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The Relaxed Male

Health & Wellness Podcasts

The Relaxed Male is a podcast that helps men find their purpose and learn to breathe. We offer solutions for when life gets tough. Whether it’s divorce or just the stress of everyday life, we can help you get back on your feet and be the man you want to be. You deserve more than what society tells us we should do as men. Be the father your children need, be the partner your spouse needs, and most importantly - be yourself! This all starts with you getting out of your own way and deciding how you are going to live life.


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The Relaxed Male is a podcast that helps men find their purpose and learn to breathe. We offer solutions for when life gets tough. Whether it’s divorce or just the stress of everyday life, we can help you get back on your feet and be the man you want to be. You deserve more than what society tells us we should do as men. Be the father your children need, be the partner your spouse needs, and most importantly - be yourself! This all starts with you getting out of your own way and deciding how you are going to live life.








Marking Friends That Matter

People want to think that finding friends is difficult. and while it can be challenging to find quality friends the issue of finding friends isn't any harder than changing your thoughts. Your thoughts about meeting people will result in you either meeting good people or meeting bad people. or meeting no people. That Choice is yours. Be intentional As with anything in life if you aren't being intentional in what you do you will get results but those results aren't going to be to your liking. They may fit your narrative, but they wont be the quality or type of person you want in your life. MY version of the Jim Rhon quote is you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most intentional time with. So if you are with people who think that corporations are evil and you are trying to start your own company then you are probably with the wrong crowd and you will have to choose whether you want to leave or if you want to Make yourself like who you want to be friends with Go to where those men are found Serve those men Talk regular


Liberating Yourself from the Need for Validation

Something I hear over and over again is the man needs validation from his wife or the wife needs validation from her husband or friends or family or something to that effect. In this week's podcast episode, I am here to help you see that you are not a parking lot voucher and so you don't need to be validated. We also talk about the fact that I am out of the office and back in a truck and why that was a good thing. What is validation? Why do we seek it? How do we validate ourselves? Don't forget to subscribe


Letting Others Fix Their Own Problems

What happens when you try to fix other people's problems? The answer is a lot of unintended consequences. Many guys who are going through their divorce see that they are struggling to find their place in the current scenario and with men often having some aspect of a nice guy they try to rush to a person's aid. Why can't you fix a problem if you can? Trying to fix a problem isn't going to help anybody but yourself feel good about yourself. It doesn't help the other person with their problem it may give a temporary bandaid but it doesn't fix the issue at hand. Robert Lupton talks about the damage that churches and charities do when they try to fix a problem. In his book Toxic Charity: How the Church Hurts Those They Help and How to Reverse It Robert talks about how helping a person or caretaking is more destructive in the long run. This is because you take a person's reason to care. This act goes against a person's will to be self-sufficient. People have their own free will that they would otherwise be able to use if you hadn't taken it from them. So fixing a problem isn't going to help the target be better. Look at toddlers when they are wanting to dress themselves. They realize they have free will and so they want to use their newfound power. So they want to do it themselves. If you do it for them because of whatever reason and you get a 2-year-old who has meltdowns because they can't wear their Hawaiian shirt with shorts cowboy boots and a bucket hat that is the wrong color. Teenagers are the same way. That is what created the rebellion in them. We don't let them live life on their terms. Why? Not because it would damage them in any way but because of the thoughts we have about the circumstance. We think they will damage their future. When it's not your future to control. Yet we still try to "help" and then look in shock when the other person is frustrated angry resentful and ends up doing the very opposite of what you suggest. They actively will start to sabotage your actions. All because you tried to help because of your thoughts. So am I saying you shouldn't help others? No, the farthest from that point. I am saying don't help a person simply to make yourself feel better. Don't take a person's reasons to care because you want to care. The big reason fixing other people doesn't work is because you can't change how they think.


Are You Numbing Yourself?

