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Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction

Health & Wellness Podcasts

The Overcoming Betrayal and Addiction podcast, featuring Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami VerHelst, presents a conversational Q&A style discussion drawn from listener questions about sex and porn addictions, infidelity, cheating, and hard work required to heal relationship betrayal. Dr. Rob and Tami are very good at engaging people struggling with painful life issues in a useful, respectful way. They also invite you to join them on their live weekly webinar (Mondays, 5 p.m. Pacific at https://bit.ly/DrRobandTami), where they answer questions live Dr. Rob is Chief Clinical Officer for Seeking integrity Treatment Centers. He is a 25-year licensed therapist, a PhD sexologist, and author Sex Addiction 101, Prodependence, and Out of the Doghouse, among other books. Tami is Chief Relationships Officer for Seeking Integrity LLC. Tami brings over 30 years of personal addiction knowledge, helping supply struggling individuals and couples with the resources and direction they need to heal.

The Overcoming Betrayal and Addiction podcast, featuring Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami VerHelst, presents a conversational Q&A style discussion drawn from listener questions about sex and porn addictions, infidelity, cheating, and hard work required to heal relationship betrayal. Dr. Rob and Tami are very good at engaging people struggling with painful life issues in a useful, respectful way. They also invite you to join them on their live weekly webinar (Mondays, 5 p.m. Pacific at https://bit.ly/DrRobandTami), where they answer questions live Dr. Rob is Chief Clinical Officer for Seeking integrity Treatment Centers. He is a 25-year licensed therapist, a PhD sexologist, and author Sex Addiction 101, Prodependence, and Out of the Doghouse, among other books. Tami is Chief Relationships Officer for Seeking Integrity LLC. Tami brings over 30 years of personal addiction knowledge, helping supply struggling individuals and couples with the resources and direction they need to heal.

Location:

United States

Description:

The Overcoming Betrayal and Addiction podcast, featuring Dr. Rob Weiss and Tami VerHelst, presents a conversational Q&A style discussion drawn from listener questions about sex and porn addictions, infidelity, cheating, and hard work required to heal relationship betrayal. Dr. Rob and Tami are very good at engaging people struggling with painful life issues in a useful, respectful way. They also invite you to join them on their live weekly webinar (Mondays, 5 p.m. Pacific at https://bit.ly/DrRobandTami), where they answer questions live Dr. Rob is Chief Clinical Officer for Seeking integrity Treatment Centers. He is a 25-year licensed therapist, a PhD sexologist, and author Sex Addiction 101, Prodependence, and Out of the Doghouse, among other books. Tami is Chief Relationships Officer for Seeking Integrity LLC. Tami brings over 30 years of personal addiction knowledge, helping supply struggling individuals and couples with the resources and direction they need to heal.

Language:

English

Contact:

747-234-4325


Episodes

How Can I Heal My Addiction?

4/8/2021
Rob and Tami talk about the biggest emotion you should fear in your marriage is not hate, it’s indifference. When they no longer care, that’s when you know the relationship can not be salvaged. They also share how you can recover from a betrayal, and how long it truly takes to ‘heal’ an addiction. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Dissociation and decompartmentalization, how does it work? [3:50] Addicts don’t trust that people can soothe and comfort us. [6:25] At the end of the day, reality is what...

Duration:00:30:28

What Are the Stages of Healing?

4/2/2021
Rob and Tami answer some of your burning questions about addiction, building intimacy, and the steps needed to fully heal from your past traumas and wounds. If you don’t work on yourself, then you will forever be caught in an ‘addiction’ cycle where you just replace one drug for the next. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] What’s the difference between how sex addicts fall in love vs. non-sex addicts? [2:35] What is avoidant attachment style? [4:50] Want something different? You have to take a step...

Duration:00:32:33

I Don’t Know Who I Want More. My Wife or My Mistress?

3/25/2021
Rob and Tami answer a question from someone who is struggling to understand if he should choose his wife, or continue with the woman he cheated with. Many addicts are faced with this question, even men who are on their second or third marriage have struggled with this. Rob and Tami talk about how you can determine whether your marriage is worth saving or not after a terrible betrayal. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Sex addiction isn’t always about intimacy issues. How correct is this? [4:15] Can a...

Duration:00:27:53

Would a Therapist Ever Openly Lie to the Betrayed Spouse?

