The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss

#123. Can hope be found in 101 different types of loss? We're well on our way to finding out, as we reach another milestone! We've hit loss number 60 on our mission to explore 101 different types of permanent loss, meaning we only have 41 (!) to go. Now over halfway to our goal. In this episode, we (Chris & Claire Sandys) pause briefly to discuss life in general (something new we thought we'd try!), the last batch of losses (51-60), and what nuggets of wisdom we've taken from each guest. We're loving every second of talking to others on this podcast, but we're also learning a lot about healthy ways to process our own grief, whether childlessness, pets, relatives, friends, health, or even just the day-to-day losses we sometimes face. And the not-yet-famous-but-might-be-one-day 'Hermontage' is back! As we, once again, mix together the last 10 guests' Hermans. If you don't know what a Herman is, check out the link below. Huge thanks to Thea Rickard, Mark Field, Laura Burns, Lisa Newman, Kay Backhouse, Jared Altic, Rachel Hart, Dannie-Lu Carr, Ken Anderson and Bex Eyles. If you'd like to see our guests and encourage them, pop over to our social media for the latest collage of their lovely faces and hit 'like'. Full list of our 101 losses: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/101losses Support the show ----- thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com Thank you for listening.

#122. Let's Chat... about how the Covid pandemic reshaped important death rituals. These 'Let’s Chat' episodes are conversations with guests who have experience/expertise in a particular area of loss. In this episode, I (Claire Sandys) chat to Natasha Mikles who is an assistant professor at Texas State University. Natasha is a scholar of stories about death and what happens next, and researches traditions related to death and grief around the world (especially in Tibet and the Americas). Her most recent book, ‘Shattered Grief: How the Pandemic Transformed the Spirituality of Death in America’, examines how Covid-19 affected the spirituality of death and the grieving rituals surrounding it. Grief is not just a personal experience, it is a community journey shaped by rituals that connect us to the dead and each other. This conversation reveals how Covid-19 drastically altered the rituals we rely on during loss, redefining our understanding of mourning. We explore the fascinating world of death rituals across different cultures, including the Tibetan sky burial ceremony. Natasha and I reflect on how the pandemic forced religious communities to innovate, balancing tradition with contemporary needs, often using technology as a bridge to maintain connection in times of isolation. This episode discusses the vital role of community in mourning, the psychological impact of Covid-related deaths, the importance of ritual, how other cultures and religions honour and recognise death, and how Covid-grief can differ from other forms of grief. Plus, how you can have your body eaten by vultures in the US ...legally! For more about Natasha: www.hellscholar.com For her book: https://cup.columbia.edu/book/shattered-grief/9780231558921 Amazon: https://gogl.to/3Mzd Support the show ----- thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com Thank you for listening.

#121. Go on, be honest, can you understand why someone who's getting remarried, or celebrating a miracle pregnancy, or beginning a new job, might be experiencing some unhappiness alongside the cheer? This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, exploring whether hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss. Loss #60 of 101: Loss in happy life transitions In this episode, we meet Bex Eyles from Berkshire in England. She's a professional counsellor who joined us to talk about the sneaky grief that can weave its way into life’s celebrations. And we feel it’s important to say that just because grief can show up in these moments it doesn’t mean joy and gratitude aren’t there too. Bex, like so many others, has felt immense happiness and gratitude in her life’s changes, but she’s also honest about the unexpected emotions that surfaced at the same time, and we're really grateful she was happy to explore these with us. Bex has navigated bereavement, divorce, fertility struggles and loss of time, and opens up about the unexpected emotions like fear, loss and guilt, that came with suddenly being pregnant after believing it might never happen. She talks about the joy, the fear of finally having what she longed for, and how, as a counsellor, she navigated her grief and processed these complex feelings. Acknowledging the emotions of loss in a joyful life transition doesn’t diminish the happiness or gratitude felt in those moments. Both can coexist, and that’s okay. Support the show ----- thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com Thank you for listening.

