Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel-logo

Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel

Health & Wellness Podcasts

These podcasts are a reflection of Ruth & David’s on-going conversations which are both intimate and professional and touch on complex topics like how systems fail victims and children, how victims experience those systems, and how children are impacted by those failures. Their discussions delve into how society views masculinity and violence, and how intersectionalities such as cultural beliefs, religious beliefs and unique vulnerabilities impact how we respond to abuse and violence. These far-ranging discussions offer an insider look into how we navigate the world as professionals, as parents and as partners. During these podcasts, David & Ruth challenge the notions which keep all us from moving forward collectively as systems, as cultures and as families into safety, nurturance and healing.Note: Some of the topics discussed in the episodes are deeply personal and sensitive, which may be difficult for some people. We occasionally use mature language. We often use gender pronouns like “he” when discussing perpetrators and “she” for victims. While both and men and women can be abusive and controlling, and domestic abuse happens in straight and same-sex relationships, the most common situation, when it comes to coercive control, is a male perpetrator and a female victim. Men's abuse toward women is more closely associated with physical injury, fear and control. Similarly, very different expectations of men and women as parents and the focus of Safe & Together on children in the context of domestic abuse makes it impossible to make generic references to gender when it comes to parenting. The Model, through its behavioral focus on patterns of behavior, is useful in identifying and responding to abuse in all situations including same-sex couples and women's use of violence. We think our listeners are sophisticated enough to understand these distinctions.

Location:

United States

Description:

These podcasts are a reflection of Ruth & David’s on-going conversations which are both intimate and professional and touch on complex topics like how systems fail victims and children, how victims experience those systems, and how children are impacted by those failures. Their discussions delve into how society views masculinity and violence, and how intersectionalities such as cultural beliefs, religious beliefs and unique vulnerabilities impact how we respond to abuse and violence. These far-ranging discussions offer an insider look into how we navigate the world as professionals, as parents and as partners. During these podcasts, David & Ruth challenge the notions which keep all us from moving forward collectively as systems, as cultures and as families into safety, nurturance and healing.Note: Some of the topics discussed in the episodes are deeply personal and sensitive, which may be difficult for some people. We occasionally use mature language. We often use gender pronouns like “he” when discussing perpetrators and “she” for victims. While both and men and women can be abusive and controlling, and domestic abuse happens in straight and same-sex relationships, the most common situation, when it comes to coercive control, is a male perpetrator and a female victim. Men's abuse toward women is more closely associated with physical injury, fear and control. Similarly, very different expectations of men and women as parents and the focus of Safe & Together on children in the context of domestic abuse makes it impossible to make generic references to gender when it comes to parenting. The Model, through its behavioral focus on patterns of behavior, is useful in identifying and responding to abuse in all situations including same-sex couples and women's use of violence. We think our listeners are sophisticated enough to understand these distinctions.

Language:

English


Episodes

Season 3 Episode 13: What Domestic Violence Perpetrators Steal From Survivors

12/19/2022
When we think about domestic violence only in terms of what is added - violence and danger - instead of what is taken away (safety, self determination, quality of life), we fail at naming some of the most profound effects of domestic violence perpetrators’ behaviors on survivors. In this episode, David & Ruth talk about what survivors' often "lose" at the hands of domestic violence perpetrators. In this episode: Perpetrator Pattern mappingDavid & Ruth also talk about how survivors describe...

Duration:00:36:57

Season 3 Episode 12 Weaponize & Fabricate: How Domestic Violence Perpetrators’ Behaviors Intersect with Survivors’ Mental Health and Substance Misuse Issues

11/20/2022
Toxic Trio. Triple Play. Trifecta. All over the globe, professionals working with families have shorthand jargon that reflects the prevalence of the complex mixture of issues that many families experience. Unfortunately these phrases do not usually enhance the ability to partner with survivors or intervene with perpetrators. In this episode of Partner With A Survivor, David & Ruth take a deep dive into the Safe & Together Model’s intersections offers a more powerful and accurate way to...

Duration:00:58:52

Season 3 Episode 11: Pivoting to The Perpetrator: An essential tool for interrupting victim blaming

11/11/2022
Conversations about domestic violence often start from a victim blaming perspective: “Why doesn’t she leave?” or “Why does she keep choosing him over children?” or “I can’t trust her to understand the impact on children. She has a trauma history.” These victim blaming statements interfere with partnering with survivors and holding perpetrators accountable as parents. They also prevent accurate assessments and increase worker frustration with survivors. In this episode of Partnered With a...