3/18/2021
Rob and Tami talk about how to give yourself realistic boundaries when you know your addiction is easy to access. They also go into talking about how addicts lie to therapists and how this can sometimes cloud their judgement and their opinions on the betrayed spouse but keep in mind, as the betrayed spouse, you are not to blame for your spouse’s addiction and poor behavior. The responsibility is on him/her to own it, work through it, and maintain it. TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] How does someone...

Duration:00:31:10

Addicts Are Responsible for Their Own Healing. Spouses Get To Be Angry.

3/11/2021
Rob and Tami dive right into why addicts refuse recovery and consciously walk away from a wonderful family and life they’ve built. It can be so tough as a spouse to witness this happening to you, but at the end of the day. It’s not you your addict is walking away from, it’s himself. TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] Why do some addicts do recovery, and others do not? [4:30] In therapy, the only person you can change is yourself. No one else can do it for you. [6:55] Recovery is a daily thing. [9:30]...

Duration:00:30:20

I’m Obsessed with a Woman who Wants Nothing to Do with me. Help!

3/4/2021
Rob and Tami discuss whether you should get an SA professional to do a formal disclosure with your partner or if it’s better to go with your regular therapist. They also dive into what to do if you have obsessive thoughts for a particular woman (who has already said no) and how you can move on from this obsessive loop. All this and more on today’s episode! TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] What is erotic rage? [1:40] I’m getting out of an abusive relationship, but I miss them. What do I do? [4:10] Can...

Duration:00:28:40

You Re-Build Trust Over Time By Taking Things Slow

2/25/2021
Rob and Tami discuss whether it makes sense for a sex addict to invest in a dating coach, how to tell if your addict is really genuine in their feelings, and share how to have the right mindset when you’re going through a treatment program for the first time. Trust and intimacy take time to build and it’s important to trust the process and journey you’re going on. The one thing addicts hate is taking things slow, but that’s exactly what you need to do to build trust. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30]...

Duration:00:30:30

Grief is a Process and so is Forgiveness.

2/18/2021
Rob and Tami discuss what it means to grief and forgive when we’re going through this recovery process. The same is true for betrayed spouses who feel so hurt by the actions of their addict. They also answer questions on how to best handle when they’re addict is dodging the question or avoiding accountability, and what to do when an addict blames the spouse for their addiction. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] Should I go on a sex fast? [1:55] What does ‘regain intimacy’ look like? Dr. Rob...

Duration:00:34:14

Is This a Sex Addiction or Does He Just Like To Hook Up?

2/15/2021
Rob and Tami go right into today’s questions. How can you tell whether someone is an addict vs. someone who likes to have affairs? Rob offers a very simple answer that might surprise you. Rob and Tami also shed some light why some addicts find it completely easy to lie to their loved ones, and also share strategies on what to do when you’re faced with temptation. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] How do I prevent myself from watching porn on my work computer? [4:40] Addicts like to focus on all the...

Duration:00:30:16

I’m The Only Addict In My Family. Why Me?

2/15/2021
Rob and Tami go right into the community's questions this week as they cover topics like whether a spouse should see a CSAT, trying to navigate recovery alone, and if someone truly is capable of recovery without relapse. They also talk about some of the common myths between sex abuse and its correlation with addiction, and why someone might develop an addiction but their rest of their family seems to be ‘fine’. TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] I’m a recovering addict. I can’t remember any sex abuse as...

Duration:00:29:56

He Cheated On Me, So Why Do I Still Miss That Jerk?

1/28/2021
Rob and Tami answer questions from their audience about sex addition, when it make sense to change CSATs, and they also explore what ‘sexual anorexia’ is. Addicts have a tendnacy to make their partners feel guilty about their sex lives, but it’s important to remember that healthy indivuidals use proactive communitation to grow together, and not tear your down. Keep following your boundaries. TAKEAWAYS: [0:35] Why do I feel so close to my SA partner when he is so distant? [2:25] Trauma...

Duration:00:31:58

My Addict Husband Resents Me, but I still Love Him.

1/22/2021
Rob and Tami answer questions on how betrayed spouses can best navigate their feelings of insecurity when they’ve found out their husband has an addiction. They also discuss the best ways to navigate a relapse from your husband and the resentment he might feel towards you. Rob and Tami also answer a question from a female sex addict on how to build intmiacy without the sex. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] What do addicts need to do to better empathize with their partners? [3:15] I’m a female sex...