#120. Well, after our 'looking ahead to Christmas' episode, how did it go? Were our festive hearts filled with joy? Or were there tears?! This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss, and we're Chris & Claire Sandys, your childless hosts. Every year, we dedicate an episode to sharing our thoughts and feelings about the Christmas season - before, and after, it happens. Now that the holiday buzz has settled and a new year has begun, we’re back to reflect on how Christmas 2024 unfolded, whether our intentional choices helped us enjoy it, and how we’re stepping into 2025. Includes; Sherlock Holmes, cinnamon buns, advent calendars, and Chris' meat monologue explaining Meat Chicken! And if you want some questions to reflect on as you enter a new year, here's the 10 we mention in the episode: 1. Personal high moment/experience for you individually this year. 2. Personal lowest moment of the year. 3. Joint best memory 4. Joint hardest memory. 5. Biggest personal dream you have for the future. 6. Biggest fear you have for the future. 7. Something you don't want to take into next year. 8. Something you really want to take into next year. 9. 3 things you want to achieve this year. 10. 3 things you want to stop/be better at/improve on. To listen to our pre-Christmas episode, 'Chris and Claire's Chatty Christmas Catch-up', visit: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/793f6bd9/chris-and-claires-chatty-christmas-catch-up Support the show ----- thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com Thank you for listening.

#119. Life is hectic. Sometimes we simply need to stop for a moment. And that’s what this short episode is all about. Oh, and the beautiful sounds of a distant thunderstorm that I recorded in Belgium. Welcome to The Silent Why podcast, here to help you navigate loss and grief, and possibly... find hope. These very short, episodes will pop up every now and then to help you take a moment to check in and see how you're really feeling. Less than 7 minutes total, including 2 minutes of time for you and you alone - join me (Claire Sandys, podcast host) in an imaginary place and allow yourself to press pause on life for a short while. And for this episode I'm asking you to sit by a window with me and watch the beautiful storm on the horizon from our Air BnB in Belgium. Listen to the rain and thunder, watch the lightning and take a moment to think about things as you enter a new year. Support the show ----- thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com Thank you for listening.

#118. Struggling with the festive season? You're not alone. As a childless couple, we've been there too, especially when family is at the heart of so many celebrations. This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss, and we're Chris & Claire Sandys, your childless hosts. Every year we release an episode where we chat about how we're feeling about Christmas. We started with an episode in 2021, talking about how hard it felt and Chris' loss of Christmas spirit, then we did another in 2022 (Finding Comfort at Christmas - which included other podcast guests' experiences), and in 2023 we had 'Chris & Claire chat Christmas and Childlessness', and now here we are again with all things Christmassy, Chrissy and Clairey. In this episode we chat about how we're finding the lead up to Christmas this year, how we feel about being childless and how that's changed over the years, what our hopes are going forwards, and lots of other stuff that pops up. Including, a flu-inspired Chris yelling 'Mistletoe' a few times! All the other Christmas and New Year episodes and blogs we mention, that you might want to check out if you're struggling this year, can be found on one page: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/christmas And don't forget, if you're feeling alone, we're always here and we love to hear from you. Support the show ----- thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com Thank you for listening.

#117. What do you do when the career you love is gone, and you're barely staying afloat? And why is helping yourself so much harder than helping others? This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss. Loss #59 of 101: Loss of a police career and self worth In this episode, we meet Ken Anderson from York, England; a retired police officer whose life took an unexpected turn after a nearly 20-year career as a response officer, firearms officer, and trainer. Ken's front-line career came to an abrupt end after a serious car crash, during a police chase, which left him injured. What followed was a deeply challenging period of his life. In July 2023, Ken hit rock bottom as he struggled with depression, self-doubt, and the heartbreak of losing the "police family" he cherished. But this isn’t just a story about loss—it’s about hope. Ken shares how three simple words—“Are you OK?”—were a turning point that prevented him ending his life. Today, he’s transforming his pain into purpose, advocating for mental health awareness and meaningful connection. This conversation is a raw and honest look at: We also explore how Ken is finding new purpose and meaning after such a profound life shift. And of course, we wrap up with our signature question: What’s your Herman? Curious to learn more? Visit thesilentwhy.com/herman. For more about Ken visit: www.phoenix-rises.co.uk https://www.linkedin.com/in/ken-anderson-8842b0313/ And for more about Andy's Man Club (mentioned in the episode), visit: https://andysmanclub.co.uk/ Support the show ----- thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com Thank you for listening.

