The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast

Send us Fan Mail On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre In this episode, let's say it all in poetry. My Brain And Heart Divorced – John Roedel My brain and heart divorced a decade ago over who was to blame about how big of a mess I have become eventually, they couldn’t be in the same room with each other now my head and heart share custody of me I stay with my brain during the week and my heart gets me on weekends they never speak to one another – instead, they give me the same note to pass to each other every week and their notes they send to one another always says the same thing: “This is all your fault” on Sundays my heart complains about how my head has let me down in the past and on Wednesday my head lists all of the times my heart has screwed things up for me in the future they blame each other for the state of my life there’s been a lot of yelling – and crying so, lately, I’ve been spending a lot of time with my gut who serves as my unofficial therapist most nights, I sneak out of the window in my ribcage and slide down my spine and collapse on my gut’s plush leather chair that’s always open for me ~ and I just sit sit sit sit until the sun comes up last evening, my gut asked me if I was having a hard time being caught between my heart and my head I nodded I said I didn’t know if I could live with either of them anymore “my heart is always sad about something that happened yesterday while my head is always worried about something that may happen tomorrow,” I lamented my gut squeezed my hand “I just can’t live with my mistakes of the past or my anxiety about the future,” I sighed my gut smiled and said: “in that case, you should go stay with your lungs for a while,” I was confused – the look on my face gave it away “if you are exhausted about your heart’s obsession with the fixed past and your mind’s focus on the uncertain future your lungs are the perfect place for you there is no yesterday in your lungs there is no tomorrow there either there is only now there is only inhale there is only exhale there is only this moment there is only breath and in that breath you can rest while your heart and head work their relationship out.” this morning, while my brain was busy reading tea leaves and while my heart was staring at old photographs I packed a little bag and walked to the door of my lungs before I could even knock she opened the door with a smile and as a gust of air embraced me she said “what took you so long?” ~ John Roedel ----- "It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem." — G.K. Chesterton. ----- "To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it." — G.K. Chesterton ----- "It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem." — G.K. Chesterton ----- "Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility" — Dietrich Bonhoeffer ----- “It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and very neatly and simply arranged The only difficulty was, that she had not the smallest idea how to set about it....” (Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll) Get some help from The Kairos Centre. Support the show

Send us Fan Mail On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Many people think that pornography consumption is harmless. Studies, however, have proven that regular consumption can have a negative impact on the brain. Prolonged exposure can alter brain structures, brain functioning and therefore, behaviour patterns. (A Recovery Programme is all about rewiring the brain). Frequency of use, existing or prior mental health conditions, age of exposure and the type of pornographic content, are important factors. Porn impacts a developing brain differently than a mature brain. Such matters as violent porn are factors that does a different type of impact. Changes in the reward centre, cognitive functioning and emotional regulation are key areas of interest in neuropsychology. The Pleasure and Reward Centre: The brain’s primary reward neurotransmitter is Dopamine and it is released during pleasure activities whenever you experience pleasure. Repeated release of dopamine over time, alters the reward centre of the brain. You will find that over time, you desire more stimulus to achieve the same result. Regular use of porn causes highs and lows and the brain starts to create new patterns that drive a person to continue watching porn. It remembers the reward. Cognitive Function: Individuals who suffer from compulsive use of porn, often struggle with cognitive functioning. There may be impaired decision-making, but they do not know it. For example, going after the immediate short-term gain, despite the much bigger potential consequences which is all so apparent and a seemingly illogical decision to take such risks. There may be cognitive blind spots where you cannot so readily disurn the negative consequences of the behaviour; instead, going for immediate gratification - rather than delayed gratification; even trashing own personal values, moral codes and ethics. Emotional Regulation: The difficulty regulating emotions will show up in constantly reaching out for the quick fix of porn viewing, Sex or Love Addiction behaviours, to regular emotions; thereby, reinforcing the well grooved out neural pathway pairing which has taken place. Remember that the Frontal/Pre-cortex/logical reasoning decision-making part of the brain has gone offline during the 'Acting out'. Major bridge-burning decisions are being taken in the Limbic area of the brain. 'I feel, so I do'. When the behaviours are brought to an end and the Pre-Cortex comes back online - hearing you ask it the question - "What a waste of time. Why did I just do that?". It's reply will be - "Why are you asking us. We were offline at the time!" Neurological Impact of Porn Addiction: Neuropsychology and neuroscience are the fields which feed us the explanations about these dynamics, which explores how the brain and nervous system shape behaviour and cognition. MRI Scans have demonstrated the potency of the generated Dopamine, Serotonin and Oxytocin mix effect on the brain - as a similar impact to illegal drugs. I might be somewhat provocative with my clients (forewarning them beforehand!) - that they are in fact 'drug addicts'. They are not addicted to illegal street drugs, but have become addicted to the potent neurochemical (self-manufactured chemicals) in the body, generated from the sex and porn behaviours. Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand. Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex Support the show

