Rock Solid Relationships

We often confuse setting boundaries with getting people to do what we ask them to do, but they aren't the same. Learn some common pitfalls with setting boundaries and how to avoid them so you can create connection and love in your most important relationships.

Welcome to the Rock Solid Relationships podcast. I'm your host, master certified relationships coach Sarah Payne. And if you are ready to have a rock solid marriage and create connecting relationships with the people that matter most to you, then you are in the right place. You welcome back to the podcast. Today we are going to be talking about what you want, your desires, and how to get what you want. I've been as I've mentioned before in the podcast, I've been reading this book called The Magic, and the magic is a metaphor or it's another name for gratitude, I should say, and it's really just changed how I view gratitude so profoundly. I've seriously given this book away to so, like, if you know me in real life, I've probably given you this book. It has transformed me that much. But one of the things that the author, Rhonda Byrne has you do is to write down your top ten desires. And so we're going to talk about that today. We're going to talk about how to figure out what your desires are and then how to get what you want. All right? And so first thing, before you can get what you want with your desires, you have to know what they are. And so many of us, I remember feeling this way a few years ago before I found coaching. Like, we don't even know what we want. And if that's you, then that's okay, because it just means that you haven't tapped into that in a while. I'm sure when you were five, you knew exactly what you wanted. And I'm sure when you were 15, you probably knew what you wanted. And somewhere along the lines, you just learned to put your desires aside. And so we're going to tap into them again. So I'm going to ask you a couple of questions to consider if you're in that boat, if you're like, I don't even know what I want. The first step is the only response that is not acceptable is I don't know. All right? I don't know is always a lie, and it always means that it's like a defense mechanism. It's like a way to protect ourselves from failure, from disappointment. And so in order to bypass I don't know, you just remind your brain, oh, yeah, that's the only answer that we don't accept. And then you ask yourself, if I did know, what would I want? And just allow your brain to come up with some answers. I have found that the emotion of jealousy is very useful in figuring out what I want, because if I'm jealous of somebody, it means that they have something that I want, and I just think I can't get it. So maybe you're jealous of your sister's marriage and the kind of tenderness with which she and her husband speak to each other. Or maybe you are jealous of your friend who just got back from a European vacation. Both of those are a window into your desires. You desire tender communication with your husband, and you desire to travel, maybe by yourself, maybe with your family. But there you go. Jealousy will help you know what you want. So after you figure out what you want, you're going to want to write it down. But the key to that, you're going to write this down in a different way than you normally would. You're going to write it down as if you've already received this desire. So instead of saying, I want a trip to Europe, you'd say, thank you, thank you, thank you, universe or God or whatever it is you believe in for the wonderful trip to Europe. We made memories to last a lifetime. Okay, so you're going to write as if it has already happened. Neville Goddard talks about this living from the wish fulfilled. Okay, so I know it's a little bit different than you probably have done in the past, but just trust me on this one. You want to write as if it's already happened, and then you want to go a step further. You can write all of this if it's useful for you. It's always useful for me to write things down, but just go with what works for you. You want to really engage your five senses in what it will be like when you have what you want. So that might look like let's take the example of the European vacation. I imagine the...

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In this week's episode I teach you how taking 5 minutes each day to do this mindset exercise will change the trajectory of your day for the better. I do it each morning and my life is better because of it.

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We have been told a lie my friends. We have been told that there is not enough time, or money, or that we are not enough. This message is all around us. That’s the scarcity mindset, that there is not enough. But in this episode, I want to talk about the sufficiency mindset. That we have enough for our needs. That we are enough. I’ll share with you some ways to change your thinking from a scarcity mindset to a sufficiency mindset. You’re not going to want to miss this one. Inspiration Station: Unleashing the Soul of Money by Lynne Twist Instagram: @sarapaynecoaching Facebook: @sarapaynecoaching

