Hops and Box Office Flops

Sidekicks is essentially The Karate Kid with a giant dose of wish fulfillment. In it, Barry Gabrewski (played by the late Jonathan Brandis) spends his days daydreaming about busting skulls with his favorite action hero, Chuck Norris. Of course, since this is a kid learns karate to better himself movie, he ultimately meets Norris, gets the girl, bests his bully, and overcomes the issues that have plagued him. Along the way, we get some good old timey 90s racism and a handful of fantasies themed around Norris' filmography. Sidekicks isn't exactly high art, but it will remind you that Norris generally just plays himself, as he does here, and the key to life is learning how to dodge dumplings. Now, sit back, douse those bricks with a Pupil IPA from Societe Brewing, and chase those dreams! The Thunderous Wizard and Bling Blake are donning our dusters and mullets to kick some mafia ass! This Week’s Segments: Firewalker And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, Bluesky, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

Few things are more American than action movies where lone heroes murder foreigners with lethal impunity. Invasion USA proudly carries that torch. Only it does so poorly. Like most films starring the bearded badass known as Carlos "Chuck" Norris, Invasion USA is a Cannon joint. Yes, that Cannon. The script sucks, it looks cheap, and it somehow makes less sense than most other films in the genre. What it does do well, though, is depict all manor of patriotic fueled violence. So, come for the jean vest and dry quips but stay for the bazooka dismemberment. Now, sit back, stretch out those legs with a Big Dippa from Reformation Brewery, and find that armadillo! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are dual-wielding uzis in our best Canadian tuxedos! This Week’s Segments: Sidekicks And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, Bluesky, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

For Your Consideration is another mockumentary from acclaimed satirist Christopher Guest. But unlike his previous efforts, this one failed to capture the hearts of longtime fans. Taking aim at the absurdity of Hollywood, For Your Consideration fails to find the magic of his prior three films. The characters are less likable, the target is far larger, and the narrative focus just never finds its center. Its reviews and tepid box office reception reflect that dip in quality. With a budget double that of A Mighty Wind's ($12 million), it grossed less than a third of that movie's total ($5.9 million). Now, sit back, prep your Oscars speech while enjoying a Backyard Berry from Blake's, and go easy on the face lift! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are going home for Purim! This Week’s Segments: Invasion USA And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, Bluesky, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

Argylle is a spy movie about mistaken identity that lacks a clear one itself. Full of convoluted plot twists and set pieces overrun by pastels and other insane imagery, Argylle is a film that clearly thinks it is far better than it actually is. One can forgive that self-assurance considering its director, Matthew Vaughn, has quite a track record of success—including in the genre. That said, the irrational confidence Vaughn displays throughout Argylle's painful 140+-minute runtime is mind-boggling—as are its increasingly stupid double crosses. Argylle, which was planned to be a trilogy, not only earned every bit of the hate critics heaped on it, it also deserved its massive flop status. So, sit back, jog your memory with a Strawberry Blonde Ale from SanTan Brewing, and don't forget the cat! The Thunderous Wizard and Bling Blake are whirly birding all over Director Ritter's secret hideout! This Week’s Segments: For Your Consideration And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, Bluesky, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

A cult classic, Waiting for Guffman is a mockumentary chronicling a small community theatre's production of its town's history. Boasting a host of exceptional improv actors — Catherine O'Hara, Eugene Levy, and Fred Willard to name a few — the Christopher Guest written and directed feature is jam packed with laughs. Guest, who also serves as the films lead Corky St. Clair, is in his comfort zone here. He gets the material, letting the actors take command and playing to their immense comedic strengths. Although it is beloved now, Waiting for Guffman was not a huge hit. In fact, it barely made it to the big screen. Its critical success, however, did lead to several more films in the same vein — Best in Show, A Mighty Wind, and For Your Consideration. All of which are worth watching, as well. So, sit back, calm those jitters with a Fear.Movie.Lions Hazy Double IPA, and break a leg! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are done working for these bastard people! This Week’s Segments: Argylle And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, Bluesky, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

To honor the late James Van Der Beek, who we lost far too soon, we're doing a special episode on the 1999 high school football classic Varsity Blues. So, sit back, complain about your asshole coach over a few Budweisers, and play for each other! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are helping West Canaan finally remove that eyesore of a statue! This Week’s Segments: Waiting for Guffman And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, Bluesky, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

Grab your badge, Kid! It's time to clean up the streets with Dick Tracy! So, sit back, tease Mumbles with an ice cold Cadence from Reformation Brewery, and never eat oysters with Lips Manlis! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are shaking down the mob one club at a time! This Week’s Segments: Varsity Blues And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, Bluesky, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

