Well Connected Relationships Podcast

When we find something that works for us, we tend to be comforted by the idea that we can always use that strategy to get through life’s challenges. But it isn’t always that easy. In some situations those same strategies can lead to disappointment or feeling worse. What to do then? Reach into the toolbox for a different tool. Holding our practices lightly – with humility, curiosity and flexibility – will help us find the right mindfulness and compassion-based “medicine” for us, in the right dose, at the right time.

The holidays often mean increased time spent with others, and that’s a big reason we look forward to or dread them (or both!) In this episode, we explored how to work with feelings of holiday dread we may experience by opening up to our fears, becoming curious about our underlying needs and wants, holding those needs in the context of our shared humanity and tending to ourselves with kindness. We also explored how to savor the feelings of joy and connectedness you do feel at this hectic time of year, wonderful ways to feel connected to others regardless of your relationship status, and how to invite more joy, generosity, kindness and love into your life at the holidays (or any time).

When accomplished compassion teachers, researchers and experts Dawn MacDonald and Dr. Michael McIntyre pull back the curtain on the real-life challenges and benefits of practicing compassion in their own relationship, it makes for a podcast you won’t want to miss! We explored how the busy parents of six practice compassion to create the space for deeper connection AND shared so many connection-boosters (and busters) like not forcing sameness, asking for/accepting help with gratitude vs. acquiescence, identifying your relationship’s shared values, what to do when your partner sees things differently than you, and creating safety through kindness.

I sat down with Sara Schairer who is founder of the nonprofit Compassion-It and a certified teacher of the Compassion Cultivation Training Program, developed at Stanford University. Sara has a talent for making compassion easy and effective, and we talked about how to do that more intentionally now, when it’s so urgently needed. We covered why compassion is critical for us to thrive and be happy (both personally and collectively), what often stops people from compassion, and the surprisingly easy ways to practice it that feel great, too!

I sat down with licensed psychologist, Dr. Mitch Abblett, who is the author of several mindfulness-based books and whose work has been featured in Psychology Today, Mindful Magazine, Newsweek, and the New York Times. Through his podcast and teachings, he helps people authentically, compassionately and courageously connect with the true prizes in one another. Together we explored mindful communication, why and how we lie, and why it’s important to practice telling what Mitch calls Big T Truth. We’ll also touch on how mindfulness can help us with Big T Truth and healthy communication.

When I first interviewed mindfulness expert Micki Fine on People-Pleasing, it quickly became one of our most listened to podcast episodes! She’s back, this time talking about finding Unshakable Equanimity in the midst of the inevitable storms of life and relationships. We explore how to work with our human nature to get pulled off center and push against things in life that we don’t want (or grasp at things we do!), how to cultivate soft, wise, resilience in these difficult moments, and the surprising ways it makes our relationships better when we do. Micki is the founder of Mindful Living, offering certified Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction instruction through her private practice, Rice University, MD Anderson and the Jung Center. She is author of The Need to Please: Mindfulness Skills to Gain Freedom from People Pleasing and Approval Seeking and her children’s book May All People and Pigs Be Happy. Her new course Equanimity: Greeting the Moment Wholeheartedly begins soon.

I sat down with Ukrainian-born psychologist, author, TEDx speaker and self-proclaimed geek, Dr. Janina Scarlet, whose innovative Superhero Therapy work earned her the Eleanor Roosevelt Human Rights Award by the United Nations Association and has been featured by Yahoo, BBC, NPR, Sunday Times, CNN, CW, ABC, The New York Times, Forbes and many others. Having survived Chernobyl radiation and persecution, Janina immigrated to the U.S. at the age of 12. She is the author of 10 books, including her latest “It Shouldn’t Be This Way” which offers a timely (and timeless) approach to accepting the things we just can’t change. Together we explored what the current situation in Ukraine has to teach us about how we are wired as humans, why many of us without any personal connection to Ukraine are suffering as a result of its attack, and what we can do to make a difference.

I sat down with mindfulness expert, Julie Potiker, whose brilliant work has been featured by The Oprah Magazine, NBC, CBS, Fox and many others. Through her Mindful Methods for Life program offerings, and her book — “Life Falls Apart, but You Don’t Have To: Mindful Methods for Staying Calm in the Midst of Chaos” — Julie helps others bring more peace and wellness into their lives. Together we explored how, as humans, we are wired with a need to be comforted and soothed in times of conflict, stress or distress — and the life- and relationship-changing discovery that we don’t have to rely on other people to do that for us. With tips from Julie’s forthcoming new book “SNAP: Out Of Chaos and Into Calmness” we can give that gift to ourselves, and our relationships benefit.