Send us Fan Mail On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre The antidote to Narcissism is Empathy. (Sympathy and Empathy are very different). Narcissism and Empathy cannot co-exist at high levels together in the same person. (Both cannot be seen being used at high levels in the same person). There will always be a high level of one and a low level of the other. Make sure Empathy is the one that is practised at a high level, in how you do life. (You will need some help to do change to achieve it!) This second definition of NARCISSISM which I use is rather academic and wordy, but it works for some clients: "Narcissism is a psychological disorder associated with grandiosity, a need for admiration and a lack of empathy. Narcissistic traits tend to run on a continuum. A higher psychologically functioning narcissist is often successful and charming but may have intimacy problems in relationships. A person who has a more severe form of narcissism may appear nearly delusional with their grandiosity and may act out destructively when they feel criticized. Narcissistic behavior involves much idealization and devaluation. Characteristics involve grandiosity, entitlement, lack of empathy, idealization of self and devaluation of others. Narcissistic damage occurs when a child's vulnerable and developing core sense of self is not seen and reflected back by the adults around him/her. Each child is born a unique individual with special gifts and personal challenges, multi-layered and both simple and complex. For any one layer to develop, that part of the child needs to be seen, heard, understood and valued. Parents have to be present to be mirrors—to bear witness and reflect back. Healthy, grounded parents help young people build a frame of reference for living. When a parent's own woundedness and unmet needs override their ability to be present to a child or a parent's undeveloped parts of self render them unable to respond to a child's vulnerable and authentic needs, the child's core sense of self can be lost, fragmented or undeveloped. The loss, fragmentation and lack of development of the core sense of self is the root of the narcissistic wound. Raw, broken, undeveloped and lost, we enter a cold cruel world ill-equipped to relate, define fulfilment from the inside out and connect with the spirit of life. When our primal wiring meets the world we live in today characterized by disconnection at personal, family and social levels, we experience a helplessness and aloneness that is beyond what we are biologically prepared to embrace. Narcissistic wounding is sometimes referred to as the emptiness wound". Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand. Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner. Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, Support the show

Send us Fan Mail On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Here is my mathematical formula - as we look at Narcissism: SHAME + NARCISSISM = SEX, PORN, LOVE ADDICTION I am not saying that those with Sex, Porn, Love Addiction are Narcissists. (Some may have NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)). What I am saying is that all of my clients with Sex, Porn, Love Addiction, have traits which come out of NPD. Most of my clients will initially reject the suggestion that they have such traits - (me, myself & I focus) - until I explain the definition. Here is one of the definitions of Narcissism which I use. (In a past episode, I gave you the shorter simplified definition). This one is the longer, much more academic version: "Narcissism is a psychological disorder associated with grandiosity, a need for admiration and a lack of empathy. Narcissistic traits tend to run on a continuum. A higher psychologically functioning narcissist is often successful and charming but may have intimacy problems in relationships. A person who has a more severe form of narcissism may appear nearly delusional with their grandiosity and may act out destructively when they feel criticized. Narcissistic behavior involves much idealization and devaluation. Characteristics involve grandiosity, entitlement, lack of empathy, idealization of self and devaluation of others. Narcissistic damage occurs when a child's vulnerable and developing core sense of self is not seen and reflected back by the adults around him/her. Each child is born a unique individual with special gifts and personal challenges, multi-layered and both simple and complex. For any one layer to develop, that part of the child needs to be seen, heard, understood and valued. Parents have to be present to be mirrors—to bear witness and reflect back. Healthy, grounded parents help young people build a frame of reference for living. When a parent's own woundedness and unmet needs override their ability to be present to a child or a parent's undeveloped parts of self render them unable to respond to a child's vulnerable and authentic needs, the child's core sense of self can be lost, fragmented or undeveloped. The loss, fragmentation and lack of development of the core sense of self is the root of the narcissistic wound. Raw, broken, undeveloped and lost, we enter a cold cruel world ill-equipped to relate, define fulfilment from the inside out and connect with the spirit of life. When our primal wiring meets the world we live in today characterized by disconnection at personal, family and social levels, we experience a helplessness and aloneness that is beyond what we are biologically prepared to embrace. Narcissistic wounding is sometimes referred to as the emptiness wound". Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand. Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner. Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what Support the show