Gemini Man—directed by two-time Best Director winner Ang Lee—is a misguided exercise. Filmed in a format almost no theaters could play, Lee's insistence on pushing the technological bounds of cinema did little to help the movie. Instead of revving up the frames per second, Lee would've been better served to revise the script. Full of cliches and tropes, Gemini Man feels like a the retread of a film from the 90s. Considering it came out in 2019, that is not a compliment. Critics were not kind to its plot or the excruciating fully digital version of Will Smith. Turns out the higher the definition, the creepier it looks. Now, sit back, fight back the CGI tears with a Wrenovation IPA from Wren House Brewing, and don't donate your DNA to Clay Varris! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are planning to clone a better, less sleepy version of McCheese to hang out with! This Week’s Segments: Dick Tracy And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, Bluesky, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

Eternals is a noble misfire for the MCU. Directed by winner of the 2021 Best Director Oscar, Chloe Zhao, it attempts to elevate the superhero movie genre. One problem: It's super boring. Eternals, which rambles on for an excruciating 156 minutes, never finds its footing. Plagued by bland characters and a distinct lack of charm, it is never able to distinguish itself among the sea of Marvel movies. And bad news for the House of Mouse, Eternals tepid reviews were only half the problem. Those were trumped by its lack of box office bucks. The latter has more than likely doomed these immortal warriors to the catalogue of one and dones. Now, sit back, stare into the middle distance with a Nordic Jam Lager from Two Pitchers, and put Pip in the drunk tank! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are riding Deviants across the monochrome sky! This Week’s Segments: Gemini Man And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, Bluesky, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

Hook is a wonderfully charming movie about rediscovering the joys of one's youth. That said, critics hated it when it was released in 1991, and its director, Steven Spielberg, isn't all that high on it either. The latter is a little puzzling. Sure, Hook is too long and gets oddly dark at times, but there is still so much to enjoy. Principally, both Dustin Hoffman as Captain Hook and Robin Williams as Pan all grown up are just having a blast. Their performances, coupled with imaginative practical effects and the cadre of endearing Lost Boys, make this a return trip to Neverland well worth taking. Now, sit back, Bangarang with a Free Wave Hazy IPA from Athletic Brewing, and make way for the Thud Ball! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are trapped in the Boo Box. Help! This Week’s Segments: Eternals And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, Bluesky, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

Francis Ford Coppola is one of the greatest directors ever. Period. Yet even his resume is not devoid of misfires and flops. Enter Jack, a dramedy about a 10-year old kid trapped in the body of a grown man. No, this isn't Big. In this 1996 film, the titular kiddo, Jack Powell, ages far faster than his peers. With that odd condition comes its own set of issues. As one may assume, yes, poor Jack would have a very short lifespan. Therein lies the problems. Not that a family film shouldn't include some moments of seriousness, but Jack generally doesn't balance the whimsy and the melancholy well. Hence its poor reception from critics. That aside, there is an earnestness to Robin Williams' performance, and the movie does have a few laughs. Are there enough for it to warrant a watch? That probably depends on the individual viewer's tastes. Now, sit back, age gracefully with a Buenos Tiempos from Belching Beaver Brewing, and save those red Gummy Bears! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are drunkenly hashing out all our problems with Paulie. This Week’s Segments: Hook And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, Bluesky, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

After seven years and 299 episodes, it was only fitting we'd tackle the film that's been a lightning rod with fans—and the hosts of this podcast—since its release in March 2016. Love it or hate it, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice remains in the comic book cultural zeitgeist; and it was the first in a chain of events that led to the eventual downfall of the previous iteration of the DCU. Now, sit back, knuckle up with a Buffalo Nickel from Wren House Brewing, and smuggle all the sweet goods from the White Portuguese! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are hopping over to Metropolis to drink Lex Luthor dry. This Week’s Segments: And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, Bluesky, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

We've mercifully finished the fight! After four grueling pods and six movies, we conclude our Biohazard Flops series with Resident Evil: The Final Chapter. Frankly, we don't have the energy to attempt to dissect how this made more than $300 million worldwide. We survived, and that's all that matters. Now, sit back, give in to the T-Virus with a Harvest Zombie from KCBC, and sneak through that goddamn laser hallway again! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are finding the least annoying clone of Mayor McCheese to hang out with! It's going poorly. This Week’s Segments: And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, Bluesky, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

Resident Evil: Retribution carries on the proud tradition of these movies making no sense. The Red Queen is back, and she's an even bigger bitch; Leon shows up with Barry Burton for reasons; and Wesker is alive — which we knew — but he's defected from Umbrella now. Things happen, Alice wakes up naked — again — and does backflips — again! And we, the audience, are left to wonder what crime we committed to earn it the penance we're paying. Now, sit back, sterilize that bite with a Kirkland Lager, and don't get stuck in that Moscow department store! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are commandeering Umbrella's submarine to get the hell out of this nightmare simulator. This Week’s Segments: Resident Evil: The Final Chapter And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, Bluesky, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