#116. Let's Chat... about what it looks like when we use social media to show and share our grief. These 'Let’s Chat' episodes are conversations with guests who have experience/expertise in a particular area of loss. In this episode, I (Claire Sandys) chat to Rebecca Feinglos in North Carolina who is a certified grief support specialist and the founder of Grieve Leave - which offers grief support, education and training for workplaces. By the age of 31, Rebecca had lost both her parents and was dealing with the end of her marriage, these losses led her to take a year off to process them all, which is what she called her Grieve Leave. During this time, Rebecca started blogging about her grief and its popularity eventually led her to set up Grieve Leave as an organisation in 2021 to help others. This online community now has an impressive 30,000 members worldwide, who all share their grief, or are looking to help others who are grieving, particularly through the use of social media. With her experience of seeing and sharing grief online, I was keen to talk to Rebecca about grief in the online world. Does it help or hinder us? How has the internet opened up new areas of grieving for us? And how do we accept those? There's a lot of ground covered in this chat, including raccoons (!) and a question I've never asked before in a Let’s Chat episode (for you regular listeners, see if you can work out what it is.) For more about Rebecca and Grieve Leave: https://www.grieveleave.com https://www.instagram.com/grieveleave https://www.instagram.com/rfeinglos Viral video of Rebecca & Adele: https://www.tiktok.com/@rfeinglos/video/7177076659344919850 Support the show ----- thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com Thank you for listening.

#115. Have you ever considered the losses that might be encountered by going through puberty early? Have you even heard of precocious puberty? Let alone think about it in the context of grief. This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss. Loss #58 of 101: Loss of agency over your body through precocious puberty Meet Dannie-Lu Carr, who lives on the south coast of England in St Leonards-on-sea, and is an executive coach, author, singer-songwriter, actor and director. Dannie-Lu went through precocious puberty (or early puberty) at the age of 8 years old, and she shares the subsequent losses she's encountered in her life since. This is a very valuable conversation about an area of grief that people might not consider or know much about. We're hoping it will be a useful tool to help adults who might have children they know going through, but also to help anyone that went through it themselves and who is still processing what was taken from them through that experience. Dannie-Lu shares about why it's only now, in her 40's, that she can talk about it, what she's learnt from it, how it's shaped how she sees herself (especially her body), and what she's gained from it. For more about Dannie-Lu, visit: https://dannielucarr.com/ https://portfoliodlc.com https://flamingleadership.co.uk Social media: https://www.instagram.com/dannielucarr/ https://www.instagram.com/dannie_lu_carr_music Music: https://dannielucarrmusic.com Podcast: https://complicatedpod.co.uk/ Support the show ----- thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com Thank you for listening.

BONUS EPISODE TIME! ... and this episode contains something that I've never shared on the podcast before. Welcome to The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss. Many of you will know that I (Claire Sandys, host) enjoy podcasting (of course!) and writing, and drinking Earl Grey tea and eating marzipan, but what you might not know is that I also occasionally speak at church gatherings. This year I was asked to share something at the annual All Soul's service, which is specifically for people to come to remember those who have died. This usually takes place the week of Halloween, or as it used to be called All Hallows Eve. So my remit for the talk was 10-15 mins on grief, loss, and the hope we have through our faith (you're starting to see why I was asked to do this, aren't you?!) And because it was SO similar to what I also do on the podcast, and because maybe you are remembering a loved one you've lost, I thought I'd share it with you as a bonus episode. So here it is... Support the show ----- thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com Thank you for listening.