Send us Fan Mail On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Sex - Addict, maybe you really are not yet at the 'ACTION' stage, as you think you are! 'Tools for 'ACTION' won't work if that is not the STAGE you are at. Let's look at where you might be at, despite turning up at the Therapists office because you have been caught and you have the Damocles sword over your head from the threats to leave and take the children - from your partner; or you have had the early morning knock at the door from the police and you are in the Criminal legal proccess and need to show to the system that you are taking steps to quit. Presenting for therapy does not mean you are ready for change and or to give up the behaviours. You see the 'need to give it up', but the 'desire to give it up' is lagging behind. I am multi-talented and do brain surgery on all of my Sex Porn Love Addiction clients. I explain that I am going to cut round your skull; lift off the top; remove your brain and put your brain on the chair next to you. (Don’t forget to take it when you leave!) Why do I do something so bizzare? Because I want you to know that your brain (we also call them “Parts”), is not your best friend all of the time. It is well intended. It is seeking to look after and protect you; but it does not always make right or best decisions for you in the moment. There are times when it will work against you. It will sabotage. That is why I encourage all of my clients to build in “Treats & Rewards” into their programme of change. Over time, of the brain experiencing treats & rewards for small incremental good outcomes, I hope (eventually) to entice the parts of the brain to Start to work with you. It likes treats & rewards for good outcomes. Make sense? There is another reason for doing brain surgery. I want to have a conversation with my clients, but I don’t want their brain to hear. I need to tell them something, but if their brain hears it, the brain may receive it as permission to Relapse. I don’t want to unwittingly give them that message. But I do want them to hear that all the stats will tell us that most individuals do not achieve sobriety at their first attempt to change any behaviour in their life. Usually there are a number of repeated attempts. Learn to get up, dust off and get back in. Remember 'The Potholes Poem'? Request a copy from me, if you need it. What are those 'STAGES OF CHANGE ' you are talking about Gary? The Stages of Change in behaviour occurs gradually. A person moves from being uninterested, unaware or unwilling to make a change (Pre-contemplation), to considering change (Contemplation), to deciding and Preparing to make a change. Genuine determined Action then follows. Endeavours to Maintain the new behaviour occur, as well as the potential for Relapse snapping at its heel, to upset the journey towards life-long change. Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand., Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner. Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, relationships, relationship counseling, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, relationship issues, sexual, trauma, ptsd, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Support the show

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Love me in five ways: (See my Book - The Art of Loving) Most of us operate out of emotional love. Our love is conditional. Loving self comes first. If you do not love yourself, it is not possible to love someone with the high level of love you think you have for them. It is deception to think that we do love our partner, whilst not really able to say that we love our self. Learn to loveyourself first. Individual counselling may be necessary to help you on the journey. Learn to love and then learn the art of practising love. Learn it well and then spend a lifetime indiscipline, maintaining and perfecting it as your love affair. We know that the English word love is much over used. We use it for loving a meal as we do for loving our partner, the pet or ice cream. Using one word in that manner is a recipe for misunderstanding and certainly lacks precision in what we are trying to express. We can compare that to the way the word love is broken down and used in the Greek language. Historically the Greek language used at least five words precisely and quite distinctly to describe thevarious facets of love. By looking at each of those different word descriptions we can build up the identifying features of all the components that the word love should contain and demonstrate in all healthy, progressive andfulfilling relationships. Those five words for love are Epithumia, Eros, Phileo, Storge and Agape. Every couple’s love life should have all five facets of these aspects of love. Each is distinct, but inter- related and overlaps. Each reinforces the other. EPITHUMIA: (The sexual love): Epithumia is a strong desire - of any kind. It is a longing for something or someone. It is to set one’s heart or desire upon. It has components of coveting and to lust after. It can be strong lustful and physical sexual desire. EROS: (Romance): Eros has been corrupted by the English word “erotic”. Eros is the driver for the romance in the relationship. Sometimes sensual, it is the desire and feeling of wanting to be together and yearning to unite. Eros is romantic, passionate and sentimental. It is the driver which causes lovers to write love poetry, love notes and give pet names to each other. It only keeps working as long as there is reciprocation and we can see benefits. STORGE: (Security): Storge is a most valuable and expensive gift. It is a relationship which will always be there for you, despite being rejected by others; a safe place/haven. It is the need (which we all have) to belong or to be a part of a close knit system with people who care, are loyal and sincere. It is a relationship which provides emotional refuge from a world which can be cold, harsh and hard. PHILEO: (Fellowship/Friendship): Phileo is the love one feels for a cherished friend of either sex. This love is conditional and is reactive to what it sees in the other. It is a love which cherishes and has tender affection for the beloved, but always expects a response. AGAPE: (Unconditional): Agape is the fifth of our five loves. At some point in a relationship, we may be tested harshly indeed by a crisis. Perhaps for a longer period than we could have imagined or expected we have tried to love the unlovable. We are starkly face to face with a situation of “for better or for worse”. Unlovable traits show up in the partner. The toll on you has already been great. Agape is the totally unselfish love that has the capacity to give and keep on giving without a reciproc Support the show

