Romancipation

S6 Episode 10: Be a Relationship Superhero: The Power of an Apology Episode Summary We all have a super-power that we can choose to use for good; the ability to sincerely apologize. There are no three words more powerful than “I am sorry”. This is especially true when you accept responsibility and are sincere. It is natural to have conflict with your partner. Every person has said something they regret, made a mistake or used poor judgement in the course of a romantic relationship. The important thing is what you do after the fact. The ability to acknowledge that you wronged your partner and be willing to take responsibility is the only way to move forward. Recognize that, by not apologizing, you are weakening your bond and destroying intimacy. A sincere apology makes your partner feel validated and respected. It also fosters an environment of vulnerability and empathy. Couples that are able to apologize to one another and not repeat the behavior are much more likely to be able to work through difficult situations and not cast blame. However, if you do not believe you owe your partner an apology, don’t fake it, because disingenuous behavior plants the seed of resentment. At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss the unhealthy situation when one partner controls the finances in the relationship. Show Notes Apologies are so important, which is why they truly need their own episode. Apologizing is one of the most powerful things you can do in a relationship. A sincere apology has three parts: An acknowledgement of wrongdoing, taking personal responsibility for causing it, and offering a sincere statement. Another part of apologizing is not intentionally repeating the harmful action again. You should actively work to not repeat the behavior, and this respect should go both ways in a relationship. When your partner communicates that they feel wronged, you should be able to own up to it and apologize. If you don’t apologize with sincerity, it can hold the hurt person back from being able to move on. If you can’t admit what you did wrong, you’re essentially denying the person’s feelings. Not apologizing because you don’t believe you will be granted forgiveness right away is dismissive and destructive. If you truly don’t think you’re in the wrong, don’t apologize. The only thing worse than no apology is an insincere one. But here’s the thing: Just because you didn’t see the behavior as insulting doesn’t mean everyone agrees with your worldview. You have to be willing to accept another person’s perspective, show empathy, and apologize accordingly. In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people allow their partner to control what they spend their money on. This is a common issue in relationships, but it’s also a very disturbing behavior. The person controlling the finances is usually trying to control their partner. It’s a violation of healthy boundaries and signals a power imbalance. Healthy communication about money is crucial in a relationship. Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook. Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S6 Episode 9: School is in: Learn from Other’s Relationship Mistakes and Failures Episode Summary Relationships can be tricky. To make them work, you have to be willing to learn from past mistakes and missteps. We all slip up. It’s what we do after the fact that can help improve the relationship. Use your own prior romantic blunders, as well as those of your partner, as sources of knowledge on what not to repeat. Moreover, look to other people’s relationships to gain valuable insight about the strengths and weaknesses in your own partnership. No person or relationship is perfect or unique. Do not fall into the trap of believing that there is no value in comparing your own relationship experiences with those of your family, friends, co-workers and neighbors. Use your observations of others’ relationship pitfalls as an opportunity to open discussions with your partner about infidelity, boundaries, finances, communication styles and expectations. It is often easier to see problems with others’ behavior that you are blind to in your own life. If you are open to seeing similarities between your relationship and those of people with issues in their relationship, it may end up saving you from a lot of heartache. At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how unfair it is to be the one who is always in charge of being the disciplinarian of children or pets. Show Notes So many people miss out on the value of learning from another’s relationship mistakes. It’s important to reflect on your past relationships to move forward in a more productive way. But it’s also just as important to look to others and learn from the choices they’ve made—particularly the bad choices. There’s so much valuable information you can glean and apply to your own life through the wisdom and experience of others. If you meet a person who hasn’t learned anything from their past relationship or from others, that’s a red flag. You can decide that your relationship is so unique so you can’t learn from others, but that’s a perspective that may come back to bite you. The truth is that humans tend to behave in predictable patterns. Looking at and learning from your parents, siblings, friends, coworkers, and even celebrities can help you understand greater perspectives. You can use the outside examples within your own relationship and even communicate about how you might tackle similar circumstances together. You and your relationship can benefit from another person's poor choices, but it doesn’t have to come from a place of judgment. Rather, you’re reflecting your relationship through another’s in an effort to make your relationship better. Other people’s mistakes can be preventative medicine for your romantic relationship. In this episode, the vent session topic is: When a partner refuses to discipline the children or pet. When you’re the main enforcer, it can lead to tension in the household and between you and your partner. No one wants all of the responsibility of being the person who says no. The person who refuses to discipline is being immature. Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook. Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S6 Episode 8: What is the Real Value of the Role You Play in a Relationship? Episode Summary When most people enter into a romantic relationship, they expect to take on the role of lover, companion and friend. However, they are often surprised that there are many other hats they may end up wearing in the partnership, such as caregiver, therapist, parent, banker, housekeeper, teacher and police officer. Problems arise when the unexpected role assigned is either a poor fit or rejected by the person expected to fulfill that function. Resentment can take root in the relationship if one member of the couple feels pressured to perform tasks that were never explicitly discussed. Even when individuals are willing to shoulder additional responsibilities, there is always the possibility that their position can change over time due to necessity such as illness, children or economic pressures. This is why it is critical to communicate with your partner about expectations and boundaries. Every role should be valued and appreciated. It is also important that both partners take on multiple roles in the partnership so that the physical, emotional or economic burden is shared in some capacity. When both members of the couple carry the weight of the relationship, trust is built and empathy is reinforced. At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how toxic