What is holding you back? The root cause is fear. Yet as I have talked before we run from fear. We avoid feeling fear in almost every aspect of life. This is where courage in the face of fear is most needed. Yet we hide from that fear by masking the fear. We often do many different activities to hide from the fact that we are feeling fear. When you are hiding from fear or any other emotion what you are really doing is not addressing the problem at hand. that problem is a thought that you are having. It doesn't matter what the thought is. If the thought is creating a fear-based emotion Why are you numbing? The key to all your ability to get up and go achieve what your desires are is that you have to stop numbing yourself. That is what overeating drug abuse alcohol abuse or any other item that could be termed as addiction, or distraction from a thought you are having. Instead of working on the thought and seeing how that thought does or doesn't serve you. We often just shove it out of the way and try to bury it. Yet it is interesting how that buried body just keeps rising back up and confronting us time and time again. So why are you numbing? What do I mean when I say you are numbing? What do I mean when I say numbing? Say your ex-wife says you need to pay more alimony. What does that do to you? Make you angry, anxious, or something similar? Many guys will display anger and then turn to liquor or if they are in a state that allows marijuana to be legal then they may strike up a bowl. Others turn to food, work, video games, or something very similar to that. Numbing is the act of us denying an emotion their time. Yes, emotions have a life span and they will get old and stale if we don't use them when it is time. Stale emotions are just as unpleasant as a stale piece of bread or potato chip. Though swelling a stale chip is actually easier than a stale chip. Resisting an emotion When you are trying to force yourself to feel something other than the emotion that is at hand that is resisting emotions. We often do this with fear-based emotions but it can happen at any time.


The Difference Between a Boy and a Man

Now You hear me talk about Grown men and grown boys. I have juxtaposed the two against each other a few times. Yet I want to do it on the podcast because sometimes people just don't like to read. Yet there is a huge reason that it is important to differentiate these two. That reason is that one is the source of weakness and victim mindset while the other isn't. Boys are Men are


Living Your Life in Fear

What does it look like when you are living your life in fear? When you have a constant state of anxiety and fear how does one man cope? In fact, how does anyone cope? That is a huge and very important question to ask I come across so many men who are living in one form of fear or another. The Gentleman who is talking in this post shows all the detail of why living in fear causes you so many different forms of suffering and anguish. Anyone else in here dealing with a soon to be ex that still wants total control of your life ? She weaponizes the kids against me (2/7months) they don’t live here so I have to FaceTime them on her time only and if I miss the time allotted, she’ll get all crazy . This woman evens goes as far as blocking me on all ways to contact them when we aren’t on good terms ( when I don’t let her have her way ) what is the best way to go about this because I just want to move on and have my life without her trying to control me. Some of the points that need to be made How do you move on? Stop playing Weaponizing the Kids Yeah, she is because she sees that she has an influence on your life. That is all people want when they are like that. Bullys want to know they have some type of power over other people. Vengeful ex-wives are the same way. Their life is not making waves and they know they can create anxiety in their ex. So they do it over and over. Cause you are willing to let it happen. But the Kids! Yeah, it sucks that she is being that type of woman that she doesn't care about the kids enough to hold them, prisoner, over your head. This is the only leverage she has and desperate people love to use any leverage they can find. Another thing you need to do is talk to a lawyer. Yeah, I get it you owe your soul to the last one. However f you didn't get a good representation from the last one then you will want to find a different one. Now I am not a lawyer I don't play one on tv or on a podcast I have gone through the whole kid's thing with an ex-girlfriend who wanted to play similar games. So record every interaction you have with your ex, Let her know that you are recording your calls and the talks you have with the kids all correspondents go into that file. If you call and the channel is blocked show proof that it is blocked and document all of that too. Most of all stop living your life in fear! This is the killer. This is why your ex is able to be the tyrant you are perceiving her to be. You are acting afraid when you could actually be pitying her. other links given Tests women do


Why Are You So Busy?

