The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck Podcast

Cutting off bad or toxic parents is all the rage in some pockets of the internet these days—but have we lowered the bar a little too much for what makes a parent “toxic”? How can we navigate and own up to the hard conversations we need to have with the people closest to us? And is there a silver lining for putting up with family members who drive us absolutely f*cking insane? Join us on today’s pod as we get a little squirmy in our chairs while we tackle these issues. Drew squashes some beefs, Mark sniffs out some of the bullshit around cutting people off, and we answer one of your questions about dealing with those crazy people you just can’t get away from: your family. Enjoy. Track expenses, find deductions, and get a bigger tax refund. Get 10% off @Keeper.tax at keepertax.com/idgaf #keepertaxpod Use code MARK to get 15% off your order of health tech gear at https://BonCharge.com Get your first bag of coffee for free when you sign up for a subscription at DrinkTrade.com/idgaf Sign up for my newsletter, Your Next Breakthrough. It will help make you a less awful person: https://markmanson.net/breakthrough Theme Song: Icarus Lives by Periphery, used with permission from Periphery.

The quality of your life often comes down to the quality of the relationships you have. That’s why we’re giving a huge f*ck about friendship this week. While the benefits of having good friends are pretty obvious, the cost of maintaining friendships is often overlooked by a lot of people. We dive into that, plus some advice on when you should and shouldn’t cut off people in your life, and how friends and romantic partners really impact our happiness. Check it out. Here’s the paper we discuss: People perceive parasocial relationships to be effective at fulfilling emotional needs Use the code IDGAF to get $5 off your first starter pack of full body deodorizers at Mando: https://mando.com Use the code IDGAF to get 15% off your first purchase of skin care products at OneSkin: https://oneskin.com Get 10% off your first month of therapy at BetterHelp: https://betterhelp.com/idgaf Sign up for my newsletter, Your Next Breakthrough. It will help make you a less awful person: https://markmanson.net/breakthrough If you’d like to submit a question for us to consider, you can leave it in the comments below or email it to podcast@markmanson.net Theme Music: "Icarus Lives" by Periphery

Are you addicted to self-improvement? Are experts really any better than the rest of us at knowing how to make positive changes in our lives? What are some common pieces of life advice that just don't seem to work? Drew and I tackle all of these questions today in our brand new, updated format for the pod. Find out why self-help can turn into pseudo-religion (and why we should bring back exorcisms), whether or not a huge mega-study by a bunch of fancy experts can tell us anything about behavioral change, and some common self-improvement tropes that just don't do it for us. Let us know what you think of the new show format in the comments below. Use code MARK to get 15% off your order of health tech gear at https://BonCharge.com Get one month of Shopify for just $1 at https://shopify.com/idgaf Get 10% off health services at https://marekhealth.com/idgaf And sign up for Your Next Breakthrough, my weekly newsletter that will help you be a slightly less awful person: https://markmanson.net/breakthrough Got a question for us? Leave it in the comments below or send it to podcast@markmanson.net

Steven Pressfield was 52 years old when he published his first hit novel, The Legend of Bagger Vance. Prior to that, he wrote tirelessly for decades in obscurity, supporting himself with odd jobs along the way. After writing several more novels and movie scripts, he distilled all of his wisdom into The War of Art, his now-famous treatise on the grinding process of creativity. Now in his 80s, Steven looks back on his work and life with a clear-eyed view of what it truly means to make it as a creative professional. In this episode, he explains why he persisted writing for decades with little to show for it, how he compensated for his own lack of talent, why creating great art is actually a grueling war fought within the artist’s own mind, and much, much more. Enjoy. Steven’s new book, The Daily Pressfield All of Steven Pressfield's Books Get up to 43% off your order of MUD/WTR at mudwtr.com/idgaf Use code IDGAF to get 10% Marek Health services at marekhealth.com/idgaf Get 10% off your first month of therapy at betterhelp.com/idgaf Sign up for my newsletter, Your Next Breakthrough. It will help make you a less awful person: markmanson.net/breakthrough