Send us Fan Mail - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Tools for repairing The Sex Addiction impacted couples relationship Couples get into a conflict dance of words and emotions, mostly because of their Attachment Fears - fears of being Abandoned. The conflict of words is rarely about the actual subject matter in dispute. There is an under current of despair. It is rarely about the top left off the tooth paste or leaving the toilet seat up. Have a read of the Book “Hold me Tight” by Dr Sue Johnson. What goes wrong when love goes wrong. The clue is often in the childhood development years. Insecure Attachment is often at the root of the issues. Depleted Core Emotional Needs is a common feature. What are those 'Loves' which go wrong? Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service & Physical Touch. What is 'the childhood Development years: From birth to just after puberty. Templates get set up, which we practice and then take with us into adulthood, to form our pattern of responses; but they may have worked in childhood, in family, up were not exportable into the new couples relationship. What are those Insecure Attachments? Anxious Attachment, Avoidant Attachment & Dismissive/Fearful Attachment. The ideal outcome from childhood Development should have been 'Secure Attachment'. What are those Core Emotional Needs? The top 10 of them are Acceptance, Affection, Appreciation, Approval, Attention, Comfort, Encouragement, Respect, Security & Support. Everyone of these issues have been looked at by me in past episodes. Go search them out. Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand. Help someone: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner. Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormones Support the show

Send a text On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre In the 1950's Eric Berne began to develop his theories of Transactional Analysis (TA). He said that verbal communication is at the centre of human social relationships and is a transaction. He called it Transactional Analysis. This is our ingrained voice of authority, absorbed conditioning, learning and attitudes from when we were young. We were conditioned by our real parents, teachers, older people, next door neighbours, aunts and uncles and those in authority. It is a model about people and relationships - based on two notions. The first - that we have three parts or 'ego-states' to our 'personality; secondly, that these converse with one another in 'transactions'. We each have internal models of Parents, Children and Adults within us. Those roles are played out with one another in our relationships. Many of our problems come from transactions which are unsuccessful. When you are trying to identify ego states, words are only part of the story. To analyse a transaction you need to see and feel what is being said as well, since only 7% of meaning is in the words spoken. 38% of meaning is from the way that the words are spoken and 55% is from facial expression. Beware of cultural differences in body-language or emphases that appear 'Parental'. Parent: There are two forms of Parent we can play. The Nurturing Parent is caring and concerned; often appearing as a mother-figure (men also play out that role). They seek to keep the Child contented, offering a safe haven and unconditional love to calm the Child's troubles. The Controlling (or Critical) Parent, tries to make the Child do as the parent wants them to do. They may also have negative intent, Adult: The Adult in us is the 'grown up' rational person who talks reasonably and assertively, neither trying to control nor reacting aggressively towards others. The Adult is comfortable with themself. Child: There are three types of Child we can play. The Natural Child is mostly not self-aware and is characterized by the non-speech noises they make (yahoo, whee). They like playing and are open and vulnerable. They are the curious and exploring; always trying out new stuff (often much to their Controlling Parent's annoyance). Along with the Natural Child they make up the Free Child. The Adaptive Child reacts to the world around them, either changing themselves to fit in or rebelling against the forces they feel. Conflict: Problems usually occur in crossed transactions, where each is talking to a different level of ego state. Watch out for crossed wires, as this is where conflict arises. When it happens, try to go to the state that the other person is in, to talk at the same level. For rational conversation, move yourself and the other person to the Adult level. The parent is either nurturing or controlling. Often speaks to the child in their adaptive or ‘natural’ response. When both people talk as a Parent to the other’s Child, their wires get crossed and conflict results. The ideal line of communication is the mature and rational Adult-Adult relationship. At the core of Berne's theory is the rule that effective transactions (ie successful communications) must be complementary. The problem: Being a Controlling Parent invites the other person into a Child state where they may conform with demands. There is also a risk that they will be an Adaptive 'naughty child' and rebel. They may also take opposing Parent or Adult states. Be a Nurturing Parent, talking at th Support the show