To be busy is almost a badge of pride for most men. Yet is it really? Is it better to be busy or is there something else you want to focus on? If it is something else then why do we focus on being busy? Why is busy what we want to do and not the other thing? The fallacy of busy Being busy is not the goal we want. Whether we are running our own business or helping another person achieve their goals by being an employee. Being busy is wasting energy and time. I came across a thought about how busy is showing up in noticeable ways as I was writing this week's blog post and it is more of a conspiracy theory however it also shows a point. My thought was The interesting thing about all of the system that has unemployed people acting like they are busy is actually keeping the useless time wasters out of our way. Yet they are missing out. They believe they are working the system so they don't have to work yet the satisfaction a person gets from being productive is so much greater than just getting a check. to even get $600 a week for unemployment is a mere pittance when you look at the potential money and satisfaction one gets from actually accomplishing something. So with my social commentary out of the way. Let's dive into why being busy honestly doesn't serve you while Your productivity is the brass ring you want to aim for. Why you are busy but not productive Busy is to avoid the thoughts of the results you are having. When you are busy you appear to not only those around you but to yourself too that you're doing something. and you are doing something. You are moving around. You are making lots of evidence that you are not standing still. Yet, motion doesn't mean productive. I can walk around in a circle in my backyard. That is motion, all that I am producing is a round place in the backyard where there is no grass. Now if that is my objective, then Yay! However, I am sure that objective doesn't serve me. So being busy is a waste of time and energy. That is the drawback you have to contend with your thoughts How to stop being a busy little bee? To have the ability to stop being busy you have to have a purpose. Not so much a life's purpose though that does help but what are you accomplishing today? That is what you want to find out. Give yourself a purpose. So stop being a busy bee and be a productive beaver. Plan your day Make a plan, and schedule what you want to achieve for today. This is a scorecard of what you try and the results you get. After you have made a schedule of what you want to accomplish then do it. You will fight with yourself over how tired you are. what's holding you back, and lots of other thoughts. That is your mind wanting you to stop and go back to the old way. This is where you have to pat your little mind on the head and say thanks for looking out for me but I want this. Then get to work. Monday Hour One This is how you get more done in a day than a normal person. Monday Hour One takes your focus and applies a magnifying glass to it. So suddenly you have the power of the sun focused on your task. Create a todo list Decide what is most important Grab your scheduler Schedule the important times first Now put your to-do list in. from the most important to the least. Now observe all the thoughts you are going to have about why it isn't going to work.


Why are you avoiding happiness?

Note I talk about this being episode 171 and it is episode 172 Many times we claim that happiness is our goal. We want to be happy. We just want to be happy. Yet when it is time to take steps to be happy what is holding you back? Why do we avoid happiness? Because we are designed to look out for the bad. We know we have a better chance of staying alive if we worry about the tiger that might be in the rosebushes The Issue is that today there are not that many tigers roaming around our municipalities. So we take that fear and anxiety that we normally have and we translate it to mean we can't go for what makes us happy. We are misreading our signs. That we are stepping into an unknown.


The Truth of Being Judgmental

So, how many times have you had someone yell at you about bout not judging them? What do they mean by the whole don't judge me? How do you not be judgmental? You cant What is actually happening people don't want to be told they are out of step. They don't want to be told they are wrong. It is a double standard It is a lot like how women want to dress nicely to attract the guys they find attractive but get mad when the normal guy finds them attractive.


How Do You Forgive?

We as humans have emotional responses about many many things. Some people have more responses than others. Yet one of the big choices a person is able to make is not to the benefit of someone else but to themselves. Yet for some reason many people don't want to better themselves. I have started to understand that many people often seek out suffering and pain in their lives. This sounds so odd to me because so many people actually complain that they just want to be happy. Yet when happiness comes along they turn away from it. Why? Well, that will probably be next week's episode. Today wanted to talk about Forgiving. One of the more basic aspects of the human condition. Because humans are emotional beings our actions are often performed under the influence of emotion. Those emotions may be Pride, accomplishment, anger, Frustrations, jealousy, and so on and so forth. Because of any of those emotions, you may also have the thought that you were wronged, and want an apology. Then again maybe you had someone who wanted to apologize to you. OR they want you to apologize. Do you apologize or do you not? When should you apologize? This is what we are going to be talking about. Why Forgive? Why should you forgive someone who wronged you? Well, that is the question. To understand why you first have to know what you are forgiving, and why you are forgiving them. There are factors only you will take into account and so you have to decide if that is worthy of forgiving. Does it serve you to hold on? When to forgive Is it their first offense or have they been slighting you since you have known them? Should You Forget? This is also up to you however there are some nuances to when How do you ask for forgiveness?