Duration:01:09:53

Season 3 Episode 10: “Slow Motion Murder:” Widening the understanding of the link between domestic violence and child deaths

10/13/2022
With upsetting frequency, the news will report a story of a child murdered by their mother’s partner. Sometimes this murder happens in the context of separation. Other times it is part of perpetrators' overall pattern of violence toward multiple family members. Unfortunately, dramatic homicides only tell part of the story. There are strong correlations between domestic violence and neglect deaths. Child suicides also appear to happen in the context of domestic violence. In this episode Ruth...

Duration:01:05:28

Season 3 Episode 9: Coercive Control in Children's and Mother's Lives: An interview with author and academic Dr. Emma Katz

9/22/2022
In this episode, David & Ruth discuss with Dr. Emma Katz in her new book, “Coercive Control in Children’s and Mother’s Lives.” Dr. Katz shares the story behind the development of this groundbreaking book, where she shares her learnings from interviews with 15 groups of mothers and their children. In this far ranging conversation, David, Ruth and Dr. Katz discuss: To buy Emma Katz's book Coercive Control in Children's and Mothers' Lives (Oxford University Press, 2022) Use the discount code...

Duration:01:29:44

Season 3 Episode 8: Understanding Reproductive Coercion: An Interview with Dr. Heather McCauley

8/18/2022
In this episode, David & Ruth continue their series on reproductive coercion as part of the cycle of intimate partner violence with an interview with Dr. Heather McCauley from the Michigan Consortium on Gender Based Violence MSU. Dr. McCauley discusses the newest research on reproductive coercion, the correlations to intimate partner violence, unwanted pregnancy, STI & health issues. In this interview, David, Ruth & Dr. McCauley talk about topics like: With some governments moving to...

Duration:01:04:03

Season 3 Episode 7: Understanding and Validating Survivors' Acts of Resistance

6/4/2022
Too often conversations about domestic violence define survivors as passive trauma survivors with the emphasis on the negative mental health and addiction consequences of the perpetrators' patterns of behavior. And while these impacts are real they only tell part of the story. On a daily basis, survivors engage in small and large acts of resistance to coercive control & domestic violence. Based in their knowledge of the perpetrator, their assessment of the system and available supports,...

Duration:00:47:11

Season 3 Episode 6: 7 Myths about the Safe & Together Model

6/3/2022
In this episode David & Ruth go 'myth busting!" Like any effort to promote change, there can be misconceptions of what the Safe & Together Model does or is about. The Safe & Together Model is not immune to this mischaracterizations. In their conversations, David & Ruth tackle the following 7 mistaken perceptions of the Safe & Together Model and discuss how each myth plays into our current siloed thinking around survivors and perpetrators; Myth #1: The Safe & Together Model is a perpetrator...

Duration:00:54:02

Season 3 Special Minisode: Interview with Celine Donovan, a New Zealand Safe & Together Model Certified Trainer

5/27/2022
In this short, special bonus episode, Ruth interviews Celine Donovan, a Safe & Together Model Certified Trainer, working for Tatauko Mai, the only Safe & Together Institute Partner Agency in Aotearoa (New Zealand). Ruth caught up with Celine in coffee shop in Christchurch. They spoke about about how the Model has changed her practice. Celine, who also works for Aviva in Christchurch, talks about the Model has transformed her practice, and the practice of those around her. She shares a story...

Duration:00:06:07

Season 3 Episode 5 Minisode on Worker Safety & Well Being: Managing Your Own Fears About the Safety of the Family

5/15/2022
In this final installment of the minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David discuss the importance best practice around the question of practitioners own fears about the safety of the family. Anyone who has worked with domestic violence cases has felt fear and worry for the safety of the adult and child survivors. Sometimes these fears are directly related to the facts of the perpetrator's pattern. In other instances they are artifacts of prior cases, overwhelm from...

Duration:00:20:55

Season 3 Episode 4: Reproductive Coercion

5/10/2022
Reproductive coercion is part of a perpetrator's pattern of coercive control and is a common and powerful tool that is used to entrap & control victims using pregnancy & children. Forcing women to become pregnant & maintain a pregnancy has long term implications for women & children's lives. Not only do adult survivors suffer the consequences, but children are used as pawns . In this way, reproductive control can be thought of as a form of child abuse and neglect. In many instances,...