#114. How does the grief of losing someone to suicide differ from other deaths? What emotions and questions does it raise? And what if it's your spouse who's died, and you're five months pregnant with his child? This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss. Loss #57 of 101: Loss of a husband to suicide while pregnant Meet Rachel Hart, from Liverpool, who recalls the time she was five months pregnant and the police knocked on her door to tell her that her husband had been found dead. She was later told he had died by suicide. Rachel is no stranger to grieving, having lost both her parents before her mid-30’s, but this kind of grief took her to a whole new level. In this episode, Rachel shares about the blessing that the Covid lockdowns turned out to be (with a new baby), how she managed new emotions like anger that were tied in with her grief, and what people can say (and avoid saying!) when faced with a story like hers. Plus, she shares how and when hope returned to help her look to the future. And we send many congratulations to Rachel (and her newly wed husband), because they got married within days of us recording this episode. Charities and organisations Rachel wants to share links to: https://www.instagram.com/calmzone/ https://www.widowedandyoung.org.uk/ https://uksobs.com/ Nora McInerny books Rachel mentioned: https://noraborealis.com/ For help on language around suicide: https://shiningalightonsuicide.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/Language-guide-for-talking-about-suicide.pdf Support the show ----- thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com Thank you for listening.

#113. Life is hectic. Sometimes we simply need to stop for a moment. And that’s what this short episode is all about. Oh, and the beautiful sounds of the Eternal Forest in Wales… Welcome to The Silent Why podcast, here to help you navigate loss and grief, and possibly... find hope. These new, very short, episodes will pop up every now and then to help you take a moment to check in and see how you're really feeling. 7 minutes total, including 2 minutes of time for you and you alone - join me in an imaginary place and allow yourself to press pause on life for a short while. And for this episode I'm asking you to come for a stroll with me down the peaceful paths of the Eternal Forest natural burial ground in North Wales, listen to the birds, the quiet, and nature just doing it's thing around you. Support the show ----- thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com Thank you for listening.

#112. What is it like doing chaplaincy work on the frontline with the police? Or experiencing the worst humans can do to each other up close? This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss. Loss #56 of 101: Loss in the role of a Police Chaplain Meet Jared Altic, a returning podcast guest who is here to talk to us about what it's like to work as a full-time Pastor, voluntary Police Chaplain at his local police department in Kansas City, and podcaster. Jared Altic has over 25 years of experience serving and counselling military and law enforcement families, responding to families of crime victims and working long term with police in areas of wellness. And we spoke to him over 2 years ago in a Let's Chat episode, and now he's back as part of our list of 101 losses. In this episode Jared shares why why he does this kind of work, the challenges it can bring to his own wellbeing, how he makes sure his work doesn’t always get the best of him, and the toll being around death can take. Yet, despite all the horrendous things Jared has witnessed, he’s still a strong believer in hope... for everyone. To listen to Jared's podcast, ‘Hey, Chaplain’, visit: https://heychaplain.buzzsprout.com/ And we specifically recommend an episode we mentioned on compassion fatigue and you can listen to that on any podcast player or through his website: https://heychaplain.buzzsprout.com/1792621/10314453-025-what-is-compassion-fatigue-richard-hartman To read, or listen to, Claire's top tips on how to speak to people who are grieving, visit: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving Support the show ----- thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com Thank you for listening.

#111. So, is grief selfish? I mean it's largely about something we're sad about. It's something we've lost or miss. So, is it a selfish thing? Let's open up this can of worms, shall we?! Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast). My Why episodes are audio versions of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/is-grief-selfish I overheard a conversation in a charity shop, and it really made me chew over this question all the way home - is grief selfish? Does that question make you feel uncomfortable? Is it grief-podcast-suicide to suggest it might be selfish? Do we make grief all about us when we shouldn't? Is it possible to get stuck in grief in a selfish way? Do you assume the definition of selfish is always bad? Will people throw shocked faces at me just for posing this question? Join me to find out. Support the show ----- thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com Thank you for listening.

