Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Stearns Mandel-logo

Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Stearns Mandel

Health & Wellness Podcasts

These podcasts are a reflection of Ruth & David’s on-going conversations which are both intimate and professional and touch on complex topics like how systems fail victims and children, how victims experience those systems, and how children are impacted by those failures. Their discussions delve into how society views masculinity and violence, and how intersectionalities such as cultural beliefs, religious beliefs and unique vulnerabilities impact how we respond to abuse and violence. These far-ranging discussions offer an insider look into how we navigate the world as professionals, as parents and as partners. During these podcasts, David & Ruth challenge the notions which keep all us from moving forward collectively as systems, as cultures and as families into safety, nurturance and healing.Note: Some of the topics discussed in the episodes are deeply personal and sensitive, which may be difficult for some people. We occasionally use mature language. We often use gender pronouns like “he” when discussing perpetrators and “she” for victims. While both and men and women can be abusive and controlling, and domestic abuse happens in straight and same-sex relationships, the most common situation, when it comes to coercive control, is a male perpetrator and a female victim. Men's abuse toward women is more closely associated with physical injury, fear and control. Similarly, very different expectations of men and women as parents and the focus of Safe & Together on children in the context of domestic abuse makes it impossible to make generic references to gender when it comes to parenting. The Model, through its behavioral focus on patterns of behavior, is useful in identifying and responding to abuse in all situations including same-sex couples and women's use of violence. We think our listeners are sophisticated enough to understand these distinctions.

These podcasts are a reflection of Ruth & David’s on-going conversations which are both intimate and professional and touch on complex topics like how systems fail victims and children, how victims experience those systems, and how children are impacted by those failures. Their discussions delve into how society views masculinity and violence, and how intersectionalities such as cultural beliefs, religious beliefs and unique vulnerabilities impact how we respond to abuse and violence. These far-ranging discussions offer an insider look into how we navigate the world as professionals, as parents and as partners. During these podcasts, David & Ruth challenge the notions which keep all us from moving forward collectively as systems, as cultures and as families into safety, nurturance and healing.Note: Some of the topics discussed in the episodes are deeply personal and sensitive, which may be difficult for some people. We occasionally use mature language. We often use gender pronouns like “he” when discussing perpetrators and “she” for victims. While both and men and women can be abusive and controlling, and domestic abuse happens in straight and same-sex relationships, the most common situation, when it comes to coercive control, is a male perpetrator and a female victim. Men's abuse toward women is more closely associated with physical injury, fear and control. Similarly, very different expectations of men and women as parents and the focus of Safe & Together on children in the context of domestic abuse makes it impossible to make generic references to gender when it comes to parenting. The Model, through its behavioral focus on patterns of behavior, is useful in identifying and responding to abuse in all situations including same-sex couples and women's use of violence. We think our listeners are sophisticated enough to understand these distinctions.

Location:

United States

Description:

These podcasts are a reflection of Ruth & David’s on-going conversations which are both intimate and professional and touch on complex topics like how systems fail victims and children, how victims experience those systems, and how children are impacted by those failures. Their discussions delve into how society views masculinity and violence, and how intersectionalities such as cultural beliefs, religious beliefs and unique vulnerabilities impact how we respond to abuse and violence. These far-ranging discussions offer an insider look into how we navigate the world as professionals, as parents and as partners. During these podcasts, David & Ruth challenge the notions which keep all us from moving forward collectively as systems, as cultures and as families into safety, nurturance and healing.Note: Some of the topics discussed in the episodes are deeply personal and sensitive, which may be difficult for some people. We occasionally use mature language. We often use gender pronouns like “he” when discussing perpetrators and “she” for victims. While both and men and women can be abusive and controlling, and domestic abuse happens in straight and same-sex relationships, the most common situation, when it comes to coercive control, is a male perpetrator and a female victim. Men's abuse toward women is more closely associated with physical injury, fear and control. Similarly, very different expectations of men and women as parents and the focus of Safe & Together on children in the context of domestic abuse makes it impossible to make generic references to gender when it comes to parenting. The Model, through its behavioral focus on patterns of behavior, is useful in identifying and responding to abuse in all situations including same-sex couples and women's use of violence. We think our listeners are sophisticated enough to understand these distinctions.

Language:

English


Episodes

Season 2 Episode 23: Minisode on Worker Safety & Well Being: When Workers Are Survivors Themselves

11/26/2021
In this fourth installment of the multi-part minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David explore when workers are being targeted by their own perpetrator, and the implications for the workplace. In a just over 20 minutes , David & Ruth discuss: In the middle part of the minisode, David and Ruth discuss perpetrator behaviors that target the workplace including: As result, survivors may may present as with performance issues including missed days, lateness, being...