How To Shift Your Thoughts

Thoughts are what make your world yours. We love to have thoughts and share thoughts about what our thoughts are thought to mean. Our thoughts are fascinating when you step back and look at them. Especially when you can step back and see when a person is lost in their thought loops. A thought is nothing more than what we think. Was that the audience saying " Duh!"? YOu would think that it is a universal truth. Yet when you look at all the Karens in the world getting upset at everyone else for not thinking as they do. When you see someone who is just having an emotional meltdown, you step back and marvel at the whole scene and understand that their thoughts are at the root of their meltdown We talk about common sense but that actually means common thoughts. That is where we get ourselves into trouble. Our thoughts are our thoughts. Nobody else's thoughts whatsoever. Yet we want to think that our thoughts have no power and they do. They create our emotions. Leaves in a stream Method This is where you take your worrisome thoughts and you imagine you placing them on a stream. You then let them go. It is supposed to help you disengage with the thought as being something real and more of nothing but a thought The Thought Download This allows you to get your thoughts out in front of you so that you are able to see what exactly you are thinking. You are then able to see what is actually important and what is not. You can look at a thought and decide if it is important to you or if it is something you want to change. The Model The Model is at the heart of my coaching. It shows people how their thoughts are at the root of their obstacles. It is what they are thinking about a certain problem that is actually getting in their way. To use the model you want to lay out the following lines C T F A R Then each of those lines receives a particular item You have circumstances. This is the event you are having trouble with. The circumstance is neutral and is nothing but the facts. Thought is what you thought of the circumstance The feeling is how you feel about that circumstance. The Action is what did you do? The result is what happened This helps you see where your thoughts lead you astray. How your thoughts create your results and if you want to change where you are failing you have to change your thoughts around the circumstance. Bridging thoughts Many times when it comes to changing your thoughts. You can't just suddenly shift how you are thinking. It can and often takes time and patents because you are having to get your mind use to the new thought a little bit at a time so that you are able to get past the river of Misery Getting a coach The Quickest way to change your line of thinking be it your mindset or you want a whole new thought to run with your best bet is to get a coach. If you want to go this route then I suggest you set up a call. The Next Step If you’re struggling with thoughts or limitations around what is making you play small in life, then getting coached by Bryan is your next best step. No more feeling frustrated, lost, or hopeless about being a victim. Getting coached by Bryan will help you overcome your self-confidence blocks and discover what is truly possible in your life. Take The Next Step->


Beating Frustration - When You Have Had Enough

What happens when the pressure of life gets too much? How do so many men act like life doesn't bother them while you are sweating bullets? Frustration is a huge emotion when you are in a stressful situation. Examine why you are having all this pressure You are running to get the kids for your 4 hours of visitation. Yet you have a boss who is holding your job over your head. Stating that if you aren't at work when he says you will have plenty of time to play daddy. Then you have all the different hoops that your ex-wife is demanding that you jump through all kinds of hoops to be able to get the court-appointed visitation times. Then you have all the lack of funds. You are living on the wrong side of the tracks. In a roach-infested apartment. Squeeking by on less than half of the funds you had when you were married. While the ex is going on a trip to Jamaica next month. So yeah there is some pressure. is it a lack of time? Why do you not have enough time in the day? You have the same number of hours as anybody else. Where does the lack of time come from? It comes from a lack of discipline and time management. You aren't mad at who you believe you are mad at. So many times we want to take our frustrations out on other people. These are the people who you believe are at fault for your suffering. Those people may be your boss, your ex-wife, or her new boy toy. Yet who is really at fault? give you a hint it's none of those people. Frustration Why does frustration cause so much suffering? It is the feeling of fear that it isn't going to end. Why will it not end? because you are in control of the frustration. What causes frustration? Frustration is from you allowing yourself to lose control over your life. You are busy letting others control every aspect of your life and you wonder when you will get a turn. That is the big question when will you get a turn to control your own life? Frustration is also from the thoughts and fears you have about the circumstances you have at the moment. Why does your Soon-To-Be-Ex push your buttons so? Why is she able to get you so angered? What if you didn't play that game? What if you chose to not get angry anymore? what if you chose to let the chains of frustration rattle to the floor? To do that you have to stop looking at life as though it is happening to you. Start acting as if your life is yours. What are your thoughts about the circumstance? The biggest way to beat frustration back is to know where the frustration and stress are coming from. Like any emotion and feeling, that emotion is coming from you. More specifically from your thoughts about the circumstance. How to alleviate your pressure. Now just because you realize that it comes from you doesn't mean you now going to be free from frustrations, anger, and other negative emotions. Remember life is 50/50. However, there are ways that you are able to handle your emotions, especially fear-oriented emotions. Talk to your Band of Brothers These men are here to help you when the crap gets too thick and deep. Use them often. They have the ability to take that crap and turning into gold. All you have to do is talk to them. Whoop up on a tree Yeah if you have a lot of pent-up frustration anger and resentment. Grab a baseball bat and start waylaying a tree. Yell and scream as you are doing so. Let all that bad energy out. Don't worry about the tree unless it is a sapling you are actually going to help it more than hurt it. Seek Counseling If your friends aren't helping and have knocked over a whole forest of trees and still no resolution is in sight then go talk to a counselor. There could be deeper lying problems that They can help with Now if you are sure that it's not any deep-seated problem that you are facing and you are still struggling with time and want some help in fixing a frustratingly common problem then reach out and talk to me. We can look and see what this problem makes possible and you might be...