Duration:00:32:45

Therapy May End, but Your Addiction Doesn’t

1/14/2021
Rob and Tami have a discussion on how to best manage your triggers as you go through recovery. Focus on the things you can control. Focus on how you want to react to temptation, instead of being derailed. So much about life are things you can’t control, but you can choose to be a better person and make better, more intentional and more conscious decisions every single day! It does get better! TAKEAWAYS: [0:20] How do I handle my fears and my triggers? [1:20] Trust the process. Keep...

Duration:00:32:58

Is My ADHD the Reason Why I’m an Addict?

1/7/2021
Rob and Tami dive into ADHD and its connection with trauma and addiction. Dr. Rob understands it can feel good to pinpoint something you were ‘born with’ to your addiction, but it’s rarely that easy. Rob and Tami also share resources for spouses whose addict has chosen their addiction over their family. Looking for help? There are support groups for partners of addicts to help you vent, feel heard, and know that you’re not alone. TAKEAWAYS: [0:35] I’m a love addict and separated from my...

Duration:00:28:23

My Daughter Found Out About My Addiction and Now My Family Is in Crisis

1/6/2021
Rob and Tami answer some questions from betrayed spouses. It’s important to remember that addicts have a tendency to lie to try and protect their addiction as much as possible. Is what your addict saying the truth or a fragment of the truth? Rob and Tami also answer questions on how to rebuild your family, and trust, when you’ve been discovered or recently undergone a relapse. TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] My SA husband doesn’t remember why he hired prostitutes. He doesn’t remember anything. Is that...

Duration:00:31:47

My Addict’s Therapist Blames Me for His Wrong Doings!

12/29/2020
Rob and Tami explain in depth what a betrayed spouse is going through during the first year and a half after a reveal, and what a person in recovery can do about it. They also answer listener questions about porn addiction since the age of 10, and what to do when a CSAT therapist sides with the addict and not with the betrayed spouse. TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] My wife hates me. When will it stop? [2:25] Dr. Rob explains why it’s important for betrayed spouses to find a place to vent outside of...

Duration:00:30:59

Why Does My Addict Keep Threatening Divorce?

12/17/2020
Rob and Tami share how you can rebuild trust and how to recover from intense trauma and abuse. They also answer how you can discover what your true emotional needs are and how to express them in a healthy way to a partner, and what to do if your addict threatens to leave you in this week’s episode! TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] How can I rebuild trust again? [2:25] First, create strong boundaries for yourself. [3:35] How can the betrayed spouse heal, especially when the addict chooses to not go...

Duration:00:31:41

Can Betrayed Spouses be Addicts Too?

12/10/2020
Rob and Tami talk about codependency and why the term actually shames betrayed partners, not supports them. They also dive into some of the misconceptions people have about the partners of addicts. In this week’s episode, they share how you can find a therapist that understands you and what you’re going through, and not shames you. TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] Is it a good sign my addict is apologizing or is this a manipulation tactic? [2:15] Dr. Rob, are you offering partner meetings? [3:50] Can...

Duration:00:32:28

Temptation is Everywhere, but You Can Manage It

12/3/2020
Rob and Tami discuss how to best manage your addiction when the outside world is so tempting. It’s easy to fall into traps and feel like you ‘deserve it’, but your actions have consequences and they not only hurt the people you love, but they’re hurting you too. Find out in this week’s episode how to manage the outside world without feeling like you’re just taking on the whole world. TAKEAWAYS: [0:25] I’m not sure about my CSAT therapist yet. What questions should I be asking...

Duration:00:35:03

My Sex Addict has Sex with Everyone But Me

11/26/2020
Rob and Tami discuss what goes into the mind of an addict when they have a close bond or relationship with their partner, yet strays and look elsewhere to meet their sexual needs. They also discuss how a spouse can explore sex again after a betrayal, and so much more on this week’s episode! TAKEAWAYS: [0:30] How can I get my sex addict to stop threatening divorce? [3:35] Why is my sex addict not interested in sex with me? [6:20] Addicts are afraid of intimacy, they don’t want to be...

Duration:00:29:28