Send a text More on unconscious Couples collusive fit dynamics of attraction By ROSIE IFOULD, 1 August 2011 http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2020944/Do-fight-like-cats-dogs-Or-half-pedestal-How-identifying-couple-type-transform-love-life.html#ixzz36JbJ34V9 Most of us take on set roles in our relationships whether we realise it or not. We like to think that every relationship is unique. Experts have identified six different ‘couple types’ that we all fall into. Psychologists say, identifying the type of couple type we are — or would like to be — holds the key to a happy relationship and being able to understand our own needs and those of our partner. The kind of couple we find ourselves in is largely influenced by what we’ve experienced growing up. We can’t help but take on board how our parents behaved. Often, we recreate the roles of our mothers and fathers. If you grew up seeing your father worship your mother, you might expect the same from your relationships. CAT AND DOG This couple fight constantly. They can be screaming at each other in front of you and you say: “Why don’t you split up?” And they turn in unison and ask you: “Are you mad?” They enjoy the cycle of fight and make up (often accompanied by passionate sex). If one partner has an affair or does something to disrupt the trust, this becomes the relationship from hell. THRILL OF THE CHASE The pursuer/distancer couple, in which one partner is in pursuit of the other, trying to secure their attention and affection. One pretends they don’t want to know and the other enjoys the thrill of the chase. They take it in turns to play the pursuer or distancer. Whenever one senses the other is losing interest, they will switch. What drives this couple is a fear of being seen as needy. They can develop a dependency on one another. PARENT AND CHILD "I’ve three children … including the one I’m married to!" They feel responsible for nurturing their partner, who they regard as less capable. It may occur when one partner becomes vulnerable — for instance, after they are ill or lose their job. The parent partner is attracted because they feel that in caring for this person, they have found a purpose in life. Parenting isn’t just about nurturing, it’s also about control. IDOL AND FAN Everything is black and white for this couple. One person is all good. Everything about them is wonderful and the other person worships them. One adopts the role of worshipper to boost the other’s self-esteem. The idol may collude in telling the fan they are inferior and will never find anyone else to love them. This kind of relationship can be short-lived because there’s no room for either to develop. BABES IN THE WOOD These are two individuals who recognise great similarities in each other. It’s a pattern typically found in new relationships or where the partners may feel insecure. Perhaps they’ve been hurt in the past, so security appeals. Often described as the best of friends, with a strong, united front. They can be so focused on each other that it’s difficult for anyone else to penetrate their world, including friends. THE GROWN-UPS This is a functional relationship between two mature people at ease with their differences and with little interest in conflict. They are sensible and accommodating. These two will never have to face Support the show

Send a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Unconscious Couples Collusive fit - of attraction to each other. Identify with any of these dynamics in your partnered relationship - now or in the past? Henry Dicks suggested that there are three areas involved in a couple fit: A public fit of social class, ethnicity and education between couples. Each partner will have had different experiences from childhood. Both of the partners may have had attachment issues from childhood and have separation anxiety, but they may have different coping styles. One might be compulsive anxious attachment, one might have compulsive fearful avoidant attachment and both may struggle trusting an attachment figure. Babes in the Wood: Cling together in the face of impossible odds. Unconscious rejection - repressed anger within relationship - expressed anger at people outside the relationship by partner one. Unconscious rejection - repressed against anger within relationship - expressed anger at people outside the relationship by partner two. They often look the same and will behave in a likeable, affable manner. A couple such as this see all the bad things in the world as belonging in the outside world and not part of themselves. They keep anything bad out of their relationship. The world literally is a “big bad wolf” to them. Net and Sword: The ‘net’ shows all the love & tries to encompass, control or placate the sword. Conscious rejection - deny need or yearning for other by partner one. Conscious yearning by partner two. The relationship works well until one partner owns up to their denied feelings & decides they will not be responsible for the others unexpressed feelings. There is Conscious rejection deny need or yearning for other the by partner two. One partner shows all the love in the relationship and the other all the rejection. One partner expresses all the denied emotions that the other cannot or will not express. This relationship works well until one partner owns up to their denied feelings and decides they will not be responsible for the others unexpressed feelings, often plunging the other into confusion or profound feelings of loss. (One of them has moved the goalposts). Cat and Dog: Characterised by anger, rejection & other destructive emotions. Both are only conscious of the bad in each other. Conscious rejection - deny need or yearning for other by partner one. Conscious rejection deny need or yearning for other by partner two. They often will not separate because they fear they cannot or will not be able to find a relationship with anybody better. Yet they fight. (Like Tom & Jerry cartoon). It is portrayed in Edward Albee’s play "Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf", and is characterised by anger, rejection and a host of other destructive emotions. Both are only conscious of the bad in each other and their lives seem like a war zone. (Very similar to the relationship which Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor lived out). Intimacy is regulated by conflict and they often will not part because they fear they cannot or will not be able to find a relationship with anybody better. In these relationship 'fits', the couple relationship is marked by parts of themselves that they are denying; counselling can help the couple “re-fit” their relationship. Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand. Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, Support the show