Divorced at Home With Craig

This week we have a long episode. Yet it is a great episode. I have a friend of mine who has gone through a divorce and we talk about how a divorce changes a man and how that can be for the better or the worse. This week we have Craig Ignatowitz from the podcast At Home with Craig, He has gone through 3 different divorces and so if anyone has some insight as to how divorce can affect a man it is this fine gentleman. Home Page - Athomewithcraig Podcast Twitter - Igster101


How do you take action?

One of the main traits that define a man is his ability to take action. Stop playing the ignorant game You do know you just don't want to have to say it out loud. I don't know is an indulgent action Make a decision One of the hardest parts boys have is when they are faced with a choice. How do they decide? How can you decide? Why are decisions so hard to make? What is a decision? If you are wanting to weigh out the pros and cons then do so. If you still can't then flip a coin. Talk to others but you have to make your own choice. Stop relying on others for your thinking. Start actually thinking Choose to take action and then do it!


Overcoming Fear

Let's go back to the first night your wife told you she wants a divorce. How did you act or what did you do? You had thoughts racing through your head like, She's going to take the house. I am going to have to live in an apartment again. She is going to take the kids away from me. Followed by tons of questions that get answered with scary thoughts. That first night and the rest of the week were pure hell. You were wondering where she was going each night while you stayed home with your mind cranking out thoughts and feeling scared of the future. Because of that fear, you were not taking action. You sat on the couch and kept thinking of more scenarios that ended in disaster and created more fear and anger and resentment in you. So what do you do? How do you get out of fear so you can take action? What is fear? Fear is an emotion and if you look at an emotion wheel you often see that fear is the opposite of love. It is a base emotion that builds other feelings. Fear builds out to be anger, jealousy, resentment, bitterness, anxiety, and more negative feelings all coming from an element of fear. The thing is when we really look at it fear is us resisting a feeling. We are afraid that we might be humiliated. we fear being called out and feeling like an imposter. We fear the emotions that may rise up if we are rejected. We avoid it because the feeling might be unpleasant. However, emotions are nothing more than a vibration we feel throughout our bodies. Our life is 50/50 as is. Why is fear avoided? It doesn't feel good. Who wants to be afraid We want to use fear as an excuse and that's all it is. A story you are telling yourself. You living an unintentional life. Brooke calls it a mismanaged mind Some say that fear is your mind and past experiences telling you that you are in a place that will get you killed. And that isn't the case at all. Fear is going to happen. Fear is the opposite of love and it destroys. Fear will keep you away from your dreams. Fear will keep you playing small. All because you are afraid of what someone will think. What someone will say. Or how someone will act. We will tell ourselves all these stories about why something won't work when we are operating out of fear. I have written and talked about fear before and needs to be reiterated from time to time. From why fear is actually a compass to what fear means to your goals. There are a lot of thoughts about fear. Fear is what keeps us from finding contentment and fulfillment in our marriage. Why we find ourselves missing opportunities is thanks to fear. It is the 400-pound gorilla in our life. Fear is an emotion that keeps us from success. However, all of these are invalid reasons. Why? because if you want what you desire you have to pierce that veil of fear. and it actually is a very thin transparent opaque veil. We can't fully see the other side so we don't know how hard we need to go at it. what if there is a hole in the floor? Maybe a bear under the table? We don't know so we had better not try to get to the other side of the veil. Let's sit here till we have more information. What more info do you need? What you desire is on the other side of that fear. All you have to do is pass through it. Will it be uncomfortable? oh heck yeah! but that discomfort is the currency for your dreams. Does fear actually help you? Yes. It keeps you from jumping off a cliff. It keeps you from stepping out in front of the bus. Fear is used by your brain to keep you safe. The problem is that it has overdone it. We are afraid to even try to go for our dreams because we have been told it is hard. We can become horrible monsters when we are faced with fear. Look at the germans from the 20s to the 40s The fear in Germany caused them to actually blame their own shortcomings on a group of people. A madman was able to pour all the fears the bavarian people had into the Jewish population and people turned their brains off and performed the holocaust. So how do you...


