Dr. Gary Bell's Absurd Psychology

With marriage having a fifty percent no‐go rate it’s obvious that people don’t follow their best thinking, just like people don’t eat healthfully even when they know what’s good for them. Paradoxically, it’s in our most enduring and important relationships that we’re least likely to be our most mature and thoughtful selves. Tune in and learn what it takes to be married!

What does the word commitment suggest? It usually evokes a strong sense of intention and focus. It typically is accompanied by a statement of purpose or a plan of action. Very often, we utilize this word in regard to proclamations we may make about the seriousness of our relationships. For example, “I’m in a committed relationship,” or “I’m completely committed to this relationship.” In such circumstances, what exactly are we saying? We take it for granted that the word or the expression means the same thing to all of us. I can assure you that it doesn’t. Tune in and learn how real commitments can change your life!

Altruism is the unselfish concern for other people—doing things simply out of a desire to help, not because you feel obligated to out of duty, loyalty, or religious reasons. It involves acting out of concern for the well-being of other people. In some cases, these acts of altruism lead people to jeopardize themselves to help others. Such behaviors are often performed unselfishly and without any expectations of reward. Other instances, known as reciprocal altruism, involve taking actions to help others with the expectation that they will offer help in return. Tune in and learn all about how altruism can add to your life!

Do you hyperfocus on the one thing that went wrong? The one little mistake you made or that one mean comment on social media? Instead of the hundreds of things going right? This is called mental filtering, and it’s a cognitive distortion that can make you anxious or depressed. Mental filtering is the cognitive distortion where we only see one aspect of a situation, usually the negative side of it when it comes to depression or anxiety. You focus on the negative and disregard or filter out all the positive. You pick out a single negative detail and hyperfocus on this instead of everything else going on. Tune in and learn all about how filtering and narratives can destroy our lives!

Seduction, an age-old dance of attraction, has long captivated the hearts and minds of those seeking to unravel its mysterious allure. It’s a complex interplay of biology, psychology, and social dynamics that has fascinated humans for centuries. From the subtle art of flirtation to the bold declaration of desire, seduction weaves its way through our daily lives, often without us even realizing it. Tune in and learn all about seduction!

•Most of us have had our hearts broken at some point and in some form or another, whether through the loss of a loved one or the ending of a romantic relationship. The emotional devastation that heartbreak leaves in its wake can be paralyzing, the pain all-encompassing, and the impact on our psychological and physical well-being crippling. In the most severe cases, a breakup can be a trigger for a clinical depressive episode. Tune in and learn all about healing heartbreak!

Too many people work just for the paycheck. And the paycheck is important – there are kids to feed, rent to pay, and new shoes to buy when the old ones finally wear out. Everything is expensive, and having an income is critical to survival. In many cases, the message is that work should not be fun – weekends, or time off for vacation or personal days, is when you should have your fun. Work is, well, it’s “work”. It shouldn’t be enjoyed; it’s just something to get through on your journey to somewhere else. Tune in and learn all about how to find passion and purpose in your life!

Social awareness and progressivism have become increasingly important for many people, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. Unfortunately, some choose to exploit this trend by pretending to be more socially conscious and “woke” than they actually are in a bid to attract partners. This is known as “wokefishing.” The bad news is that it can be frustrating and even harmful for those who are looking for a genuine connection. The good news is that it is often easy to see past the deception once you know what to look for. Tune in and learn all about WOKE and its impact on our lives!

One of the worst psychological pieces of advice on the internet is that which describes resentment as a healthy emotion. Contrary evidence in psychology and medicine notwithstanding, some authors argue that resentment is nevertheless healthy because it “tells you something is wrong.” So does disease, emotional disorder, and addiction. There are healthy ways to know that something is wrong and there are unhealthy ways. Resentment is not a discreet emotion; it’s an impotent form of anger. Where overt anger motivates aggressive action, the aggression of resentment is mostly in your head, enacted, if at all, predominantly with passive-aggressive behavior, criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, contempt, or sabotage. Resentment keeps the pump primed for overt aggression, but is not in itself aggressive.

The desire to avoid conflict in a relationship is common, but for very different reasons. First, involvement with a partner who is unable to perspective-take makes it nearly impossible to work out difficulties constructively. Simple disagreements often escalate into epic battles. Understandably, a person may wish to avoid these nightmare fights by side-stepping the power struggles. Second, a partner who is egocentric may wish to dodge a person’s disapproval; he or she hides selfish acts and avoids conversations focused on issues in the relationship. When exposed, he or she may claim, "I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to stress you out.” The partner is conflict-avoidant because he or she wishes to escape disapproval or opposition. This type of evasion may be destructive. Tune in and learn all about conflict avoidance!

While cultural tropes suggest that adult children estrange in a fit of pique, that doesn’t actually appear to be the case for the preponderance of adults estranged from parents and, most usually, their extended families as well; the decision is usually decades in the making. It is clear that it’s rare to be estranged from just one person since relatives are either co-opted to take sides or choose sides on their own, so the loss of ties can be enormous and staggering. Numerous studies point to the fact that estrangement is often cyclical in nature, with adult children going through periods of estrangement and reconciliation for extended periods of time. Tune in and learn all about the causes and how to work through adult children abandoning their parents!

