Detoxicity: By Men, About Men, For Everyone

Chad and I go back at least fifteen years. When we met, he was working for a gospel label, but he didn't have the "holier than thou" attitude a lot of Christians have. We became friendly, and I became more intrigued as I got to know his life a little better. He's the son of missionaries, grew up in Papua New Guinea, he's the parent of a Black child. We discuss all of this during our conversation, as well as delving into how the racial uprising of 2020 turned into a major inflection point. We also discuss issues surrounding insecurity, struggles with faith, and...to cover a fairly regular topic, how he's sustained by having (and cultivating!) a community of other men. Enjoy our conversation!

With this appearance, my friend Kevin A. Patterson ties the record for most Detoxicity appearances. This is his fourth time on the pod, and my man drops gems every time. Kevin is the author of "Love's Not Color Blind; Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Relationships", he co-authors the "For Hire" series of graphic novels, and he runs the site Poly Role Models. This typically wide-ranging conversation covers everything from parenting challenges to relationship pointers to how we feel as two guys who grew up with '90s hip hop and lyrical content that's sometimes a little cringe. I hope you have as much fun listening as we did chatting!

In this episode, Cameron Mazzeo, a NJ-based licensed clinical social worker, shares his personal journey and what inspired him to create a private practice that caters to alternative lifestyles and relationships. Cameron and I discuss the importance of expanding his practice to include other communities, such as the kink community and ethically non-monogamous relationships. Cameron emphasizes the value of authenticity and representation in the mental health field and shares stories of individuals (including himself) who have befriended and changed the perspectives of those with opposing views. He also advocates for the inclusion of LGBTQ narratives in education from a young age. This conversation explores the importance of promoting inclusion and diversity, the need for education and exposure to different cultures and ways of life, and the challenges of challenging stereotypes and prejudices. It also discusses the need for diversity in the mental health field and improving access to mental health services. Our conversation also delves into the experiences of navigating gender transition, relearning gender norms and expectations, and the impact of body positivity and body shame. Cameron's got a lot to say (this interview is on the longer side), but in the end there was too much good stuff to edit out. I hope you feel the same way!

I don't need to throw out content warnings for this show anymore, right? It's pretty well-known that heavy stuff is discussed here. In this particular episode, Tony Pacitti shares his experience of becoming a father, and dealing with his wife's postpartum depression and psychosis all in the shadow of the COVID-19 pandemic's early days. It's a lot for a new father to deal with (understatement of the century) but, Tony managed to find support from his family and friends and eventually reached a point of relative normalcy. Tony highlights the importance of trust and communication in relationships and goes deep on the challenges of parenting twins. He also emphasizes the relative lack of support groups for new dads, the need for more, and what he's doing to keep the conversation going. Tony reflects on his own childhood and what it's like to raise two AMAB children in 2024. There's a lot of ground covered, and I hope that you enjoy our conversation!

In this episode, I chat with Matt Kovachis, who is a life coach and the host of the podcast "The Men in The Arena". Matt shares his journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance. Matt talks about the pivotal moments that led him to make changes in his life, including ending a long-term relationship. He emphasizes the importance of seeking support and the power of therapy in his transformation. Matt also explains why he started a podcast and how it has allowed him to help others. He highlights the significance of embracing discomfort and personal growth, and shares his decision to pursue coaching as a way to connect with and guide others. We discuss the importance of shedding old friendships that no longer serve us and relying on folks that offer us support. . He offers advice for others who may be at a similar inflection point in their lives and shares his goals for the remainder of 2024 and beyond. Enjoy our conversation!

In this episode, Tarik Carroll (AKA AMIR), a Brooklyn-based creative, photographer, musician, and fat liberation activist, shares his journey of self-discovery and healing through art. He discusses the intersection of photography and music in his life and the role of art in his healing process. Tarik also delves into the concept of fat liberation and the challenges of navigating fetishization in media as well as within the queer community. He shares his experiences with identity and sexuality, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness and setting boundaries in relationships. We also discuss his goals for the future, finding balance and self-compassion, establishing a morning routine and setting boundaries, and his upcoming music project 'Three of Swords.'

I'm super psyched to welcome actor and creator Ned Donovan back to the show. Ned first appeared back in Episode 49, recorded at the height of the pandemic, and discussed the loss of his parents, a medical hiccup in his performing career, and growing up in Maine. In this conversation, Ned catches us up on the last three years in his life and shares his journey in acting, production, and his personal life. He discusses his experiences with fertility challenges and the emotional rollercoaster of undergoing surgeries, IVF cycles, and the search for a sperm donor. Despite setbacks and obstacles, Ned remains resilient and determined to start a family. This conversation explores the emotional toll, financial struggles, and societal expectations surrounding fertility treatment. The couple shares their journey of failed IVF and IUIs, miscommunication and mistakes made by the medical industry, and the disparity in support and options for women. They discuss the impact on their relationship and the challenges of balancing personal success with their partner's struggles. The conversation highlights the importance of being present and supportive as a partner, getting tested for fertility issues, and finding humor in the dark moments. It also sheds light on the financial burden of fertility treatment and the ineptitude of the healthcare system. The conversation explores the challenges of salaries in the entertainment industry and the broader issue of capitalism. Takeaways