When Relationships Run Their Course

Relationships like many things in life aren't always permanent. There are some relationships that will last only for the time of your airline's flight. While some may last for decades. Now, this needs to be said, If you are in a place where you are in danger then yeah time to leave. Do not pass go and forget about the $200. If you are in an abusive relationship then get out and find safety first. Then you can work on your thoughts. Yes, men can be in abusive relationships too. Those types of relationships are often not reported. However, it can be just as dangerous. If this is the case call the National Domestic Violence Helpline 800-799-7233 When should you leave a relationship? When to not leave a relationship What leaving a relationship will not do What leaving will do Get coached


Off Balance? Get Focused

How many times have you found yourself off balance? Especially when you are going through something as unpredictable as a divorce. It is easy to be knocked off balance when you don't have your focus What happens when you are off balance? Exercise To Try Close your eyes and stand on one foot. Very difficult right? Why? you don't have a point to focus on. Open your eyes and you are able to focus on a point. How do you get rebalanced? Find a point to focus on This is why you need to have a purpose. You are harder to knock off balance when you are focused on one thing. If you are swinging your head around trying to see what is coming at you. You will lose sight of where you are in relation to the different crises that are flying your way and you will get hit with more unneeded drama than if you just pressed on with your main focus. What are you focused on? is it important or is it something that others want you to focus on? Are you focused on what keeps you balanced, or has the storm around you caused you to lose focus? If you have just lost your focus then you have to regain that focus. If you don't have a focus this is where finding a focus is important. The benefits of finding a purpose to focus on


Why Divorces Happens

Now I have talked about this a bit in Episode 82 The 3 A's There are 3 reasons for divorce and those are the 3 A's. These A's are trust destroyers. You can overcome these but it takes time and a lot of it. When I say, "time" I don't mean days or months I mean a minimum of 3 years but it can take as long as the offended party needs to trust in the offender again. Now those three A's are... You may hear something like, we just fell out of love. Ok but that isn't a reason to get a divorce. That is a thought and we are talking about thoughts soon. One side dropped the ball This is where often the woman gets tired of her man not being the man she married. Yes, this I am pointing at us dudes. Why? because when we marry we are often in shape and driven for a purpose. We are excited and out to conquer the world. Yet let a few years go by and we are sitting in front of the television watching sports and not going anywhere. We as men dropped the ball. Now the woman can do this too. However, this happens more to men than to women nowadays. Women initiate 70% of all divorces. They wouldn't do that as much if men were not dropping the ball. So yeah We do have to take responsibility for women not being satisfied with what we are doing. We failed many of their tests. When we give up and resign our lives to what it is. The women in our lives will not be happy. They want to go on an adventure with their man. The Emotional Connection Faded This is often a reason given when one side has given up. Now it is often stated because of the lack of being fed a love language. It could also be that one part of the marriage doesn't see an objective. They struggle with finding why. This is often tied to dropping the ball but it is also just as much that men not talking to their friends. You can wear out an emotional connection Yeah it's possible. When you turn to your wife with every possible problem you have. You will tire her out. Women need positive energy in their life. They get that energy from their men. Men take negative energy and share it with their other masculine friends. This is why you need a good group of men who you see on a regular basis. So you spread the negative out and you draw in the positive for your wife. If you don't do that enough your wife will tire of your emotionally draining her and she will leave. You have way too many weak pillars. Are you building your mind? What is your health like? How many friends do you have in your inner circle? What are you working towards? This is what women want to see in their men. Men who are driven to improve themselves. Men on a quest. This Nice Guy Women are smart and sadly the nice guy thinks the opposite. They believe they can manipulate the women in their life forever. Yet these women catch on fairly quickly and they start drawing away. They stop with the sex and start nagging. It becomes the problem that all nice guys complain about. The woman is distant and cold. Why? because the nice guy is a manipulative bastard and won't let his wife have her own emotions. Thoughts This is the reason behind all divorces. Even when we are looking at the 3 A's. A person's thoughts are behind those words. Thoughts are what keep men from going for the gusto. It is Your thoughts are what keep you on your couch, watching a game that you have power over. The thoughts that tell you your wife is cold or even frigid come from your mind. A person's thoughts are what create the emotions they feel. When they feel those emotions they make a judgment as to whether that emotion is good or bad. If the emotions are unpleasant they will try to do stuff that creates better feelings within their body. This could be an affair, use addiction, or may even turn to abuse. Thoughts are the most powerful item in a person's world so you can actually change a divorce by changing YOUR thoughts. You don't even have to find out what your wife's thoughts are. You just have to make the change in yourself and your world...