Duration:00:23:11

Season 2 Episode 22: Minisode on Worker Safety & Well Being: The Connection Between Worker Safety and Victim Blaming

11/26/2021
In this third installment of the multi-part minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David explore the connection between worker safety and victim blaming. In a just over 15 minutes , David & Ruth discuss: In the second half of the minisode, David and Ruth outline some steps agencies can take including: About the worker safety and well-being minisode series The goal of the series is to address the critical issues of worker safety and well-being as a critical aspect of...

Duration:00:16:12

Season 2 Episode 21: Minisode Series on Worker Safety & Well-Being: When workers are targeted by the perpetrator

11/7/2021
In this second installment of the multi-part minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David explore the important topic of workers being targeted by domestic violence perpetrators. In a few minutes , David & Ruth discuss different ways workers are targeted including: Ruth & David also discuss how misogyny, racism or other forms of discrimination can be factors in the targeting of workers. David & Ruth finish the brief episode with specific suggestions about basic safety...

Duration:00:14:17

Season 2 Episode 20: Minisode Series on Worker Safety & Well-Being: Intro to the series

10/31/2021
In the kickoff of their first ever minisode series, David & Ruth will introduce the theme of worker safety and well-being in the context of working on issues related to domestic violence. The goal of the series is to address the critical issues of worker safety and well-being as a critical aspect of domestic violence informed systems. Since the inception of the Model, it has been central to know the perpetrators pattern, not only as it related to domestic violence-informed work with the...

Duration:00:15:01

Season 2 Episode 19: Using the concepts of collaborative co-parenting to hold perpetrators more accountable in family court

10/30/2021
Many professionals mistakenly believe that concerns related to domestic violence evaporate once a relationship is over. Survivors know differently. Their experiences help us understand the ways that domestic violence perpetrators’ patterns of behaviors extend beyond the relationship. In this episode, Ruth and David explore the nature of post separation coercive control and related topics. Ruth and David discuss: · How post separation coercive control distinguishes through a heavy focus on...

Duration:01:05:32

Season 2 Episode 18: Multiple Pathways To Harm: An assessment approach that better mirrors the lived experience of survivors

10/13/2021
Phrases like "child witness to violence" or "children exposed to violence" only capture a small slice of how domestic violence perpetrators' behaviors harm children. Assessment frameworks based on these concepts primarily emphasize the traumatic impact of the direct witnessing of acts of physical violence . Coercive control teaches us that it is patterns of entrapping & controlling behaviors which deprive adult & child survivors their basic human rights including safety, well-being, and...

Duration:01:00:57

Season 2 Episode 17: Intervening with Domestic Violence Perpetrators: "We can't leave anything on the table"

9/18/2021
Intervening with perpetrators, who are the source of the harm to child, partner and family functioning, is essential for domestic violence-informed systems. In this episode, David & Ruth talk about the third principle of the Safe & Together Model which focuses on intervening with the perpetrator to reduce risk and harm to children. The conversation covers: Read our white paper on perpetrators, change and accountability Listen to these related episodes Season 2 Episode 15: She is Not...

Duration:01:10:05

Season 2 Episode 16: "We have to remember who we are advocating for": An interview with Aboriginal domestic violence leader Ashlee Donohue

9/3/2021
In this episode, Ruth and David yarn with Ashlee Donohue – a proud Dunghutti woman born and raised in Kempsey, NSW. Ashlee is an Author, Educator, Advocate and speaker around the anti-violence message. Ashlee is currently the CEO of Mudgin-Gal Aboriginal Corporation – Women’s Centre, which is for Aboriginal women run by Aboriginal women. Ashlee was a keynote speaker at the 2021 Safe & Together Institute Asia Pacific Conference on the burning question of coercive control...

Duration:01:15:19

Season 2 Episode 15: She is Not Your Rehab: A global invitation to men to end abuse of women & children through radical self responsibility & healing

8/24/2021
For men's violence against women to end, men need to talk to other men about change and responsibility. At the same time, many men who are abusive, have often experienced their own traumas at the hands of their parents or society at large. An emerging voice in the effort to invite men to healing is Matt Brown, co-creator with his wife, Sarah Brown of the "She is Not Your Rehab" global movement. Matt believes that because so many boys & men are traumatized & wounded in relationship with...

Duration:01:12:26

Season 2 Episode 14: How to perpetrator proof custody & access processes

8/16/2021
Building on the Safe & Together Institute's white paper on perpetrators' manipulate of systems (and the related podcast) and work with the national Family Court of Australia, David & Ruth take a closer look at how domestic violence perpetrators can continue to undermine child safety and well-being post-separation, manipulate systems regarding custody and access issues, and how they target professionals in order to extend their coercive control after a relationship has ended. In this...

Duration:01:03:53

Season 2 Episode 13: An Interview with Courageous Fire: Reparations & the Unique Experience of Black Domestic Violence Survivors

7/12/2021
Crafting a domestic violence-informed response to the unique experience of Black domestic violence survivors in the United States requires listening to the voices and lived experience of those survivors. Like other marginalized survivors in systems impacted by racism and colonization across the globe, Black women have to navigate systems that often have penalized and punished them instead of being a support. For example, due to systemic racism and stereotyping, Black survivors are more...