We often think self-discipline requires massive action and a lot of pain and sacrifice—but the reality is a lot more boring. Today, we tackle some common misconceptions about self-discipline, arguing that real change comes from setting up your environment for success, not grinding through endless struggle. We explore the hidden dangers of romanticizing pain and why true self-discipline is more about boring consistency than epic feats of endurance. Hopefully, this episode challenges you to rethink how you approach your goals and habits. If you're ready to stop punishing yourself and start seeing real, lasting change, you won’t want to miss this. Use code IDGAF to Get 20% off your one-time purchase of supplements at https://livemomentous.com Get your first bag of Trade coffee for free when you sign up for a subscription at http://drinktrade.com/idgaf Use code IDGAF to get 15% off your first purchase of skincare products at https://OneSkin.co Sign up for my newsletter, Your Next Breakthrough. It will help you be a less awful person: https://markmanson.net/breakthrough

It’s bonus episode time! Today, I’m doing a Q&A with questions you’ve all submitted. We dive into how I’ve changed my mind, bad habits, regrets, dead dreams, advice to young people, meditation, and a whole lot more. Submit your questions for future podcasts in the comments or email them to podcast@markmanson.net. Sign up for my newsletter, Your Next Breakthrough. It will help you be a less awful person: https://markmanson.net/breakthrough

How do you find your way in a world where even when you do everything right, the odds keep getting stacked against you? My guest today, Cady Coleman, shares how she navigated the male-dominated fields of science, the Air Force, and NASA, breaking down barriers with tenacity and grace. From her time on the International Space Station to the release of her first book, Sharing Space, Cady’s story is a powerful reminder of the importance of mission, adaptability, and the unwavering belief in one’s potential, even when the world around you says otherwise. Check it out. Control body odor ANYWHERE with @shop.mando and get $5 off off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code IDGAF at shopmando.com! #mandopod Start selling online and get your first month of Shopify for just $1 at shopify.com/idgaf Cady’s Book, Sharing Space: https://www.amazon.com/Sharing-Space-Astronauts-Mission-Wonder/dp/0593494016 Sign up for my newsletter, Your Next Breakthrough. It will make you a slightly less awful person: https://markmanson.net/breakthrough

We all wish we gave fewer f*cks in our lives, but wanting to and doing it are two different things. If you've read my book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, then you know that not giving a f*ck doesn't mean you don't care about anything—it means deliberately choosing what you give a f*ck about and ignore the rest. In this episode, we dive into the realities of not giving f*ck, the good and the bad. We talk about why there will never be a time when you're completely free from judgement by others. Why being "normal"—whatever that means—is not something to aspire to, nor is wanting to be liked by everyone. How criticism is a part of life you can't escape—but not all criticism is created equal. And a whole lot more. Check it out. Get 10% off your first month of therapy at Better Help: https://betterhelp.com/idgaf Use the promo code IDGAF to get 20% off your first order of supplements at Momentous: https://www.livemomentous.com/ Sign up for my newsletter, Your Next Breakthrough, to be a slightly less awful person: https://markmanson.net/breakthrough

Brandon Novak showed all the signs of becoming a highly successful, rebellious young man. He was a professional skateboarder in his early teens, rubbing elbows with the likes of Bucky Lasek and Tony Hawk. In his late teens and twenties, he was a regular on world-famous TV shows like Viva La Bam and Jackass. But drugs and alcohol were always lurking in the shadows for Novak, and he soon fell head-first into the dark trap of his addictions. He endured bouts of homelessness, committed every petty crime you could imagine, and even resorted to sex work to feed his addictions. The stats would suggest Brandon Novak shouldn’t be sober right now. He probably shouldn’t even be alive. But not only is he alive with 9 years of sobriety under his belt, he’s found a deep and meaningful purpose in his life, running his own rehab centers and taking care of his elderly mother. This is the hilarious and heartening story of how Brandon Novak turned it all around. And trust me, if he can do it, so can anyone else. Use promo code IDGAF to get 20% your Cuts clothing order at https://cutsclothing.com Use promo code IDGAF to get 15% off your order at OneSkin at https://oneskin.co Get 10% off your supplements order at Market Health at https://marekhealth.com/idgaf Sign up for my newsletter, Your Next Breakthrough, to be a slightly less awful person: https://markmanson.net/breakthrough

There are certain areas in life where trying harder only makes things worse. Trying to prove how likable and confident you are only makes you feel more unlikable and less confident. Trying to make someone love you only makes you feel more unlovable. The solution to this conundrum is what’s known as “The Backwards Law”. Simply put, The Backwards law states that desiring a positive experience is itself a negative experience, while accepting a negative experience is a positive experience. In this episode, Drew and I talk about five areas of life where doing less can actually reap massive benefits. Enjoy. Get your first month of Shopify for only $1 at https://shopify.com/idgaf Use the code IDGAF to get 20% off your one-time purchase of supplements at https://LiveMomentous.com Sign up for Your Next Breakthrough, a weekly newsletter that will make you a less awful person: https://markmanson.net/breakthrough