Josh Antonuccio is the director of the school of media studies at Ohio University, and as such, encounters hundreds of impressionable young folks annually to help advance them in their media careers. Josh also runs the university's annual Music Industry Summit, an annual event that has brought legends like Run the Jewels and Jason Isbell to the institution to share their knowledge. Josh, himself, is a renowned musician, producer and engineer with his own studio in the Ohio town of Athens. In this conversation, Mike and Josh discuss various topics related to building trust, the importance of face-to-face conversations, the power of collaboration and creativity, encouraging openness and pursuing passions, finding center through breathing and faith, and the flow state and the power of creativity. Takeaways

In this conversation, Mike and Kristopher discuss various aspects of sexuality, intimacy, and personal growth. They explore alternative options for intimacy and healing, such as working with certified sexual bodyworkers. They also discuss the importance of making sexual wellness more accessible to the average person. The conversation delves into reaching those who haven't started doing the work of personal growth and expanding the narrative of sexuality in aging. They also address the challenges of dealing with erectile dysfunction and body changes, and the impact of diet and lifestyle on sexual health. The conversation concludes with a discussion on creating special spaces for intimacy and taking pride in appearance and self-care. Takeaways

In this conversation, multi-hyphenate Elliot Aronow discusses his work in helping men advance spiritually, creatively, and sartorially. He highlights the problem of stereotyping men's work and the importance of breaking free from societal expectations. Elliot shares his personal journey, from his early interest in fashion to his career in media and music. He emphasizes the significance of taking initiative and making things happen, as well as the role of personal style in self-expression. Elliot also discusses the challenges he faced in his 30s and the importance of community and creative pursuits in personal growth. The conversation explores various themes related to masculinity and community-building. It touches on the subcultures of people with Staten Island roots, the need to widen the spectrum of masculine expression, and the misconceptions about men's work. The discussion also highlights the lack of empathy for men and the failure to speak to men on the progressive side. It explores the importance of creating an alternative to right-wing masculinity and motivating men without shame. The conversation emphasizes the value of male community, rediscovering unstructured time, and the need for intergenerational male relationships. It concludes with a discussion on the importance of taking the lead in building male community and the need for a constructive clubhouse. Takeaways

In the name of starting 2024 on a path of personal betterment and delivering positive, powerful messages I am psyched to welcome Ethan Schiff to the show. Ethan is an integrative health coach (find out what that is when you listen), and discusses the importance of connecting emotional and physical health. He shares his personal journey of weight loss and self-discovery, highlighting the need for a holistic and practical approach to health goals. Schiff also addresses the fear-based culture in the music industry and the challenges of setting boundaries. He emphasizes the importance of unlearning conditioning and embracing authenticity. The conversation explores the concept of self-complexity and the ability to contain multitudes. Schiff encourages individuals to become who they truly are and separate their identity from their profession. In this conversation, Mike and Ethan Schiff discuss body image and the journey of self-acceptance. They explore how body image can change throughout weight loss and the challenges that come with it. They also discuss the importance of shifting from a need to change mindset to one of acceptance. The conversation delves into male body dysmorphia and the lack of conversation around it. They emphasize the need to normalize these conversations and create a safe space for discussing body image. Finally, they talk about coping mechanisms and the importance of self-awareness in taking care of oneself and setting boundaries. Takeaways

Justin Levenson, a music industry professional and author, shares his journey of mentorship, service, and maintaining a positive mindset. Growing up in a multicultural household, Justin recognized the impact of music educators and mentors in his life. He emphasizes the importance of balance, service, and self-love in his personal and professional growth. Justin's experience with brain cancer further deepened his commitment to helping others and spreading positivity. He discusses the challenges of building meaningful relationships and the need for open conversations. Justin's mission is to inspire others to make the world a better place and find joy in their own lives. In this conversation, Justin Levenson discusses his career options, the value of therapy, dealing with money issues, gaining perspective through personal experiences, finding support and mentorship, and self-care practices. He also talks about celebrating transformation. Takeaways

Mark Marshall shares his journey from growing up in a small town in Pennsylvania to becoming a successful musician and composer in New York City. He discusses the challenges of living with disabilities and the impact of a toxic environment on his life. Mark's love for music and his desire to escape his situation led him to pursue a career in music. Moving to New York City provided him with the freedom and opportunities he had always longed for. Despite the negative experiences he has faced, Mark has found strength and support in his wife Abby and continues to move forward in his musical journey. In this conversation, Mark Marshall discusses his journey of self-reflection and personal growth, seeking therapy and support, navigating family dynamics and relationships, balancing multiple roles and responsibilities, and finding relaxation and balance in his life. Takeaways

