Erasing Shame

DJ Chuang and his younger brother Deef share openly about their personal mental health experiences with mental health, neurodiversity, and bipolar disorder. We noted the importance of finding containment to process emotions, especially in dealing with depression and lack of language. We emphasized the need for gentle approaches to healing and the benefits of practices like therapy, journaling, and meditation. We touched upon the challenges of expressing emotions in cultures that value social harmony over individual expression, like the effects of Confucianism upon most Asian cultures. Our conversation also touch on the concept of rebirth and finding meaning and growth from past traumas, emphasizing the importance of recognizing potential for growth and acceptance of the new normal. Maybe we didn't get into our family dynamics too much, but you can listen and add a comment if you think we did or didn't enough.

A recurring sentiment is that the guilt-based theology about Christian salvation, known as soteriology, doesn't make sense to Asians and Asian Americans who have a honor-shame worldview. Vincent Mo wrote up a research paper for a seminary certificate course, in which he reviewed academic papers, known as a lit review, that addressed soteriology from honor-shame perspectives, at the intersection of systematic theology, missions, and Asian cultures. Listen to this episode and learn how Eastern perspectives on salvation increases our hope, healing, and gratitude as Asians and Asian Americans, that each and every one of us is more valuable than we've ever realized. Show Notes erasingshame.com/jesus-erased-shame-and-gave-us-honor-dignity-and-glory/

“Is it a disgrace to be Born a Chinese? Didn’t God make us all!!! What right have you to bar my children out of the school because she is a chinese Decend.” These are some of the questions Mrs. Mary Tape wrote to the California Board of Education in 1885. Marie Chan, author of Mamie Takes A Stand, highlights a hidden figure in Asian American history: Mamie Tape. The journey of learning and sharing Mamie’s story grew from Marie’s curiosity and consistent pursuit to learn about school segregation in California. In this episode, Marie and Victoria discuss the personal and meaningful impact of reading books with representation and celebration of diverse storytelling. Marie emphasizes the concept of imago dei (God created all humans in God’s image), which calls for the celebration of unique and interconnected identity formation. Marie Chan’s Website: mariechan.com/books https://erasingshame.com/marie-chan-mamie-tapes-story-and-compassionate-storytelling-s7e07/

Content Warning / Trigger Warning: sexual violence/rape. Midori Doumani is half Japanese and half Mexican and happy to share her heritage when directly asked. She navigates ambiguity about her perceived ethnic identity with compassion. As a kid and young adult, generationally infused shame affected her decisions. Her close-knit family dynamics and her desire to preserve the family's routine, led her to not disclose her own distressing and heartbreaking incident to anyone for ten years. Presently, Midori models a healthy acknowledgment and expression of shame and discomfort. She sets the example for her children to grow confident in their diverse identities and spiritual vocations. Midori’s faith in Jesus and her deep-rooted heart’s desire for her family are significant factors in her healing journey. She and her husband champion education on emotional well-being and conflict resolution, and they desire to inspire others to heal and share their testimonies. Show notes at erasingshame.com

On this Erasing Shame conversation, Rev. Dr. Ken Fong explains the difference between toxic shame and healthy shame—how they're two different things. Toxic shame carries the message that there's something inherently wrong with oneself, leading individuals to either blame others or internalize the feeling and become worthless. Healthy shame, on the other hand, acknowledges mistakes and wrongdoings, allowing for growth and the reception of grace. He also shares insights into the cultural significance of shame in the Asian American community and the importance of authenticity and healthy connections in a chaotic world. • Asian America: The Ken Fong Podcast asianamericapodcast.com • Show Notes at erasingshame.com