Duration:00:50:59

Season 3 Episode 3: Minisode on Worker Safety & Well Being: When Workers Have Their Own Histories of Abuse

2/6/2022
In this fifth installment of the minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David discuss the prevalence of histories of abuse amongst professionals and how agencies can proactively shape their human resources, training and supervision to this reality. One of the main takeaways from this episode is that having staff who have abuse histories can be a real asset for an agency that addresses domestic violence in the families they serve. Research shows that a variety of...

Duration:00:20:40

Season 3 Episode 2: Perpetrators' Weaponization of Mental Health and Addiction Against Survivors

1/16/2022
Have you ever seen survivors’ mental health or substance use issues turned against them by a domestic violence perpetrator? Have you been concerned about a domestic violence survivor’s treatment being sabotaged by an abusive partner? In this podcast, David Mandel, Executive Director and Founder of the Safe & Together Institute and Ruth Stearns Mandel explore these questions. They also talk about how a perpetrator pattern-based approach can help protect survivors against these behaviors. The...

Duration:00:59:52

Season 3 Episode 1: "This is a collective male problem:" An interview with international journalist Grant Wyeth

1/9/2022
(Apologies the sound quality of this episode is slightly less than we'd like.) In their opening episode of Season 3, Partnered with a Survivor co-hosts , David Mandel & Ruth Stearns Mandel, interview international journalist Grant Wyeth. Grant Wyeth is a researcher at the Asia Institute, University of Melbourne, and a columnist for the Diplomat. He has written extensively about men's violence against women. In this interview, Grant offers an international perspective on: To learn more...

Duration:00:53:37

Season 2 Episode 24: From Police Inspector to “Moral Rebel”: An interview with Graham Goulden

12/23/2021
Ask Graham Goulden about the Bystander Approach to violence prevention, he’ll talk to you about being a “moral rebel.” “Moral rebels” intervene to stop violence when others standby. “Moral rebels” act when others walk away. Graham, a former Scottish police officer and Chief Investigator specializing in criminal investigation, drug investigation, training and crime prevention, is a passionate advocate of the bystander approach. Graham focuses on teaching concrete behavioral strategies to...

Duration:01:00:27

Season 2 Episode 23: Minisode on Worker Safety & Well Being: When Workers Are Survivors Themselves

11/26/2021
In this fourth installment of the multi-part minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David explore when workers are being targeted by their own perpetrator, and the implications for the workplace. In a just over 20 minutes , David & Ruth discuss: In the middle part of the minisode, David and Ruth discuss perpetrator behaviors that target the workplace including: As result, survivors may may present as with performance issues including missed days, lateness, being...

Duration:00:23:11

Season 2 Episode 22: Minisode on Worker Safety & Well Being: The Connection Between Worker Safety and Victim Blaming

11/26/2021
In this third installment of the multi-part minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David explore the connection between worker safety and victim blaming. In a just over 15 minutes , David & Ruth discuss: In the second half of the minisode, David and Ruth outline some steps agencies can take including: About the worker safety and well-being minisode series The goal of the series is to address the critical issues of worker safety and well-being as a critical aspect of...

Duration:00:16:12

Season 2 Episode 21: Minisode Series on Worker Safety & Well-Being: When workers are targeted by the perpetrator

11/7/2021
In this second installment of the multi-part minisode series on worker safety and well-being, Ruth and David explore the important topic of workers being targeted by domestic violence perpetrators. In a few minutes , David & Ruth discuss different ways workers are targeted including: Ruth & David also discuss how misogyny, racism or other forms of discrimination can be factors in the targeting of workers. David & Ruth finish the brief episode with specific suggestions about basic safety...

Duration:00:14:17

Season 2 Episode 20: Minisode Series on Worker Safety & Well-Being: Intro to the series

10/31/2021
In the kickoff of their first ever minisode series, David & Ruth will introduce the theme of worker safety and well-being in the context of working on issues related to domestic violence. The goal of the series is to address the critical issues of worker safety and well-being as a critical aspect of domestic violence informed systems. Since the inception of the Model, it has been central to know the perpetrators pattern, not only as it related to domestic violence-informed work with the...

Duration:00:15:01

Season 2 Episode 19: Using the concepts of collaborative co-parenting to hold perpetrators more accountable in family court

10/30/2021
Many professionals mistakenly believe that concerns related to domestic violence evaporate once a relationship is over. Survivors know differently. Their experiences help us understand the ways that domestic violence perpetrators’ patterns of behaviors extend beyond the relationship. In this episode, Ruth and David explore the nature of post separation coercive control and related topics. Ruth and David discuss: · How post separation coercive control distinguishes through a heavy focus on...

Duration:01:05:32