Hybristophilia is a term that has emerged to describe a peculiar and often misunderstood psychological phenomenon: sexual or romantic attraction to dangerous people or people with a criminal history. This type of attraction arouses deep interest in individuals who have committed illicit or violent acts, raising questions about the motivations behind this preference and its possible psychological implications. The term "hybristophilia" comes from the Greek word "hubris", which refers to extreme arrogance or excessiveness, and "philia", which It means love or attraction. Therefore, hybristophilia is defined as the attraction for individuals who have shown defiant, rebellious or transgressive behavior in society. Tune in and learn all about hybristophilia!

Outgroup homogeneity is the tendency to view members of a group that one does not belong to (the outgroup) as more similar to each other than members of a group that one does belong to (the ingroup). Outgroup homogeneity can lead to stereotypes, prejudice, and discrimination. It can occur for a number of reasons, including limited contact with members of the outgroup. Tune in and learn all about how Outgroup Homogeneity has run our lives!

Regret can be an incredibly painful emotion. While rooted in feelings of contrition, disappointment, guilt, or remorse for things that have happened in the past, such feelings can have a powerful influence over your life in the here and now. The problem is that when you are feeling regret over past choices or past mistakes, you might sometimes miss out on the joys of the present moment. Tune in and learn how to recognize and turn away regret in your life!

Living in a foreign country and adjusting to a new culture can be a very rewarding experience. But, it can also be a difficult one if you do not understand the values and assumptions of the society. Values are ideas about what is right and wrong, desirable and undesirable, normal and abnormal, proper and improper. Assumptions, as the term is used here, are the unquestioned standards about people, life, and the way things are. People who grow up in a particular culture share certain values and assumptions. This means that most of them, most of the time, agree with each others' ideas about what is right and wrong, desirable and undesirable. They also agree, mostly, with each other's assumptions about human nature, social relationships. The values and assumptions of a culture shape the way people act. To help you adjust, we have compiled a brief explanation of why U.S. Americans behave the way they do. Tune in and learn all about the make up of what American's value!

If a family member suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder or displays significant narcissistic tendencies, the holidays can mean great chaos and calamity. During the season, there are more opportunities for narcissists to display their most egregious behaviors. Narcissists have a hard time celebrating the big events of others. If there’s a holiday gathering on the calendar, they will try to make themselves the center of attention through whatever means most natural and effective. Narcissists feel that holidays steal the spotlight that they, themselves, should own. Narcissists either try to grab it back by boasting and strong-arming everyone's attention. Alternatively, they will sabotage the celebratory mood for other people. Tune in and learn all about how narcissists destroy holidays and gatherings and how to defend yourself!

Persistent depressive disorder, known as dysthymia or low-grade depression, is less severe than major depression but more chronic. It occurs twice as often in women as in men. Persistent depressive disorder (PDD) is a serious and disabling disorder that shares many symptoms with other forms of clinical depression. It is generally experienced as a less severe but more chronic form of major depression. PDD was referred to as dysthymia in previous versions of the DSM. PDD is characterized by depressed mood experienced most of the time for at least two years. In children and adolescents, mood can be irritable rather than depressed. In addition to depression or irritable mood, at least two of the following must be present: insomnia or excessive sleep, low energy or fatigue, low self-esteem, poor appetite or overeating, poor concentration or indecisiveness, and feelings of hopelessness. More severe symptoms marking major depression are often absent in PDD—this includes anhedonia (the inability to feel pleasure), psychomotor symptoms (particularly lethargy or agitation), and thoughts of death or suicide. Tune in and learn all about Persistent Depressive Disorder!

Though our need to connect is innate, many of us frequently feel alone. Loneliness is the state of distress or discomfort that results when one perceives a gap between one’s desires for social connection and actual experiences of it. Even some people who are surrounded by others throughout the day—or are in a long-lasting marriage—still experience a deep and pervasive loneliness. Research suggests that loneliness poses serious threats to well-being as well as long-term physical health. Tune in and learn all about how to identify loneliness and end it!

Geographical psychology examines links between location and psychological phenomena, such as how and why personality traits, life satisfaction, and social behavior differ from place to place—or cluster in certain areas. These differences may appear across hemispheres, regions, states, cities, or neighborhoods. Every location houses psychologically diverse residents. But general differences between populations in distinct places can be informative. If neuroticism or life satisfaction is higher in a certain region, researchers can explore whether geographic aspects of the place, or commonalities among those who choose to live there, might account for the relatively positive or negative trends. Researchers have long explored the links between geography and mental health, hoping to answer questions such as whether the environment in which we live affects our personalities and influences who we are or who we’re destined to be. Tune in and learn all about how geography influences your psychology!

You just moved to a new city. All your friends are getting married or having kids. You retired. You got divorced. You've outgrown your childhood friends. You’ve been clinging to your spouse as your only friend and it’s making you lonely. There are many reasons why you might need to make new friends—and if you don’t need to make them now, you will at some point. Tune in and learn all about how to make and sustain friendship in a busy life!