Through bites and claw marks, we soldier on in our Resident Evil franchise retrospective by tackling the second pairing of movies — Resident Evil: Extinction and Resident Evil: Afterlife! Like the T-Virus, the series has mutated to something indescribably heinous, devouring even more money than its first two iterations. Now, sit back, toast to that infection with a Social Studies Pizza Party from Streetside Brewing, and protect your eyes from the crows! The Thunderous Wizard and Chumpzilla are having far too much fun watching Bling Blake struggle to climb the prop Eiffel Tower. This Week’s Segments: Resident Evil: Retribution And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, Bluesky, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

We come out guns blazing for our look at the Resident Evil film franchise by tackling the first two movies — Resident Evil and Resident Evil Apocalypse! Now, sit back, search for the truth with a White Rabbit Hazy IPA from Pedal Haus Brewing, and do your best not to die in the Hive! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are genetically modified ass-kicking machines, and we're on a mission! This Week’s Segments: Resident Evil: ExtinctionResident Evil: Afterlife And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, Bluesky, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

My Fellow Americans is serviceable mismatched duo comedy starring James Garner and Jack Lemmon as two former Presidents on the run from some nefarious government agents. As former political rivals, Russell P. Kramer (Lemmon) and Matt Douglas (Garner) are thrust together after Kramer is framed for a bribe he didn't take. Some decent laughs and witty repartee ensue. This is very much Grumpy Old Men with Presidents and not neighbors. But, hey, that's a winning formula after all! My Fellow Americans, however, did not attain nearly the success of its inspiration. Hence its appearance on this pod. Now, sit back, reflect on your legacy with a Leinenkugel Summer Shandy, and buy that cook book! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are somewhere over the rainbow! This Week’s Segments: Resident Evil Resident Evil Apocalypse And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, Bluesky, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

Primary Colors is a highly embellished take on the 1992 Presidential campaign of Bill Clinton. Using that real life run as inspiration, it tells the story of long-shot democrat hopeful Governor Jack Stanton—a deeply flawed, though well-intentioned politician. Yes, Stanton like his real-life counterpart is a dirty dog. And his wandering eye is a constant source of annoyance for his team. That aside, despite its way over-exaggerated elements, Primary Colors is a solid movie on the machinations of politics. Thus, the awards praise it garnered was well earned. Sadly, its status as a critical darling did not translate to box office success. This movie flopped about as hard as the campaign of Stanton's rival, Gov. Fred Picker. Now, sit back, grab a Sam Adams from the hotel fridge, and pass out those flyers! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are stumping for Stanton! This Week’s Segments: My Fellow Americans And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, Bluesky, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

The Campaign is an outlandish look at two dimwits vying for votes on the local stump circuit, and it is quite funny. Democratic candidate Cam Brady (Will Ferrell) duels with Republican Marty Huggins (Zach Galifianakis) for what should've been an uncontested election. Hilarity ensues. What's most shocking about The Campaign isn't the lengths Brady will go to ensure he maintains his seat; it's that the movie flopped. Starring two comedic heavy hitters in their prime, this should've been a no-brainer. Alas, it wasn't, so if you haven't seen it, we recommend you do. Now, sit back, ignore whatever is happening in that porta-john with a Truth from Rhinegeist Brewery, and cast your vote! The Thunderous Wizard and Bling Blake are pushing it real good! This Week’s Segments: Primary Colors And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, Bluesky, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

Swing Vote is about as dated as a film can get, harkening back to a time when politics were more civil and it was conceivable that both parties actually cared about their constituents. In that sense, it's sort of a time capsule peace. It's also an unfunny mess, where we're stuck rooting for a deadbeat dad as two candidates shamelessly jockey for his decisive vote. In Swing Vote Kevin Costner, as Bud Johnson, owns that lone vote. It's up to him to decide the winner of the Presidency. The only issue: He is a moron that isn't particularly interested in the race, nor is he aware of the ramifications exercising this immense civic duty could have. Thus, we're forced to suffer through two hours of him hemming, hawing, and drinking. Yes, he does finally learn his lesson, which culminates in one of the most cheesy scenes we've done on this podcast. Critics and audiences seemed to agree. Neither enjoyed the film. And Swing Vote didn't even make enough at the box office to recoup its modest $21 million budget. Now, sit back, help Bud nurse his hangover with a Mangolorian from Naked River Brewery, and hop aboard President Boone's Money Plane! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are unsure who the hell is actually running in this thing! This Week’s Segments: The Campaign And, as always, hit us up on Threads, X, Facebook, Bluesky, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!