it can be when your partner does not prioritize your partnership over their family’s needs. Show Notes When we enter into relationships, we don’t always consider the multiple roles we will end up taking on. It’s important to assess your part in the relationship, and if you haven’t yet, now is better than never. Are you the caregiver? Are you the bank? Are you the therapist? These are all roles people commonly take on in a relationship. If this topic makes you uncomfortable, you’re not alone. But knowing and acknowledging the roles you’ve taken on is the first step to deciding if it’s fulfilling for you. For example, if you’re naturally nurturing, taking on the caregiver role might feel just fine for you. But if you’ve been thrusted into the role unwillingly, issues and resentment can arise. We also have to acknowledge that over time, roles can change. The role you took on when one person fell in love with you might not match with the person you are today. It’s also easy to get wrapped up in the roles society expects us to play, whether you’re comfortable with that role or not. Your partner may appreciate all the roles you’ve taken on, but they could also resent it. If you become the primary nurturer and caregiver to your children, they may feel a greater financial burden. Or perhaps your partner was happy in their role as financial provider, but you started making more. No matter what roles you play, it’s important to share roles when possible and communicate effectively throughout your relationship. In this episode, the vent session topic is: When my partner does not realize our relationship comes before his family’s needs. Some partners bow down to domineering parents, but it’s completely unfair to expect you to do the same. Unless there is an emergency, non-primary family members need to realize they come after your romantic partner and children. Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook. Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S6 Episode 7: You Must Be Comfortable Being Lonesome Before Becoming a Twosome Episode Summary The truth is, when you feel lonesome it often stems from a lack of something in your current interpersonal relationships. Instead of letting these feelings get you down, embrace the opportunity to prove to yourself that you can do it on your own. Knowing that you can satisfy your own physical, emotional and financial needs before becoming part of a couple will allow you to set healthy boundaries and reasonable expectations. When people are comfortable being on their own, they have higher standards and are not willing to fall prey to manipulation and abuse. They are more likely to appreciate what another person can bring into their lives without becoming dependent. Being self-sufficient is empowering. Moreover, it makes you a desirable mate. A Romancipated individual is comfortable being on their own because they believe in their capabilities. They do not feel the need to settle for anything less than what they deserve in a partner. They cure loneliness with strong friendships, familial ties and hobbies and never let fear of being alone dictate romantic decisions. At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how foolish it is to go over your budget to pay for a wedding. Show Notes Feeling comfortable while you’re alone is important, and it’s important to find this place for yourself before you get into a relationship. Society pushes people to be in a relationship because it’s seen as the highest level of happiness. In reality, being able to make yourself happy should come first. In many ways, feeling comfortable being alone is a lost art form. There’s a difference between feeling lonely and being lonesome. When you’re lonesome, you’re on your own but at ease with it. When you’re lonely, you’re uncomfortable and in need of desire for human connection. Many people have a fear of being lonely, especially long-term. This is a valid concern in today’s virtual world. Being comfortable in your own skin, being able to take care of yourself, and meeting your own wants and needs is a part of being Romancipated. You should never seek a relationship out of a fear of loneliness. You should be in a relationship because you want the other person for who they are and what they bring to the relationship. Co-dependency is never a good thing. It robs you of your identity, and it robs your partner of their identity. Independence is sexy. Partners who can do things together as well as enjoy separate interests promote a healthy relationship. Friends, family, and hobbies can be avenues used to cure loneliness—not your romantic relationship. In this episode, the vent session topic is: When a partner wants you to spend money you don’t have on a wedding. The idea of going into debt for your wedding is a serious red flag. You shouldn’t spend money you don’t have just for a party. It’s a poor financial decision and doesn’t guarantee a long-term relationship. Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook. Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S6 Episode 6: Opposites May Attract but They Eventually Repel Episode Summary It is natural to be attracted to a person with views, behaviors and personality traits that are different than our own. However, there is a difference between attraction and the ability to sustain a long-term relationship. Initially it will be exciting and new, until the differences create tension in the relationship. Humans tend to be drawn to those that look like them and share their belief systems and behaviors. While it is possible to be in a successful relationship with a partner who is dissimilar, there will be challenges that will need to be overcome. Empathy becomes a critical aspect of these types of relationships because it helps each person see the other’s perspective. As we age, we want harmony in a relationship. Conflict will only lead to resentment and a loss of intimacy. The more two people share in common, the easier it will be to work together in a partnership, especially during difficult times. Being on the same page aids in the building of trust, respect and acceptance. At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how offensive is when a partner tells you “no offense” before they insult you. Show Notes Do opposites really attract in romantic relationships? Initially they might, but eventually they repel. For that reason, opposites should avoid getting together. When you’re opposites in many ways or have different world views based on your life experiences, it can cause unnecessary tension in your relationship. In the beginning, when you connect with a person who’s the opposite of you, it can feel exciting and interesting. But as time goes on, the things you were attracted to can become exhausting to you. You should look for someone aligned with you on spending habits, social habits, sexual habits, and more. When you enter into a relationship, find someone who has the same values and lifestyle as you if you’re thinking long term. With the rise of social media and dating apps, it’s become even easier to find more like-minded people. This can help you avoid future irritation and discomfort that opposites have a higher potential to confront in their relationship. In our society, we romanticize the idea that opposites attract. We’re fascinated by finding qualities in others we may not see in ourselves. However, you can be drawn to something initially and recognize later down the line that these qualities set you apart more than they tie you together. In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner says “no offense” after insulting something. Why do people think saying “no offense” mitigates their insensitive insults? It means they know you’ll be offended, so what’s the point? If you mask your honesty with this tactic, it can hurt your relationship. It’s better to keep it to yourself or speak more directly. Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook. Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S6 Episode 5: "I Love Him or Her" is Never a Defense or Excuse for Bad Behavior Episode Summary We all know that love is not enough to sustain a relationship. It should also never be used as a justification to stay with a partner who treats you poorly. Relationships that are worth fighting for are based on respect, empathy, trust and communication. If your relationship is missing the foundational pieces, it will not last. Moreover, love needs to be reciprocated in a partnership. You chose this person for a reason. They are supposed to be your support system, not a destructive force in your life. When you allow your partner to behave in a counter-productive manner, you are enabling the unhealthy behavior. Do not tolerate a partner whom you have to constantly excuse because of blind love. The unconditional love you should display is for yourself! Grant yourself acceptance and forgiveness. You deserve to be appreciated, cherished and protected. You deserve a partner that will not violate your boundaries or expose you to danger. Never justify your partner’s bad choices with love, the consequences could be life-altering. At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss the dangers of leading on a man with whom you are not interested in having a relationship. Show Notes Is your partner behaving badly? Stating that you love them does not excuse them. Love comes from trust, respect, empathy, and acceptance. So, if you are being mistreated, the love isn’t being returned. You deserve to be treated right and not have your boundaries violated. The second you start excusing your partner’s behavior is the moment you start enabling them. You should encourage your partner’s healthy behavior, and never their bad behavior. Without a mutual benefit to both people, saying you love them is just an excuse to stay in a relationship that’s not working. If this sounds like you, you might be lying to yourself because you have low self-esteem or you don’t feel worthy. Because of this, you settle for being unhappy. Love is supposed to make you feel light, enriched, and happy—not miserable. Why would you want to stay in a negative situation that doesn’t serve you? When you’re drowning in your relationship, you may use the word “love” to help you keep your head above water. However, this is a sign of toxicity and abuse. It emphasizes that certain behaviors, bad behaviors, are equated with love. If you catch yourself rationalizing what your partner does, take it as a warning sign. In this episode, the vent session topic is: When women refuse to understand that leading men on makes them a jerk to the next woman. Consciously and purposefully misleading someone is wrong, especially when you could have just been honest. Women do not owe men anything—never feel guilted into being kind and giving attention. You can be straightforward while still being kind. Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook. Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S6 Episode 4: Do Your Partner Expectations Live Up to Reality? Episode Summary We all want the “ideal” partner when it comes to romantic relationships. The concepts of Prince Charming, a soul mate, or the perfect woman has been thrust down our throats since childhood. These archetypes influence our desires and help shape our expectations. As a result, we often search for a partner that meets a long list of characteristics we want in a mate. The reality is, most people will never find their perfect match, because that person does not exist. If you want to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship, you must be honest with yourself about what you really need in a partner, as well as what you offer in return. Placing unrealistic expectations on yourself or another person will leave you disappointed and alone. Appreciate the person you have instead of wishing they were someone else. Instead, figure out your motivations for valuing specific traits over others. Is it more important to have a partner who is a financial success than one who treats you with respect? Is physical attractiveness more important than communication style or trustworthiness? Only you can answer those questions. If your partner treats you well, that should mean more than if they can last all night. At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how dangerous it can be to go over your agreed upon budget when purchasing a home. Show Notes When two people get together, each person comes with their own sense of what the relationship is going to be. This includes who your partner is and what they will bring to the partnership. The question is: Have your expectations met your reality? We all have our laundry lists when it comes to romantic relationships, but often they are not very realistic. Doing a thoughtful deep dive periodically on whether your partner has met your expectations is important. But it’s just as important to reflect on whether or not you are meeting your partner’s expectations, too. Each of you should honor the commitments you made, from financial security to fidelity. Ask yourself this: Are you seeing your partner for who they really are, or what you desperately want them to be? They may not be able to deliver on your expectations, and it’s not always because they’re a bad person. It depends on what your expectations are and if your partner’s personality and priorities are aligned. On one hand, the more your partner meets or even exceeds your expectations, your expectations may increase. You may learn their level of competency in certain areas and know they are capable of more. On the other hand, longer partnerships tend to leave room for you to be more realistic about what your partner is capable of, simply because you know them so well. In this episode, the vent session topic is: When a partner wants you to go above your agreed-upon budget to purchase a home. Before a couple purchases a home, they need to be realistic about their financial situation. It’s foolish and shortsighted to overspend on something that significantly impacts your daily existence. It’s not just a budget, it’s a blueprint of your future together. Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook. Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S6 Episode 3: Sacrifice is Not the Same as Compromise Episode Summary You sacrifice for your children, not your relationship. Why? Because sacrifice creates resentment in romantic relationships. Instead, couples should focus on compromise to make sure both people are having their wants and needs met in the relationship. An environment of reciprocity is created when each person gives a little in order to get something in return. To be in a successful partnership, both people must be willing to work towards mutual interests that benefit each person. There will be times when one partner’s needs are a priority over the other’s. That is to be expected. The issue arises when there is a repeated pattern of one partner disproportionally gaining advantages in the relationship at the expense of the other. Compromise signals empathy, mutual respect and accountability. It allows each person to have agency in the relationship without creating conflict and feelings of deprivation. No relationship is worth sacrificing your physical and emotional well-being. At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when people are blind to their partner’s bad behavior. Show Notes In relationships, a lot of people confuse sacrificing with compromising. The reality is these are two very distinct concepts. A sacrifice comes at the expense of one party, whereas a compromise requires both parties to give up a little something to get something. Know this: No relationship is ever worth sacrificing for unless you gain in another way. One person always giving into the other doesn’t make for a healthy relationship. Compromise supports trust, respect, and communication, whereas sacrifice leads to a power imbalance and resentment. Both people have to be willing to put the other person’s needs ahead of their own, even in small ways. Never sacrifice your worth, dignity, or self-respect in order to maintain a relationship. It’s a huge red flag, and it’s never worth it. You can’t disproportionately give things up to make your partner happy. Deciding to compromise out of love or compassion is totally different than allowing yourself to become a martyr. The key to compromise is being able to communicate in an effective way. You have to be able to articulate your needs in a relationship before you can meet in the middle. Keep in mind many of us have a tendency to think selfishly and focus on what we’re giving up without considering what the other person is giving up too. In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people are blind to their partner’s bad behavior. It indicates a lack of self-awareness and social maturity. They may be blind because they condone the behavior, are used to bad behavior, or are simply in denial. Ignorance is not bliss. Bad behaviors only magnify over time. Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook. Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S6 Episode 2: Should You Stay in Your League? Episode Summary Humans love to categorize. It is instinctual and we all do it. Whether we realize it or not, we all assign ourselves and others a certain “value” as a mate and then look for our match. Unfortunately, we often focus on superficial traits like looks, age, socio-economic status or education, instead of core values and commonalities. When people try to partner with a person who appears to be more desirable than themselves, it can lead to disappointment or disapproval by outside forces. The individual themselves or others see the coupling as a mismatch and try to influence the more desirable person to justify their partner choice. A Romancipated person knows that superficial traits fade or can be lost over time. They focus on a partner’s qualities that make for a long-lasting, mutually beneficial relationship. They also are realistic about what they bring to a relationship and temper their expectations of their partner. At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss the frustration of one partner making all of the decisions or plans and the other partner complaining when it is not to their liking. Show Notes When pursuing romantic relationships, should you stay in your league? This topic might be influencing your romantic life more than you realize. Sometimes people do come together from different leagues and levels of status, but generally if people try to date outside of their league, they miss out on finding the happiness they’re looking for. When there is a superficial mismatch, it can lead the person who’s out of the other’s league to look for another attractive mate. That said, sometimes the superficial matters much less than what’s on the inside. If your values match, you might still be able to make it work. Consider when you see a couple walking down the street where one is very attractive, and the other person is much less so. Most of us would jump to the conclusion that something is happening behind the scenes—like something else is driving this match we can’t see like sex or money. Another type of mismatch more commonly seen is education. Usually, if a highly educated person brings home a less educated person, their family rejects them. Even if they are the kindest, most wonderful person, the family has a hard time looking past it. As humans, we naturally classify ourselves into certain leagues. But if you truly are a good match and have a relationship with mutual values and respect, you may be successful after all. In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people always want their partner to make the decision and then complain. It’s a passive-aggressive move and shows a complete lack of appreciation for your partner. It’s okay if you struggle to make a decision, but if that’s the case, you shouldn’t criticize the person who follows through. Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook. Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S6 Episode 1: Sex, Sex and More Sex: Important Questions to Ask Yourself Episode Summary Sex is an important part of romantic relationships. It bonds couples and enhances the intimacy that two people share. While there are no hard and fast rules about when and with whom you should have sex, there are a number of questions you should be asking yourself before you engage in sexual conduct with another person(s). If you can answer in the affirmative to these questions, then you are physically, mentally and emotionally prepared for whatever surprises may come your way. People can be unpredictable, thoughtless and reckless. While you can never control another person, you can make decisions that will garner respect and build trust, which in turn enhances your sexual experience and deepens the connection you feel with your partner. A Romancipated individual practices self-preservation and understands that they are responsible for protecting their health, safety and emotional well-being. Sexual contact should always be consensual, legal, pleasurable and safe. At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how unhealthy it is to need your partner to save you from life’s difficulties. Show Notes Before you involve sex in your relationship, there are some important questions to ask yourself first. Do you have the proper protection to avoid pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections? You should feel ready, willing, and able to protect yourself and your partner. Moreover, if your protection methods fail, how will you approach the situation? For example, if there is a pregnancy, how will you move forward under those circumstances? What if you end up with a child that is ill, or, if you’re a woman, what if you become ill as a result of pregnancy? The chance of creating a child is possible when you have sex. You also have to consider contracting an STI. What if you don’t have access to healthcare to address it? How will you disclose this information, if or when necessary, to your family, health professionals, or even your employer? How will you approach telling your next partner and disclosing your STI? It’s not just about what your choices would be, but also the choices of your partner. What if you had sex and you didn’t hear from them again? What if they walk away and disparage you? These are questions you need to consider before a sexual encounter so you can be sure you’re making the right decision for you by engaging in sexual contact. In this episode, the vent session topic is: When someone expects a partner to save them from life’s difficulties. It’s no one’s job to save you, and dependency can lead to resentment. It’s an unrealistic and overwhelming expectation to place on your partner. It’s immature to push any obstacle you face onto your partner. Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook. Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S5 Episode 12: Life May Not Be Fair, But Your Relationship Can Be Episode Summary A healthy relationship always has an underlying sense of fairness to everything the couple does. Whether it is the division of labor, the respect of boundaries or the joint economic decisions. Fairness means treating people according to their needs, therefore it will not always be equal. Equality is treating everyone the same; something that is very difficult to achieve in a romantic partnership. Each member of the relationship needs to take responsibility for communicating their individual needs and expectations to their partner. In turn, their partner should be empathetic and accountable. For a relationship to feel fair, both people need to be realistic about what will be most mutually beneficial to the relationship. Moreover, it is up to you to advocate for yourself if you feel there is a double-standard or your boundaries are being violated. As relationship evolve, what would be considered fair can change as well. It is important to check in with your partner and make sure that they are feeling respected and appreciated for their contributions to the partnership. At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how frustrating it is when your partner refuses to clean up after themselves. Show Notes Fair is not the same as equal. While you can strive for equality in a relationship, it’s unrealistic to believe it can be equal at all times. That said, it doesn’t mean your relationship can’t be fair. Equal means getting the exact same treatment. Fair means respect, appreciation, and a feeling of being heard. How do you make a relationship fair? You have to be able to communicate, empathize, and listen. You have to set appropriate boundaries with each other and be clear about them. Don’t allow your partner to treat you unfairly—you are the one who needs to set and enforce your boundaries. When it comes to division of labor, it’s very important to be fair about it. It’s not just about the physicality of the labor, it’s about the emotional toll and the time commitment, too. It helps to play to each person’s strength when you’re tackling tasks, so you can be efficient. This helps bring balance to the relationship or family unit. The fairer your relationship is, the greater your trust and intimacy will be. Showing appreciation for your partner and acknowledging them, especially in those periods where the relationship isn’t fair, goes a long way. When people feel their time is valued and respected, a sense of fairness permeates the relationship. In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner makes a mess and doesn’t clean up after themselves. It’s childish, selfish, and creates instant resentment. It’s disrespectful to the partner’s space and energy. It also sets a poor example for children. Your relationship is a partnership—not a complimentary service. Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook. Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S5 Episode 11: You Should Want to Be with Your Partner, Not Need to Be with Them Episode Summary There is a big difference between want and need. Wanting something or someone makes you put in effort and work for it. Needing something or someone creates feelings of powerlessness and instability. For a relationship to withstand the expected ups and downs, both partners should want to be with the other. When you place yourself in a situation where you rely so heavily on another person for support - financial, emotional or physical - you give them power over your life and the decisions you make. Sometimes that control is direct and in other instances it is indirect. Either way, it is unhealthy for both members of the couple and will create resentment. Two people who want to be together practice empathy, respect and acceptance. They build trust, respect boundaries and nurture intimacy. Feeling wanted is empowering and gives you a sense of security. You recognize your partner is with you for the right reasons and that creates long-term stability. At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how detrimental it is for a person to take on their new partner’s hobbies or interests in an attempt to keep the relationship. Show Notes Being truly Romancipated means being in a relationship with someone because you want to be, not because you feel you need to be. Healthy, productive relationships take work, and you need to have a desire to do that work. Going about it any other way is a disservice to you. By needing your partner instead of wanting them, you’re placing yourself in a situation primed for abuse, neglect, and unhappiness, especially if your partner is the one emphasizing your need for them. Believing them compromises your agency and can lead you down a very dark rabbit hole. It’s important for any person to have the ability to stand on their own two feet. Plus, independence is so sexy. The same goes for your partner. When you know they are with you because they want you versus need you, it’s a great feeling. It makes you feel chosen. Co-dependence, on the other hand, is a trap. If you are with your partner because you think you need them, you’re handing over control. If you stay with a person because you think you won’t find someone better, that’s a bad choice to make. How would you feel if that’s why someone chose you? It’s an icky thought. But when someone wants you and puts their effort behind it, it’s a beautiful experience. That want helps you get through the rough patches. In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people change their hobbies or interests to please a new partner. Whether it’s sports, food, or politics, mismatched interests can only be concealed for so long until they take their toll. Why lie about who you are and what you want? Not everything in your relationship needs to be shared or mutually enjoyed. Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook. Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S5 Episode 10: You Cannot Change the Rules of the Relationship Just Because You’re Losing Episode Summary As a relationship evolves, the power dynamic can shift between the two partners. Sometimes this shift in power produces positive outcomes like increased trust, empathy or teamwork. Unfortunately, the more common outcome is the dominant partner feeling threatened by the change. Instead of embracing the power shift, they attempt to maintain the upper hand in the relationship by changing the relationship rules. This type of behavior is counter-productive and detrimental to the relationship. It creates instant feeling of resentment in your partner and will end up creating conflict. Issuing ultimatums as a way of getting what you want is another thoughtless way to approach your partner. It signals desperation and will not get you what you ultimately want. Unless you are willing to follow through with a threat or demand, it is foolish and short-sighted to force your partner into a corner. At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how quickly a work spouse can wreak havoc in a relationship. Show Notes As new elements are added to your relationship, it’s normal to see a shift in the rules. They are meant to be dynamic, so they evolve. But the reality is that in almost all relationships, one member tends to have a little more power. But when this person starts to lose power, they may feel inclined to change the rules. This is detrimental to a relationship. Rules and boundaries can be altered, but it has to be communicated and agreed upon from both sides. Making unilateral decisions