Is everything going to hell in a handcart because of smartphones and social media? In this episode, I sit down with NYU professor and bestselling author Jonathan Haidt to tackle this burning question. Dr. Haidt makes a compelling case that our addiction to these devices is wreaking havoc on society, from mental health crises to political turmoil. But is it really all the smartphone’s fault? I'm not so sure it's quite that simple, so I wanted to dive deeper into the nuances. We get into the nitty-gritty and I challenge some of Haidt’s claims, exploring questions like, why do these issues seem to hit the English-speaking world the hardest? Is this another moral panic, or is this time really different? We also discuss the differences in how smartphones affect various demographics and cultures, and why understanding these distinctions is crucial. Plus, we explore Jonathan’s practical and highly sensible recommendations for parents, educators, and policymakers. Whether you’re a skeptic or a die-hard believer, this episode will make you rethink your relationship with the technology in our pockets. Let's do this. Start your new morning ritual & get up to 43% off your @MUDWTR by going to ⁠mudwtr.com/IDGAF⁠ #mudwtrpod Get 10% off your first month of therapy at BetterHelp.com/IDGAF

Over the past 5 years, I’ve completely changed my relationship to my health. Prior to that, I was overweight, pre-diabetic, and having chest pains in my mid-30s. I thought maybe eating a salad once a week and going for a run every now then would take care of it. I was wrong. Since then, I’ve lost 60 pounds (~30kg). I now enjoy exercising regularly and I eat healthy and nutritious foods. My daily life is much more physically active and I get way better sleep. I’m happy with my health now—but it took a long time to get here. I’m not going to share a bunch of workout routines or complicated diets. What worked for me might not work for you. But I can share what I went through to get here in the hopes that you, too, might change how you think about your health and take it more seriously. Because at the end of the day, your health is definitely something you should give a f*ck about. Use the code IDGAF to get 20% off your first one-time purchase of supplements at livemomentous.com

Drew Binsky is a fearless traveler who's seen it all. From chatting with North Koreans in their homeland to dodging bombings in Somalia and volunteering in Syria in the middle of a civil war, Drew's adventures are nothing short of incredible. He's been to every country in the world, witnessing the most dangerous places and surviving a few close calls. Yet, his experiences have led him to a surprising conclusion: most people, most of the time, are good. Even in the direst circumstances, Drew finds that human resilience can prevail. In our conversation, Drew shares why he's drawn to war zones and failed states, revealing the profound lessons he's learned from them. We discuss why you should never judge a country by the news you hear about it, how the most impactful trips are often the most challenging, and where to find the friendliest people on Earth. Drew also offers his top travel tips on spontaneity, connecting with locals, and what he looks for on his travel adventures. It's a deep dive into the heart of travel and human nature that might just inspire you to see the world a little differently. Get 10% your first month of therapy at betterhelp.com/idgaf Let Rocket Money cancel your unwanted subscriptions at RocketMoney.com/idgaf

A lot of people treat goals like some kind of sacred self-improvement law, where the most important thing you can do is set and achieve your goals. But goals are simply tools we use to point us in the right direction. Your goals should serve you—and so you shouldn’t be a slave to some arbitrary goal you set when it’s no longer serving you. So how do you know when a goal is no longer pushing you in the right direction? In this episode, I talk about why I gave up a pretty big goal I set at the beginning of the year. I discuss what I think are the criteria you should use when deciding whether to give up on a goal or stick it out. We also discuss what we learned from the goals survey we did for podcast viewers and listeners. How many stuck with their goals and how many have moved on? What are the most effective tactics people used to stick to their goals? What are the most important lessons they learned about their goals and themselves? Check it out. Get your first month of Shopify for $1 at shopify.com/idgaf Get 10% off your first order of Mitopure from Timeline at timeline.com/idgaf

