapy. As we discuss, therapy is often fluid, especially with couples. Goals can shift, the two members of the couple can differ in their opinions about how the therapy is going, and success isn’t always easy to define. As I’ve written about in one of my books (It’s Not About Communication), couples therapy is often like improv theater. The article we refer to in this episode is at https://www.nytimes.com/2025/01/24/well/start-therapy-tips.html. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. And here’s the link to leave a review: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B0D4B6KL79

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/gregory-diehl/. Our guest in this episode, Gregory Diehl, describes himself as a Romantic Idealist, which, he explains is a fundamentally hopeless position since perfection is impossible. And he remains an idealist even as his own love life hasn’t yet come to fruition. We talk about his ideas about the complementarity of masculinity and femininity, and about the retreat center he has established in Armenia. Gregory’s website is https://www.gregorydiehl.net/. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/.

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/jack-kammer/. Talking about gender issues can be a minefield. Talking about ways in which not only women, but men too are victims of implicit bias can get you canceled—as evidenced by what happened to our guest’s book when he wrote about that. Our guest, Jack Kammer, has the distinction of being a target of cancel culture before the term was coined. We talk about his experiences thinking, speaking, and writing about bias against men. We also talk about why it’s so difficult to get men to go to couples therapy. Here’s the link we mention to my (Bruce’s) video called “How Do You Get Your Reluctant Guy to Go to Couples Therapy with You?”: https://youtu.be/SlGtc9NoaA4 Jack’s website is https://www.malefriendlymedia.com/. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/.

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/diversity-diagnosis-and-nonsense/. Okay, I (Bruce) get to rant in this one. Bring on the arguments! How does the good idea of diversity turn into the ideology that makes universities insist that candidates for faculty positions sign loyalty oaths? How does the good idea of understanding the experience of trans people turn into the ideology that says you can’t question whether someone who grew up in a male body should be allowed to swim on the girls’ team? How does the good idea of differential diagnosis turn into the ideology that totalizes and pathologizes people? More generally, how do ideologies turn otherwise intelligent, caring people into malevolent idiots? At the end of this episode, I specifically invite people who’d like to argue with me to come on as a guest. Maybe that’s you! Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/.

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/sophie-orozco/. What can you do if your husband tells you he no longer loves you, and is ending your marriage? Do you have to just give up? Our guest in this episode, Sophie Orozco, faced that very situation. And her friends, advisors, and therapists told her to just accept it and move on. But Sophie was determined to find a better outcome. She gave herself a year, and discovered that not only could her marriage be saved, but that it was better than it ever was. She shares what she learned with her coaching clients. Judy and I found her story inspiring, and hope you do too. Sophie’s website is https://www.sophieorozco.com/. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/therapist-is-a-quack/. Is your therapist a quack? We’ve talked about how to know if you should leave a relationship—what about a relationship with a therapist? What are the signs that you should dump them? As you’ll hear in this episode, thinking about that led us to talk about when diagnoses, such as ADHD or narcissism or Borderline Personality Disorder, can be damaging, even though they are also often useful. Feel free to argue with me! Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/.

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/angelo-santiago/. How can men be better husbands and partners? Our guest in this episode is Angelo Santiago, a Marriage and Relationship Coach with a specialization in helping men become better husbands. Angelo had me (Bruce) on his podcast, “Better Husband,” and we were delighted to return the favor. Angelo’s website is https://www.angelosantiago.com/. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/.

For the video of this episode, go to https://brucechalmer.com/quits-in-40-year-marriage/. A listener question prompted this episode: “Fred” wrote to us asking how to know when to end a 40-year marriage. Judy and I talk about this dilemma from several angles. How do couples get to that point after so many years of relative stability? What’s the role of intimacy in a couple? Are there ethical issues to consider? Let us know what you think. Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage. Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com. Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/.