If your spirit of compassion was challenged this year (and whose wasn't), Episode #19 of our Well Connected Relationship podcast is full of simple, sustainable practices you can use to intentionally cultivate it this year. We explore why cultivating compassion in our relationships is the one New Year’s resolution we all need and why it feels as good to give as it does to receive.

In Episode #18, part 2 of our 3-part series on practicing compassion in relationships, we explore an area where I find some people in relationships get stuck -- bridging from compassion for ourselves to compassion for our partner. We look at the key roles common humanity and humility play in making sure both partners’ needs are equally tended to. If you’ve ever felt like there’s a “tug of war” going on between getting your own needs met and tending to the needs of others, I hope you’ll listen!

Many of us have been trained not to have needs, and if we do have them not to focus on them. But that’s not healthy for ourselves, our partners or our relationships. That’s why in Podcast Episode #17, we explore how tending to our own needs is not only not selfish … it actually benefits our partner and our relationship, too. We also explore how it can naturally unfold through a process of seeing things as they are (mindfulness), remembering we are not alone (common humanity) and following through with care (kindness).

Relationships inevitably involve caring for others, whether that means our spouse or partner, a child, aging parents, friends or even clients. But right now when we've all been tending to so much, for so long, it's common to feel emotionally tired and burned out. And the people we care for are also more stressed, burned out, and in need of extra care. How then, do we care for ourselves and each other when we need it most yet have the least to give? In Episode #16 I sat down with self-compassion teacher, Lisa Baylis, who has been sharing wellbeing strategies with teachers and caregivers for the last 20 years. The author of Self-Compassion for Educators and creator of the AWE Method -- Awakening the Wellbeing for Educators, her message is for all of us who care for others.

I sat down with my friend and colleague Sara Schairer, who is the founder and executive director of Compassion It and a Stanford University-trained Compassion Cultivation Training teacher. Together we explore the benefits of practicing compassion even for people who trigger us or we have a hard time relating to. We also explore the simplest ways to offer compassion to people we find it difficult to cultivate compassion for and how to tend to ourselves in that process.

We explore our human need to belong, how vulnerable that makes us feel, and the really good news that there are simple steps all of us can take to access genuine feelings of connection and belonging any time we need them. We also take a look at why our sense of belonging often gets blocked and how to notice when it’s happening so we can find our way back to the truth that we matter.

I sat down with Micki Fine, M.Ed., L.P.C., founder of Mindful Living and certified Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction teacher for more than 20 years. She’s taught mindfulness and loving-kindness meditations in private practice and other places, including Rice University, M.D. Anderson and the Jung Center. She is the author of The Need to Please: Mindfulness Skills to Gain Freedom from People Pleasing & Approval Seeking and someone I find absolutely inspiring to talk to. Together, we explored the need to “people-please,” where it comes from, its impact on our relationships and how to free ourselves (and our relationships) from it.

We explore how easy it is to let negative emotions skew our perspective about someone we’re in a relationship with and how intentionally practicing gratitude and appreciation can change everything. And a simple formula for expressing appreciation to counterbalance negative interactions and build connection.

If by nature, you tend to be kind and generous, and often find yourself depleted by your relationships with others, you may find this podcast really speaks to you. And, if you’ve been more of a taker in your relationships, you might be surprised to discover how you (and your relationships) will benefit when you adopt a more balanced approach.

I sat down with certified mindfulness and compassion teacher Tim Burnett who is the Executive Director and founder of Mindfulness Northwest and an ordained Zen priest. Together, we explored the important role of acceptance in relationships, what it is and isn’t — and how it relates to curiosity, vulnerability and intimacy. We also talked about our natural human tendency to want to fix things when relationships get tangled vs. the wisdom of accepting what is.

Are you and your partner aligned on core values? Ever wonder what to do if you're not? I sat down with Licensed Psychologist Dr. Steve Hickman, who is the founder of University of California at San Diego’s Center for Mindfulness and the Executive Director of the Center for Mindful Self-Compassion to explore the important role of core values in relationships, including how to identify your core values, what to do when you and your partner aren’t aligned, and how supported and loved you can feel when your partner supports your core values -- shared or not. Importantly, we also look at how discovering and honoring the shared values in your relationship makes for a happy and healthy bond and a more satisfying relationship.

In episode 8 we explore moving from a state of stress (or DISTRESS) into one of kindness and wellbeing as we close out a really challenging year and set intentions for the new one. And we take a look at how the stresses of 2020 are impacting our relationships and what to do to mitigate that impact.