For all of you in the messy middle, I’m talking to you today. And, really, that’s all of us because we are all in the middle of something, right? Have you ever woken up and just thought, “I don’t want to be me today”? This episode is of you. It’s easy to enjoy a hero’s journey when you know it will all work out, but the middle is sometimes long and unbearable and there’s no end in sight. Let me suggest three ways to make the middle of the journey as joyful as the end. Inspiration Station: Making it Through the Middle by Emily Freeman Instagram: @sarapaynecoaching Facebook: @sarapaynecoaching

I think it's time to stop giving people the same label that we give poison. Listen to this week's episode to bend your brain about "toxic" people. Instagram: @sarapaynecoaching Facebook: @sarapaynecoaching

The only way to make lasting change is to remove judgment. Learn in this episode how to remove the layers of self-judgment so you can make the changes in your life you desire. Instagram: @sarapaynecoaching Facebook: @sarapaynecoaching

Do you want a better relationship with your kids but aren't sure where to start? Maybe they're disrespectful or distant or making choices you wish they wouldn't. This week's podcast will give you concrete ways to strengthen your relationship with them no matter what they are going through. Instagram: @sarapaynecoaching Facebook: @sarapaynecoaching

Our brain likes to be efficient so it categorizes and labels and generalizes things all day. This is very useful and conserves energy, but it can be problematic, especially when it comes to people and relationships. Learn how cognitive bias is affecting your life and how you can change it. Instagram: @sarapaynecoaching Facebook: @sarapaynecoaching

"I should be further along" "I should just be grateful" "I should give my husband the benefit of the doubt" "I shouldn't complain about his job." "I should be more patient with my kids" The language of shame often begins with "should". Learn how to recognize it in your own life and see how it actually creates the opposite affect you are desiring. Then learn how to turn it around. Instagram: @sarapaynecoaching Facebook: @sarapaynecoaching

When we think of someone being entitled, we often think of children. But I’ve noticed that I sometimes feel entitled too. I feel like I shouldn’t be feeling this or this shouldn’t be happening. Or even this isn’t fair! But maybe, just maybe, there’s something you can learn from this. Entitlement is a powerful emotion but it isn’t a positive one. In fact, it feels pretty icky. Listen to this episode to see how to change the way you’re looking at things and stop feeling so entitled. Inspiration Station: Small Group Coaching for Doctor’s Wives Only Instagram: @sarapaynecoaching Facebook: @sarapaynecoaching

If you find that you often worry about how other people are feeling---whether it's thinking, "How can I make sure my husband feels comfortable at my parents' house?" or "If only I could help my daughter feel less overwhelmed..." Then this podcast is for you. Listen in to learn how to take responsibility for the emotions you can control (your own) and how to release yourself of the things you can't control (other people's emotions). Instagram: @sarapaynecoaching Facebook: @sarapaynecoaching

Hi friends! Ever wonder which episodes of the More than a Doctor's Wife Podcast are the most downloaded? Wonder no more. Watch out for several encore episodes coming your way. Some are oldies and some are more recent. Each of them is worth a listen (or a re-listen). I hope you enjoy these greatest hits of the More Than a Doctor's Wife Podcast. I look forward to sharing some fun changes with you in the fall here at Sara Payne Coaching. Instagram: @sarapaynecoaching Facebook: @sarapaynecoaching

Most of us grew up in a culture that values hard work and effort. This week I teach you a principle I learned from Deepak Chopra that will give you a different perspective. I think you're going to love it. Instagram: @sarapaynecoaching Facebook: @sarapaynecoaching

"They have so much potential!" This is something we say about those we love. And it can be problematic. Learn on this week's episode when focusing on others' potential can be helpful...and when it can be harmful. Instagram: @sarapaynecoaching Facebook: @sarapaynecoaching

Moving my family from Montana to Colorado has given me the opportunity to learn some important lessons. On this week's episode, I share them with you. Instagram: @sarapaynecoaching Facebook: @sarapaynecoaching