that serve only you is an unfair move. People who do this might think it helps them keep their power, but in reality, it will breed anger and resentment while souring your relationship. Giving ultimatums and demands is trying to force another person’s behavior, and if you aren’t willing to follow through with the consequences or the outcome, you’ll lose your credibility. This signals something desperate is going on in the relationship, and it’s an unhealthy play for power. Before you try to shift the rules in your relationship, ask yourself if you’re willing to follow through. By showing your dissatisfaction, you may be letting more out than you think, and there’s no telling what the situation might become. People can be very unpredictable when you try to change the rules on them. In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner has a work spouse. It’s a common occurrence—many people end up with a work spouse in the workplace. However, when a work spouse’s emotional support exceeds that of the actual partner, trouble almost always ensues. Appropriate boundaries need to be established with the work spouse before it evolves into an emotional affair. Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook. Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S5 Episode 9: Don’t Pretend to Be a Nympho, it Will Bite You in the Ass! Episode Summary Female sexuality is a very influential and perilous factor in any romantic relationship. A woman’s power is often tied to her sexual prowess. The more desire she can elicit from a partner, the more control she will wield in the relationship. In turn, women often feel the need to present themselves as a willing and enthusiastic participant when it comes to sexual activity. Being seen as a sexual dynamo may get you what you want in the early stages of a relationship, but it can come to haunt you as the relationship progresses. It is critical that you are clear with your motivations for having sex with your partner. Is it for sexual gratification, the creation of intimacy, to create a child or to win some type of financial or emotional favor? Whatever it may be, it should line up with the expectations your partner will have as a result. Moreover, be careful to not use sex as a weapon, distraction or apology. It will not serve you or your partner to have sexual intimacy associated with negative feelings. Sex should always be about mutual pleasure, consent, trust and respect. At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how frustrating it is when a partner says they are fine when it’s obvious they are upset. Show Notes For some, sex is a tool for luring a partner in. But what happens when you pretend to be a nympho when your relationship begins? It’s really important for women to enjoy sex and have a strong connection to their body. However, because sex is mental and emotional, it’s also important to tune into your motivations. Giving a false sense of your sexual desire—type, duration, frequency, or otherwise—will eventually lead to disappointment and resentment. This is known as the “ol’ bait and switch,” and it doesn’t serve you. In fact, it hurts your sexual credibility. Be realistic about what you’re actually comfortable with. When you play the nympho who always wants it, you’re setting expectations you may not be interested in fulfilling long-term. When you set high expectations, you will underdeliver. Instead, you could set lower expectations and, when you feel in the mood, overdeliver in a way that surprises your partner. On that note, sex should never be used as an apology or to gain love. It makes for an invalidating “apology,” and having sex never guarantees love. Sex is also often used as a form of punishment, which is counterproductive. Don’t be a nympho for material possessions. It turns an intimate act into a transactional one, even when you’re married. In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner says they’re fine when they obviously are not. It may be a sign the person does not feel comfortable expressing their feelings—or it’s a passive-aggressive move. It inevitably leads to resentment and denies the resolution both people most likely want. Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook. Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S5 Episode 8: You Should Be Your Partner’s Biggest Fan, Not Their Biggest Critic Episode Summary Romantic relationships are unique in the sense that it is the one interpersonal relationship where you get to choose your partner. There must be a reason why you want to spend time with this person and share the most intimate parts of your life with them. The idea that you would not be their biggest fan or source of emotional support is counterintuitive and counterproductive. When two people form a partnership, they become a unit that should work together, not tear each other down. No person is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. There is a difference between criticizing your partner and being critical. When there is a trust and respect between two people, they should be able to communicate in a healthy way. When one partner behaves in a way that is detrimental to the partnership, it needs to be addressed in a productive and thoughtful manner. A strong partnership recognizes each person’s strengths and works as a unit to shore up any deficiencies. Knowing that your partner has your back and is your biggest cheerleader builds intimacy, empathy and a sense of security. It allows you to take risks, display vulnerability and gives you the space to evolve. At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how unfair it is when one partner is sick and the other is expected to pick up all the slack, but the favor is never returned. Show Notes You should be your partner’s biggest fan, not their biggest critic. Why would anyone choose to spend time, or especially build a life with, a person who does nothing but criticize them? You don’t love everything your partner does, but you should always bring your partner up more than you put them down. If your partner feels the need to be critical often, especially in front of other people, it’s a big red flag. You may not always approve of what your partner does, but there’s a time and place to have those conversations. Generally, you should be each other’s cheerleaders and teammates. You can even be their coach by being critical without criticizing. The way you support your partner reinforces a strong foundation in your relationship. You should be a united front to friends, family members, and anybody you interact with. This kind of relationship is powerful, freeing, and lets you fly high. It also gives you space to make mistakes and be vulnerable. You don’t have to cover up how you really feel about your partner. But the fact is you should understand and support your partner when they do make mistakes. Show them grace rather than going on the attack. Remember all the positive reasons you picked this person and keep that in focus in your relationship. In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner gets away with doing nothing when they’re sick, but you still have to work when you’re sick. If one partner is temporarily out of commission, the other has to step up. This agreement should go both ways. When it doesn’t, it’s infuriating. If you take care of everyone else regardless of how you’re feeling, it’s a problem. Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook. Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S5 Episode 7: If You Need to Sell the Relationship to Your Partner, it isn’t Worth Buying Episode Summary Successful relationships take work. Both people have to be open to understanding their partner’s wants and needs. If one member of the partnership is not interested in meeting the other’s expectations, then trying to force a relationship will be a futile endeavor. You should never have to convince your partner of your value, nor should you try to morph yourself into someone you think they want. No person likes a hard sell. It reeks of desperation and feels manipulative. A forced relationship that is not the right fit will be full of resentment and ripe for abuse. Moreover, why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who is not willing to put in the time and effort? Even if you get what you want in the short term, it will feel like settling to your partner and eventually to you. If a person does not want to commit to you, do not take it personally. You may be exactly what they are looking for, but the timing or circumstances prevent them from acting on their feelings. Ultimately, both individuals have to be on the same page and share the same mindset for the relationship to move forward. At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how frustrating it is when men do not realize how difficult it is to be a woman in today’s society. Show Notes What’s the secret to finding the right partner? One way to approach it is to imagine yourself as a product. When you’re dating, you’re putting yourself out there—marketing yourself. The other people out there may see you or “the product” and realize you’re exactly what they’re looking for, know you’re not right for them, or even be somewhere in the middle. However, you should never have to convince another person of your value. If they don’t see what you offer, why chase after them? You’re not a sale item—you’re full-priced! You should never accept being a second choice or a backup. If you are being realistic about what you offer, don’t settle for less. Acting desperate or trying harder to make a relationship work is not the answer. People can pick up on a hard sell from a mile away. If you ever find yourself in a situation where you are trying too hard, it might be time to walk away. If it doesn’t work out, it’s not about you. It’s about the other person not valuing what you bring to the table. How many people try to shove their foot into a shoe even though it doesn’t fit (metaphorically speaking)? Sometimes people recognize what you’re offering, but it’s still not the right fit. Any amount of effort you put in after that point is a waste of your time and energy. In this episode, the vent session topic is: When men refuse to understand that life is much harder for women. It is a false belief that women have it easier than men. Women deal with societal pressures, physical threats, and economical inequalities—just to name a few. There are always exceptions, but generally speaking, the female existence is vastly different from men’s existence. Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook. Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S5 Episode 6: Relationship Endgame: Companion, Partner or Caregiver Episode Summary Romantic relationships are as varied as the people in them. People come together for a plethora of reasons: companionship, because they are looking for a life partner, or because they want someone to take care of them. While there is no right or wrong type of relationship, you should be honest about what you are really looking for from another person. Every type of relationship has the potential to evolve or devolve from the original understanding, so be aware of the potential for hurt feelings. With each relationship, your romantic wants and needs become more refined. Make sure to clearly communicate and be open to the possibility that your current partner may not be willing or able to meet your expectations. Understanding your relationship endgame will help you avoid entering into relationships that are a mismatch for the future you envision. For a relationship to be successful, each party needs to be on the same page. Moreover, it is a mistake to stay in a relationship that is unsatisfactory, just because it fits your endgame. At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when your partner treats the relationship like a competition. Show Notes Thinking long term, are you looking for companionship, partnership, or a caregiver? Companionship is having a person to share things with—like experiences and intimacy—without the commitment of the relationship. Partnerships are a committed relationship. A lot of people also look for someone who takes care of them in one way or another, financially for instance. This is the definition of a caregiver. Each of these types of relationships is valid, so long as each person in the relationship is honest. Any of these has the potential to be healthy and successful for both people. The difference with a partnership is that compromise will be necessary, because both people need to have their needs met. Any one of these relationship types can evolve—or devolve. For instance, a partnership can turn into a caregiver relationship. A companionship can turn into a partnership. It’s important to know what your endgame is, as well as the endgame of the other person involved. And remember that you shouldn’t hang your future on hope alone. In some cases, shifting the dynamic of your relationship is the healthier option. For instance, if your relationship isn’t working and you decide to stay together for the kids. Some couples will cohabitate as companions—and that’s perfectly okay if they can do it in a healthy way. In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner treats the relationship like a competition with you. When your partner is always competing with you, they are constantly trying to outdo you. They try to make you jealous, while often they are the ones themselves who are jealous. It makes it difficult to work together towards a common goal. Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook. Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S5 Episode 5: Be Empowered in a Relationship, Not Entitled Episode Summary A healthy relationship is based on respect, trust, communication, boundaries and acceptance. Each person who enters into a partnership is entitled to have their wants and needs met by their partner, and in turn they should be willing to offer the same. Remember, a relationship takes two people, and both should be willing and able to make their partner feel cherished and loved. Having realistic and thoughtful relationship expectations for you and your partner is empowering. Making demands, living by a double-standard or refusing to communicate with your romantic partner is not only unacceptable behavior, it is disrespectful, thoughtless and immature. Striking a balance between empowerment and entitlement can be tricky. That is why you need to practice self-awareness to avoid falling into unhealthy patterns. When a person is comfortable with who they are, they become a better partner. Empowering yourself outside of the relationship affords you the ability to respect your partner’s boundaries and to accept their limitations. When a couple plays to one another’s strengths, the bonds that tie them together are reinforced. At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how toxic it can be to a relationship when a partner lets their family members interfere in the primary relationship. Show Notes Do you know the difference between being empowered versus being entitled in your relationship? Requiring respect is empowering. On the other hand, making demands is entitlement. It’s important for people to understand this distinction. You can’t use