#110. Do you find the summer hard, painful, a reminder of things you don't have? Whether you have children, don't have children, go on holiday, don't go on holiday - things do shift a bit in this month, and because of that, things are a bit different at The Silent Why HQ too. Welcome to another episode from me, Claire Sandys, host of The Silent Why podcast. This one is a bit of an update on what's happening over the next few weeks, and why. I've decided to repeat what I did last year and take some time to focus on my writing over August, and I'm very excited about it. So this episode tells you a bit more about that, and just generally catches you up with all things Silent Why-y. If this is a month you struggle with, then check out the blog I mention: The Season of August. Listen on any podcast player or here: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/76de59b8/blog-my-why-the-season-of-august Read: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonofaugust And the favourite blog I mentioned: Listen: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4da01fa4/blog-my-why-meet-my-friend-the-moon And don't forget you can support the show (and ultimately fuel my tea drinking while I'm writing over the summer) by visiting Buy Me A Coffee or buying a Herman to send to someone. 10% off in August with the code PODCASTLOVE. And to follow Herman on Instagram go to: www.instagram.com/thehermancompany Thank you so much for listening to The Silent Why, may your hope-tank never be empty because of it. Support the show ----- thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com Thank you for listening.

#109. What if your loved one doesn't have a 'good' death? How do you cope with the trauma of witnessing someone suffer at the end of their life? This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss. Loss #55 of 101: Loss through a bad/complex death In this episode we chat to Kay Backhouse, in Morecombe, Lancashire, about the death of her youngest brother, Syd, to neuroendocrine cancer in 2019. Kay was living in Australia with her family when her brother was first diagnosed, and one day she received some unexpected communication from him that started a chain of events that led her back home. Sadly, a couple of years later, in a hospice, with his family, Syd suffered a 'bad death' or 'complex death' which added an extra, very painful, level of grief and trauma to Kay's loss. This is a subject you don't often hear discussed, so we're very grateful to Kay for chatting to us about her experience. Kay believes that if she’d been better prepared, or educated, about deaths like this, then maybe the way her brother died wouldn't have been so traumatising. She's now passionate to help others learn more about death, and we believe it's an important topic we should all be willing to learn about - not only in case we go through it, but also to help others. And Syd's death has had a profound impact on Kay's personal and professional life; the way she views death, sees hope, spends her time, and views the future. This is a conversation that is anything but sad and depressing, it is a story of hope. For more about Kay, and her book, 'Losing You, Finding Me', visit: https://www.kaybackhouse.com Listen to our other episode with Kay & Maddy: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7c8f6445/lets-chat-life-in-a-hospice-with-maddy-bass-and-kay-backhouse Leave a review on Apple Podcasts, if you don't have an Apple device: https://podmatch.com/blog/how-to-leave-an-apple-review-for-a-podcast-from-your-iphone-ipad-or-from-your-computer Support the show ----- thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com Thank you for listening.

#108. I've always loved graveyards. I'm not sure what it is about them that draws me in, but a little while ago I decided to record my musings as I wander round them. So that's what these Graveyard Musing episodes are, just me and my phone, in a graveyard. And sometimes I go international (like this one) and sometimes Chris joins me (like this one). Anyway, welcome to another Graveyard Musing from me, Claire Sandys (host of The Silent Why podcast). In this musing, Chris (husband) and I are wandering around Moorslede Communal Cemetery in Belgium. Come with us to explore how different graves are in Belgium, and hear our thoughts as we look around a very crowded cemetery in Moorslede, but also a beautiful one we find on the other side of the road. For the photos that accompany this episode, so you can visualise what we're talking about, visit: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/graveyardmusingsbelgiumagain If you want to hear more episodes like this, check out: Graveyard Musings, Tyne Cot & Ypres, Belgium: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7f63d7e9/graveyard-musings-tyne-cot-and-ypres-belgium Graveyard Musings: Llanfair Talhaiarn, Wales: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7e418cc4/graveyard-musings-llanfair-talhaiarn-wales Graveyard Musings: Gloucestershire, England (Part 1 of 3): https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/76b3f1f7/graveyard-musings-gloucestershire-england-part-1 Support the show ----- thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com Thank you for listening.