Duration:01:06:12

Season 2 Episode 12: How coercive control harms child safety & wellbeing: An interview with researcher Dr. Emma Katz

6/29/2021
For 15 years, the Safe & Together Model has trained professionals in the importance of centering coercive controlling patterns of behaviors if you want to understand the harm domestic abuse perpetrators create for their children & how that is parenting choice. Failures to link coercive control to child abuse & neglect make it easier to blame adult survivors, who are being protective, with failure-to-protect & parental alienation. The Safe & Together Model's perpetrator pattern-based...

Duration:00:58:07

Season 2 Episode 11: "We need a revolution:" Integration of trauma healing and behavior change for people who choose violence

6/4/2021
The discussion of relationship between histories of trauma and the perpetration of abuse is often fraught. Many people are worried, as has happened over and over again, that any consideration of the trauma histories of perpetrators will become an excuse for violence. Others advocate for the need for a more holistic approach, especially for those perpetrators who are also survivors of intergenerational traumas related to colonisation and racism. Following on from this season's Episode 10...

Duration:01:14:30

Season 2 Episode 10: Trauma-informed is not the same as domestic violence-informed: A conversation about the intersection of domestic violence perpetration, mental health & addiction

5/17/2021
In this episode of Partnered with a Survivor, David & Ruth tackle one of the most pressing issues in the domestic violence field: how to make mental health and addiction services more domestic violence-informed when it comes to interacting with survivors. While awareness of trauma and its impact continues to increase, it often is decontextualized from the dynamics of coercive control. Mental health and addiction professionals are often ill-prepared by their education and training to...

Duration:01:07:05

Season 2 Episode 9: Finally! A realistic feature film about coercive control: An interview with Chyna Robinson and Tracy Rector

4/26/2021
Domestic violence has been depicted in feature movies before. "Enough," "The Burning Bed" and "Sleeping with the Enemy" depended on star power to draw in their audiences. "Once We Were Warriors," the dark, award-wining New Zealand classic, explored violence in an urban Maori family. Now the multi-award winning feature film "No Ordinary Love" (NOL) joins this pantheon of movies that glues viewers to their seats with view of intimate violence and abuse that is far too familiar to many of us....

Duration:00:55:23

Season 2 Episode 8: "I spiraled down to a dark place:" An interview with a young survivor of officer involved domestic violence and his Mum

3/23/2021
The voices of children impacted by domestic violence perpetrators are being ignored by professionals. In this ground-breaking interview, a fourteen year old survivor of officer-involved domestic violence, and his mother speak openly about their experience with systems. Liam, and his mother Michelle (pseudonyms) share how the police colluded with their perpetrator, who was Liam's stepfather. They speak about how Liam and his sister were treated as after thoughts, and not victims in their own...

Duration:01:11:29

Season 2 Episode 7: 'Radical Resistance to the Status Quo': A Look Behind the Scottish Coercive Control Law with Dr. Marsha Scott

3/11/2021
Safety. Satisfaction. Self-Determination. For decades, domestic violence survivors have shared that these are the aspects of their life targeted by domestic violence perpetrators. Until recently, it was primarily the attacks on physical safety that were reflected in the domestic violence laws across the world. Slowly , with the passage of coercive control laws in a few countries, survivors are seeing their wider reality reflected in legislation. Coercive control, as definition of domestic...

Duration:01:11:29

Season 2 Episode 6: The Male Victim

2/27/2021
Both men and women can be controlling. Both men and women can violent. Domestic abuse occurs in same sex and heterosexual relationship. This means both men and women can be victims of domestic violence. Yet domestic violence-informed practice requires a gender analysis and an understanding of coercive control. In this episode Ruth and David examine some of the controversies and challenges associated with identifying and providing assistance to male victims of domestic violence...

Duration:00:54:48

Season 2 Episode 5: How professionals & systems can avoid being manipulated by perpetrators

2/16/2021
Domestic violence perpetrators do not only target survivors. They also target the professionals & systems who want to want to help them. Many perpetrators, often using money, privilege and power, leverage systems to amplify their control. False allegations of substance abuse, mental health issues or child abuse are lodged with social services and family courts, often to devastating effect. Other behaviors include: Survivors can feel trapped between perpetrators and systems that are not...

Duration:00:57:11

Season 2 Episode 4: Making Good Decisions: How Professionals use the Safe & Together Model Critical Components to help adult and child survivors

2/7/2021
What do practitioners need to pay most attention to in domestic violence cases involving children? What kind of evidence do courts need to hear evidence if they want to make good decisions related to custody and access? The Safe & Together's Model 5 Critical Components is the foundational guide to domestic violence-informed assessment and decision -making. The Mapping Tool, Pivoting to the Perpetrator and other tools and techniques all derive from these Critical Components. In this...

Duration:01:21:23