empowerment as an excuse to make demands from another person. A relationship is two whole people coming together. You are going to have to have your needs and wants met, and you will also have to meet the wants and needs of your partner. It’s not entirely about your expectations because it’s a two-way street. The key to empowerment is understanding and playing to your strengths. It’s about communicating effectively, setting boundaries, and taking ownership. Sharing household duties, emotional care, and apologizing when you should is empowering. Living by a double standard, refusing to communicate, and having an unfair distribution of labor is entitled behavior. An empowered person operates from a place of comfort and knows how to draw on what they need, rather than placing all the expectations on their partner. Once you start emphasizing and working on your own empowerment, you’ll realize how much healthier it is for you and your relationship. In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people let their family interfere in the relationship. You don’t automatically deserve a place in someone else’s relationship. This often stems from a need for control, and too many people allow this to happen in a relationship. Your partner only needs to satisfy your wants and needs, not those of your family members. If your family can’t respect your boundaries and your relationship, they don’t respect you. Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook. Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S5 Episode 4: Infidelity and Life Stage: Destructive or Self-Discovery Episode Summary Just as people evolve over time, so do their relationships. As a person enters a new life stage, their priorities shift and their needs, wants and expectations change. Unfortunately, as feelings and circumstances change, dissatisfaction in the relationship creates the opportunity for infidelity to enter into the picture. When a partnership is built on respect, trust, communication, and acceptance, the two people involved are either able to jointly navigate the challenges and stay together, or they part ways amicably. For relationships that are missing one or several of the foundational elements, infidelity often serves as a catalyst for ending the unhappy union. Self-discovery is an important aspect of self-awareness. Instead of engaging in destructive behavior, honor your commitment and your partner by being honest with them about your feelings before rushing off to find Mr. or Ms. Right. If you choose to leave the relationship, be mindful of the short-term and long-term impact it will have on you and your ex-partner. Everyone deserves to be in a fulfilling relationship. Just be thoughtful about how you go about it. At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss when a person changes their manner of dress or appearance to please a new partner. Show Notes Infidelity has a significant impact on people in their romantic relationships. Cheating in a long-term, monogamous relationship is a bad choice. But sometimes, down the road in a relationship, you simply realize it isn’t working—and you feel trapped. For some people, infidelity is sort of a tool they use to free themselves. Some people want to have it all—someone to share the division of labor while also having fun on the side. But in other cases, a relationship has stopped being beneficial or has simply fizzled out. These people may cheat and use this new relationship as a catalyst to leave. It’s not an excuse for the behavior, but it’s easier to understand. If you are a person who is cheating as an avenue of self-discovery, you still owe it to your partner to tell them the truth. Your feelings are still valid, but you’ve made a commitment to the other person, so you should be honest with them. The only way a relationship can be truly beneficial is if both people are having a positive experience. As humans, we have a base need for connection. When that’s missing in a relationship, it can lead to exploration of other options. You may also find yourself looking for another partner if you didn’t take the time to find your right-fit partner at a younger age. Rushing is not the answer. Building a strong relationship with the right person is. In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people change their style of dress or appearance to please a new partner. Adjusting the way you dress to appease your partner’s insecurity will lead to resentment—towards them and yourself. Because personal style is such a big part of someone’s personal choices, this could signal something sinister about the relationship. Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook. Visit us at www.romancipation.com

S5 Episode 3: H.O.P.E. is a Four-Letter Word Episode Summary Hope can be a very dangerous thing when it comes to romantic relationships. Hope keeps a person from taking an active role in directing the evolution of their romantic partnership. Fostering hope in a relationship is a surefire way to waste time and energy. If your partner is not living up to your expectations or failing to meet your wants and needs, you must actively communicate with them and advocate for any necessary changes. To hope that someone will alter their behavior without facing any consequences is naïve and unproductive. Moreover, if your partner has already made it clear that they are fine with the status quo, then it is time for you to move on. Do not let someone lead you on, or manipulate you, by making promises without following through. A Romancipated individual understands that action is what counts. If your partner truly respected you, they would make every effort to offer the type of commitment or relationship you desire. At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how it feels when your partner corrects or chastises you in front of others. Show Notes When it comes to relationships, “hope” is a bad word. Anytime you hope something will happen in a relationship, you’re letting someone else control your destiny. You can’t make someone else act in a certain way—and it’s a waste of energy to think this way. Confronting the issues and sharing your feelings is the better solution. You should be comfortable communicating your wants and needs. However, if your partner has conveyed directly, or even indirectly, that they don’t intend to meet your needs or wants, you have to accept it and move on. Hoping takes away your agency because it takes away your ability to take action in your relationship. You can’t control what your partner decides to do, but you can control yourself and what you decide to do. For this reason, Romancipated people don’t hope. They hold on to their power rather than waiting for the other person to deliver. Your partner can use hope to manipulate you. It can be a double-edged sword. Your partner can tell you what you want to hear simply to keep the hope going—without any real intention to make any sort of change. Don’t waste your time hoping when you can do better. In this episode, the vent session topic is: When my partner corrects me or chastises me in public or in front of other couples or friends. It’s not okay, ever. When someone constantly tries to put their partner down, it’s a big red flag. A partner who respects you does not behave this way. It’s not “helpful” to correct your partner in front of others. If you can’t see how thoughtless this is, you need to do some soul-searching. Please make sure you subscribe to the podcast so you can receive notifications of new episodes right when they are released. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram and Facebook. Visit us at www.romancipation.com