Send a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Mate/Partner selection, Collusive/Couple fit and all that: Why did I choose you and not someone else on planet earth? "I have never met you before or hardly know you, yet in a room of 100 people, I gravitate to you". How does that happen? My reply as a Therapist: "Because you 'promise' (or hold the potential) to fix and supplement an aspect of me which needs what you have - but I am not going to tell you that and make myself vulnerable." Say what? Yep. "So you are saying that we gravitate to sameness (to compliment each other), as well as differenceness (to supplement my perceived deficits) - which I don't want you to know about and even I don't necessarily and consciously want to own that fact?" All very odd. Yep - because most of that dynamic lives in the unconscious, which is what Therapy with The Kairos Centre helps you with - to move as much from the unconscious into the conscious; so that when it is now in the conscious, you get the opportunity to try to do something about it; but just because it is now in the conscious does not mean you will be able to change what is now visible - quickly. It takes take to effect change. Why? Because you are going after patterns of behaviours set up in the childhood development period, where blueprints and templates were established and set in place and practised into adulthood. "So my thoughts and behaviours are going down a predictable course because of repeatedly practiced patterns of behaviours which have become neural pathways and it takes time to change well entrenched and well established patterns of behaviours which have become neural pathways?". Yep. You got it. "Little wonder then that I set about trying to avoid getting it wrong again (by choosing that wrong type of partner) and to avoid that, I go to extreme opposite ends of the spectrum of attributes and blow me, I end up with someone where the same negative behaviours eventually show up again. Oh - yuk"! Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand. Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner. Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormones, Support the show

Send a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre From where did you get your Sex Ed knowledge back there during the developing childhood years, which you have been following through and repeatedly practising in adulthood? Was it 'Peers, banter and porn' which set up your sexual template, long before school Sex Ed - which got there way too late; the deed was already done. You give a wry smile when asked about Sex Ed at home from parents! For most - there was none at home; for others, if there was, it came way too late. Once the five senses of sight, smell, taste, touch & sound brings images and experiences onto the brain - those 'firsts' have already set up the templates - which will then be repeatedly played out in adulthood sexuality, as being 'right' and 'works'. Not necessarily true. They are templates, but they may not be accurate of 'right'. They are just what your brain experienced as 'first time' and the template is set up (whether wanted or not) and will reproduce and reproduce; churning out the same old, same old - 'seems to work'; (but you know it isn't working as you want it to work! The setting up of those templates during the childhood development period are called sexual myths. Sexual myths need to be unlearned. Then replaced with accurate knowledge about human sexually and physiological responses. That is what The Kairos Centre provide, when its Therapists are wearing a different hat and skill set called Psychosexual Therapy. (I use the shorted term of 'Sex Therapy'). It can be transformation, when (for the first time) you experience Sensuality, Intimacy, Romance, Deep Love & Affection - at a must higher level (after cleansing out the dross); which is so fulfilling on its own; and you haven't even had sex yet! Come and see and experience it for yourself. Then you will have eyes to see and body to feel the difference of 'sex gone wrong' all those years that you have been doing it! Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner. Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormones, Support the show

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Part 5 of 5 of an interview with Caroline Brown of - This Crazy over 40s Life - a Black & ethnicity perspective Here is a portion of an article by Lauren Dubinsky - Founder of Good Women Project: What I Wish I'd Known Before Watching Porn, 2012 "Pornography is a charged subject, and it's a word that rarely crosses the lips of most women. Yes, there are now breeds of the modern woman who watch, talk and joke about it regularly, but most of us still stay farther away from speaking the word than we actually stay away from it...... but statistics show that, at least in Australia, more than one-third of pornography viewers are women. Just last week, I received an email from a girl who leads a small women's group; they'd just discovered that every single one of them were watching porn. When I was in high school, pornography was on the long list of "bad things" that I didn't know much about -- and unfortunately also on the list of things I had participated in. Never mind why I was watching it, the how is the same for nearly all of us: We stumbled upon it because of someone else. And none of us knew what to expect, or how to handle it. I wish someone had talked about how women watch it too, so I wouldn't have had to spend years living under the shame that comes with being "the only one" and thinking there was something wrong with me....." What are the psychosexual issues that we work with as Sex Therapists, which young people are storing up and manifests in their twenties. Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand. Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner. Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormones, Support the show