How about a cold open? That's how this conversation starts with Justin Kiley (pronounced KEE-lay), where we talk about his Filipino heritage, specifically the Igorot tribe, how that flavors his experience with shame personally, given his family and cultural background, the complexities of church hurt, and how he found a healing community and authentic connection in Portland, Oregon. Justin describes different degrees of church hurt, from over-sensitivity to malicious abuse and trauma. Kiley emphasizes that the terms "abuse" and "trauma" are often used too loosely and without quantification, causing quite a lot of confusion. He also mentions the added complexity of deconstruction and faith wrestling. For more background and context, this connection with Justin happened because our season 5 co-host Hannah Lee Sandoval dug into a conversation for the entire duration of a 2.5-hour flight chatting about all things mental health and faith. • Connect with Justin Kiley at instagram.com/justintroy_ • "The Anxious Generation" by Jonathan Haidt https://amzn.to/4cUICFI

Content Warning / Trigger Warning: bullying, suicidal ideation, suicide attempt. CW/TW. In this extended episode, Naomi Smith shows her prowess in storytelling in this conversation about how food affects brain health and how that is so important to life, walking through the challenges of being biracial, becoming a film maker, discovering the value of family history, and many more vignettes. https://linktr.ee/naomibowiesmithhttps://erasingshame.com/naomi-smith-on-food-health-fatal-thoughts-and-film-making/

Gracie Joo is a 2nd generation Asian-American and daughter of a Korean pastor. She illustrates and magnifies God’s heart for specific burdens that pastors' kids are born into with stories about her upbringing. These illustrations involve and are not limited to Dollar Tree Christmases, hand-me-downs from church eonnies, car misfortunes, a gifted and personalized Lexus, and the Holy’s Spirit's timely providence of friendship and perceptive reflection. God’s heart for pastors’ kids goes beyond the rebellious-or-faithful-pastors’-kid spectrum. The Church has a special opportunity to demonstrate God’s compassion and not merely take from a pastor’s family. Church members often place Pastors’ kids on high and unwanted pedestals with a scrutinous gaze, as if the kids’ behavior measures the faith of their parents. In this conversation, Victoria Cheng and Gracie Joo peel back a few personal layers and dig into socialized legalism and their Asian immigrant church experience.

Dr. Brian Licuanan is a licensed psychologist in Orange County, California, and shares about how shame, and other factors, keeps people from getting help and treatment for their mental health challenges. Plus, he reveals a reason that goes beyond shame that causes someone to resist treatment. We believe treatment can truly help someone experience a better quality of life and health, even though sometimes finding the right treatment or doing the hard work of recovery could take quite some time and effort. And, living well is worth it. • Connect with Dr. Brian Licuanan https://drbrianlicuanan.com and Follow on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/drlicuanan • "How to Get Your Resisting Loved One into Treatment: A Step-by-Step Plan for Mental Health and/or Addiction Crisis" https://amzn.to/4aJkSTx • Book signing at Barnes & Nobles in Huntington Beach on Saturday June 22nd at 11am https://www.instagram.com/drlicuanan/p/C8HtL81pZ1N/

Victoria needs your help. What is our response as we bear witness to the micro and macro sufferings in our personal lives, communities, and in the world? Where and how might Biblical lament fulfill its purpose in the modern church? How can churches be better at holding space for people grieving, processing trauma, struggling with their faith, or facing mental health challenges both short term and long-term? How do we unlearn a self-centered and religiously infused savior complex? Disclaimer: Victoria’s ponderings are asked within context as a 3rd-Generation Chinese-American in the USA. Please submit your ponderings to us at erasingshame.com/contact Show Notes at erasingshame.com

Faith Chang, author of "Peace over Perfection: Enjoying a Good God when You Feel You're Never Enough," joins Erasing Shame for a conversation about a more nuanced perspective about perfectionism, especially for Christians, how it's related to performance anxiety, and what we can do with Matthew 5:48. Show Notes at https://erasingshame.com/how-could-perfectionism-be-a-good-thing-surprising-insights-with-faith-chang/

