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Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE

Health & Wellness Podcasts

Two sex addicts in long-term successful recovery are ALSO world-class mental health professionals who specialize in porn and sex addiction recovery. Drawing on 40 years of combined personal and professional experience, Mark and Steve get RAW and REAL about HOW to overcome addiction, heal betrayal trauma and save your marriage. If you're struggling with addiction—we get it. Recovery is hard. We've been there. We'l help you take the fight to your addiction like never before. If you're married to an addict—we KNOW what it's like to nearly destroy a marriage. We'll help you understand the world of your husband's addiction and begin healing your betrayal trauma, regardless of what he decides to do. You don't have to stay stuck. You don't have to keep suffering. We've made all the mistakes so you don't have to. Take back your life. Take back your marriage. Let's do this together! This is the PBSE podcast.

Two sex addicts in long-term successful recovery are ALSO world-class mental health professionals who specialize in porn and sex addiction recovery. Drawing on 40 years of combined personal and professional experience, Mark and Steve get RAW and REAL about HOW to overcome addiction, heal betrayal trauma and save your marriage. If you're struggling with addiction—we get it. Recovery is hard. We've been there. We'l help you take the fight to your addiction like never before. If you're married to an addict—we KNOW what it's like to nearly destroy a marriage. We'll help you understand the world of your husband's addiction and begin healing your betrayal trauma, regardless of what he decides to do. You don't have to stay stuck. You don't have to keep suffering. We've made all the mistakes so you don't have to. Take back your life. Take back your marriage. Let's do this together! This is the PBSE podcast.

Location:

United States

Description:

Two sex addicts in long-term successful recovery are ALSO world-class mental health professionals who specialize in porn and sex addiction recovery. Drawing on 40 years of combined personal and professional experience, Mark and Steve get RAW and REAL about HOW to overcome addiction, heal betrayal trauma and save your marriage. If you're struggling with addiction—we get it. Recovery is hard. We've been there. We'l help you take the fight to your addiction like never before. If you're married to an addict—we KNOW what it's like to nearly destroy a marriage. We'll help you understand the world of your husband's addiction and begin healing your betrayal trauma, regardless of what he decides to do. You don't have to stay stuck. You don't have to keep suffering. We've made all the mistakes so you don't have to. Take back your life. Take back your marriage. Let's do this together! This is the PBSE podcast.

Language:

English


Episodes

Recovery and Healing ARE Possible—Here's HOW to be Successful!

6/28/2022
Porn/sex addiction recovery and healing from betrayal trauma can be SO confusing, frustrating and even come to the place of hopelessness! In this episode Mark and Steve give you a view into their own recovery and healing journeys as well as their experiences as therapists. Learn what it takes to succeed in your recovery and healing efforts. Find hope that as a couple you absolutely can come together and be better than ever! Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to...

Duration:00:26:33

The “Abuse Cycle” Par Two—The Impact of Abuse on Betrayal Trauma and Healing

6/21/2022
In Episode 127, Mark and Steve addressed the "Abuse Cycle" and its effects on addicts in recovery. In this episode, they talk directly to the partners of addicts. How does the Abuse Cycle impact partners suffering from Betrayal Trauma and their healing process? Factors to be aware of regarding the Abuse Cycle— - Abuse from prior romantic/non-romantic relationships including childhood. This can include abuse that is often "discounted" such as a history of neglect, dysfunctional family...

Duration:00:31:13

The “Abuse Cycle” Part One—The Impact of Abuse on Addiction

6/14/2022
In this episode, Mark shares his own story of abuse as a child to illustrate how the "abuse cycle" is often directly related to addiction. - The "Abuse Cycle"— 1) Tension Builds 2) the "Incident" 3) Reconciliation 4) the "Calm" - The Abuse Cycle is NOT an excuse for addiction but a VERY CRUCIAL EXPLANATION! - Remember that "abuse" is in the eye of the beholder: what seems "minor" to one may be "deeply traumatic" to another. - Understanding an abusive history doesn't "fix" the pain or the...

Duration:00:28:28

My Addict Partner of 33 Years is Out of Control and I Don’t Know Where to Start!

6/7/2022
This heart-felt description, question and request comes from a PBSE listener— I’m a wife of 33yrs in betrayal trauma after finding husband on multiple times has had on and off affairs over 8 yrs with the same person and now found he is using drugs. Multiple addictions. I would like to set boundaries but I’m not part of his addictions as he does not turn to me. No sexual relationship in 2yrs between us. Can you talk about escalation of addiction. He started with weed then alcohol then porn...