#107. Let's Chat... about what day-to-day life is like working in, or visiting, a hospice. Let’s Chat episodes chat to guests who have experience/expertise in a particular area of loss. In this episode, I (Claire Sandys) chat to Maddy Bass (Director of Nursing) and Kay Backhouse (Clinical Administrator) who both work at St John's Hospice in Lancashire. Maddy has wanted to work with people who are dying all her life and is passionate about her work and providing the best possible care, and Kay has experienced the death of her brother in a hospice and since then has started volunteering at St John’s. So they’re the perfect pair to give us an insight into what life is like working in a hospice, but also what it’s like as the family members of someone who is having end of life care. In this episode we chat about how it works when you need a hospice, who pays for it, what the atmosphere is like, why they’re so important, what’s their role compared to hospitals, what would they want people to know about hospices, and how working around grief and death affects their own dealings with it personally. For more about St John's Hospice in North Lancashire & South Lakes, and some of their own podcast, visit: www.sjhospice.org.uk For more about Kay, and her book, 'Losing You, Finding Me', visit: www.kay.backhouse.com or www.instagram.com/kay_backhouse And for the episodes I mentioned about our time doing work experience in a Funeral Directors: 'Wales, work experience, bitey flies, chips and Dave': https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/78783914/wales-work-experience-bitey-flies-chips-and-dave Blog: Seeing my first dead body: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7af9430b/blog-my-why-seeing-my-first-dead-body Support the show ----- thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com Thank you for listening.

#106. Ever felt the grip of serious addiction? Drink and drug addictions can destroy life, but what about the person in recovery who's celebrating being 'clean' while also having to accept the loss of the many things ruined by years of misuse? This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss. Loss #54 of 101: Loss through addiction We're so excited to share this episode, not only is it an episode that's been requested by those who have been through it, but it looks into a topic that is hugely connected to grief, yet so often overlooked - addiction. Addiction can cause the loss of health, relationships, family, control, identity, freedom, money, homes, even life itself, and so much more. So when you reach recovery, and are then faced with all you've lost, how do you grieve that? In this episode we chat to Lisa Newman from the beautiful town of Stroud in England. We've known Lisa for a few years and she agreed to come and talk to us about the loss and grief she’s experienced through addiction to alcohol and drugs. Addiction entered her life when she was around 10 years old, and in the following decades it took her to some dark places which later saw her homeless, in prison and in-and-out of hospital. Lisa shares her journey with us including; the grief of now being single and childless, the pain of watching friends have grandchildren, the precautions she has to take to use pain medication, the loss of friends to addiction, the pain and confusion for those around her, what recovery has been like, and the challenges of rebuilding a life while also mourning the loss of the life you thought you’d have. This is a very honest and important conversation about the power of addiction, the power of being free/clean, but also the live-changing power of hope and gratitude. Lisa now spends her time helping other people come off drink and drugs, for more about her, visit: www.recalibrate-recovery.com www.linkedin.com/in/lisa-newman-recalibraterecoverycoach/ www.instagram.com/lisadoesyoga Support the show ----- thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com Thank you for listening.

BONUS EPISODE TIME! This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss. In last week's episode (Loss 53) we spoke to a friend of ours, Laura Burns, about alopecia and coming to terms with the loss of her hair, but she wasn't the only one sat in the podcast studio for that in-person interview. Quietly perched in the corner was husband, Jonathon (a friend of ours, which is how we met Laura in the first place). In the episode last week Laura shared about losing her hair at the age of 22 years old through alopecia (in 2011) and the challenges this can raise when dating and choosing what information to tell people and when. [And you might want to hear that episode before listening to this one, link below]. So, we decided we wanted to chat to Jonathon as well, what's it been like from his side of things, and how has he navigated this with his own health challenges. Both Laura and Jonathon have had more than their fair share of health conditions. Jonathon was born with renal failure and later had a kidney transplant, and Laura has had brain surgery more than once, so they're not strangers deep, difficult conversations. In this chat, Jonathon shares his side of the 'wig flying off story', how he's managed his own health challenges, how they communicated about their health when dating, how they've found their way in marriage together, and what part faith has played in that. How this couple are, and see life, despite all their health challenges, is truly inspiring. Loss 53/101 Episode (Loss of hair through alopecia): https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7a41eed1/loss-53101-loss-of-hair-through-alopecia-laura-burns Support the show ----- thesilentwhy.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn What's a Herman? / Buy a Herman - thehermancompany.com Support the show: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Sign-up to my mailing list (only used for sharing news occasionally!): thesilentwhy.com/newsletter How to talk to the grieving: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods Episode transcripts: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com Thank you for listening.