After a catastrophic parachuting accident ended his military career in the British special forces, Dean Stott couldn't just retire to a quiet life. Instead, he decided to shatter boundaries in entirely new fields. These days, when Dean isn't prepping to beat another world record, like a 14,000-mile bike ride in less than 100 days, he's jet-setting around the world rescuing civilians and diplomats alike from war zones. In this episode, Dean shares his unique approach to overcoming adversity, managing risk, and staying mentally tough in the most challenging situations. We explore his fascinating experiences from war-torn countries to royal security and the psychological benefits of meticulous planning and mission-driven thinking. Dean also offers a glimpse into how he balances extreme challenges with a grounded personal life. Enjoy. Get up to 84% off and 4 extra months free when you sign up for a VPN with SurfShark at ⁠https://surfshark.deals/subtleart⁠ Get 10% off your first month of therapy at BetterHelp by visiting ⁠https://betterhelp.com/idgaf⁠ Use code IDGAF to Get 20% off your first one-time purchase of supplements at ⁠https://livemomentous.com

Have you ever wondered why, despite everything seemingly going well, you still feel a nagging sense of dissatisfaction? Well, you’re not alone. This is actually a fascinating psychological phenomenon I call "The Blue Dot Effect". It’s all about how our brains can trick us into seeing problems and negativity even when everything around us is getting better. Join me and Drew as we unpack this curious effect and explore how it impacts our everyday lives. From the way we perceive our personal achievements to our overall happiness, the Blue Dot Effect plays a sneaky role in shaping our mindset. Let's dig right in. Get one month of Shopify for $1: ⁠https://shopify.com/idgaf⁠ Use code IDGAF to get 10% off your first order at Timeline: ⁠https://timeline.com/IDGAF⁠ Tell me what you think of the pod: ⁠https://markmanson.net/tellme⁠

I’ve often wondered if self-discipline is just a way of turning bad addictions into healthy ones. After all, addictions of all kinds are really just an attempt to numb and distract ourselves from facing uncomfortable feelings. Can’t the same be said for healthy behaviors once they reach a level of compulsion? I brought Rich Roll on the pod to discuss this idea because, well, he’s a recovered alcoholic who turned into an ultra-endurance athlete in his 40s. Rich is no stranger to reinventing himself, repeatedly leveraging his flaws into virtues. We talk about the value of pain as a catalyst for change, the idea that addiction is a spectrum that doesn’t just involve substances, terrible breakups, finding a deeper spirituality, lessons from Rich’s financial struggles, his career running a top podcast, and much, much more. Use the code IDGAF to get 20% off your one-time order at ⁠https://livemomentous.com/⁠ Get rid of unwanted subscriptions by signing up for Rocket Money at ⁠https://rocketmoney.com/idgaf⁠ Take my podcast survey ⁠https://markmanson.net/tellme⁠

The way you think about the world and your place in it can have a huge impact on your life. And yet, when it comes to evaluating the way we think, we’re rarely able to smell our own bullshit. So today, Drew and I break down five different mindsets you can adopt to live a more examined, successful life. This requires you to reject many of the mindless beliefs you’ve been force fed your entire life. Let’s do it. Get one month of Shopify for $1 at ⁠https://shopify.com/idgaf⁠ Use code IDGAF for 10% off your health services at ⁠https://MarekHealth.com/idgaf⁠

Let's be honest: the modern dating landscape is a shit show. From declining marriage rates and rising infidelity to the nightmare of using dating apps—it's brutal out there. With all these supposedly "easy" ways to meet new people, why are the people who want long-term, stable relationships so fed up with the dating world? I invited dating and relationships coach Sadia Khan on the pod to discuss how the skills we use to excel in modern dating often sabotage long-term happiness. Sadia brings a refreshing, thought-provoking perspective to the conversation that will help you navigate the complexities of today's dating world. We dive into the role of self-esteem in successful relationships, the pitfalls of modern dating advice, and the skewed expectations shaped by social media, dating apps, and pornography. Enjoy. Get 10% off your first order of Mitopure at ⁠timeline.com/idgaf⁠ Get 3 extra months on your SurfShark VPN subscription at ⁠surfshark.deals/SubtleArt⁠ Get 10% off your first month of therapy at ⁠betterhelp.com/idgaf⁠

So many people seem to be obsessed with feeling good all the time. They’re always looking for “hacks” to an easier, happier life. But what if the easy way actually makes it harder to have a life full of meaning and purpose? Today, Drew and I take on the ugly truths that give life its beauty. Some of these might be a little hard to stomach at first. But if you see them through, you might be surprised at what’s on the other side. Get a free one-year supply of Vitamin D3K2 and 5 AG1 Travel Packs: ⁠drinkag1.com/idgaf⁠ Get one month free at ⁠listening.com/idgaf⁠ Get 10% off at Marek Health at ⁠marekhealth.com/idgaf⁠