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Part 4 of 5 of an interview with Caroline Brown of - This Crazy over 40s Life - a Black & ethnicity perspective Covid-19 contributed to a significant increase in the compulsive use of porn in 10 to 75 years old. Women gravitated to webcam usage during lockdown – maybe coerced by partners making it seem like a necessary substitute. Many such females do not yet know they might be addicted until they try to stop. What is this thing called “Love Addiction”? Well, I believe it is all about trying to fill an Insecure Attachment need. What’s that? Set up in childhood development where the bonding with key parental figures was not 'good enough'. “Say what!'. There may be a high level of sincere motivation to stop, but the physiology demand for its chemical fix, situational triggers and disturbing/upsetting feelings, causes a PART of the personality to sabotage. Logic goes offline. There is little care about the demands of the other PARTS of the personality. "I see, I desire, I want, so I take" kicks in. Immediate gratification rules. So, a lot of women worldwide, have become addicted or have a compulsion towards porn, but do not realise it. Arguably, there is greater 'Shame' for women, who then need to go deeper under ground and sty 'hidden. Stay means hide/hidden - don't tell or be found out. Remember SHAME + NARICISSISM = SEX ADDICTION. Some interesting stats from BACP Mindometer 2025 News from BACP: This annual survey into the state of the nation's mental health identified that almost two thirds (64%) of therapists say the public’s mental health has deteriorated over the past year. Nearly all therapists identified financial pressures and the rising cost of living as major contributing factors, while 83% reported that war and global conflict have also negatively affected people’s wellbeing. The survey gathered insights from almost 3,000 members, highlights several emerging trends: What a shame the questions were focussed primarily on men. Interesting isn't it! In August 2024, BACP published its Addictions Competence Framework, identifying specialist knowledge, skills and abilities that counsellors require to effectively support adults living with addictions. Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand. Help someone: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner. Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, Support the show

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre What is 'Manly'? A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023. Therapy is about you not me. What do you want from Therapy? Are Fetishes or Paraphilia activities to be included? Where does your view come from? Is it your view or a 'hand me down?' What is for sure is that Therapy won’t work until you are ready. But if you take too long (as the masses do), then the hand grenade may go off in your face and then you are left picking up shrapnel. Picking up shrapnel is to be re-active. What might shrapnel look like? It could be: getting caught by a partner; found out by an employer from office PC activities; the early morning knock by the police for viewing Child Sexual Abuse Material. Better to make conscious choices, even if wrong choices; (at least you know you made those choices and so, can own the fallout). Don't let lack of choice be done to you because you did not chose the activities, but they were done to you. You then own the repercussions. Make sense? CBT= Cognitive Behaviour (Therapy). The Cognitive (your thinking) will always come before Behaviour (the action). Change your thinking before trying to change Behaviour. If you can change your Mind, you can change your life. Whichever addiction you are caught up in (whether Alcohol, smoking, eating, sex, porn, seeking out connection with love, drugs, phone, gambling or gaming), the craving to use are not under direct conscious control. The neuro-chemicals or self induced chemicals take over and demand repeat fix. I see, I desire, I want, so I take, kicks in – where “Immediate gratification rules again. Design your sobriety with help from The Kairos Centre. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand. Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner. Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormones, Support the show

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre What is 'Manly'? A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023. Make the real thing the real thing; prioritise the right thing. Fight the right battles. Don't fight some battles, but lose the war. It will drain you and then you want to self-soothe and dissipate your energy. Your brain may sideswipe you to focus on non-essentials. What is the real issue. Take your eyes off others and do your own battles and fights. Not ones which others have set up for you. Focus on self love and self value. Only then can you learn to truly love someone else. ….then, after sorting self, maybe you will have more energy to pick up other things and fulfil your best potential in the right aspects of life that is destined for you to impact beneficially. Become the best that you can be and leave your positive deposit on this earth. Consider a re-set, re-set, re-set. Get back to the real thing. Your focus is to change the trajectory that you are on. Change it by just one degree and in a year, see where your new trajectory has taken you. Compulsive and addiction behaviours is causing you to live and experience a lower quality of life, than you are entitled to and deserve. The Kairos Centre is all about helping you to see what you cannot see; then you can go after the right stuff, effect change and seek to be the best that you can be, so others can become the best that they can be – because you have become the best that you can be - without SHAME, bringing colour back to life. Come taste and see! Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand. Help someone: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner. Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormones, Support the show

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre What is 'Manly'? A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023. Sex Addiction is handled very differently between the cultures. Shame plays out differently between cultures. 'Shame' in Asian culture, is very different to 'Shame' in Western European culture. An interesting article by Sam Louie, discusses Asian 'Shame' and 'Honour' as a cultural conundrum: "...Honoring his Korean heritage while also trying to honor his sense of autonomy growing up. He saw getting help as bringing dishonor to his family and not an act of empowerment...Seeking help for addictions...is seen as a major umbrage to the Asian individual, family, and extended Asian community. ....when it comes to addictions, there is scant attention given to Asians. Part of the limited attention lies in the age-old Asian custom of secrecy, silence, and shame. From an Asian addict’s perspective, it’s the ultimate blow of humiliation to be seen as weak since having an addiction goes against Asian social norms... ...The mere acknowledgement of an Asian person having a problem is going against cultural norms because it sends the implicit message to others that you have let them down....internal shame in Korea comes when a person has not lived up to the community’s rules and expectations. This internal shame is very prevalent among Asians and Koreans. It functions to build group harmony and unity.” In addition, Asian shame is intricately tied to the fear of rejection and loss of both familial and cultural community support...is more profoundly associated with the fear that one’s inadequacies will result in the loss of union with or expulsion from the group”. “Chinese parents readily discuss and disclose children’s transgressions in front of strangers to induce shame and to socialize children to behave properly…given the greater valuation of shame in collectivist cultures compared to individualistic ones, it should not be surprising that in many East Asian and other collectivist contexts shame plays a more salient role in everyday life.” ...in shame-based cultures, public humiliation, scorn, or censure are relied upon more heavily to keep individuals in obedience whereas the western notion of guilt and corrective behaviors comes from an individual’s development of an internal conscience." Remember, 'Shame' means hide/hidden - don't get caught or be found out. Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand. Help someone: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner. Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, Support the show