Duration:00:27:18

How to Surrender Control of an Addict’s Behaviors while Maintaining Boundaries and Accountability.

5/31/2022
It's very normal for a betrayed spouse to seek to be safe and avoid being "blindsided" by more betrayal, by trying to "control" the addict spouse's recovery. Here's how a PBSE listener describes this challenge— My addict is coming up on 2 years of sobriety and 5th D-Day. I am in therapy and he has been in therapy off and on, changing therapists a few times and seeing them maybe twice a month. He was going to multiple SA meetings a week, even leading some. Now he goes a few times a month. In...

Duration:00:28:17

“To Masturbate or Not to Masturbate?” that is the question!

5/24/2022
Masturbation is an extremely controversial topic these days; one that elicits a lot of heated debate. This is especially true when an addict spouse engages in masturbation alone and separate from his spouse. Here's what one PBSE listener had to say about this— Hello Mark and Steve- I want to say thank you so much for your weekly podcasts. I am a former client of Steve’s, and I still listen to the podcasts weekly. I am so grateful to you both, for your conversations. I listed to your most...

Duration:00:29:21

It’s NOT an Addiction if I’m Only Using “Porn Substitutes”—Right???

5/17/2022
There's a lot of heated debate out there about "what is pornographic" and "what is not." Too often in these arguments, the REAL ISSUES can get pushed aside. Recently, a PBSE listener and spouse, submitted the following with regard to her partner's use of "porn substitutes"— Just over a month ago, around 2 months into his latest recovery, I noticed my partner watching videos on YouTube that are porn substitutes (eg clickbait 'funny' videos with suggestive thumbnails, videos of women filming...

Duration:00:30:37

How Mark & Steve moved from “Defensiveness” to “Fighting for their Marriages”—Part Three—The Conclusion!

5/10/2022
This is Part Three—the concluding episode on "How Mark and Steve moved from defensiveness to fighting for their marriages. In this episode, Mark and Steve talk raw and real to addicts in recovery about—HANGING BACK vs. LEADING OUT. - When an addict in recovery "hangs back" in the marriage, what does that look like? - Checking-the-boxes attitude or "it wasn't on the list." - Waiting for a spouse to apply pressure before taking action; doing the mandatory/minimum - Going into "mopey/victim...

Duration:00:24:38

How Mark & Steve moved from “Defensiveness” to “Fighting for their Marriages”—Part Two

5/3/2022
In "Part Two," Mark and Steve address a VERY difficult situation for recovery addicts and their spouses—HOW to navigate people and places that are "triggering" (for both the addict and the spouse)— - A review of the people, situations and locations that can be triggering for both spouses. - How an addict in recovery can use "grounding techniques" to successfully navigate through triggers. - How to prepare for triggering situations IN ADVANCE. - How to "get ahead" of triggers as opposed...

Duration:00:26:05

How Mark & Steve moved from “Defensiveness” to “Fighting for their Marriages"—Part One

4/26/2022
One of the greatest challenges we face as sex/porn addicts in recovery is becoming "defensive" when our partners offer feedback, speak their truth, stand their ground, face triggering people or places, etc. We easily go into fight, flight or freeze and DEFEND ourselves as opposed to "fighting for our marriage"! In "Part One," Mark and Steve share their personal experiences with specifically HOW to go from defensiveness to FIGHTING for their marriages when it comes to—"My spouse is speaking...

Duration:00:26:17

How Long Should I Be “Sober” Before I Start Dating or Having Sex Again?

4/19/2022
This PBSE episode is directed at single listeners and those already in a relationship. A PBSE listener who is single sent in the following quesiton— Hi there! I'm so grateful for your podcast- just found it last week on and feel I've already gained a lot. Here's something I'd love love love if y'all could address: For us single guys (and girls), at what point in recovery can we/ should be/ may we start dating? I know in 12 step circles, many suggest a year of sobriety before dating. In your...

Duration:00:23:53

Should I Just be “OK” with my Partner's Lusting?

4/12/2022
In this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a PBSE listener's question about her struggles with her partner lusting after a co-worker— Hello Mark & Steve, My partner and I are currently in reconciliation from sex addiction and we are in our 4th month of monthly couples sessions as well as I recently started individual sessions. We really like our sex specialist, but he tells me to not pay attention to [my partner's] "lusting" and to get out of his head when it comes to the lusting as well....