Your Best Year Yet!

Tools Needed Plan Now I have been talking about Break the plan down into sizable chunks Use the Smart goal technique This technique is just the start. It is nothing more than a starting place. This helps you get your thoughts in order and determine how you will proceed. Because when you take the SMART technique and add it to something like the 12-week year, you start making massive strides. this is because you are starting to become as intense to your cause as you have ever before. You are going to become gazelle focused. Things that start to draw you away typically will not have that power over you anymore. All because you do have a plan. 12-week year The 12-week year is a means of breaking up a year. Long goals into smaller more manageable bites. This means you have four subgoals. Those sub-goals are broken up into 12 mini-goals. Those mini goals are what you focus on each week. It takes the SMART goal strategy and applies Micro habits so that you have a better chance of succeeding. Execute This is where the rubber meets the road. You have to try and fail then try again only to fail some more. This is where your mindset starts to change. Growing and changing so that your goals are attainable is at the heart of all that we want to do. This means we have to grow and we have to fail. As we fail, we learn. As we learn, we grow. Rinse and repeat till you find your success. if you truly want the fulfillment, you were after you have to work on your thoughts. The thoughts create your results. When you have the right thought for the right circumstance you have success. So how do you figure out what the right thought is? Essentially, you use the scientific method. No not the method that modern scientist use, where they make a theory and think that is all that is needed. You have to try something that you believe might work, and when it doesn't examine why it didn't work make one small adjustment and try again. This is also called trial and error. Find a way to keep to the plan. This is where you will have to try and try and try again. you will find out that you are just playing the part and not actually making any progress. This can be highly frustrating. This can keep you from reaching those goals. This is why you need to review regularly. Review What is working and what isn't? Do you want to make sure you always ask yourself three questions? Review your actions every week to find out what is working and what is not working. This allows you to make the needed adjustments to reach your goal. If writing a blog post every week isn't getting you the results you want then you might want to change something about the blog post. Maybe the type of blog post needs to be changed maybe you need to change to a podcast. How do you know, you try. As you keep trying, you're going to find thoughts that come up that are going to try to keep you from finding your goal. They are going to get you spinning in doubt and confusion. These thoughts are going to keep you playing small. All thanks to your brain wanting to make sure that it seeks pleasure, Avoids pain, and remains efficient as possible. Something new is unpleasant. Failure is painful and learning something new isn't energy efficient so going to a new possibility and goal goes against everything your brain doesn't want. That is until you reach your goal. If you are interested in reaching a new goal and seeing what is actually possible in your world. reach out and let's talk. If you would like to have a consult and see if we are a good fit, please Schedule today


What Does Your Future Hold?

This is the end of the year. Therefore it stands to reason that we are looking toward the future. Why you don't look to the future? I don't know how. What if I fail? I don't have the money I don't know what I want I have never done X. Are you looking to the future or are you just daydreaming? Many times we say we are looking at the future when in all reality we are daydreaming. The difference between planning and dreaming is the deadline. When are you going to achieve the goal? What is keeping you from even trying? Why try? Cause you are going to fail? The Motivational Triad Failing is a good thing When you fail you are learning how to not do something. You are also getting the right mindset needed for success. If you don't have the right mindset and it gets tough then you will not know how to handle the circumstance. You will fall back on your old ways of thinking. Remember your results come from your thoughts How to plan for the future? Your thoughts will create your Results If you think you can't then you won't If you think it is possible you will find a way. It is all about how you think of the circumstances. Do you have an end-of-the-year review? is it more than you just beating yourself up? Many times that is what we do and call it a review. What worked? what didn't work? What could you try instead of the stuff that didn't work?