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre What is 'Manly'? A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023. “Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest or them all”? How do you answer that question for you? Learn to love self, before you can love others. I use that thing called EMDR to work on the distorted image of self. What is this thing called EMDR? It is Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing. What a mouth full! I can talk about it til the cows come home, but you will still have frowns on your eyebrows. Watch a few of the video clips: https://youtu.be/9uE04Blfd-Q?si=MrNZZmCAgmTmOUo7 EMDR (Prince Harry) experience https://youtu.be/M2ra8p4MSOk https://youtu.be/bIJZQAr9nQo https://youtu.be/HNdMHuwvF_M https://youtu.be/xZVw-9ThmSM Stop accepting the crumbs off the table. The brain’s dialogue with you can go like this: “It’s better to have someone, than no one; but people are not safe. Keep them at arms-length and be ready to retreat quickly, if you get a whiff or hint that they are unhappy and may finish with you. It is best to torpedo the relationship; jettison it and protect your heart from further pain, before they do it to you. So, throw in a hand grenade (effectively, to create conflict so as to force the other person to have to leave and finish with you); and then the ‘fait accompli’ kicks in, where – ‘I knew they would finish with me at some point’. (When in fact that was not necessarily what they were planning); more important that you do it to them, before they do it to you, because it hurts less, done that way and you are then in more control of the pain, than if it is done to you and you were caught off guard (again). “Do onto others, before they do it to you” – is being played out repeatedly. It all makes logical sense to your brain, even if it doesn’t to you! Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand. Help someone: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner. Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormones, Support the show

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre What is 'Manly'? A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023. There is a difference between men and women and how they raise boy children - isn't there! Am I allowed to even pose that question? What does emasculation of men mean? A browser search result says about Emasculation: 'It refers to the perceived loss of traditional masculine attributes, such as strength and power, often resulting from societal changes or dynamics in relationship'. Were those traditional values 'fit for purpose anyway'? What does the new attributes look like? Are men trying to make them fit, but experiencing a straight jacket effect? When men do not feel that they are getting it right, the desire to self-soothe to manage emotions, is all the more prevalent. Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand. Help someone: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner. Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormones, hormones, Support the show

Send us a text - On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre What is 'Manly'? A conversation with Damian Andrews of SHAIR.Care Podcast (Australia) in 2023. What’s a “Russian Doll” (or is it called a Babushka) got to do with Sex, Porn, Love Addiction? I thought you would never ask! “I haven’t bought into that nonsense “Big boys don’t cry”, when I was growing up”. At least, I don’t think so”! That guy called John Bowlby in the 1940’s dared to put together some suppositions that I didn’t like. How dare he put me in a box and think that he knows me. Yet, “Oh my goodness, that stuff he is talking about me; describes me. I don’t like this. Anyway, I am a complex being made by God and only Sigmund Freud can unravel the complexities of me”. (This was my coping strategy that I used to avoid getting penetrated and having to go and see those busy-body counsellors and tell them about my growing up stuff, so they could sort me out). The inner child was curled up deep inside the Russian Doll, with layers of protection, to avoid people that I give my heart to, hurting me again. "Big boys don't cry". Therefore, grown up boys absolutely cannot cry. A man's man get's up, stop crying and whimpering and gets on with it. Stiff British lip stuff. (PS: Is that the upper or lower lip that is stiff. I always wondered!) What is the framework and straight jacket which society (which is us) has given men? Is it the right fit? If it isn't, how do we break out and re-invent ourselves? What baton? What generational/family script has been handed on to each of us? What is masculinity? What does it mean? Is it controversial to even ask the question? Too dangerous for me to even dare to begin to offer a 'take'. What does that mean for a progressive society? More questions than answers in this episode. Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand. Help someone: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre Help is here for you: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner. Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, trauma, ptsd, sex science, The sex porn love Addiction Podcast, The Singles Partners Marrieds and Long Time Marrieds Podcast, Gary McFarlane, porn addiction, what neuroscience says, neuroscience, young adults, sex, sex addict, porn, recovery, porn addiction issue, porn addiction in teens, sex addiction in teens, sex hormones, hormones, Support the show