Duration:00:18:55

Are you Sick & Tired of Relapsing? Then it’s time to “Be Stubborn”and “Get An Attitude”!!!

4/5/2022
Are you trying to break free from porn viewing and/or other unwanted sexual behaviors, but you just keep falling back into it?! In this episode, Mark and Steve get real about their own struggles to attain lasting sobriety–what does it really take? How exactly do you get to that “permanent place of sobriety”? You may be surprised by the answer. Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses...

Duration:00:35:24

How can I KNOW when my Partner has finally Stopped Lying and is Serious About His Recovery?

3/29/2022
In this episode, Mark and Steve answer a spouse's questions about her addict husband and how she will KNOW that he is serious about recovery and no longer lying— My husband is in early recovery for his sex addiction which he has kept very well-hidden for years. We had our most recent D-Day’s 6 months ago at which time he swore that I knew everything and he was working on changing.. I was seeing a CSAT for betrayal trauma and he was seeing a therapist who specialized in “relationship issues...

Duration:00:29:57

I Have Discovered My Husband's Relapses More Than a Dozen Times. What Now?

3/22/2022
In this episode, Mark and Steve address a major challenge faced by many betrayed spouses—they keep uncovering and discovering their addict partner's relapses and bad behaviors. The addict may get some "sobriety" under his belt, but refuses to lead out by proactively pursuing his own recovery work. It seems the only time he does much of anything is when he "gets caught." Here's the situation a PBSE listener presented— i am messaging you from sunny England about my husband who doesn't know if...

Duration:00:26:30

When is it OK for my Addict Partner to “Back Off” from His Recovery?

3/15/2022
How long should a spouse expect her addict partner to keep up his recovery? Doesn't there come a time when he can "back off" to some degree? In this episode Mark and Steve answer an excellent set of questions offered by a PBSE listener. Here's what she had to say— My partner and I have been in recovery since February 2021. Your podcast has really helped pull us through some rough times. We have navigated the "messy middle" and my partner says that now he is in a "good place." He has taken...

Duration:00:25:53

What if my Betrayed Spouse Won’t Keep Up?

3/8/2022
In this episode, Mark and Steve openly and passionately address a PBS listener's situation and questions. Here's what he asked— I have been found out for the eighth time. I am working with my counselor to work on my recovery. She says she’s not sure how much longer she will stay in the marriage. I will not fail to work on my recovery this time. I am in a SAA twelve step group. I will work on myself to make myself a better man. Here’s my question—I truly want to be transparent. However she...

Duration:00:23:26

Episode 112: As Addicts, We Can Throw Up HUGE Barriers to Recovery and Mending Our Most Important Relationships!

3/1/2022
In this episode, Mark and Steve address a situation and series of questions from a PBSE listener who is the partner of a porn/sex addict and struggling with betrayal trauma. Here's what she had to say— Hi Mark and Steve. first off thank you for all that you do. my partner and I have been listening to your podcasts lately. I have a few concerns though that I'm seeking input on: he told me he's not in a place of his recovery to be disclosing things to me such as what his fetish was/is. I...

Duration:00:24:01

TV, Movies & Media in a Betrayed Relationship—Part Two: What to do if you are the Spouse.

2/22/2022
In episode 110, Mark and Steve addressed the responsibility that a recovering porn/sex addict has with regard to TV, movies and media--both for his own recovery and in creating the environment where his spouse can feel safe and heal. In this episode, Mark and Steve get super real about how crazy hard it can be for a betrayed spouse to trust her recovering addict husband around TV, movies, media and in public in general! HOW can a spouse trying to heal from betrayal trauma navigate her...

Duration:00:28:39

TV, Movies & Media in a Betrayed Relationship—Part One: What to do if you are the addict.

2/15/2022
Something that can be a BIG issue for couples—when one is a porn/sex addict in recovery and the other is a betrayed spouse trying to heal—is TV, movies and media! A PBSE listener asked Mark and Steve about this— Hi guys! My husband and I are working through his sobriety and our recoveries. We found your podcast and are truly thankful we did, thank you so much!! I had a question regarding boundaries. I have been working on my list but I am struggling with one in particular. When my husband...

Duration:00:27:08