Robert Brooks Cohen, is a screenwriter, podcaster (Two Bi Guys), and the author of the new book "Bisexual Married Men: Stories of Relationships, Acceptance and Authenticity". In this episode of Detoxicity, Rob shares his journey of self-discovery and acceptance as a bisexual man. He discusses the challenges faced by bisexual men and the shifting attitudes towards bisexuality in society. Rob emphasizes the importance of building a queer community and the benefits of in-person connections. He also explores the dynamics of mixed-orientation marriages and the exploration of non-monogamy. Rob reflects on imposter syndrome and the integration of his pre-coming out and post-coming out life. He concludes by discussing the role of masculinity in his identity and the importance of authenticity. In this conversation, Rob and Mike discuss various aspects of self-acceptance and personal growth. They explore the importance of acknowledging and accepting one's sexuality, taking baby steps towards self-acceptance, and the continued evolution and self-discovery that comes with embracing one's true self. They also touch on the addictive nature of "Law & Order: SVU" (one of the shows that Rob has written for) and the impact of meeting role models who embody qualities one sees in themselves. Overall, the conversation highlights the significance of modeling behavior and living authentically. Follow Rob on Instagram. Takeaways

Nick Gordon is a veteran music executive and is also the owner and proprietor of Love, Velma, a music and lifestyle venue in Ellenville, NY. Over the course of our conversation, Nick traces his history in the music industry and discusses how he's managed a lot of the potentially damaging habits that come with the rock and roll lifestyle. He also discusses the importance of community (y'all know that's a favorite topic of mine), his continued interest in fashion, and what he likes to call "ethical hedonism". Hope you enjoy Nick's story!

Content warning: Graphic discussions about physical and emotional abuse, and suicide. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 1 in 3 women is a victim of physical intimate partner violence at some point in their life. Sadly, I don't think that's a surprising statitistic. What you might find surprising is that 1 in 4 men is a victim of physical intimate partner violence. I would imagine that a lot of intimate partner violence among men-particularly in a heteronormative framework-goes unreported because so many men are embarrassed to report it and, in many cases, are socialized to ignore or not recognize the signs of abusive behavior. Back in Episode 141, we talked to Micah R, who shared his journey through everything from homelessness to his life as a transgender man. Unfortunately, shortly after our episode was released, Micah lost his brother Jeffrey to suicide. Now, Micah and his sister Stephanie are sharing their brother's story as someone who was involved in a toxic relationship fraught with emotional and sometimes physical abuse. This is a heavy conversation about heavy topics, but I really hope that folks-no matter their gender or the gender of their partner- listen and if they see themselves in any of the situations we discuss, evaluate their lives and relationships and do what they can to get into a better place. If you are experiencing Domestic Abuse, please call 1-800-799-7233.

I do most of the sourcing when it comes to finding guests for the show, but every once in a while a friend surprises me by saying "hey, I'd like to be a guest". That was the case with my dude Almar Reyes, who I've known for something going on twenty years via the internet. Almar is a Bay-Area based veteran of the tech world, and is most recently adjusting to life as an empty-nester after raising two kids. That forms the basis of our conversation, although we detour plenty along the way. Other topics we cover include everything from being a military brat to the reality of cultural minorities often being severely prejudiced against other cultural minorities. I'm really glad Almar hit me up, because he proved to be a fantastic interview! You can find him on most socials as AlmarSezStuff.

Chris Loper is a habit coach based in the Pacific Northwest. What is a habit coach, I bet you're asking. Well, listen to the episode and it'll all be explained to you :-) Chris is also a self-proclaimed adrenaline junkie and we talk about how his penchant for thrill-seeking led him down a bad path, only to come to a head after a near-death experience. His journey from there to here is also documented in a memoir, entitled Wood Floats and Other Brilliant Observations. Chris's most recent endeavor, Smart College Habits, combines academic and habit coaching to help students thrive in college. Addiction, recovery, living life lightly, it's all covered in this conversation. I hope you enjoy!

I am absolutely thrilled to welcome Dave Holmes to the podcast. You might know Dave as an MTV VJ and host of TRL, you might know him as an author (his memoir, Party of One, is excellent), you might be familiar with his work as an actor, podcaster, even as an advice columnist. Dave's relatability and his pop culture obsessiveness have contributed to a decades-long stint in the public eye. Our conversation covers everything from struggles with sexuality to wanting to build an empire for the future to living a full life with a chronic illness (in this case, diabetes). I quiz Dave about his obsession with running, meeting Huey Lewis, and much more. I hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I did! Find Dave on IG here.

Bill Harrison is a licensed therapist working in the Chicago area. He specializes in men's issues, and works primarily (although not exclusively) with creatives/people in the arts. Bill has also spent many years working as an artist himself. Prior to devoting himself to mental health, he was a successful gigging musician. Our conversation follows Bill's journey from traveling troubadour through his own mental health journey and ultimately deciding to help others for a living. We also talk a lot about Bill's book, "Making the Low Notes: A Life in Music", (also here), and how writing has helped him give voice to his feelings.