Most of us, if not all of us, have experienced pain and shame for being singled out, feeling lonely and isolated. And, some people have even survived violence, emotionally or physically; we do encourage people get help to have safety, quality of life, and renew a sense of hope through those challenges. We have a conversation with Prasanta Verma, author of "Beyond Ethnic Loneliness: The Pain of Marginalization and the Path to Belonging," about all that and more. Show notes at erasingshame.com/the-pain-and-shame-of-loneliness-with-prasanta-verma

In 2016, high school Victoria met high school Christin. Somehow, Christin thought Victoria was cool- an adjective Victoria did not believe about herself to be true until 2024 when cool adult Christin met cool adult Victoria. Their current subjective definition of “cool” is equivalent to “weird- the good kind”. Listen to the story of how the two met during one pivotal transition period for Victoria. Consider their following questions: When you are in a temporary season of life (e.g. a new school for education, a foreign country for language learning, a different state for employment) is it worth investing in new friendships? What is your general definition of a “good” friend? How do you maintain long distance friendships? What do you do when friends drain your energy or you face conflict? Submit your answer to our bonus question at the end and your reasoning! Show Notes at erasingshame.com/seasonal-and-long-term-community-part-1-s7e03

Hanna Lee (Gospel Care Director at Tapestry LA Church, in Los Angeles) graciously takes us on a guided tour of their church's Restoration Center, where broken people are invited to be restored by Jesus in the whole of life, through means of care, healing, and prayer. • Show Notes at erasingshame.com/an-inside-look-at-tapestry-las-mental-health-ministry/

How does my personal background impact the way I express emotions and feelings today? How can I take care of myself while I take care of others placed within my care who are struggling with their emotional wellbeing? Mrs. Sarah Oh, friend, Pharmacist, mother, and Biblical Counseling Seminary student, provides personal insight on the topic of emotions. Listen in as she and Victoria scratch the surface of emotional expression and wellbeing within the context of being Asian women and Christ-followers in the United States. https://erasingshame.com/ for show notes! Music Credit: TVARI - Tokyo Cafe Video Link: TVARI - Tokyo Cafe https://youtu.be/kDa5oMjf8VM Phillips, Dr. Anita. The Garden Within: Where the War with Your Emotions Ends and Your Most Powerful Life Begins. Harpercollins Christian Pub, 2023.

Isabel Tom shares about why it's extra challenging for us as Asian Americans to care for aging parents and grandparents. Isabel has worked in the field of senior care and shares so much wisdom, expertise, and practical knowledge that helps us navigate this inevitable season of life. Be sure to check out her book, "The Value of Wrinkles: A Young Perspective on How Loving the Old Will Change Your Life." https://www.valueofwrinkles.com/ (Recorded in November 2023 during national caregivers month.)

Victoria's hot take: hustle culture is antithetical to human flourishing. Let's define hustle culture. Many people overvalue being productive and/or becoming an idealized version of themselves at the expense of their own health. As a result, people don't know how or when to rest properly. Burnout coupled with mental, physical, and emotional issues are too common. Productivity isn't inherently negative! Work and rest should function within God's design for humanity. Show Notes at erasingshame.com

This BTS is a behind-the-scenes conversations with Angie Cho, Executive Director of Mustard Seed Generation (MSG) http://lovemsg.org and the current webinar series with storytelling of Korean American lived experiences with mental health, in Korean and English. Sign up for the free webinar series, donate during the MSG fundraising campaign, and learn more about MSG at https://www.instagram.com/msgeneration

To close out season 6, our longest running season of Erasing Shame, let's introduce you to Victoria Cheng, who will be our season 7 co-host! She shares about her own mental health journey and what we can look forward to in the new season, as continue having honest and candid conversations about healthy living.

We explore the topic of perfectionism with Dr. Kenneth T. Wang (Professor of Psychology at Fuller Theological Seminary) by first understanding what it is (did you know there are 2 core dimensions?) and then how do we stop obsessing over perfectionism so we can be more humane and sane with ourselves and one another. Show Notes at erasingshame.com/how-to-stop-our-obsession-with-perfectionism-with-dr-kenneth-wang